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Like A Rock
Your foundation is critical. It is very important that you be strong, steady, and solid, like a rock. At the same time, think about how imperative it is to focus on what’s important. You need to stand your ground when it’s time to stand your ground, but you need to know when it’s time to stand down, and give up some ground. Lose the battle, win the war.
We may have covered this earlier, but I think it’s an incredible statement, and it makes perfect sense. Sometimes you have to lose the battle, because you know that, later, you’re going to win the war. I think about it as being firm. It’s standing your ground, and knowing that, when it’s time to stand firm, you stand firm. You don’t back away. You don’t back down. If it’s a limit that needs enforcing for safety or security reasons, we don’t back down. We don’t allow our own physical safety to be compromised.
On the other hand, if it has to do with telling Johnny to go take a time-out, or come out from under the desk, or to stop throwing his belongings around his room, lower his voice, etc. you might want to back down a bit. You might want him to do what you’re asking, but these things aren’t necessarily a direct safety or security issue. Safety and security would be is punching, kicking, fighting, throwing things at you or someone else—those kinds of behaviors. That’s where I’m going to stand my ground. I’m going to pick and choose my battles. This is stressed in our non violent crisis intervention training , and it makes good sense.
Lose the battle, win the war. Remember this phrase. If an issue with an individual is based on safety or security, if it’s an issue where the person is going to hurt themselves or someone else, then absolutely, we stand our ground. We set limits. If it’s anything else, remain flexible. Do the best you can to find a work around, remain flexible, and try to identify when to let it go. There is nothing wrong with telling yourself, “I’m going to lose this situation. But it’s okay. I’m going to let them have it, this time, because I know that, ultimately, I’m going to win the war.”
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“Whassss uuuuuuuuuuuup?” (best Budweiser frog impression). Remember when that advertisement came out? What does that phrase mean? If you were to say, “Whassss uuuuuuuuuuuup?” to your grandparents, would they understand it? Would they really know and understand what it means?
Doesn’t that one phrase stand for a multitude of emotions and different meanings? Sure it does. Nowadays, there are many similar “languages” used by adolescents, not just verbal even, now there are even text languages!. There are so many now, it is possible that you may not understand what someone is telling you when they are in crisis simply due to not knowing the language! There are words and phrases that you think mean one thing, but they literally mean something else entirely. You have to be really careful because, if you try to use them and you don’t know what they mean, you could wind up in a lot of trouble. I encourage you to learn the language instead of just accepting that you don’t understand, or worse, insisting they speak in a manner in which you understand in order to communicate. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and a place for using a universal language, and ensuring that an individual understands how to communicate with their audience. At job interviews, public speaking events, or in a professional setting for crisis prevention intervention certification training online example.
That’s not where we are, though. We’re in a situation where the person you’re dealing with is in crisis. Is it truly going to be helpful to say, “Excuse me young man, I don’t appreciate that type of language, and quite honestly, I don’t understand what it is you’re saying. You’re going to need to speak to me like a human being, and as an adult, so I can understand this situation.”
What do you think that’s going to do? Nothing. It’s going to get you nowhere. This person is in crisis. You may not understand their way of speaking, but if that’s the type of clientele with whom you’re going to be working, you need to learn their language. You need to be able to shift, move, change, adapt. In that moment of crisis, I don’t want you to get hurt, I don’t want you to be attacked, and I don’t want you to say the wrong thing. I do want you to be able to understand this individual no matter what “language” they may be speaking.
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