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1819558790The Not-So-Friendly Skies
Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
Nathan Reynolds
I realize passengers are concerned, but speaking as a pilot, there's no better place to drop acid than 40,000 feet in the air.
Pilot
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-not-so-friendly-skies-1819558790
1996-08-077
3
1819558790The Not-So-Friendly Skies
Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
Martin Mattacks
There need to be more exhaustive pre-boarding security anal probes. In fact, forget the plane ride altogether.
Ornithologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-not-so-friendly-skies-1819558790
1996-08-0728
4
1819558790The Not-So-Friendly Skies
Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
Erick D'Alessio
I would like to see more entertaining in-flight movies and fewer mid-air explosive decapitations.
Plumber
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-not-so-friendly-skies-1819558790
1996-08-071
5
1819558790The Not-So-Friendly Skies
Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
Rosalie Thalacker
I hate being aboard a plane during a terrorist hijacking, but when I have to be, I chew delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum.
Pharmacist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-not-so-friendly-skies-1819558790
1996-08-0718
6
1819558790The Not-So-Friendly Skies
Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
Marianne Sirota
It stinks that all flights are now non-smoking, but I can usually get away with blowing the smoke out the gaping rusted holes in the plane's fuselage.
Lab Technician
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-not-so-friendly-skies-1819558790
1996-08-070
7
1819558790The Not-So-Friendly Skies
Last month's mysterious crash of TWA Flight 800 near Long Island, which came on the heels of several other major air tragedies, has sparked a national debate about the safety and security of commercial airlines. What do you think?
Steven Lastrom
Airline safety is all about people.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-not-so-friendly-skies-1819558790
1996-08-0726
8
1819558794Is There Life on Mars?
NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?
Herb Leuchtenberg
Life on Mars? That's nothing—you should see the hideous lifeform that just fell out of my wife.
Financier
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/is-there-life-on-mars-1819558794
1996-08-217
9
1819558794Is There Life on Mars?
NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?
Oliver Teufel
As a 15th century peasant, I am frightened by this news. I must now go read Scripture by the light of a burning witch.
Orthopedic Surgeon
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/is-there-life-on-mars-1819558794
1996-08-2126
10
1819558794Is There Life on Mars?
NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?
Karyn Orosco
Perhaps now we'll find that men truly are from Mars—and that women are from Venus.
Psychologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/is-there-life-on-mars-1819558794
1996-08-2118
11
1819558794Is There Life on Mars?
NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?
James Santos
Earthman! You have violated the intergalactic codes of the Funk! I wanna see y'all put your hands together and get on up for the Mothership!
Electrician
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/is-there-life-on-mars-1819558794
1996-08-2128
12
1819558794Is There Life on Mars?
NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?
Patti Phelps
Any educated person should know a meteor in Antarctica is no proof of Martian life. It can only be the passed gallstone of Guntuska, mighty All-Father of the Skies.
Comptroller
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/is-there-life-on-mars-1819558794
1996-08-210
13
1819558794Is There Life on Mars?
NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?
Tim Backman
This is another sign that the end is nigh. That's as good a reason as any to pork my cousin.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/is-there-life-on-mars-1819558794
1996-08-211
14
1819558793Military Academies Under Fire
With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the U.S. What do you think?
James Raneiri
At schools like the Citadel, boys are turned into identityless drones devoid of any emotions save hate and slavish obedience. I'd say that's an opportunity no young girl would be able to resist.
Security Guard
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/military-academies-under-fire-1819558793
1996-08-2826
15
1819558793Military Academies Under Fire
With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the U.S. What do you think?
Stacy Posner
If these all-male schools are anything like Chippendales' sizzling all-male revue, I want in. Oh, those buns!
Neurosurgeon
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/military-academies-under-fire-1819558793
1996-08-2818
16
1819558793Military Academies Under Fire
With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the U.S. What do you think?
Jesse DuMond
I attend an all-male school, and I agree wholeheartedly that women should be allowed to attend. I'm sick of fucking my sock.
Loan Officer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/military-academies-under-fire-1819558793
1996-08-2828
17
1819558793Military Academies Under Fire
With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the U.S. What do you think?
Oliver Ralston
As the first black to attend the University of Mississippi, I applaud these women's efforts. I also recommend playing dead when being beaten by an angry, bat-wielding mob.
Electrician
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/military-academies-under-fire-1819558793
1996-08-287
18
1819558793Military Academies Under Fire
With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the U.S. What do you think?
Kenny Long
With all those pretty girls around, how are cadets supposed to pay attention to the three Rs of military education: Readin', Ritin' and Rectal Rape?
Archaeologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/military-academies-under-fire-1819558793
1996-08-281
19
1819558793Military Academies Under Fire
With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the U.S. What do you think?
Kathryn Heller
What if they held a military academy and nobody came? Think about it.
Taste Tester
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/military-academies-under-fire-1819558793
1996-08-280
20
1819558792A Heroin Experience
With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film Trainspotting and on the cover of Time magazine. What do you think of this so-called "drug of the '90s"?
Gregg Hillard
Heroin's a beautiful thing, man. It's like the first four seasons of Full House all at once.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/a-heroin-experience-1819558792
1996-09-0426
21
1819558792A Heroin Experience
With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film Trainspotting and on the cover of Time magazine. What do you think of this so-called "drug of the '90s"?
Gene Braddock
There's nothing like the rush you get when that needle hits your vein, man. Absolutely nothing. I'm so glad I gave up drugs for knitting.
Physicist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/a-heroin-experience-1819558792
1996-09-041
22
1819558792A Heroin Experience
With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film Trainspotting and on the cover of Time magazine. What do you think of this so-called "drug of the '90s"?
Stephen Algenio
I've never tried heroin, but I used to be hooked on opium suppositories. Everyday, four or five of those. Okay, I guess there was no opium in them.
Wedding Planner
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/a-heroin-experience-1819558792
1996-09-0428
23
1819558792A Heroin Experience
With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film Trainspotting and on the cover of Time magazine. What do you think of this so-called "drug of the '90s"?
Ira Purdle
I'll tell you who my heroine is. That's right: Barbra Streisand.
Bookbinder
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/a-heroin-experience-1819558792
1996-09-047
24
1819558792A Heroin Experience
With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film Trainspotting and on the cover of Time magazine. What do you think of this so-called "drug of the '90s"?
Frances Halloran
All my friends think it's 'cool' to do heroin. Well, call me old-fashioned, but I'm sticking with smokable crack cocaine.
Civil Engineer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/a-heroin-experience-1819558792
1996-09-0418
25
1819558792A Heroin Experience
With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film Trainspotting and on the cover of Time magazine. What do you think of this so-called "drug of the '90s"?
Julie Weiner
Huh…whazz… fuckin… mnnnorrr… I don't… w…monkey.
Occupational Therapist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/a-heroin-experience-1819558792
1996-09-040
26
1819558791Philip Morris Under Fire
With statistics showing teen smoking greatly on the rise, the federal government is taking aim at tobacco companies, proposing legislation limiting them to text-only ads in youth-oriented publications and banning cigarette billboards near public schools. What do you think?
Duane Leary
I understand the dangers of teen smoking and all that stuff. That's why I make my kids smoke in the kitchen.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/philip-morris-under-fire-1819558791
1996-09-111
27
1819558791Philip Morris Under Fire
With statistics showing teen smoking greatly on the rise, the federal government is taking aim at tobacco companies, proposing legislation limiting them to text-only ads in youth-oriented publications and banning cigarette billboards near public schools. What do you think?
Dave Reiderer
I want to do what's right for my kid, but Timmy would miss his favorite Saturday morning Fox cartoon, FilterKing and the NicoTeens of the Cigaverse.
Librarian
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/philip-morris-under-fire-1819558791
1996-09-1126
28
1819558791Philip Morris Under Fire
With statistics showing teen smoking greatly on the rise, the federal government is taking aim at tobacco companies, proposing legislation limiting them to text-only ads in youth-oriented publications and banning cigarette billboards near public schools. What do you think?
George Espinoza
People are too easily influenced by bright, flashy ad campaigns featuring cute characters like Joe Camel. Once, I freebased an entire bottle of Toilet Duck.
File Clerk
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/philip-morris-under-fire-1819558791
1996-09-1128
29
1819558791Philip Morris Under Fire
With statistics showing teen smoking greatly on the rise, the federal government is taking aim at tobacco companies, proposing legislation limiting them to text-only ads in youth-oriented publications and banning cigarette billboards near public schools. What do you think?
Laurie Goodson
Man, the next thing you know, you'll have to be 18 just to buy the damn things.
School Psychologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/philip-morris-under-fire-1819558791
1996-09-110
30
1819558791Philip Morris Under Fire
With statistics showing teen smoking greatly on the rise, the federal government is taking aim at tobacco companies, proposing legislation limiting them to text-only ads in youth-oriented publications and banning cigarette billboards near public schools. What do you think?
Emily Hastings
I think they should ban those Pringles ads with the guy dancing.
Floral Arranger
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/philip-morris-under-fire-1819558791
1996-09-1118
31
1819558791Philip Morris Under Fire
With statistics showing teen smoking greatly on the rise, the federal government is taking aim at tobacco companies, proposing legislation limiting them to text-only ads in youth-oriented publications and banning cigarette billboards near public schools. What do you think?
Jeff Biederman
No, we don't want teens to smoke. They're so lovable in their huge trousers and grubby shirts and bowl haircuts. No, we wouldn't want them to die horribly of lung cancer.
Plumber
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/philip-morris-under-fire-1819558791
1996-09-117
32
1819558797The Gay Marriage Debate
Last week, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which permits states not to recognize the legality of gay marriages performed in other states, and clearly defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. What do you think of same-sex marriage?
Duane Leary
Hey, I don't know about same-sex marriages, but I've been beggin' my wife for a some-sex marriage for years!
Bus Driver
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/the-gay-marriage-debate-1819558797
1996-09-181
33
1819558797The Gay Marriage Debate
Last week, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which permits states not to recognize the legality of gay marriages performed in other states, and clearly defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. What do you think of same-sex marriage?
Dave Reiderer
Same-sex marriages are okay, as long as it's clear who drops the soap and who is the warden.
Repair Technician
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/the-gay-marriage-debate-1819558797
1996-09-1826
34
1819558797The Gay Marriage Debate
Last week, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which permits states not to recognize the legality of gay marriages performed in other states, and clearly defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. What do you think of same-sex marriage?
Georgette Phillips
I was in a gay affair once. Oh, how the champagne flowed! And the Nelson Riddle Orchestra, oh, they were simply divine!
File Clerk
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/the-gay-marriage-debate-1819558797
1996-09-1818
35
1819558797The Gay Marriage Debate
Last week, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which permits states not to recognize the legality of gay marriages performed in other states, and clearly defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. What do you think of same-sex marriage?
Laurie Wilson
As a church-going lady, I must disapprove. Once two people of the same sex are married, they might start having relations.
School Psychologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/the-gay-marriage-debate-1819558797
1996-09-180
36
1819558797The Gay Marriage Debate
Last week, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which permits states not to recognize the legality of gay marriages performed in other states, and clearly defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. What do you think of same-sex marriage?
Bill Hastings
I'm all for them. My next marriage will be to someone who likes to have the same kind of sex I have. The kind where you kiss my ding-dong.
Operator
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/the-gay-marriage-debate-1819558797
1996-09-1828
37
1819558797The Gay Marriage Debate
Last week, Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which permits states not to recognize the legality of gay marriages performed in other states, and clearly defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman. What do you think of same-sex marriage?
Aaron Green
I was brought up to believe that same-sex marriage is fine, providing the people involved are father and son.
Guidance Counselor
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/the-gay-marriage-debate-1819558797
1996-09-187
38
1819558795The Great Wal-Mart of China
Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?
Dennis Pearson
Wal-Mart in China? Good idea! That will eliminate shipping costs from the manufacturer to the store.
Pro Football Player
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-great-wal-mart-of-china-1819558795
1996-09-257
39
1819558795The Great Wal-Mart of China
Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?
Walt Huber
I'd like to visit that store. Then I could see my wife before I buy her.
Speech Pathologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-great-wal-mart-of-china-1819558795
1996-09-2528
40
1819558795The Great Wal-Mart of China
Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?
Leonore Kent
As a fat Beijing housewife with nine children, I'm glad I'll finally have the chance to push a cart around a huge, fluorescent-lit store, just like I would in America.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-great-wal-mart-of-china-1819558795
1996-09-250
41
1819558795The Great Wal-Mart of China
Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?
Cheryl Coogan
That explains why, when I tried to return a defective toaster oven recently, they told me I had to take it to their store in Wutan.
Registered Dietitian
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-great-wal-mart-of-china-1819558795
1996-09-2518
42
1819558795The Great Wal-Mart of China
Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?
Kenny Post
Hopefully, this will provide a better market for their poorly selling line of Sam's Choice Human Rights Abuses.
Truant Officer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-great-wal-mart-of-china-1819558795
1996-09-2526
43
1819558795The Great Wal-Mart of China
Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?
Peter Frankowicz
As a cost-conscious Chinese peasant, I'm sticking with Sears. They've got the Kenmore-brand huts I'm looking for.
Tax Attorney
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-great-wal-mart-of-china-1819558795
1996-09-251
44
1819558798Yeltsin's Failing Health
Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
Laurence Grieg
My grandpa got sick and old and died. You don't think the same thing could happen to Yeltsin, do you?
Financial Planner
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/yeltsins-failing-health-1819558798
1996-10-0226
45
1819558798Yeltsin's Failing Health
Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
Walt Huber
Maybe the U.S. could send him some coloring books to cheer him up.
City Councilman
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/yeltsins-failing-health-1819558798
1996-10-0228
46
1819558798Yeltsin's Failing Health
Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
Cheryl Coogan
The rising popularity of the Russian folk song, 'Where is Yeltsin? Is He In the Cupboard?' is indicative of these troubled times.
Gaffer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/yeltsins-failing-health-1819558798
1996-10-020
47
1819558798Yeltsin's Failing Health
Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
Bill Kent
I only wish I'd responded to his letters and answered his calls. Now the poor man's dying of a broken heart.
Tax Attorney
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/yeltsins-failing-health-1819558798
1996-10-027
48
1819558798Yeltsin's Failing Health
Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
Lenore Post
As one of Russia's top physicians, I'd recommend Yeltsin reduce his beef intake to four giant helpings a day.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/yeltsins-failing-health-1819558798
1996-10-0218
49
1819558798Yeltsin's Failing Health
Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
Peter Frankowicz
USA! USA! Hey, if Yeltsin doesn't like it here, he can fuckin' move to Russia.
Housesitter
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/yeltsins-failing-health-1819558798
1996-10-021
50
1819558796The First Wives Phenomenon
The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
Leigh Orff
First Wives? Bah! When is Time going to cover a real news story—like aliens invading the earth in a summer blockbuster? Now that would be news.
Opthamologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/the-first-wives-phenomenon-1819558796
1996-10-0926
51
1819558796The First Wives Phenomenon
The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
Eric Hoyer
I'm a rich, white male who has been married twice. Only, I didn't divorce my first wife. I beat her to death with a golf club.
Zookeeper
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/the-first-wives-phenomenon-1819558796
1996-10-0928
52
1819558796The First Wives Phenomenon
The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
Connie Hanson
When two people with a family divorce, they're not the only ones affected. Please don't forget about the pool cleaner.
Caterer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/the-first-wives-phenomenon-1819558796
1996-10-0918
53
1819558796The First Wives Phenomenon
The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
John Kretchman
I don't understand what all the hubbub is about—Diane Keaton didn't even take off her shirt.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/the-first-wives-phenomenon-1819558796
1996-10-091
54
1819558796The First Wives Phenomenon
The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
Bill Feller
I ain't seen the movie. But all the guys are talking about it down at the garage.
Key Grip
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/the-first-wives-phenomenon-1819558796
1996-10-097
55
1819558796The First Wives Phenomenon
The film The First Wives Club has all of America talking about the issue of men leaving their wives for younger women. Even Time magazine featured the movie's stars on its cover last week. What do you think about the film and the sensation it's causing?
Melanie Kranz
When my husband left me, I became a member of the Columbia Music Club. Savings is the best revenge!
Sales Representative
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/the-first-wives-phenomenon-1819558796
1996-10-090
56
1819558803Angels Among Us?
A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
Otto Montville
I was touched by an angel—last Saturday, on CBS.
Podiatrist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/angels-among-us-1819558803
1996-10-167
57
1819558803Angels Among Us?
A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
Shannon Colavito
I believed in angels until I met Mother Teresa—what a bitch.
Tax Attorney
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/angels-among-us-1819558803
1996-10-1618
58
1819558803Angels Among Us?
A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
Cory Hooper
I believe my mother to be an angel. A perfect angel. I even stapled a little halo onto her head. I keep her in my basement.
Coal Miner
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/angels-among-us-1819558803
1996-10-1626
59
1819558803Angels Among Us?
A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
Alan Dwyer
My grandpa is an angel now, and he watches over my sister and brothers and me. Hi, my name is Jeffy, of Family Circus fame, and my creator, Bil Keane, is bat-shit insane.
Meteorologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/angels-among-us-1819558803
1996-10-161
60
1819558803Angels Among Us?
A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
Jim Tatum
Innocent schoolgirl by day, high-priced hooker by night… How could you not believe in Angel?
Tuba Player
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/angels-among-us-1819558803
1996-10-1628
61
1819558803Angels Among Us?
A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
Kathleen Foli
I thought I saw an angel once, but it was just my husband in a druid's cloak masturbating to organ music.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/angels-among-us-1819558803
1996-10-160
62
1819558799The Magic Number
What is your favorite number?
Trish Rubin
You mean, other than eight?
Choral Director
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-magic-number-1819558799
1996-10-220
63
1819558799The Magic Number
What is your favorite number?
Gene Pfeiffer
I have trouble deciding between 12 and 85, so I'll take their average and say 48.5.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-magic-number-1819558799
1996-10-227
64
1819558799The Magic Number
What is your favorite number?
Liz Schreiber
The cosine of 67 degrees, because that's the number I wore when I played football in high school.
Hotel Concierge
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-magic-number-1819558799
1996-10-2218
65
1819558799The Magic Number
What is your favorite number?
Tanner Bilson
Sorry, I flunked math. But 'albedo' is my favorite meteorological term.
Waiter
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-magic-number-1819558799
1996-10-2228
66
1819558799The Magic Number
What is your favorite number?
Art Dawes
I know it's trendy, but I'd have to say six.
Accordionist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-magic-number-1819558799
1996-10-2226
67
1819558799The Magic Number
What is your favorite number?
George Reuschelm
I don't really have a favorite. Just so long as I'm counting, I'm happy.
French Teacher
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/the-magic-number-1819558799
1996-10-221
68
1819558800Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Alison Landsman
Ellen DeGeneres? More like Ellen Degenerate, if you ask me!
Bank Manager
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/is-ellen-gay-1819558800
1996-10-290
69
1819558800Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Don Steffens
I've suspected her character was gay ever since that episode where she ferociously ate out that secretary.
Limnologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/is-ellen-gay-1819558800
1996-10-2926
70
1819558800Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Kevin Byrne
Thanks to Ellen and Melissa Etheridge, a valuable lesson has been learned: Gay people can be just as mediocre and untalented as straights.
Receptionist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/is-ellen-gay-1819558800
1996-10-2928
71
1819558800Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Acker Bilk
I think that whatever anyone does behind closed doors is his or her own business, unless the kangaroo's bleating keeps the neighbors up at night.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/is-ellen-gay-1819558800
1996-10-291
72
1819558800Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Kelly Howe
Everybody here at the ABC women's rugby team knows Ellen quite well, and I can assure you there's no truth to those rumors.
Groundskeeper
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/is-ellen-gay-1819558800
1996-10-2918
73
1819558800Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Andy LaPointe
Forget Ellen—have you heard the rumor that that guy on Martin is a colored?
Stockbroker
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/is-ellen-gay-1819558800
1996-10-297
74
1819558807Clinton: Part 2
As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
Ned Branforth
Now that Clinton has been re-elected, we as a nation will get to find out if Chelsea blossoms into a beautiful piece of ass.
Accountant
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-part-2-1819558807
1996-11-0526
75
1819558807Clinton: Part 2
As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
Wally Givens
Under Clinton's leadership, I hope to advance to the soft-serve machine.
Chemical Engineer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-part-2-1819558807
1996-11-057
76
1819558807Clinton: Part 2
As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
Alyson Blum
Whatever happens in the next four years, it can't possibly be worse than it was under that clown Clinton.
Oboe Player
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-part-2-1819558807
1996-11-050
77
1819558807Clinton: Part 2
As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
Eileen Putnam
Now that Clinton is in the White House, I look forward to four years of health care reform, gays in the military and, at last, renewed racial harmony. Go Clinton!
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-part-2-1819558807
1996-11-0518
78
1819558807Clinton: Part 2
As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
Ed Vallely
You never know what tomorrow will bring, so you just have to put on a smile, keep your chin to the wind and hide your heroin in a balloon in your butthole.
Environmentalist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-part-2-1819558807
1996-11-0528
79
1819558807Clinton: Part 2
As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
Jorge Bellson
I only hope that Clinton remembers the children.
Groundskeeper
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-part-2-1819558807
1996-11-051
80
1819558802Captivated By Carolyn
Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
Ellen Quinlan
Carolyn is so beautiful. She must, like, go to Glamour Shots every day.
Defense Attorney
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/captivated-by-carolyn-1819558802
1996-11-1218
81
1819558802Captivated By Carolyn
Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
Jerry McInnis
President Lincoln's son, John F. Lincoln Jr., married a girl named Mary Bessette. They ended up getting killed on a steamboat. Beware, I say!
Dairy Farmer
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https://www.theonion.com/captivated-by-carolyn-1819558802
1996-11-121
82
1819558802Captivated By Carolyn
Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
Roger Thewlkes
Sure, she's got the poise, the grace and the looks, but how good is she at catching chunks of her husband's brains in the back of a speeding convertible?
Flight Attendant
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https://www.theonion.com/captivated-by-carolyn-1819558802
1996-11-1228
83
1819558802Captivated By Carolyn
Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
Christine Girolamo
I love her! In fact, I just finished reading her new autobiography, I Am A Spoiled, Privileged, Vacuous Human Barbie Doll.
Systems Analyst
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https://www.theonion.com/captivated-by-carolyn-1819558802
1996-11-120
84
1819558802Captivated By Carolyn
Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
Sean Singleton
What an elegant, glamorous woman. That JFK Jr. sure did pick an amazing lady to lose his virginity to.
Bassoon Player
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/captivated-by-carolyn-1819558802
1996-11-1226
85
1819558802Captivated By Carolyn
Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
Ted O'Brien
Finally, America has a clearly defined alpha male and alpha female to defer to. I'm so relieved!
Dermatologist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/captivated-by-carolyn-1819558802
1996-11-127
86
1819558809Space Jammed
The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?
Caroline Murphy
Space Jam? Bah! I prefer more enlightened, intellectual fare. That's why I plan to see the new Roman Polanski film, Night and the Archbishop, featuring Chilly Willy.
Lawyer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/space-jammed-1819558809
1996-11-1918
87
1819558809Space Jammed
The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?
Gerald Boucher
Bugs Bunny is a priceless piece of Americana. That's why when Space Jam premieres, I'll be the first in line—burning myself alive Buddhist-style in front of the theater.
Numerologist
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https://entertainment.theonion.com/space-jammed-1819558809
1996-11-1926
88
1819558809Space Jammed
The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?
Otto Richards
I hope now I'll finally be able to find Chicago Bulls or Warner Brothers merchandise.
Chimney Sweep
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/space-jammed-1819558809
1996-11-197
89
1819558809Space Jammed
The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?
Charles Odomes
I hear there's this one part in the movie where somebody gets bonked in the head.
Orthodontist
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--8TN2VS1v--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/kedcvl3g6j3pzpejkuwm.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/space-jammed-1819558809
1996-11-1928
90
1819558809Space Jammed
The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?
Stephen Frey
I can't wait to see Daffy and Taz on the big screen again. Bugs, I could do without, since he once sodomized me behind the log flume at Six Flags. He's much, much taller in person, you know.
Systems Analyst
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/space-jammed-1819558809
1996-11-191
91
1819558809Space Jammed
The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?
Marianne Hustings
See Space Jam in the theaters? No thanks. I'll wait to see it the way it was meant to be seen—on network TV, surrounded by commercials.
Guidance Counselor
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://entertainment.theonion.com/space-jammed-1819558809
1996-11-190
92
1819558806Medical Marijuana
California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
Julie Meyers
I am permitted to smoke dope because I have, like, the flu and shit.
Teacher
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--lVEhf-r8--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/vp7anutaywiqbbbkad1c.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/medical-marijuana-1819558806
1996-12-0318
93
1819558806Medical Marijuana
California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
Adam Feuerstein
One time when I was sick, my dad gave me a big fattie, only it wasn't the kind you smoke.
State Senator
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https://politics.theonion.com/medical-marijuana-1819558806
1996-12-0326
94
1819558806Medical Marijuana
California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
Michael Hiller
I am a Bay Area surgeon, and I recently pioneered a new open-heart surgery technique where a big bag of weed is dropped into the patient's open chest cavity. Results have been mixed.
Surgeon
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--JQDCnwRR--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/qqp49mbqhsj0xgjes6si.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/medical-marijuana-1819558806
1996-12-037
95
1819558806Medical Marijuana
California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
Rajeev Thakker
I'd never smoke weed if I had cancer, man. I might freak out and get all paranoid and be, like, 'Whoa! I've got cancer, man!'
Architect
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https://politics.theonion.com/medical-marijuana-1819558806
1996-12-0328
96
1819558806Medical Marijuana
California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
Todd Pollack
Now if my doctor could just prescribe me some pizza delivered to my place, I'd be fuckin' set.
Lawyer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XLNnQBJY--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/zirdp5kp5svdajppgk7o.jpg
https://politics.theonion.com/medical-marijuana-1819558806
1996-12-031
97
1819558806Medical Marijuana
California recently approved a referendum permitting, in certain cases, the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What do you think of doctors being allowed to legally prescribe the drug?
Cristina Tendero
I like to whip up a marijuana poultice and apply it to my muscles when they ache. I also pour heroin into some hot water for a dandy foot massage!
Systems Analyst
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https://politics.theonion.com/medical-marijuana-1819558806
1996-12-030
98
1819558819Rising Cable Rates
The nation's cable TV operators announced recently that after an 8 percent hike in 1996, rates will go up another 10 percent in January 1997. What do you think?
Jacob Warner
It's disappointing, but understandable. I mean, Welcome Back Kotter re-runs must be really expensive to air.
Lab Technician
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https://www.theonion.com/rising-cable-rates-1819558819
1996-12-101
99
1819558819Rising Cable Rates
The nation's cable TV operators announced recently that after an 8 percent hike in 1996, rates will go up another 10 percent in January 1997. What do you think?
Albert Cahill
I hope they raise the rates. It makes me feel good to help a struggling media conglomerate get a little bit ahead.
Civil Engineer
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bq-7jowX--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/cqicwozsj40do9iamaxd.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/rising-cable-rates-1819558819
1996-12-1026
100
1819558819Rising Cable Rates
The nation's cable TV operators announced recently that after an 8 percent hike in 1996, rates will go up another 10 percent in January 1997. What do you think?
Lauryn Hill
Cable rates, cigarette prices and liquor taxes are all going up this month. At this rate, the twins' baby food budget is gonna be cut in half.
Pipefitter
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--cJGl1vkA--/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_200,q_80,w_200/di8zr7edqkuqac4uf2hr.jpg
https://www.theonion.com/rising-cable-rates-1819558819
1996-12-100