What books, movies, music, or podcasts do you recommend about mother/child relationships?
Are You My Mother by Alison Bechdel. Fun Home gets a lot (rightfully earned) attention, but Are My Mother is just as great and all about kid/mom relationships.
When We Were Birds by Terry Tempest Williams
The Mothers by Brit Bennett
The End of Eve by Ariel Gore (book)
Lady Bird, even though my mom refuses to watch it with me.
What My Mother and I Don't Talk About edited by Michele Filgate and Boy Snow Bird by Helen Oyeyemi
Motherhood by Shelia Heiti
The Cut on Tuesday podcast episode Call Your Mom (May 14 2019)
Now My Heart is Full by Laura June
|10/25/2019 9:29:33||Lady Bird|
I’m Supposed to Protect You from All This by Nadja Spigelman!
"Are You My Mother?" by Alison Bechdel
Sheila Heti ‘Motherhood’
Lucy Dacus - My Mother & I
I wrote a book about my mom called: My Fucking Mother https://www.amazon.com/My-ing-Mother-Serena-Robinett-ebook/dp/B07LFP3FT6
Book: Memoir of a Gulag Actress by Tamara Petkevich, b. 1920 (published in English in 2010)
The Broken Earth trilogy by N.K. Jemisin
The Heroine's Journey by Maureen Murdock
Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou or Letter to My Daughter by Maya Angelou
Sarah Manguso's "Ongoingness." Gorgeous meditation on time and self, and how motherhood impacts both of those things. I've given a copy as a gift to each of my friends who has had a baby in the last few years.
Beloved, Rachel Getting Married,
the 1995 Dutch film Antonia's Line
Are You My Mother? A Comic Drama by Alison Bechdel
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Soucouyant by David Chariandy
Esther Perel's podcast "Where Should We Begin" deals with romantic relationships, but I think the truths she pulls out of her subjects can apply to all sort of relationship dynamics.
Beginners movie -- explores relationships with both parents but maternal denial and neglect feature heavily. This is also my favorite movie :)
The book Anywhere but Here by Mona Simpson
Between Here and April by Deborah Copaken
I just finished "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson and it was eye opening to say the least.
Alison Bechdel's graphic novel "Are You My Mother?" is beyond amazing. I gave my therapist a copy and we spent like 6 months on it.
(The O.G. kids' book of the same title is OK too)
And Now We Have Everything by Meaghan O'Connell
Haven't read it myself yet but Sherman Alexie's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me."
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While I don't know the nature of the complication (hopefully just garden variety mother/child stuff), a few books I found helpful in exploring my traumatic childhood experiences with my mother are:
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride
Revolution from Within by Gloria Steinem
Rupi Kaur's poetry about her mother/daughter relationship. https://aspeth.com/products/my-mothers-soul
The Cut on Tuesdays podcast episode "Call Your Mom." I laughed and cried and, after some procrastination, I called my mom too.
Vivian Gornick's Fierce Attachment
Throw away unopened - Viv Albertine
Are you my mother - Alison bechdel
selected essays from Tiny Beautiful Things/Dear Sugar archives
Are You My Mother? Original board book with the bird and graphic novel by Alison Bechdel
Motherhood, by Sheila Heti
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
by Karyl McBride
|10/25/2019 11:55:27||Lady Bird|
The r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit has a reading list https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books
"The Memory Palace" by Mira Bartok
"Of Woman Born" by Adrienne Rich
"Will I ever Be good enough" by Cheryl McBride
Mothers who can't love by susan forward
This website helped me on my gestalt path to understanding my mother, my childhood and my issues. So many thoughts and I’m still unpacking a lot of heavy, yet invisible baggage: https://womboflight.com/when-shame-feels-mothering-the-tragedy-of-parentified-daughters
how about an instagram feed? I find her posts very helpful. I broke up with my mother because she is a raging narcissist. https://www.instagram.com/breakupwithyourmother/
Also the book It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn is about inherited family trauma and has given me some peace and empathy towards my female lineage.
Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng
Ladybird and Terms of Endearment!
What My Mother and I Don't Talk About is probably an obvious choice but amazing.
Grace & Frankie! Less for the relationships themself and more to best conceptualize our aging mothers as complex humans with real desires.
Movies: Lady Bird, Kramer vs. Kramer, Todo sobre mi madre. Books: The Mothers, Bastard Out of Carolina, Everything I Never Told You, Beloved
Sofia Bush's new podcast discusses this!
Book: In her image: the unhealed daughter's search for her mother by Kathie Carlson. Archetypal work: https://carljungdepthpsychologysite.blog/2019/03/13/the-mother-archetype/#.XbNNiJNKgWo
I don't know what says about me (or my mom, who I promise I love dearly) that the first two things that popped into my head were Beloved and Medea.
20th century women (movie)
First off, I feel you OP, and bless you Ann Friedman for accepting this question. I hope you'll post selected answers for all of us. I had several eye-opening moments reading Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson. The short stories of Alice Munro, more obliquely, have brought me some insight and comfort. If you want some sugary escape fantasy, I love watching the show GOOD BONES (home improvement stuff) to see an easy and loving mom/daughter relationship. There's an episode of Queer Eye this season about a step team drill leader, god, it was so strange how much she loved her team but couldn't open up with her own daughters. My mother loves strangers and her students but is incredibly withholding with her own children. Another good self-help tome is Difficult Mothers by Terri Apter. And Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride. Self-help books can be very soothing bc they're validating, but somehow they don't feel as real to me as representations of mom/daughter relationships on screen or in fiction. I fell down a few subreddit rabbit holes on borderline personality disorders, which can be both helpful and painful. If you're looking for laughs, try r/justnoMIL. Ugh. I am sending you support. I guess my entire response presupposes you have a tough relationship and are suffering. Maybe you don't and aren't. My mother will be a mystery to me until the day she dies. It can be so difficult to feel like a real person un-refracted through her weird lens. Wishing you peace and luck and etc and etc. Or maybe just a lot of curiosity. It helped me.
Are You My Mother? by Alison Bechdel
Gilmore Girl, Parenthood, Stepmom
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"daughters of narcissistic mothers." Googling this search term will bring up a goldmine of useful articles, support forums, newsletters that might resonate around a healing process. Good luck to this woman. <3
Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration
Mother Daughter Wisdom By Christianne Northup
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Heavy by Kiese Laymon
https://womboflight.com/ - Bethany Webster discusses "The Mother Wound." From her site: "What exactly is the Mother Wound?
The Mother Wound is the pain of being a woman passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures. And it includes the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that are used to process that pain."
I first found her through an interview with one of my favorites - Toko-pa. She also addresses something similar, The Death Mother, in her book Belonging. It's more of a mythological and healing perspective on mother/daughter relationships.
Longest Shortest Time, the Bridgertons (yes, a romance novel series, but the mother here is one of my favorite adopted moms of literature), No One Tells You This, Wives and Daughters, Matilda, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, Ladybird
Eastern Body, Western Mind
Broken Earth trilogy by N.K. Jemisin
Alison Bechdel's Are You My Mother
why be happy when you could be normal?
The Joy Luck Club (film); this terrible-ish novel called I’ll Be There, which is the sequel to Beaches and tells the story of what happens after the Barbara Hershey character dies and the Bette Midler character adopts her kid; Where’d You Go, Bernadette? (novel) for the daughter perspective.
Given that I learned about her from this newsletter, I'm sure I won't be the first to suggest Cheryl Strayed - both Wild and Dear Sugar.
Imitation of Life (Sirk, 1959) beautiful movie, complicated mother/daughter relationship
Complaints of a dutiful daughter, Ladybird
Red Table Talk (Jada Pinkett Smith’s talk show), a lot of wisdom in there
Fierce Attachments is hard to read but my favorite Engl Prof had us read it and write about our moms and it was one of hardest/best things I've ever written
The Red Tent and the children's book Love You Forever (which makes me cry to this day).
‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’, by Susan Cain. Changed this extrovert’s relationship with her introverted mother.
The Dutch House by Ann Patchett
April’s Daughter (film, 2017)
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
“No one tells you this” by Glynnis Macnicol (autobiography)
Book: The Motherland (by Elissa Altman)
Sufjan Stevens' album "Carrie and Lowell"
Hot Milk (novel by Deborah Levy)
Can We Talk About Something More Pleasant by Roz Chast