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There is so much content that exists about Relationship Anarchy / liberatory relating / anti-monogamy and related intersections! This sheet is a catalog of many of those, though of course it could never be complete. Note that not all media has been fully reviewed; a lack of summary notes or caveats/critiques does not mean there are none. If you would like to contribute to this resource with summaries, critiques, corrections, or new additions, feel free to email RelationshipAnarchy@protonmail.com or leave a comment.
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TitleAuthorYear PublishedSummaryCaveats or CritiquesMedia TypeOther Notes
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"Straight Ally" is an OxymoronRAD Content Library2020Straightness is a sham built on layers of oppressive categorization that limit our bodily autonomy, relationships, and desiresZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary or aticle on Medium.com by @camxfree
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“EVERYTHING WE WRITE WILL BE USED AGAINST US”, reading LIES@furiousaffects2014Communist response to/critique of several specific articles from the LIES JournalBlog Post
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“Sex” isn’t “a thing” ( and neither is “consent” )– unpacking commodification of sexRotten Zucchinis2017Excerpt: "TLDR: Sex isn’t a thing. It isn’t a commodity. It can’t be “owed” and more importantly it doesn’t even exist outside of the context of sexual interaction. The way we talk about sex and consent treat sex and consent as a things that exist– like natural resources– and that issues of consent are about people controlling, allowing or refusing access to those resources.... Working toward a consent culture means shifting the ways we think and talk about sex and consent ( among other things ). The idea of “denying someone sex” or “owing someone sex” is nonsensical, and we need to shift the language to reflect that. This isn’t about things people “give” to and “get” from each other, it’s about how people interact with each other, and processes of interaction. Sex is an active process, and that means “consent” should be an adverb describing it ( i.e., “to engage in sexual interaction consensually” )."Blog Post
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5 Problems With Couple Privilege In PolyamoryCodi Coday2016Couple privilege harms individuals, perpetuates sexism, and breaks down community relations/possibilitiesNot explicitly RA; focused on critiquing couple privilege within Polyamorous communities specificallyBlog Post
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A Field Guide to the Queer Desire Party
Some friends in the Midwest (RAD Content Library)
2022ZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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A Green Anarchist Project on Freedom and LoveMae Bee2004Discusses monogamy and polyamory as coercive rule-based relationships, communities not couples, desire not consent, trust not fear. Declare war on monogamy, bust up couples. The existence and acceptance of rule relationships creates hierarchy that disrupts community.Some outdated (potentially offensive) languageArticle
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A Hopeful FutureRAD Content Library2020What does RA/liberatory relating mean? What does it mean to live a good life? How do capitalism, sexism, racism, monogamism, etc. keep us from that? This is a community-produced zine inspired by some of these questions, with a goal of envisioning a better future and bringing it into reality.ZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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A Marriage of Convenience: Anarchism, Marriage and BordersJeff Shantz2016Journal PublicationAnarchism, Marriage, and International Borders
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A More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends
Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Anna Borges, Terri Pous, Gyan Yankovich
2018Article
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Abolish the Family: A Manifesto for Care and LiberationSophie Lewis2022Book
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Adultery (and other half revolutions)CrimethInc.2000Article
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Against Love: A PolemicLaura Kipnis2004Book
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Against Monogamism, For Liberation! Anti-Monogamy as Anarchist PraxisRAD Content Library2022What is Monogamism and why would people describe themselves as anti-monogamy? Monogamism's intersections with other systems of power shape our communities and how we can build political power; opposing it is the first step of resistanceArticleAvailable on Medium.com by @camxfree, zine version at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary coming soon
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Against the Couple-FormClémence x. Clementine2012Analysis of the couple-form as a direct tool of patriarchy and capitalism that serves to oppress women and alienate them from themselves. Critiques homonormativity and gay assimilation.Focus on women (limited analysis of gender)Article
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An Aromantic Manifestoyingchen and yingtongcurrentTumblr about aromanticism and other queer issues, includes The Aromantic Manifesto zineBlog Post
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An Ethical Relationship Anarchy Demands Anti-Racist PracticeQueertopia2019
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Anarcha-feminismInfoshop.org2012Definition and resource list related to anarcha-feminismGlossaryMisc Anarcha-Feminist definition, links and resources
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Anarchism & Sexuality Ethics, Relationships and PowerJamie Heckert, Richard Cleminson2011Article
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Anarchism and American Traditions (1908)Voltairine de Cleyre1908ArticleAnarchism and American Traditions (Votlairine 1908)
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Anarchy without OppositionJamie Heckert2012Article
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Anarquía relacional. La revolución desde los vínculosJuan Carlos Pérez Cortés2020Book about relationship anarchy, currently only available in SpanishBook
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Anarquismo relacional y el espectro del control en las relacionesLuna B.2015Spanish translation of "Relationship Anarchy and The Spectrum of Relationship Control" by Wes FenzaBlog Post
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At PSA: Claire Donato Meditates on Her Second Book, The Second BodyClaire Donato2016Excerpts of anti-monogamy, anti-patriarchy proseBook Review
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Beds, Couples, Sexuality, RecuperationGuy HocquenghemunknownZine(includes “We Can’t All Die In Bed,” “The Future Belongs to Couples,” “To Destroy Sexuality,” and “Towards an Irrecuperable Faggotry”)
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Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how
the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is
handled in relationship anarchy discourse
Ricardo Guillén2019Master's thesis based on interviews with five people practicing Relationship Anarchy (self-identified) on the theme of closeness versus autonomy.The people interviewed often focus on individual choice in relationships, rather than systemic harms of monogamy. However, the framing by the author may be relevant and useful for some.Journal Article
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Burn It To The Ground: Deconstructing Polya CultureRhizome Syndrigast Coelacanth Flourishing2017Critique of white polyamorists focusing on their "freedom to choose," without a decolonial framework that acknowledges their ancestors' role in taking away freedom of choice and expression from Black ancestors. Feeling alienated and excluded by white Polya communities due to their privilege and ignorance. "Burn everything to the ground....This time with me and mine, not them, at center."Not explicitly RA; however, gives reasonable critique of Polyamory as settler-colonial (especially as practiced by largely-mainstream white folks)Blog Postblackness and polyam culture
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Cheat to Win: Strategies to Build Anti-Monogamist SolidaritySome friends in the Midwest (RAD Content Library)2022Cheating itself is not enough... building communities that support people in their choice to challenge restrictive relationship rules is part of what allows us to rebel against MonogamismZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary or aticle on Medium.com by @camxfree
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Claims About the Benefits of Marriage: 1-Step DebunkingBell DePaul2019Most studies reporting that married people are happier/healthier/"better off" than unmarried people are poorly-designed and actually result from weaponized propagandameant to promote marriage and the familyNot explicitly anti-marriage, but does have some critique of marriage-centric cultureArticleDescription of biases in pro-marriage research
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Code of Ethics for Antiracist White AlliesJLove Calderon and Tim Wise2013Accountability to people of color and challenging white supremacy. Suggested "code of ethics" for white allies claiming they are antiracistNot very radical solutions to combating white supremacyArticleIntersectionality for White People (not directly RA, but necessary to egalitarian and anti-opressive relations with all)
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Communizing Care: Pinko #1ME O'Brien2019Communist perspective on abolishing the family, communal care, communes, and social reproductionCommunist solutions are different than anarchist solutions, but overlapping concepts and critique of dominant systemsBlog PostSocialism and Communism ideas, community care not directly RA but related concepts
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Consider Her WaysJohn Wyndham1956BookCollection of notable excerpts
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Coupling, and Its Inescapable PrivilegeMel Mariposa2015Couple privilege, hierarchy, and privilege as something one cannot opt-out of (since it is awarded by society). Privilege as implicit/covert, not only explicit legal benefits.Encourages pursuing some aspects of couple privilege in partnered/Poly relationships in the last two paragraphsBlog Post
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Creating a Life Together: Practical Tools to GrowDiana Leafe Christian2003BookEcovillages and Intentional Communites
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Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer FuturityJosé Esteban Muñoz2009Book
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Dismantling Racism: A Resource BookWestern States Center2003Book
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Do Relationship Anarchists Commit?Kale2016RA emphasizes autonomy, and commitments are mutually and voluntarily co-created in a way that recognizes fluidity and impermanence. Continuing to show up for co-projects, relationships, etc. is re-affirming commitment and desire to be there/participate.Focus on mutual agreement/choice without much on coercive cultural factors/systemsVideo (with transcript)
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Does singlehood isolate or integrate?Natalia Sarkisian & Naomi Gerstel2015"This article addresses a debate about the relationship of singlehood and informal ties—singlehood as isolating versus integrative—and evaluates structural explanations for this relationship, focusing on life course characteristics and socioeconomic resources....instead of promoting marriage, policy should acknowledge the social constraints associated with marriage and recognize that single individuals have greater involvement with the broader community."Journal Article
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Down with "Partners"RAD Content Library2020What does it mean to label someone as your “partner?" This term often comes with a host of social and other expectations that limit possibilities for autonomy and queer communityZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary or aticle on Medium.com by @camxfree
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Early Tumblr discussionVarious2015How RA is different from Polyamory (including nonhierarchical poly) because it calls for a rejection of the whole monogamist rulebook. The "you do you, I'll do me" approach by most poly folks doesn't address or acknowledge the problems with monogamy. Written in tumblr conversation format, discussion in fragments across multiple authorsPermissive of PolyamoryForumArchive link; original link not found
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Existential Comics: A Brief Life in an Absurd World.Corey Mohler (Existential Comics)2013Comic about teleportation machines, whether consciousness of a "self" is an emergent property of the atoms that make up a body, past & future livesNot explicitly RAComicExistential Comics: A philosophy comic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also jokes.
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Explaining White Privilege to a Broke White PersonGina Crosley-Corcoran2018Intersectionality through the lens of "Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack," especially re: race and classNot explicitly RAArticle
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Fondamenti di anarchia relazionale2015Italian translation of "Relationship Anarchy Basics" by The Thinking Aro.Blog Post
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Framing (social sciences)WikipediacurrentGlossary
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Full Surrogacy Now: Feminism Against FamilySophie Lewis2019BookAudio version: https://archive.org/details/full-surrogacy-now-sophie-lewis
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How I Know Your “Relationship Style” Is Full of ShitMichón Neal2017Article
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How to Have Sex With an Asexual PersonElizabeth (Prismatic Entanglements)2012Instructional article about breaking down expectations and entitlement around sex (especially when one of the people involved is asexual). Includes concrete steps about how to make sure someone is comfortable, not pressured into sex, unbundling sex from other forms of affection, setting boundaries, checking in often, negotiating ongoing consent, and aftercare.Bordering on shame-y around safer sex practices ("ALWAYS use condoms"), author references partner relationships without interrogating them (but is speaking to breaking down expectations and entitlement within and outside that structure)Article
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I'm a proud #homewrecker, AMA.RAD Content Library2020Helping people in rule-based relationships to cheat is important political action; this ask-me-anything ("AMA") inspired by real questions provides some answers as to why and howArticleAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary or aticle on Medium.com by @camxfree
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Identity and Selflessness in Buddhism: No Self or True Self?Jack Kornfield1993Book Excerptself, ego, community, care
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Increasing Autonomy & Decreasing Entitlement HandoutRAD Content Library2019Handout created for the workshop Increasing Autonomy and Decreasing Entitlement. Describes tools from the workshop, and some ways to implement them in your daily life. These skills are useful for a broad range of people, beyond just those currently practicing relationship anarchy/anti-monogamist praxis. All workshop handouts & additional resources available at bit.ly/AutonomyEntitlementHandoutAvailable for print and download at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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Independence is an Ableist Myth: Unlocking the Power of Community in HealingDom Chatterjee2018Articleindividualism, community, abelism
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Join the Resistance: Fall in LoveCrimethInc.2000Article
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Kill the ChildRAD Content Library2022A queer theory piece about the Child and reproductive futurity; originally published in Oak Journal, Issue 3ZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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Kill the Couple in Your Headanonymous2021
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Learning Good ConsentCindy Crabb2016ZineConsent Zine
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LIES Feminist Collective Journal Vol 1 (included "Against Couple Form")LIES Journal2012Bookincludes full text articles
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LIES Feminist Collective Journal Vol 2LIES Journal2015Bookincludes titles but no text
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List of archived essays Against Marriage and Against Queer Marriage "Equality"Against Equality CollectiveCollection of essays against marriage, and against gay marriage specifically as an assimilationism that brings us further from liberation/equalityGlossaryalso prison abolition, and anti-militarism
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Looking for Love in Too Many Languages...Kim TallBear2016Building relationships outside settler-colonial norms of ownership and control. Critical of “settler sexuality": hetero- and homonormative forms of “love,” “sex,” and marriage.Notes growing distaste for relationship rules, except some of them (consent and safe sex agreements)Blog PostLOOKING FOR LOVE IN TOO MANY LANGUAGES…POLYAMORY? RELATIONSHIP ANARCHY? DYKE ETHICS? SIGNIFICANT OTHERNESS? ALL MY RELATIONS?
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Love without borders? Intimacy, identity and the state of compulsory monogamyJamie Heckert2010ArticleLove without borders - as a anarchist philosophical ‘nomad’ - interview based article
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Love, Anarchy, and Drama The Classical Anarchists’ Adventures and Misadventures in PolyamoryCrimethInc.2019ArticleA history of (western) anarchist's non-monogamy, with a poly rather than RA bent dangit but some similar themes
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Marriage and LoveEmma Goldman1914Historic 1914 Goldman criticism of the institution of marriage (femininst and somewhat anarchist, not RA directly)
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Marriage is made in hellLaura Kipnis2003Book
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Marriage: An Invasive Political RegimeJuno Mariah2019Marriage is not simply a "personal choice"—it is an institution that harms us, our interpersonal relationships, and possibilities for communityArticleAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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MInimizing MarriageElizabeth Brake2012Book
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Most of what we think of as “love” is bullshitKris Gage2017
Critique of romance, idealization of beauty, attachment [codependency]. Discusses sense of obligation in the context of family, and how that is not love. Frames marriage as ownership and objectification.
Not directly RA, moreso a beginner article to question some cultural underpinnings of what we refer to as "love"
Article
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Mutual Acquiescence or Mutual Aid?Ron Sakolsky2012ArticleAnarchist perspective: Mutual Aid in relationships
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Neoliberalism’s Handiest Little ToolJoshua Pavan2011Queer critiques of marriage from the Against Equality collective, among others. Presents marriage as a neoliberal tool to privatize resources and reinforce a scarcity mentality. Looking towards a wider queer vision for the future.Upholds legitimacy of partners, some permissiveness towards marriage itself (including for emotional reasons), not explicitly RA (rather mostly anti-marriage, or anti-marriage as a worthwhile part of queer liberation)Interview“Marriage Equality” opposition - queer action
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No Separate SelfSusan Kahn2012Too many people focus on "having many lovers" over "many ways to show love" which leads to unequitable, restrictive relationships. "prioritizing sexual or romantic relationships over platonic ones, emphasizing dating over growth, and the general suffering of the all-or-nothing expectations hung over from mononormative socialization"Not explicitly RA, but maybe useful framing for impermanence and interconnectedness/interdependenceBlog Postself, ego, community, care
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No-self or Not-self?Thanissaro Bhikkhu1996Article
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Notes on “types of attractions as orientations” Part 1: neoliberal identity politicsRotten Zucchinis2015Excerpt: "TLDR: “Sexual orientation” as a relatively new conceptual category that emerged in response to state-sponsored ( and other ) violence. Shifting political climate with the rise of neoliberal identity politics and the shift to an individual focus on who people are rather than what they do and how they interact with / in large social structures of power-violence."Blog Post
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Notes on consent, entitlement, rules, boundaries & veto (using logical operators)Rotten Zucchinis2020A detailed look (in parts) at (1) Consent & mutual entitlement, (2) rules & hard boundaries, and (3) veto power. Written using logical operators, ina very particular analytical style.Blog Post
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On "Monogamy"Rotten Zucchinis2020Describes Monogamy as an institution that conceptualizes people-as-property, structures society around couples, and otherwise coerces how we are able to share intimacy and build bonds with each otherBlog Post
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On Losing my MonogamyMoofpie2014Blog PostDead link: Cached here
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Only marginally related - a critique on NVCReal Social Skills2014Nonviolent communication (NVC) only works when all parties are operating in good faith, and can be used to further harm marginalized people through abuse/use of power and tone policing/respectability politics.Article
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Oppression and the Bird CageMarilyn Frye1983How oppression functions as a social structure/systemBlog PostFrom: Marilyn Frye, The Politics of Reality (Trumansburg, N.Y.,: The Crossing Press, 1983)
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Queerly Erotic: An open love letter to Ursula Le GuinJamie Heckert2010Article
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Quotes about Couple Priv from Seattle RA groupi
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RA and a Culture of ConsentWes Fenza2014Agreements as coercive, since they are planning for the future by creating an expectation (obligation) around someone's behavior. Striving for mutual consent in all interactions, and doing what you want as much of the time as possible.Doesn't address community relations or interdependence; only focuses on the individual. RA is not inherently individualistic, though does involve individuals building and using skills to address their own thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, etc. Author has stated elsewhere that RA and Polyamory are compatible (they're not).Blog Post
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RA and Non-Human AnimalsQueertopia2019
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RA Vs. Nonhierarchical PolyamoryThe Thinking Asexual2014Blog Post
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RA Without Chaos: Tumblr text postRelationship Anarchy Without Chaos (Tumblr)2018Too many people focus on "having many lovers" over "many ways to show love" which leads to unequitable, restrictive relationships. "prioritizing sexual or romantic relationships over platonic ones, emphasizing dating over growth, and the general suffering of the all-or-nothing expectations hung over from mononormative socialization"Not specific to RA, but does list several problems with Polyamory and how it overlaps with Monogamist practicesBlog PostArticle on Infoshop, an anarchist-leaning website "big tent"
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RAD 2020 Notes HandbookRAD Content Library2020Questions, conversations, and topics investigated and discussed during the RAD Unconference 2020BookAvailable for print and download at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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Radically Deprivatizing RelationshipsQueertopia2020
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rejecting the “don’t critique desires or identities” dance (it’s not about cupioromanticism)Rotten Zucchinis2015Excerpt: "There’s something that happens sometimes in identity politics where a thing becomes untouchable just because someone make an identity around it or because it’s related to someone’s desires. Desires and identities become un-critiquable and that’s not a good thing. It’s the “don’t critique desires or identities” dance which keeps certain topics off limits– squarely in the domain of the depoliticised-“personal-not-political”. But that’s a problem. Because the personal is political."Blog Post
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Relationship Anarchy and The Spectrum of Relationship ControlWes Fenza2013Blog Post
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Relationship Anarchy is not PolyamoryOlle Ekman2015Describes difference in philosophy between RA and Polyamory, with some discussion on how this works practically in terms of parenting, language and RA as a movementBlog Post
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Relationship Escalator HandoutRAD Content Library2019Handout created for the workshop Increasing Autonomy and Decreasing Entitlement. Steps adapted from Amy Gahran's "Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator" (OffEscalator.com). Expanded on by elucidating the costs and harms of every step, and clarifying that monogamy is not simply one of many ways to relate; rather, it is a facet of Monogamism, a system that affects institutions and all our interpersonal relating.HandoutAvailable for print and download at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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Reports from the RAD 2019 UnconferenceRAD Content Library2019A zine produced by participants of the RAD 2019 unconference, a radical gathering intended to deepen conversations on applying anarchist politics to interpersonal relationships and our larger social lives.ZineAvailable as a zine at bit.ly/RADContentLibrary
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Restorative Justice and Sexual Violence AccountabilityEmmi Bevensee2017Restorative Justice and accountability process for deadling with sexual assault in anarchist communities. Actively anti-carceral. Pursue community-led and survivor-led processes for addressing and avoiding future harm.ArticleAccountability in community, secual violence, and anarchist philosophies (Restorative Justivce)
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Returning to the Family Question: Anarchist Writing About the Family 1888-1908Chris Kortright2020Book
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Riding the Relationship Escalator (or not)aggiesez2012Describes steps of the Relationship Escalator and some of how it functions to control/direct relationships.Author accepts monogamy and the Relationship Escalator as valid "choices" that supposedly function or are even good for some peopleArticleBook by the same author: Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator
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Self-care won't save usAisling McCrea2018ArticleSelf-Care, neoliberalism, and the myth of separate self apart from social fabric (denial of systems)
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Settler Sexuality: Resistance to State-Sanctioned Violence, Reclamation of Anti-Colonial Knowledges & Liberational for AllK'é Infoshop in Tségháhoodzání, Dinétah (Window Rock, AZ)unknownWays settler categories of sex, secuality, and gender have been used to oppress and dehumanize Indigenous peopleZine
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Social Anarchism or Lifestyle Anarchism: An Unbridgeable ChasmMurray Bookchin1995ArticleExcellent longer in depth essay about contemporary anarchist movements and types
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Social MovementWikipediacurrentGlossary
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Social movement Organizations
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Stepping Off the Relationship EscalatorAmy Gahran2017Book
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Suturing the Split: Coda on the Couple-FormClémence x. Clémentine2016Article