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SH3 #SFM # / Special RunDateHare(s)LocationPack SizeNotesOn-OnPhotosWRITE - UPRough Mileage
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23606-15-25Kama Suture Tapestry Hotel Basking Ridge10Fatboy to the Auto E AGMHome1.5
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23616-16-25Two TimerSoldiers Memorial Field, Summit16Pissing Off the New MissmanagementOffice, Summit4 (Chicken), 6 (Eagle)
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ASSSH36-21-25TreeRex Dell Ave Park, Kenvil NJ7First ASSSH3 of SummerFort Nonsense BrewingTree Rex: In true Hash House Harrier fashion—being a drinking club with a running problem—ASSS H3 burst into summer season. Your hare, the unhinged and heat-stricken Aims for Dicks, set out with one noble goal: lay 69 false trails. In the end, she settled for a modest 33 falses, setting a personal record for most deliberate acts of deception in a single trail. Why didn’t she hit 69? Because it was too fucking hot, and even chaos has its limits. This pavement pounder of a trail was a bold departure from Aims for Dicks' usual dense shiggy nightmares. Just Big Surprise, among others, complained bitterly. "Too much pavement!" he said. But let’s be honest—they bitch when it’s shiggy, and they bitch when it’s sidewalk. The only thing consistent is the whining (and the drinking). At chalk talk, Aims for Dicks announced a cruel incentive: whoever found the most falses would get a “prize.” That prize turned out to be a shot of Malört—a drink lovingly described as tasting like burnt rubber soaked in regret. Just Luke Fairy, the poor bastard who sniffed out 14 falses, took his Malört like a champ (with a facial expression that looked like he was reliving his worst life decisions). The total number of falses found by the pack? 28 out of 33, meaning Aims for Dicks almost succeeded in her goal of making the entire trail a scavenger hunt for pain. FRB status was too close to call, with both Just Luke Fairy and Just Big Surprise sprinting in like they were late for last call. On the other hand, DFLs were Just Up Shits Creek and No Glove, No Love, dragging in with the grace of two raccoons on a bender. At the 3rd beer check, Just Up Shits Creek Without a Purse, Weather Permitting (take a breath) graced the pack with some romantic wisdom, revealing her thirst for pale nerds and dropping this gem “Sleep with nerds… but not on them.” For her sins—and honestly, her bravery—she received her official ASSS name: Closeted, Unmedicated Frodosexual in Summer Weather, M.D. May her journey be long, and her hobbits always hairy. The Circle was RA’ed by Just HOP in the absence of the usual ASSS RA, who was presumably off attending to muggle business. Despite the heat, the lies, the Malört, and the pavement, every single hound in attendance declared this “the best trail they’ve ever been on.” They demanded more Aims for Dicks trails and declared it the "Trail of the Year.” On-After was held at Fort Nonsense Brewing, where Closeted, Unmedicated Frodosexual in Summer Weather, M.D. immediately lived up to the name by toppling the entire board game shelf. A massive crash rang out through the brewery as dozens of boxes and their game contents scattered like her dignity. The poor bartender spent the next ~45 minutes painstakingly reorganizing all the game pieces, likely questioning every life choice that led to that moment.. In a truly historic turn of events, the pack even convinced Miscast (who can't remember his ASSS name) to play a card game with the group. We repeat: Miscast voluntarily participated in organized fun. Witnesses are still in disbelief. On On! Here’s to Aims for Dicks, to the falses, to Closeted, Unmedicated Frodosexuality, and to whatever fresh hell awaits us next trail.5
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23626-23-25Seoul & Sox51 Hardscrabble Rd, Bernardsville22PRR #3851 Hardscrabble Rd, BernardsvilleSox: What? The Hare does the writeup again? Well, 22 showed on a 95 degree evening for the 38th PR Classic. Chalk talk was simple- the usual marks and a shortened trail considering (4 Mi Eagle and 2 Mi Chicken). True to their word, it went off on newly created trails across the road towards Bedminster. Yes, virgin territory. The chickens took a shortended version of this and all were into the BC under 2 miles. Refreshments, (much of it water), was consumed. Then on across the unavoidable river. But Hey, this was only a tributary, which then led to an on across the Passaic, then back to Audubon property. Up along the river, then on across again for a very long ABJ, which was successful in bringing most of the pack across the river & then back. Then the C/E split brought the Chickens in under 2 miles total, while the Eagle climbed up hill, only to follow a winding downhill trail to the start. The hares planned to repeat what they did 3 years ago in that they had pizza delivered. It wasn't timely cuz the wrote down the wrong address, but all worked out with circle there and then all headed home shortly thereafter. At least the heat dicipated quickly after 8 and very few bugs, which made it a pleasant night.
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23636-30-25PDGreen Acres Park, North Plainfield11Pueblo Viejo, PlainfieldSox: Oh, you know how PD does when setting from his deck and how it goes when setting with Dr O or Rumson affiliates. But this was a solo effort in North Plainfield. Well, e had a downpour a few hours before kickoff. The Hare assumed the arks would still be there but hey, maybe, just maybe we saw a dozen marks throughout the trail. So, how did we survive you might ask. Well, when lost by a false Eagle loop at the start (2 marks found), the hare then told us "go right, then another right, then left and you'll be on trail. We all did as he said but if not for thos directions, we would never have found any trail (we did see 2 marks in the next mile). Then we were lost again but the hare drove bye and put us back on trail to Green Brook Park. Although we found a small trail (leading through woods with many homeless camped out there sopping wet), while we thought we were on trail, we weren't. We just happened to come out to the park and found trail. Then picked up almost a dozen marks min the next mile. We were going strong (Luke found an x-rated scene we'd rather not repeat here) & then we hit Clinton Avenue & spent perhaps 20 minutes searching for marks. A call to the hare kinda put us back on a shortcut of the trail we all missed & finally the Beer check. Disbelief, on the hares part about no marks but, truly, it was as if he was setting with vitrually a handful of flour. At least that's about how much we found. But as the beer settled us down and the hare promised a "less than a mile back to the start", can you believe it, we founf 3 marks in a row, just before the finish. The hare was essentially placed in the middle of circle for most of the night- with all the down downs he was awarded. Then on to Pueblo Viejo for those that went. Fun but . . . . should I say "challenging"?
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ASSSH37-5-25Auto E6 Colony Ct. Somerset, NJ9Patriotic Pool Party6 Colony Ct. Somerset, NJ
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23647-7-25Luke Fairy, with an assist from Tinker BushMaplecrest Park, Maplewood-field 113Sox: Well, 13 came if you count Just Carlos & Just Mallory walking over from their house to the BC, I mean circle, I mean On after. Luke set a Live Hare run from Maple Crest Park. Possibly some new virgin streets involved too. He asked for & we gave him a 10 minute head start, then set after him. Secaucless guessed correctly at the first 4 (of about 18) checks, so we might have thought we had a beat on him. But not the case. Too swift for us, even JCock and Big Surprise couldn't reel him in. The course headed towards Midland Blvd, then the Columbia HS fields. Crossing them, we snuck thru some woods to another trail (except JCock & Just Kyla who ended up jumping fences), then on to Seton Hall U territory and the Ivy Hill Park, then Tuxedo & Boyden Ave to Lukes casa. After that 4 miles of trail (.7 for walkers), in this oppressive humidity, we settled in nicely on the deck. Nicely enough to call it a day, have circle & then head home by around 9. A very good residential trail, well marked but quite possibly too easy to solve the checks (for which we were happy since there were so many). On On
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23653107-10-25MassengilLumitron Global Command ctrFull Buck Moon
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23667-14-25Auto E
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23677-21-25No GenitalsTBDNo Gen's B-day Hash
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23687-28-25Bloody Pads
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23698-4-25Superspreader TBD
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23703118-9-25Kama-SutureSturgeon Moon
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23718-11-25Two Timer
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23728-18-25Loogie and Sassy
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ASSSH38-23-28CockspreySouth Orange?Sloshball
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23738-25-25
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23749-1-25Son of Seoul8th Anal Laborious Day
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23759-6-25
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23763129-7-25Super SpreaderCorn Moon
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23779-13-25
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23789-20-25Park N Ride
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23799-27-25
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238010-4-25Sassy LassyDover (TBD)MID 16
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238110-6-25SecauclessHarvest Moon
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238210-11-25USCWAPWPTBDOktoberfest
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238310-18-25Miscast
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238410-25-25Kama SutureTBDWorld Peace Thru Beer
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238511-1-25Loogie
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238631311-5-25PD & Dr OBeaver Moon
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238711-8-25
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238811-15-25
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238911-22-25
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239011-29-25
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239131412-4-25
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239212-6-25
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239312-13-25
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239412-20-25
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239512-26-25Big Surprise?Boxing Day Hash
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239612-27-25
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23971-1-26Douche Brag?Nomehegan Park, Cranford
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23983151-3-26Wolf Moon
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23991-10-26
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24001-17-26
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24011-24-26Secaucless
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24023161-31-26Park n RideWolf Moon
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3172-28-26Auto ESnow Moon
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For Next Administration
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Hare(s)LocationNotesDate - (rough estimation)Grand Master ---Luke Fairy
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= No longer?= Current we think?Joint Masters Big Surprise and TwoTimer
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Douche BragNomahegan Park, CranfordNew Year's Day HashNew Year's DayReligious Adviser ---Super Spreader
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Cereal KillerSoft Porn HashWeekend before Superbowlexcept in '23 as Boy Scouts takes precedentHash FlashGoph4 Hole
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KojakMardi GrASSSMarchTrail Masters ---Hi on Pot
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Lumber Jack OffSlumber with LumberFebruary / MarchMohican Outdoor CenterWebmeister +Goph4 Hole
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Dog E Style, PD & GIJoint Rumson HashAprilWatchung ReservationHaberdashery ---Kama Suture
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Scribes ----Secaucless
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Seoul & SecauclessPassaic River RunJuneVaries-but nearest the Solstice as possible
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MassengilPenwoodstockJuly or SeptBasking Ridge
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No Gen / Finger InSeparated at Birth HashJuly
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Bleu My MeatPool Party HashJuly/AugustFlorham Park
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Massengil, SecauclessDowntown Fiasco1st Monday after Labor Day September
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Sassy LassyMexican Indepenence DaySeptember
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KojakRed Dress RunOctoberNew Brunswick
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Dog E StyleDog E Style Birthday HashOctober
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Dog MeatDon't Be A Turkey HashSunday after ThanksgivingSunday after Thanksgiving
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Park N RideHannukkah Hash12/13
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Varies - need new haresChristmas Holiday HashDecemberDecember
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Big SurpriseBoxing Day HashDay after Xmas
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