Anonymous Confessions (Responses)
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TimestampWhat's your confession?
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7/4/2019 14:58:08Sometimes I can't be bothered to use loo roll and I just wash my arse in the sink. Cut and paste this link if you want to add your confession to this spreadsheet:
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7/4/2019 14:58:09fphttps://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc5XIfmezx_-fDnwpKC9QW_cC3MtrHTyVTOpPiWAIOlIu6RtA/viewform
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7/4/2019 14:58:52I'm not gay but wanking to a bit of gay porn keeps things interesting.This is the bot link: https://twitter.com/fesshole
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7/4/2019 15:00:02The painting of a penguin that's proudly hung in my parents' bathroom for the last 20 years is actually my friend's reject that I grabbed at the end of the lesson. I can't paint for shit.Privacy statement. How anonymous is this actually? Fesshole can't track you and knows nothing more than you can see in this spreadsheet.

However, Google and your ISP can track you, so don't confess to a murder and be suprised if the police / laywers make Google / your ISP turn over everything they know. Also: don't murder people and do crimes ok?
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7/4/2019 15:01:33I ate my son's easter egg. I am a fat wanker.
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7/4/2019 15:02:11I love Gingers
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7/4/2019 15:02:27It was my fault
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7/4/2019 15:03:03Sometimes when I go to the corner shop, I take a bottle opener, buy a large bottle of 8.2% cider, drink it on the way home and leave the bottle in a neighbour's bin. I do this so my wife doesn't realise how much I've had - not because she'd be annoyed, just because I don't want her to be concerned.
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7/4/2019 15:03:16I only came to this page to see what the set up was.
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7/4/2019 15:03:48I stuck a Sharpie up my pooper
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7/4/2019 15:04:00I haven't paid tax since 1978. It's easy if you have a couple of small businesses with some assets you can rent to the other.
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7/4/2019 15:04:06Quite often I piss in the bathroom sink at home even though the toilet is right there. I have no idea why. I also piss in the kitchen sink when I can't be arsed to go upstairs but everyone does that.
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7/4/2019 15:05:04I drive while stoned all the time
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7/4/2019 15:06:12Hello
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7/4/2019 15:06:15I stole £20,000 from my last employer by bumping up an invoice. Paid for a beautiful conservatory. Sitting there now, enjoying the sun.
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7/4/2019 15:08:36I shat in your garden, but was so ashamed I cleared it up.
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7/4/2019 15:09:06I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know if I’ll achieve anything
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7/4/2019 15:11:24Ate all mother's chocolate when I fed her cat
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7/4/2019 15:11:25If i have a particularly brutal fart brewing while commuting I'll hold it until my stop and leave it as a gift for my fellow passengers as I'm getting off the train.
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7/4/2019 15:11:38I may once have kissed my brother's dick
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7/4/2019 15:11:54I made up a confession to read the responses
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7/4/2019 15:12:24My wife thinks I'm working, but I've been on Twitter all day. And now I'm filling in this form so I can look at other people's confessions.
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7/4/2019 15:12:45I only like eating ass in theory, but I pretend to be hugely into it as part of my shtick of being a vaguely edgy food writer. (I'll be honest, having a tongue up my own ass doesn't do much for me either.)
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7/4/2019 15:13:03I am and always have been a bleeding heart liberal but I worry I might be becoming a bit TERF-y
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7/4/2019 15:13:04In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life
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7/4/2019 15:13:13It was me
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7/4/2019 15:13:39Once I was so drunk that I shat myself. Unable to grasp the concept of finding a rubbish bin, I lobbed the shitty knickers over the fence into a sweet old lady's garden. :-(
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7/4/2019 15:14:00I'm filling in this form when I should be working hard on our startup.
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7/4/2019 15:14:14I once nearly killed a friend's ten-year-old brother while mucking around in their garage.
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7/4/2019 15:14:26Love Island is very entertaining.
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7/4/2019 15:14:37Every job I've had needed degree-level education, but I never graduated.
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7/4/2019 15:15:17i sold my saxophone when I was 20 to get money to live, but my parents still think it is at my friends studio 22 years later
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7/4/2019 15:16:04I sometimes fantasise about playing with a penis that isn't my own.
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7/4/2019 15:16:31Having a family was a mistake
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7/4/2019 15:16:54I just want some me time that's not spent on the toilet
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7/4/2019 15:17:04I tell everybody I'm clean, but I'm still addicted.
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7/4/2019 15:17:37My goldfish wasnt quite dead, but I didnt want to deal with the dead body so i flushed him down the loo.
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7/4/2019 15:17:42My wife insisted I saw a therapist so I told her I found one. I actually put my non-existent therapist’s £60 “fee” in a treat fund for myself and go sit in the pub for an hour
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7/4/2019 15:17:44Everyday of my adult life, without exception, I have intrusive thoughts remembering embarrassing things from my childhood and teen years. It makes me feel truly shit about myself and it won't go away, regardless of what I try.
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7/4/2019 15:18:12I once killed a pigeon as I couldn't deal with it coming down the chimney and flapping around the room. Threw the cat in there and went to pub and left it to others in the house to go "Holy shit, you won't believe what we came home to"
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7/4/2019 15:18:20I find it sexually arousing to receive custard pies in the face
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7/4/2019 15:18:39.
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7/4/2019 15:18:58I've got a crush on Rob Manual and even though he and I no longer work together, I still find him attractive.
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7/4/2019 15:19:06i once lied on a confessions form.
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7/4/2019 15:19:19While I'd never initiate it, there are friends of mine I would almost certainly fuck and keep it secret if they came on to me, despite having been happily in a monogamous relationship for over a decade and married for most of that
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7/4/2019 15:20:09My best friend wants me to fuck his wife and I'm sorely tempted...
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7/4/2019 15:20:13When it comes down to it, I don't think that a person with a penis can be considered female.
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7/4/2019 15:20:17I shot JR
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7/4/2019 15:20:21I'm creating a deepfake of Nigella Lawson and Lucy Worsley going at it with each other, purely for my own amusement.
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7/4/2019 15:20:22After using a disabled toilet, I opened the door to see a woman in a wheelchair, so I limped out.
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7/4/2019 15:20:23I started a new job on Monday and had another better job offer come through that afternoon which I accepted. My current new boss still doesn't know and is changing the company to accommodate me joining them for the long term. I'll probably be handing in my notice on Monday.
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7/4/2019 15:20:53I never made those changes to the pension I was supposed to in the divorce.
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7/4/2019 15:21:00It wasn't the dog
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7/4/2019 15:21:14The totally innocent coffee I had with a female coach from the gym about how my training was progressing turned into a far more intense physical workout than my wife would be happy to learn about.
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7/4/2019 15:21:17I ate the last rolo
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7/4/2019 15:21:33I overfilled a bag of penny sweets and blamed my little brother when the bag burst
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7/4/2019 15:21:40I broke a pop star's heart. It's very likely you own her albums. I still regret it to this day.
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7/4/2019 15:22:11I think Nickelback aren’t as bad as people make them out to be
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7/4/2019 15:22:12I lie about my debt to everyone.
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7/4/2019 15:22:30I just wanted to read the other confessions...
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7/4/2019 15:23:36I regularly go on dates and sleep with strangers, all behind the back of my partner of ten years. I just do it to feel a little alive, even if for an evening.
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7/4/2019 15:23:51my wife won't pee on my cock
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7/4/2019 15:23:56I accidentally burnt down my own shed
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7/4/2019 15:24:27?
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7/4/2019 15:25:03I'm genuinely worried I have cancer but am too scared to do anything about it
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7/4/2019 15:25:39I shagged the Sheriff, me
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7/4/2019 15:25:46I tried to kill myself last week
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7/4/2019 15:25:54I used to crush twirls when working at Asda to help with my sheer distatisfaction of the quality of the job.
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7/4/2019 15:26:26I'm not sure I'll ever be happy
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7/4/2019 15:26:27I Photoshop my mates heads onto porn and wank off over them
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7/4/2019 15:26:51I broke off a friendship after I found out about spurious (and, honestly, fairly harmless anyway) allegations made against them that I'm pretty sure were made in entirely bad faith. I did this because someone cool believed the allegations and I didn't want them to think I wasn't woke.
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7/4/2019 15:27:00t
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7/4/2019 15:27:51I was too much of a coward to admit eating that chocolate bar.
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7/4/2019 15:28:21I do just about jack shit at work and make nearly six figures
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7/4/2019 15:28:35eat my toe nails
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7/4/2019 15:29:11my ex wife did significantly better blowjobs than my current one. I often consider asking for one just to make sure.
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7/4/2019 15:29:15I actually have nothing to confess, I just felt like filling the form in because it seemed dickishly amusing.
...wait, is that a confession?
...maybe I'm just a dick.
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7/4/2019 15:29:57I get a later train home than necessary so I don't have to spend as much time with my family.
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7/4/2019 15:30:22I love Dave’s mum
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7/4/2019 15:30:23I once sold a record on eBay and described it as "mint" when it was "near mint" at best.
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7/4/2019 15:30:49I am Satoshi Nakamoto - and I lost the keys to my BTC wallets in a house fire a few years ago
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7/4/2019 15:31:17Getting a job application rejection email without feedback is one of the most stressful and depressing parts of being a graduate
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7/4/2019 15:31:38I told the internet that this anonymous confessions form was totally anonymous and that I didn't collect IP addresses or email address. That was a lie.
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7/4/2019 15:31:42I tried to kill myself last week
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7/4/2019 15:35:06My wife already has big tits but I wish they were bigger anyway
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7/4/2019 15:35:37If I ever see anything bad happen to a public figure I like to edit it into their WIkipedia page, with source, as soon as possible.
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7/4/2019 15:35:57I once wanked in a lift
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7/4/2019 15:36:59I made up this confession so that I could be nosy and read everyone else's
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7/4/2019 15:37:01Kids are pretty terrible. Whining little assholes. Imagine some other humans, but you have to pay for them, and they're really small until they become big. That's kids. Don't do it, ever.
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7/4/2019 15:38:28Fucked a bee
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7/4/2019 15:43:32At school I accidentally trod on a Subbuteto figure that was in the classroom floor and said nothing when our teacher blamed someone else.
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7/4/2019 15:43:48I hate my dog
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7/4/2019 15:44:13Occasionally I walk the streets instead of going home. Just listening to podcasts. It's better than the silence of the house punctuated only by the pssst of my partner drinking cans.
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7/4/2019 15:45:03I won over £800,000 on the Lotto, none of my family know. I'm quietly spending it, living a great life
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7/4/2019 15:46:46.
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7/4/2019 15:47:03My husband barely talks to me and I shagged the guy who came round to fit the WiFi simply because I felt ignored and someone fancying me felt good.
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7/4/2019 15:47:30I fucked a hot Brazilian woman and I don’t think she was my wife.
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7/4/2019 15:47:38About 80% of my work time is spent slacking off, but I still tell my wife that I'm really busy and can't do chores.
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7/4/2019 15:48:32I drove the cat to the Forest of Dean and left it there to make a new life with the squirrels. Serves the little fucker right for shitting on my best shirt.
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