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Ep #
DateTitleMonoceros MediaDash SystemsSofaWolf PressMidwest Fur-festPatreon
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109/12/10**No sponsorship****No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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209/19/10**No sponsorship****No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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309/26/10Mexican, Mongolian, and Messy noodles**No sponsorship****No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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410/03/10Chicken Sticks, Exploding Cutlets, and Bland Noodles**No sponsorship****No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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510/11/10“It does NOT look like rotting flesh”27m K: Thanks for listening. U: Until next week. K: Thanks our sponsor Monoceros Media, and thanks to all you wonderful people who listen to us babble for colse to half an hour every week.**No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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610/17/10“It's your fault for not wearing ballistic eyewear.”5m U: While we're on the topic of intermediate-level stuff, we should point out that we made vigo yellow rice... K: Oh that's right, we did. U: in the rice cooker which was provided by Monoceros Media, our sponsor.**No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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710/25/10The Mac & Cheese Show15m K: While she's microwaving that, thinking of plastic covers that have been carved and things of that nature, let us remind you that this podcast is brought to by Monoceros Media.**No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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810/31/10“It burns when I pee”33m K: Have a good week! U: Remember, this was brought to you by Monoceros Media, our sponsors who sent us a rice cooker.**No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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911/07/10“That's Pretty Badass. And Unsanitary!”21m U:They're not a sponsor of ours. K: They are not. U: Speaking of our sponsor, however. K: Speaking of our sponsor Monoceros Media...**No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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1011/15/10“Possibly the Soybeans were Circumcised”23m K: So we're waiting on that U: Oh just a brief plug. K: Oh yes! U: We should mention our sponsors Monoceros Media!**No sponsorship****No sponsorship**
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1111/21/10“Show me the Tentacles! I see no tentacles!”22m K: While this is cooking I should l should take a moment to talk about our sponsors. First up Monoceros Media...22m K: Our other sponsor, who's sorta new, 'cause I promised him as part of our agreement... U: This is sponsorship more general plug K: General plug yeah, and I haven't had a chance to link him to our webpage yet is Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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1211/28/10“Roving Bands of Naked Itinerant Irish”13m K: Alright, try the Nutri-System Beef Stew. Now's a great time to talk about our sponsor. First and foremost, Monoceros Media. U: Mother (grunt)!16m U: Speaking of sponsors and men in dusty black suits. K: No, no no no. I was going to do reader mail. Also sponsoring by the way, now that you've reminded me, Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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1312/06/10“My Tongue is Screaming 'Why are you doing this to me?'”20m K: I will take this moment while she's off to the microwave to mention our sponsor Monoceros Media.33m K: That's it for this week, don't forget our sponsors one of whom I didn't really go into depth on which is Dash Systemswhere we host UrsualVernon.com U: Perhaps with the number of things we've said in the course of this podcast possibly they don't want to be associated with us.**No sponsorship**
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1412/12/10Burrito Bonanza!15m K: Why don't you talk about our sponsors while I do that? U: We are sponsored as it happens by Monoceros Media.16m K: Also, I have to flip this once during cooking. U: Oh this requires like actual... K: I'm watching the time and stuff. Also we're sponsored by Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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1512/20/10“We have conjoined Buns”10m K: Now the chilli spaghetti terrifies me. U: I am terrified of the chilli spaghetti. K: Thinking of things that aren't terrifying I should mention by the way our sponsor Monoceros Media. U: They might be terrifying under the right circumstances, they do have on of those home-made 3D printers, you could 3D print a death ray.Check back later...**No sponsorship**
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1612/26/10“Lutheran Indian Fusion Cuisine”13m U: Why don't you talk about our sponsors because I know Monoceros Media would love to follow hard on the heels of a beagle fart.14m K: Our other sponsor is Dash Systems who currently host the website for all of our other stuff...**No sponsorship**
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1701/03/11“There's porn in Good Housekeeping, right?”27m U: Tell us what a grouping of wild turkeys is. K: I have no idea. Before I forget, we should mention, first and foremost we should mention our sponsors.. U: Yes! Monoceros Media! K: Monoceros Media.28m K: … linked from the Kevin and Ursula Eat Cheap homepage. As is our other sponsor Dash Systems. U: They of the cool server room.**No sponsorship**
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1801/09/11The Breakfast Show16m U: Let me point out internet, we can be bought. K: Yes we can. U: This sounds like an excellent time to talk about our sponsors. K: Our sponsors, yes. First and foremost, Monoceros Media.17m K: … Our other sponsor is Dash Systems, our hosting provider for everything but the podcast.**No sponsorship**
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1901/16/11“It looks like a Mummy's Toupe”14m K: Speaking of things that you can observe, you know Monoceros Media will be at Further Confusion, or at this point when you're listening to this, has been at Further Confusion, …16m K: … Our other sponsor of course is Dash Systems where we host the machine that handles ….**No sponsorship**
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2001/24/11"Schrödinger's Fork"24m K: While we're waiting perhaps you should talk about our sponsors. U: Yes, our sponsors are, first of all Monoceros Media.25m K: Oh, he'll eat your soul. U: Well, anyway, also the nice people at Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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2101/31/11“She was wearing the underwear on her head. NOT Bacause she was crazy...”12m K: While she's going up to the microwave to get the gnocchi I should mention that today's podcast is brought to you by Monoceros Media.12m K: Also linked from our webpage, our very favorite hosting people Dash Systems. U: Woooo!**No sponsorship**
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2202/07/11"Maybe the aliens have square nipples" 13m K: Good plan. While you're putting that in the microwave, I'm going to talk about one of our sponsors, and that sponsor is Monoceros Media.20m K: While you're doing that I'm going to talk about U: You can talk about the four cheese pizza. K: Actually I was going to talk about our other sponsor Dash Systems. U: Yes, we love Dash Systems. K: We love Dash Systems, they provide.. U: We would have their babies!**No sponsorship**
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2302/13/11"Now I associate Smoothies with Despair."26m U: Now would be a good time for a word from our sponsors! K: Our sponsors! Number one sponsor – Monoceros Media!27m K: Thinking of other sponsors that give you more than you asked for as you are applying more whipped cream than U: What we needed to use the last of the whipped cream we shouldn't waste it. K: Yeah, but I think you just put a half cup of whipped cream in your coffee. U: Hmmm mmm mm mm K: Okay. Speaking of people who give you more than you asked for....**No sponsorship**
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2402/20/11At that price it better have chunks of Paula Deen in it!28m K: Hey! While I'm thinking about it, while I'm looking it up, why don't you talk about Monoceros Media? U: Monoceros Media is awesome, they are our sponsor. They sent us a rice cooker. K: They did. U: You could be our sponsor too if you send us kitchen equipment.29m U: U: And then of course there's our other sponsor Dash Systems!**No sponsorship**
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2502/28/11It wasn't a fungus, it was Patchouili37m U: But first a word from our sponsors. The word is Monoceros, as in Monoceros Media.38m K: Also.. U: Wss mmm cnntrbb K: This week's episode is brought to you by Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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2603/07/11"And that's why we grew the Fifth Thumb!" 21m U: Why don't you about our sponsors. K: Our sponsors. Sponsor number one, some of the coolest people making some really cool stuff, Monoceros Media.22m U: One of our spring rolls has been tragically crushed in the package. K: Well that's a darn shame. Something that is not tragically crush is Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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2703/14/11"Tastes Like Floor!" 10m K: Okay, while you do that why don't I talk about one of our sponsors. U: Yes, talk about one of our sponsors. K: Yes. Kevin and ursula Eat Cheap is brought to you by Monoceros Media.21m K: Why don't you talk about Dash Systems? U: Dash Systems is awesome!**No sponsorship**
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2803/20/11"If the house burns down, I owe you a Coke." 15m U: Why don't we talk about our sponsors? Or more accurately, why don't you talk about our sponsors and I will (something) microwave K: Terrifying things with the microwave. We are sponsored U: It might catch fire apparently. K: No, it will not catch fire. U: The box says do not leave unattended in case of fire. K: Is it outside the foil wrapper? There will be no fire. U: I'm just going by the box. Here I'm doing two they're small. K: I can't even get the name of one of our sponsors out in the amount of time it took microwave that. We are sponsored by our friends at Monoceros Media.16m K: Also, this show is brought to you by Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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2903/27/11It Came from the Box27m U: You asked me to do the sponsors, don't expect me to know...! K: Keep going. U: Monoceros Media!27m K: While I do that why don't you tell them about our sponsors? U: We have sponsors – I'm as surprised as you are really. Our first sponsor, actually let's mix it up. Our first sponsor is Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3004/03/11"All the hot dogs have floated to the top" 21m K: Why don't I get two small glasses for the mango, U: Yes, mango mix. K: Which is pour into a large bottle, shake, and look it's mango drink. Why don't you talk about Monoceros Media?8m U: Okay I now remove the thing... K: So these are nuggets. U: … which I think boiled over. K: While she's dealing with that, U: Oh dear. K: Let me talk to you about one of our sponsors. Let's talk about Dash Systems first.**No sponsorship**
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3104/11/11"He had this advanced medical condition where his penis had fallen off" 24m K: You should talk about Monoceros Media. U: Monoceros Media rocks on toast. K: Well, yes.13m U: Tell them about our goat cheese ravioli things. K: I will tell them about our goat cheese ravioli right after. U: It was very bourgeosie. K: Right after I tell them about our friends at Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3204/18/11"The chicken's brain will be made of corn?" K: We should take a moment to mention our sponsors. U: Mention them. K: Mention them. U: Yes. K: So our first sponsor this week is Monoceros Media.U: … that was a surprisingly simple and sophisticated method of getting that done, I'm kind of impressed. K: Speaking of simple and sophisticated, let me talk to you about our sponsor Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3304/24/11"She went off the pill and her eyeballs exploded" K: We have about thirty seconds till the Pasta-roni's done, I'm going to take a moment to talk about one of our sponsors. U: I'm going to get out the burrito. K: Okay, you get out the burrito... um... part of today's show is brought to you by our friends at Monoceros Media.K: While she's fighting that open, let me talk to you about our other sponsor Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3405/02/11"Shine on you crazy, dog-grooming diamond" K: Well, it's healthy green sludge, but you know who doesn't make healthy green sludge?K: While she's mulling that over, and while I've got ten seconds and it's probably going to need to sit in the microwave, let me tell you about one of our sponsors, Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3505/08/11"The Aardvark Did It!" K: Before we rate things though, we should talk about Monoceros Media.K: While she's doing that, let me talk about something's that not dangerous, and that's where you want your internet hosting. And that's why we host with Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3605/16/11"Give me the scissors! And the bottle cap!"K: Folks, remember... don't forget to check out our other sponsor Monoceros Media.U: I'm going to start nuking the pretzel tell everyone about our encounter on the way back with the turtle. K: First, I'm going to finish this spring roll, tell everybody about some other friends of ours at Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3705/22/11"It's a severed limb that tastes like health food" K: We should mention at this point one of our other sponsors before we get to that, and that is our friends at Monoceros Media.K: And that kind of brings us a segue to our next segment, but before I talk about that I do want to mention one of our sponsors this week, and that is our friends over at Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3805/29/11"Now I remember why we drink heavily" U: I'd like to take this time to tell you about Monoceros Media. They rock.U: We should rate things. K: We should rate things right after we talk about Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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3906/05/11“Aunt Jemima is trying to kill us”U: They're definitely the best thing we've eaten today. K: Oh yeah. So. Hmm. You should talk about Monoceros Media.U: Tell them about our sponsors while I wrestle with the pancake. K: One of my favorite sponsors to work with these days is Dash Systems...**No sponsorship**
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4006/12/11“It's like snot with attitude”K: While I'm piercing the cover of the container with a knife or fork U: Hot! K: And you're dying over there, can you talk about one of our sponsors? U: (mumbles) We have sponsors... K: That's a no...? U: Sponsors, we have them. K: Yes. U: Monoceros Media …K: So let me talk about one of our other sponsors. U: Yes. K: Dash Systems...**No sponsorship**
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4106/19/11“This is what NAFTA brought us”U: While you cook the egg flautas let me talk to you about Monoceros Media.U: They were not lying about the maple. K: Not in the least. U: Alright why don't you tell them about Dash Systems and I will nuke this IHOP.**No sponsorship**
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4206/26/11The regrettable third in a rowU: Alright, now we are down to the Tai Pei Beef and Broccoli. K: While I am dealing with unwrapping this U: Monoceros Media, awesome people...K: Why don't you get the Evol bowl and start the Tai Pei thing? U: Yes and tell them about … K: I'll tell them about a sponsor. First sponsor we'll talk about today is Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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4307/04/11"Don't Mind me, I'm just praying for death" K: Oh yeah we're very clear cause I got some stuck between my teeth I've got to floss. U: Oh sweet Jesus! K: Have you talked about Monoceros Media?K: This is a product of France, so... while the water's heating up and while we're waiting I'm going to take a moment to talk about our fiends over at Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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4407/11/11"I wonder what would happen if I dipped the Pocky in here..." K: Stir until noodles are separated... Why don't you also.. why don't you talk about our sponsors? U: We have sponsors. K: Yes. U: After things like that you gotta wonder why or how, but we do have sponsors. We are sponsored by Monoceros Media...U: Why don't you tell them about … K: Cheesy bacon macaroni U: … about our sponsors at Dash Media and I will nuke a breadstick. K: Dash Systems U: Yeah...**No sponsorship**
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4507/17/11"It's the Ramen Monologues!" K: Also, while you're on the web and looking things up, check out our sponsors, the first of which is Monoceros Media.K: While she's dealing with the Joe O's, I should also mention one of our other sponsors, our friends over at Dash Systems.**No sponsorship**
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4608/08/11"Cow blood, horse blood, pig blood…whatever you have lying around." K: Before I forget U: Gir, get down, you're not getting either Zatarain's or K: Speaking of people we know on the West Coast, in addition to Sofawolf U: Who we'll talk more about in a second K: Our podcast is brought to you by our friends at Monoceros Media.K: ...stick to chilli. U: Let's talk about Dash Systems, did we? K: We did not talk about Dash Systems.K: Before I get to the Amy's Bowl though... U: Very tasty... K: ...we should mention this podcast is now also brought to you by SofaWolf Press.
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4708/15/11"Noodles float, you Bastards!" K: In a minute, because we have to wait for the **something** to free up from the microwave. U: Okay K: So why don't you talk about Monoceros Media?K: Thinking of people fucking with other things... U: Oh dear god K: People who don't fuck with things are Dash Systems.Check back later...
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4808/22/11"You don't get to judge my whip technique" U: Why don't you tell them about one of our sponsors? K: Yes, I will start with our friends at Monoceros Media.K: Or listeners, you can write us at kevinandursula@gmail.com. At the same time you can remember that all our websites, with the exception of kuec.libsyn.com, are hosted on Dash Systems, one of our other sponsors and the last one we have to mention this episode.K: Let me get you a fresh spoon, for your oatmeal, and why don't tell them about SofaWolf Press?
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4908/28/11"The other silverware would be mean to it." U: I'm stirring the potatoes.. K: Stir the potatoes. U: Why don't you tell everyone about our sponsor Monoceros Media? K: I was trying to come up with a good segue to Monoceros Media and I don't have one.U: For ninety-nine cents there's nothing in this that is good for you but it's so delicious. K: Things that are good for you if you happen to need internet hosting are our friends over at Dash Systems. U: Nicely done. K: Thank you.K: This stuff I really enjoy. And the first place we had this was at a convention, at a SofaWolf party. U: Yes, one of our sponsors. K: One of our sponsors. Why don't you tell them about SofaWolf and I will make... U: You make chicken and dumplings.
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5009/05/11"It should be banished to the bowels of the Earth" K: By the way, today's episode is also brought to you by our friends at Monoceros Media.K: I could see this with milk, or with cider, or.. U: Really drunk. K: Yeah. We should talk about Dash Systems.K: The oven we're baking these in, the convection oven, is brought to us by our sponsors at SofaWolf press.
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5109/12/11"So far as I know, the Torah is silent on the subject of catnip" 22m U: ...if you can't handle hot, skip this one it will kill you. K: So, Thinking of things that won't kill you, our friends at Monoceros Media will not kill you.31m K: Something you do want to be tame, and stable, and very very predictable is your server hosting for internets. U: That was a better segue than “people who won't kill you”. K: Thank you. So what we use for most of our stuff is our friends over at Dash Systems.11m K: Are you going to break the skin with the fork? Give me the fork. Why don't you tell the nice people about our friends at SofaWolf? U: I don't know if they will really trust our endorsement after you just had to take a plastic fork away from me for safety reasons.
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5209/19/11"This is food that will make you introspective about your life choices." 45m U: He was harder to kill than the Ottoman's or Siam. K: Did we talk about Monoceros Media? U: We should talk about Monoceros Media. K: We should talk about Monoceros Media.20m U: Why don't you tell them about our sponsors? K: Our first... U: Also smart. K The first sponsor we're going to talk about is today may be one of our smartest sponsors... they're all very smart so I can't really rate smartest.. we'll talk about Dash Systems first.26m K: It came out as a brick of rice shaped like the packaging. U: Yes, it is not very appealing. Things that are appealing however: SofaWolf Press! You will love the... Look, you have no place to judge my segues! Your segues are so bad...!
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5309/26/11"Someday you're going to be trying to explain to an EMT what brought you to this point" 62m K: This is going to sound...I'm stealing somebody's line, but from our kitchen to yours we hope you enjoy the show, we hope you enjoy listening, don't forget to check out our friends at Monoceros Media.28m K: … we get a lot of that in any pre-packaged food. U: Speaking of things we get a lot of, why don't you talk about one of our sponsors? K: Sure! Y'know, we get a lot of service out of Dash Systems...37m U: Gets the squid out should be their new logo I suppose. K: While I'm trying this pad thai, why don't you tell the nice listeners about another one of our sponsors? U: SofaWolf Press!
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5410/03/11"Thanks for telling us about the hermaphraditic corn orgy!" 18m K: You know what typically doesn't need extra instructions to get right? U: What? K: Things you order from Monoceros Media. Look at what I did there. U: Very impressive.61m K: So I thinkThe thing that we have to remember is that one of our sponsors also provides the hosting for everything else we do... U: Yes! K: And that is our friends at Dash Systems. U: Oh my god the bottlecap fits exactly in the depression on the underside of the waterglass.The thing that we have to remember is that one of our sponsors also provides the hosting for everything else we do... U: Yes! K: And that is our friends at Dash Systems. U: Oh my god the bottlecap fits exactly in the depression on the underside of the waterglass.6m U: Kevin is pre-heating our cheese sticks, which will be Snapp's SnackBite Cheese Sticks (we're as scared as you are). He is pre-heating it in a toaster oven that was provided by our sponsor SofaWolf Press. We can be bought with kitchen equipment.
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5510/10/11This one really is rated "R" 58m K: So that's where we're at. U: Alrighty K: The only thing we have left to talk about is our friends at Monoceros Media.30m U: Instead of a scythe it carries a little plastic fork, that won't **something** anything except my soul. K: However, to recharge your soul, you should get your hosting from Dash Systems. U: (laughs hysterically) K: One of these days Craig is going to listen, hear one of this transitions, and he's going to call me up and bitch a lot isn't he?19m U: Let us not speak of the Old El Paso. K: I see. U: Why don't you tell them about one of our sponsors and I will go put K: Sure! U: … Michelina's Buffalo Chicken Snackers in there. K: Absolutely. Our mozarella bites were cooked today in the SofaWolf toaster oven. SofaWolf does not sell toaster ovens, they just provided the one for the show.
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5610/17/11Weasel Poop and Canned Haggis 15m K: While she's getting napkins, I'd like to talk about our friends at Monoceros Media. They do not make napkins. U: They can print on napkins I bet. K: They can print on napkins...33m K: You can find our mailing address at kuec.libsyn.com along with our sponsors link. In the sponsors link you will find Dash Systems. U: Who would probably like to disown us but their hosting is so damn good we're going to keep talking about how awesome it is with their secure data center, despite the fact that we are a terribly... Now I know how the Car Talk guys feel during pledge week while they're trying to tell people to support NPR53m U: We should rate things. K: We should talk about SofaWolf Press first.
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5710/24/11"It's Pink. This is what Pink tastes like." 8m K: While I'm figuring this out, why don't you talk about Monoceros Media?58m U: Perhaps he found something to herd. K: Yes. Before we go we should talk about Dash Systems. U: You should talk about Dash Systems, you understand what they do.28m U: So, speaking of things that will not fill you with shame or regret, SofaWolf Press.
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5810/31/11"After this it's the fried squid for you!" 24m U: It's going to taste like heath food, I just know it. K: Are you sure? U: No. Meanwhile, while Kevin's trying to figure that out, Monoceros Media...64m U: Might explain why I've never achieved enlightenment. Speaking of enlightening things... K: We should talk about our final sponsor U: Dash Systems! K: They will … U: If you are wandering in the woods looking for a place to host: Dash Systems!14m K: Why don't you tell them about who gave us the Death's Door Gin? U: The Death's Door Gin was a gift to us from our fine friends at SofaWolf Press whose fiction will not leave the disgusting taste of a fish market in your mouth.
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5911/06/11"This is the sort of food created by characters in the Gormanghast Novels" 24m K: While I'm building myself up to eat Dr. MacDougal's U: The nun food? K: The nun food because no you've terrified me, why don't you talk about our friends over at Monoceros Media?53m K: While I'm looking up e-mail we have one last sponsor you should talk about. U: Uh yeah, except for the problem that they're Dash Systems and they're awesome but I only know about they're awesomeness in a vague, general way. As far as I'm concerned they're like archangels, you know that they're great but you don't really know what they do.15m U: I am, at the moment, drinking my revoltingly sweet wine that I probably can't get through because it's to freaking sweet from a Nordguard glass, commemorative glass, put out by SofaWolf Press to celebrate the launch of one of their latest titles, the comic Nordguard, by Blotch. … K: That was, U: Yeah? K: by far, U: Yeah? K: the smoothest, nicest version of a transition to that we have ever done for them. They may be disappointed. U: As far as I know they have also never blown up parliament. K: Fair.
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6011/13/11"That's like making your food fursuit. NOT COOL." 55mCheck back later...23m U: Speaking of other things that stick to their principles: SofaWolf Press!
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6111/20/11"You Cad! You took my vegatable serving! And you're eating it!" 48m K: While I deal with this why don't you talk about.. wait, who haven't we talked about yet? U: Monoceros Media. Monoceros Media, for all your printing needs. They are as good for printing as spreading goose pate on a dog treat is for a dog.15m K: While she is over there dealing with hot water, I'm going to take a moment and talk about our friends at Dash Systems U: You will never get into hot water with Dash Systems.24m U: Speaking of things that won't leave you feeling tainted: SofaWolf Press!
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6211/28/11The one after Thanksgiving 18m K: While I make another sandwhich... do you want another sandwhich? U: Ummm... K: I'm thinking some leftover ham and cheese. U: I don't need any ham and cheese. K: Okay. Why don't you tell them about our friends at Monoceros Media?18m Actually, let's just cover all our sponsors since we're doing an abbreviated show. K: Okay.18m …and they are all of them the best at their respected fields.
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6312/05/11"We do not live in a world where we have more than one kind of Cheese-Head!" 27m U: I'm still staring at this crab flatbread and haven't touched it yet. K: It's clab fratbread. Flap brab brab brab. U: Why don't you tell everyone about our friends at Monoceros Media?35m U: There is no god. K: However, if you need a god-like reliable internet service, you talk to Dash Systems...40m U: Something else that's hot is lots and lots of the fiction available through SofaWolf Press, and we mean this both metaphorically and not-so-metaphorically.
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6412/12/11"I will not be denied my tuna salad…I may have been denied my tuna salad." 11m K: Is the water boiling yet? U: No. K: Okay. Of course, this episode of Kevin & Ursula eat cheap is brought to you by our friends at Monoceros Media.43m U: Speaking of things you won't have to swear about and will not send you screaming over the cliffs of madness, Dash Systems for all of your hosting and remote, umm... okay, I'm out of words. K: I'm sorry about that transition Craig.26m U: I mean, Ricardo Montalban aged really well. That was some fine Corinthian leather. Uh yeah, tobachnik soup. K: So this section of our program... U: brought to you by SofaWolf Press. K: They don't have fine Corinthain leather...
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6512/19/11"It's like Purple Glitter Jesus" 65m U: Were we rating things? K: We were finished rating things actually, that was the end of it. So you need to tell people about our final sponsor. U: That was the end of it? K: Yeah. U: Purple glitter Jesus? K: Yeah. Some place you cannot get purple glitter Jesus by the way, as far as we know, although they might make it for you is Monoceros Media.8m U: I think you can microwave it or you can do it on a stovetop. I'm perfectly fine microwaving it but first I want to put in some pizza-by-the-slice. K: While she's doing that let me tell you about one of our sponsors Dash Systems.36m K: You know what you should tell people about while I'm doing a little tidying up of the work area here? U: SofaWolf Press! SofaWolf Press does not leave you with the taste of pectin and despair.
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12/25/112011 Holiday Interlude 6m K: The other thing I'd like to take an opportunity to do at this point, although we could wait until what would be ostensibly next week's episode, the New Year's episode that will be coming out January 1st, I'd really like to take a moment to thank all of our sponsors from this last year. U: I'd like to take a moment to thank all of our listeners. K: We'll get to them to. U: Okay, but first the sponsors 7m K: The sponsors come first U: (something) not only listening, but they're sending us money or stuff. K: Stuff mostly. And so it's been a really good, really a full year doing it even though we're not at the anniversary part. Our friends at Monoceros Media you guys have been awesome. … Our friends at SofaWolf Press.7m K: And Dash Systems, Craig at Dash Systems.
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6601/01/12"Laudanum is not a sound investment" 41m K: Have you talked about all three sponsors? No. You have to talk about Monoceros Media. U: Okay. Monoceros Media K: You're staring off in the middle distance. U: Thought I saw a bird. Monoceros Medai: Not A Bird. K: No, they're a monoceros.8m U: The blueberry milk candy is still weirding me out. K: You know what won't weird you out? And that is Dash Systems. U: There's butter in this.25m: K Why don't you tell the people about another thing that is not creamy U: Another thing that is not the wait, what? K: That is not creamy. U: They might be creamy, we don't know. K: Okay. U: Something that will anyway not leave a heavy aftertaste and will cut through crisply like a hard cider or a samurai sword is the fiction of SofaWolf Press. That may have been the worst segue I have ever tried to do. But at least we're setting the bar low for the year to come, it's all upward from here guys... Assuming you want to sponsor us for another you.
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6701/08/12"Funghiiiii!" 60m K: Do you know what has a really good crust and a really good assembly? U: A glue factory named Bob? K: Monoceros Media. U: You totally have no ground to stand on about the tomato sucking.41m K:That's good, we want it to suck moisture out of the tomatoes cause it was really kind of thick earlier. You should also talk about U: You know what woudn't suck the moisture out of your tomatoes? K: Oh jeeze. U: Dash Systems! K: Wow! U: What? K: Keep going. U: I don't know shit about Dash Systems!34m U: Meanwhile, speaking of things that will not leave you feeling like you have wasted your money, SofaWolf Press. Purveyors of fine furry and fantasy fiction that you know is furry and doesn't sneak up on you like a glass of eggnog poured into your wine glass. K: Eww.
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6801/15/12TheraFlu Gothic 48m U: These are important things to consider when one is a sysadmin. K: That is correct. So, we should... U: And if, for example, you wanted to get into a security like that you would probably require a badge. And if you needed a badge made the people you would go to is Monoceros Media.44m K: Of course, you know where SofaWolf Press lives. U: Minnesota? K: They're hosted in Dash Systems, like we are. U: The website, yes!43m K: You know what we never talk about at all? Any of our sponsors. U: Sponsors! K: Sponsors, we have them. U: We love them. I have the flu, that's my excuse. K: I've been cooking. U: You know what won't let, won't make you violently ill, feverish, and full of chills? K: Here we go. U: SofaWolf Press.
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01/15/12Travel Interlude 1 - Jan 2012 13m K: A big shout out and thank you to all of our sponsors.13m U: Who probably don't want to be associated with this episode so we won't name any of them.13m K: Yeah, you know who you are and we appreciate, y'know, I can see at least one sponsor laughing about this.
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6901/30/12"I decided to go to Hell through gentle debauchery and cynicism like the rest of us." **Too tipsy to remember sponsors****Too tipsy to remember sponsors****Too tipsy to remember sponsors**
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7002/06/12Fillo Related Injuries 13m U: You know what won't leave you in the mood for a burrito? K: Oh boy. U: Actually, I have no idea whatsoever what mood Monoceros Media will leave you in regards to burritos. I am fairly sure they cannot actually print on burritos.43m K: You know what isn't weird-ass? Hosting over at Dash Systems. What was that look for? U: Ahh, no, go with it.22m K: You know where else you get a lot more bang for your buck? U: At least you didn't try ginger and patchouli... go on. K: Yes. SofaWolf Press. U: Not to my knowledge run by dirty hippies.
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7102/13/12"I'm 34, I have not held my breath for multiple screaming orgasms in a long time." 49m U: You know what won't attack you and eat your head? Monoceros Media. As far as I know, never actually eaten anyone's head. Good at printing things, not good at eating heads.25m K:Which one of us is going to plate things that just came out of the oven? U: I'll plate. K: I'll talk about Dash Systems. U: You talk about Dash Systems.9m U: Oh god the whole room stinks of squid. I wish I didn't have to say that so often in my life. One thing that won't stink of squid, as it happens, is SofaWolf Press.
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7202/20/12The one where Kevin hurts 41m U: The fact, the bit where you had to chug like half another beer to get the thing out probably didn't help. K: Yes, absolutely! It's delicious beer. U: You know what will help though? K: Oh lord. U: Monoceros Media.20m K: You know what else, will not, contain red bell peppers? U: Dash Systems? K: Dash Systems did not contain any red bell peppers. U: If they did they were in a secure facility so the red bell peppers were locked down wherever they were.8m U: Another thing that's fine, fine like bread: SofaWolf Press.
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7303/05/12Con-Crud and Soup 35m K: So the first thing we should tak about, before we review stuff, is our last sponsor... U: Monoceros Media. They are awesome.12m K: Something else you don't have to go around two or three times with (notice I'm saying you don't have to go around two or three times with) is Dash Systems.6m K: You should talk about... U: We have sponsors, we love them, they're awesome. K: Yes, talk about our sponsors. U: Gonna be kind of a short show, so.. SofaWolf Press! They're awesome, you will not be sick reading SofaWolf Press, or if you are you'll feel better about the fact you're sick.
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7403/12/12"Grand Unified Theories are like Tampons - better with Strings" 18m K: While I'm doing this, why don't you talk about our friends at Monoceros Media? U: Nmm. Sorry, mouth full. Monoceros Media!51m K: You know where we're not hosting a MUD? Where maybe it would be a good place to host a MUD. U: But we're not going to because, as we said, those days are behind us. K: But Dash Systems... U: You could put one hell of a text adventure on Dash Systems.27m K: While I decipher this next stage in heating our Healthy Choice, why don't you tell our friends about SofaWolf Press? U: Cuh ma mouff if fuuh. K: Your mouth is full. U: Mhh hmm! K: What kind of excuse is that? U: Mhh hhnn mhh mfff! K: Wa wa wahh wahh. U: Mhh mmm mmm mhhhh. K: Wa whh whhh waaaa. U: Mfff wuuu. K: (laughing) U: Ahem. K: Alright, you win this one. U: SofaWolf Press! Will not leave you with filo bits stuck to your gum. At least, not if you read it. If you eat it I suppose hings could get stuck to your gums but you shouldn't be eating your books people. I mean rally, we shouldn't even have to have this conversation. Nevertheless, we live in a world where sometimes we have to have these kinds of conversations. K: You're a childrens' book author! U: Don't. Eat. The books. SofaWolf Press: Inedible, but awesome!
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03/19/12Travel Interlude 2 - March 2012 **Too short for sponsors****Too short for sponsors****Too short for sponsors**
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7504/01/12And we're back! 30m U: Texas: It's big and it sucks. K: Yes. But you know what isn't big, and doesn't suck? Monoceros Media.58m K: So, we have eaten things. Did we talk about Dash Systems? U: Dash Systems rocks. I don't even know what they do, but they do it so well I don't have to know what they do and what more do you want dammit?14m U: .. honestly, my opinion is, get the Idaho it's got a better texture. That being said, let me tell you about SofaWolf Press, who has a fabulous texture. It is high-quality paper.
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04/08/12Travel Interlude April, 2012 **Too short for sponsors****Too short for sponsors****Too short for sponsors**
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7604/15/12Brain Eating Amoeba and Cajun Quail Eggs 26m K: (something) fine folks about Monoceros Media. U: Monoceros Media is pretty awesome.14m K: While I finish this last bit of.. You still have two to go, okay. U: Yes if anyone's doing a spot it's you cause I'm still eating. K: Well, I'll do a spot. U: Do a spot. K: Lemme just finish this.Nom nom nom. So, if you're looking for hosting for your website or your server, you should check out Dash Systems at dashsystems.com U: You will not be left going “Well, it's good but not worth the price.”53m K: You know what you should tell people about? You should tell people about our friends at SofaWolf Press. U: If anyone were to write a fictional account of a rat on the Argo the publishers for that story would be SofaWolf Press.
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7704/22/12"It was like a Three Stooges episode of euphemisms" 60m K: Thinking of all the things, we forgot one sponsor, didn't we? U: Monoceros Media (ooh, there's a very pretty cardinal out there.) Monoceros Media – try putting sriracha on them.29m K: But do you know what won't leave you flaming? U: um... K: That is if you get your internet hosting from Dash Systems. U: I feel if you were flaming to begin with Dash Systems will not impact that.13m K: While I'm over here, wondering what to do about this giant thing of cabbage.. U: If you find yourself with a lot of excess cabbage, we suggest you do not send it to SofaWolf Press as I can't imagine they'd have that much use for it.
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7804/30/12"At a conservative estimate, 25% of his body has to be made of colon." 47m U: Anyway the ricemaker that just sang a happy tune, and damn the beagle for ruining a great segue, was brought to you by Monoceros Media.**Oops, forgot**30m K: But you know who did take care of you, when you were in trouble the one time? U: SofaWolf Press? K: Absolutely! U: yes, they did. When I, which time I got helped a couple of times? There was the time I needed to get into Comic-Con and I had just fallen into an estuary looking for birds – they let me stay at their table then. Umm, there was the time that I was just separated and needed to move into a new apartment and they sent me the royalties for I know they listen but anyway it got me into the apartment and saved my ass.I know they listen but anyway it got me into the apartment and saved my ass.
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7905/06/12"Viking Prostitutes" 48m K: While I get everything set up over here, and before we actually start that.. U: Monoceros Media. Not run by Norse gods to the best of our knowledge, though it's possible they're just, that there's a Norse god of printing somewhere who felt like.. Well, it's unlikely. K: For all intents and purposes, Tugrick the owner, his birth name is very very Norwegian.13m K: But first up, for the first time in a while I'm left here alone to talk to the microphone while you're over there making food. So I suppose I should take this moment to talk about my friends at Dash Systems who I didn't talk about last week. U: Cause we suck. K: That too. Dash Systems, a... U: They do not suck. K: They don't suck.25m U: I imagine being a Norse god's kinda like being on Iron Chef. You're good at what you do, but you really learn to just take it on the chin. K: Depends on the Norse god U: Hey Kevin., there's a gigantic spider over there and it exceeds the size limit for my willingness to deal with giant spiders. K: Alright then, while I deal with the giant spider why don't you tell the nice people about... SofaWolf Press. U: So far as I know SofaWolf Press has never published any pornography featuring a giant spider protagonist. Don't you feel better for knowing that internet. I feel better for having said it.
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8005/13/12Bone Marrow Ramen Transplant 43m U: Alright I'm giving it five more minutes but then we're eating it and getting botulism. K: Woohoo, botulism! You know what won't give you botulism? U: Monoceros Media!26m K: You want to go get the Banquet out of the microwave. Because you know what's not just roasted and boiled? Dash Systems. U: My segue was better. K: I know. U: “Won't give you cancer” was way better.18m K: Fortunately I am not MSG sensitive and neither are you. U: You know what won't contain MSG? SofaWolf Press. K: Oh yes. U: You will want to keep reading when you've started reading their stuff which does give it some MSG-like qualities, it is a sort of reading umami problem, but nevertheless does not contain MSG will not give you an MSG headache, will not give you cancer. SofaWolf Press – not giving you cancer.
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8105/20/12Black Metal Ring of Fire 46m K: And the after you're done talking about our friends at Monoceros Media... U: I hadn't even started talking about our friends at Monoceros Media. K: After you're done talking about our friends at Monoceros Media we'll rate things and then I'll get you some, we'll get the cheese and hummus for you.29m U: They'll tell me my palette was destroyed by eating TGI Friday's buffalo wings. You have a plate of buffalo wings in front of you and you're going for the mix of bad Itialian mac and cheese and a truly vile Mexican meatball slop. K: I'm switching between the two. Do you know what will not ruin your palette? Our friends at Dash Systems. U: Your palette is safe with them.19m U: This is how the wold ends... not with a bang, but a whimper. Speaking of things that will end not with a bang but a whimper. K: Oh dear. U: Okay, hang on, I don't like that segue for SofaWolf. We have no idea how SofaWolf will end. I assume when all the founders have died at a great age on piles of money surrounded by adoring loved ones. That's sort of how I hope it will end. Probably how they hope it will end too.
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8206/03/12Fruit of the Pork 52m U: This has the texture of Idaho mashed potatoes I suppose, but I don't actually like the flavor as much. K: Do you know what doesn't have the texture of Idaho mashed potatoes? U: Monoceros Media? K: Damn straight. They can't print on Idaho mashed potatoes either and they get unhappy if you request it.35m K: You should start the organic mashed potatoes. U: You should tell them about our friends at Dash Systems. K: I should tell them about our friends at Dash Systems. U: Because I don't know how to tell them about our friends at Dash Systems.23m U: Speaking of fair trade, what was that coffee we got that we bought in bulk for the Keurig? K: I thought this was a segue to a sponsor shout-out. U: Oh. Speaking of fair trade as far as we know SofaWolf Press has never done anything unpleasant to a third-world farmer in their life and would be moderately appalled at the notion. SofaWolf Press – not made by sweatshop labor unless you count the publishers who have on several occasions stayed up all night stuffing posters into tubes or going to the mail place like fifty times in a week, but they chose that life so it doesn't really count.
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8306/10/12"A dime-bag of broccoli" 50m U: I'm trying not to get too excited. K: But I know what you do get excited for. U: Uhhhh.... K: Grommets. U: Yes, the sight of a grommet fills me with grommet fever. K: Yes U: I become incapacitated with my desire for a good grommet, because if you have a bad grommet that can also be incapacitating. Your banner will flap off into the breeze, it will take flight. Because a banner, let's face it, is a giant sail with you advertising here, ergo, if you want a good banner, you want good grommets. And you can get a good banner with good grommets, for both indoor and outdoor use, at Monoceros Media.24m K: I'm pretty sure it's going to be vile. But you know what isn't vile? Our friends at Dash Systems.9m K:Something we were not disappointed in this week though... U: 'Cause we're never disappointed with them – SofaWolf Press They... what? K: Keep going. U: Were you disappointed in something else? K: No. U: I was kind of disappointed in the transit of Venus.
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06/25/12Travel Interlude 4 **Too short for sponsors****Too short for sponsors****Too short for sponsors**
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8407/08/12The Branston Pickle Episode **No sponsorship**42m K: Well, it's edible and it isn't bad, therefore I'll eat it. But I'm not going to go out of my way seeking a tin of this. But, y'know... U: You know what else is edible and isn't bad? K: Okay, I'll bite. U: Okay, as segues go that was a bad one into Dash Systems. They're not bad, actually they're excellent, but they aree not edible. K: They're not edible. U: You should tell them what they do. K: As soon as I have.. I have this hot piece of steak in my mouth that I'm trying to chew. U: Dash Systems: More thrilling than a hot piece of steak.18m U: We should take a moment by the way to mention one of our fantastic sponsors, and that's SofaWolf Press. U: Who took us out to some very nice restaurants while we were up there. The food was delicious, not like this. This is not delicious. That food... they have excellent taste in food, and in fiction.
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8507/15/12Guava Flavoered Sea Anemone **No sponsorship**30m K: But it's better than the Kraft SpongeBob and.. U: Yes. K: Scooby-Doo and whatever. U: You know what else is better SpongeBob or Scooby-Doo Kraft Mac & Cheese? K: Well, lots. U: Our good friends at Dash Systems. Tell them while they're better, cause I don't know I just know they are.22m U: Looking at it straight it's a fine pink particulate floating in water. Of it and yet not totally absorbed by it. K: Maybe it, y'know it's not completely absorbed yet so, y'know.. U: You know what you'll be completely absorbed in? SofaWolf Press's fine fine fiction.
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8607/23/12Cock Soup **No sponsorship**58m K: So, you know what's awesome in a thunderstorm though? U: Dash Systems? K: Absolutely. U: Why don't you tell the nice people why Dash Systems is so awesome.22m U: It's bland, but it's buttery and the texture's good. K: And we're eating the living daylights out of it. But, you know what isn't bland? U: SofaWolf Press?
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8707/29/12The Gay Giraffe Episode **No sponsorship**45m U: Here, you want the last two of my judgment raviolis? K: Yes, let me have your judgment raviolis. You know who else won't judge you? U: Dash Systems? K: Dash Systems. U: They might if you were doing something illegal. K: That's true, they might if you were doing something illegal.20m U: Should you be trapped in the Rift Valley a hundred thousand years ago with only a broken chair to defend yourself, this would be an excellent time to have some SofaWolf Press comics with you. I'm not saying that they would teach you how to fend off a smilodon. They probably wouldn't. There is a chance they would teach you what a smilodon finds erotic, in which case rock on. K: Only if you're over eighteen. U: But only if you're over eighteen. But, at the very least, as you shiver, in the dark, beside the fire you have made out of your broken chair, you will have reading material.
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8808/05/12"It's not a face cancer!" **No sponsorship**40m K: Alright, take a potato from the alumitar. U: I have taken a bite. It is a heat-stabilized potato coated in an extremely spicy sauce. K: Do you know what is not heat-stabilized but has a very stable heat? U: Uhh... non radioactive metals? K: Dash Systems because they have an excellent cooling system in their racks of servers.19m U: This is a sort of bland goulash of vaguely textured things. The beans provide the only real texture. And it all tastes vaguely of wheat health food. K: Yup. And yet you're shoveling it down. U: I'm hungry, my last meal was a while ago. And I didn't really have lunch. K: Neither did I because we had a big brunch. U: I had a small brunch. Well, I guess I ended up I had a salad. K: You did, with your brunch. While I go take care of the pizza U: Yes? K: Why don't you tell the nice people about something that is never bland. SofaWolf Press. U: If you want something that will not leave you tasting vaguely of whole wheat and blandness and perhaps a little bit of artichoke: SofaWolf Press – never tastes of artichoke. As far as I know.
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8908/13/12"I will show you fear in a handfull of ramen" 47m U: They stripped that thing down to formica. You could eat off of that shower. Mostly I wonder why I didn't do it a million years ago, but the realization that somethings professionals are better at, and my time may actually be worth more... because the twenty hours it would take me to do all of that, I can do like four paintings and pay for the whole service. So it was yeah.. Still feeling a lot of liberal guilt. Could be 'cause I'm a girl. K: You know what else is a service you can pay for and not have to do yourself? Interne U: Blowjobs? K: Internet hosting with Dash Systems. Where you can co-locate your own server or they will provide you a virtual server. U: I'm really sorry I compared Dash Systems to blowjobs.14m U: … it will be so organized that .. you still probably shouldn't eat off of it because organized doesn't mean clean, and I don't know where some of that stuff's been, but K: Ehhw U: And also some of it contains heavy metals because there is a lot of paint involved. But the moral of the story is it will be awesome. However it probably won't be as awesome as SofaWolf Press.**No sponsorship**
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9008/19/12Chemical Warfare, Border Collie Style 36m K: What can I do for two minutes? U: You can try the hot Buffalo wing Snyder's of Hanover pretzels. K: You know what I should do before that? I should check on my servers at Dash Systems. U: I thought you didn't need to check on your servers at Dash Systems because Dash Systems took care of that. K: This is absolutely true. U: We did not rehearse that internet. K: No we didn't actually.25m U: So goddamnit internet I'm mad and it's okay because Mister Rogers said so. I hope that wherever Mister Rogers is now, he never has to deal with morons like that guy Ted, Todd Akin again. K: You know what will make you happy? U: SofaWolf Press? K: Absolutely. U: Damn straight.**No sponsorship**
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9109/09/12"Leper and Liver" Check back later...14m U: It was okay. K: It was not bad. U: It tasted of seafood. K: It did. U: It was not offensive, but I can't say that it rocked my world. K: Do you know what will rock your world? U: SofaWolf Press will rock your world. K: Absolutely. U: I hear that they have a Hugo winner. I promised I wasn't going to talk about that anymore internet. I'm sorry, I apologize. I'll get over it eventually. I don't want you to think I'm becoming egotistical.**No sponsorship**
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9210/01/12Revenge of the Poppers 33m K: Before I break into the, I should mention. U: I saw pheasants. K: You did, so I won't mention. I'll hold on the mentioning. U: No, you can mention. K: I was going to say, in our most bland segue ever, this podcast is also brought to you by our friends at Dash Systems.17m U: So go in expecting food, not an orgasm per meal. K: Yes. You know what will provide you an orgasm per meal? U: Please don't say SofaWolf Press. K: Darn, now there goes my segue. U: SofaWolf Press cannot promise you an orgasm per meal 'cause they're... that would be.. they don't do food.**No sponsorship**
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9310/08/12Vegemite vs. Marmite 38m U: Will you get the green stuff off the table? It's just sitting there being unnatural at me. K: Okay, don't think about it. U: You know what's unnatural in a good way? K: Oh dear. U: Dash Systems.7m K: I am toasting the bread, for the Marmite and Vegemite U: I am drinking the wine for the Marmite and Vegemite. K: in the SofaWolf sponsored toaster oven. U: SofaWolf Press. They sent us a toaster oven. What more do we need to say?**No sponsorship**
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9410/14/12All The Wyomings 64m U: But they were the greatest thing I've ever eaten. I don't think, however, that normal mortal food can live up to that. K: This is correct. U: Speaking of things that normal mortals can't live up to, tell us about Dash Systems. K: Which is surprising because Dash Systems are mortal.12m K: This may even be too seaweedy for me. U: You know what won't be too seaweedy for you? K: What won't be too seaweedy for me? U: SofaWolf Press! K: Oh... U: As far as I know quite low on seaweed. And what seaweed they have is tastefully used and well edited. K: This is true.65m U; Speaking of sponsors K: Speaking of sponsors U: We have a temporary sponsor up until the end of November. K: Do we?! U: Yes! K: Speak to me! U: They do not condone or, what was the phrase I am after, we do not represent them. K: No no U: But nevertheless Midwest Fur-Fest...
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