| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | Step | Name | Desired sentiment shift | Mediator input | Useful tools | Desired outcome | Visual | |
2 | 1 | Realize that you already made a huge step | Dissolve thoughts like “Is it really necessary that we escalated to mediation?” and “Do we have to involve another person in this? It’s not that big of a deal.” | By agreeing on getting help from a mediator a huge step towards conflict transformation has already been taken. Most people with a conflict never make it this far. | Openness of each party to engage in the conflict in good faith. |  | ||
3 | 2 | Describe the conflict | Turn statements like “I don’t even understand why this is a problem?” into “I see how this is harmful to reaching our shared goals.” | To the person that experiences the conflict more clearly: “What do you observe that leads you to feel the need to say something?” To the other person: "I know you must feel the urge to defend yourself. Let's postpone trying to figure out who is 'right' or 'wrong'. What do you observe in the context of this conflict?" “What are we trying to achieve together that would benefit from resolving this conflict?” | Nonviolent communication (NVC) | Commitment to deal with the conflict to reach a shared goal. |  | |
4 | 3 | Understand your own perspective and needs | Turn statements like “It just doesn’t feel right” and “That’s just how it should be.” into “I prefer option A because I need ...” | “Why is this important to you?” | Emotional vocabulary list, NVC needs inventory | An explicit statement for each party about their needs that affect their perspective of the conflict. |  | |
5 | 4 | Understand the other person's perspective and needs | Turn statements like “You just don’t get me.” into “Yes, that is how I experience it.” | Both of them in turn: "Can you say in your own words what you just heard them say?" Complete the sentences “What I heard you say is...” “This is important to you because...” Finish with “Did I get that right?” | Polarity map | Both parties feel heard and understood by the other even though they might not necessarily agree with each other. |  | |
6 | 5 | Devise a shared strategy to meet everyone's needs | Turn statements like “We just see things differently. It’s either my way or your way.” into “We can both get what we need if we do it this way.” | “How could we approach this so we both get what we need?” | Both parties agree to a shared strategy on how to deal with the conflict and the context when this strategy applies. |  |