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Why is it OK to call it a "white noise" machine, yet offensive to say that I bought it to drown out all the "black noise" in my building?http://archive.is/TlZSTblack
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It's a real feather in the cap of racial equality that Yo Yo Ma is both an Asian American cellist AND an African American cat call.http://archive.is/9T6gmblack
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Large Black Man: "Wanna buy some crystal meth?" Me: "Why would u ask?" Him: "White boys love that shit." Me: "How'd u know I was white?"http://archive.is/NxeGIblack
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Black & White cookies R a delicious metaphor for racial harmony :) But they taste better if U keep both halves segregated. I mean separated!http://archive.is/mp2oGblack
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@ScottNevins Omg yes. I call Winnie. We can put my cat in black face. He talks and is classically trained. http://lockerz.com/s/255662882http://archive.is/J6wAhblack
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Best black dog name of 2010: Getchyoleashondriahttp://archive.is/TnkYwblack
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Gay Lesson #86: 2 slices of pizza can't take the place of a man, but the fat black woman sitting next to me on the train just peed herself.http://archive.is/l7jkkblack
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Just told a huge African American man busting my chops at the post office to "shut the hell up". By the time you read this, I'll be dead.http://archive.is/VdOpBblack
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@FeldmanAdam I played the title role of the Wiz in my predominantly black high school's senior musical. I killed! And then I was killed.http://archive.is/q1Tjrblack
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My parents said that had I been a girl, my name would’ve been Randi with an “i”. And had I been black, it would’ve been “MISS JENKINS!!!"http://archive.is/fRlgablack
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U sound like my grandmother! RT @kanyewest: abortion can cost a nigga up to 50gs. Bitches B gettin pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my niggas!http://archive.is/PMNYPblack
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The smell of fried chicken. [Fade to black]http://archive.is/SrOFPblack
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In honor of MLK Day, last night I HAD A DREAM: Natalie Portman & I were eating Blizzards at Dairy Queen. You're welcome, black people.http://archive.is/XwDVFblack
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@ScottNevins @MaxizPad No arguments here. You look good. Plus, it's good for my image to have a black friend. [reply was to a spray-tanned white guy]
http://archive.is/Cvaq4black
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My next boyfriend is gonna be one of those reclining massage chairs. A big black one.http://archive.is/7EwYfblack
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I just belted such a fierce black girl riff in the shower, my cat threw his shoe at me.http://archive.is/yDfsEblack
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Not to sound racist or anything, but black guys always smell really good.http://archive.is/SjkScblack
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I think I was a black woman in a past life. And also in this life.http://archive.is/Xcp6sblack
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At work. You should have tried harder, MLK.http://archive.is/yQWPXblack
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This snow is like all the guys I sleep with: Looks all white & pretty now but by morning it'll seem more Hispanic & my wallet will be gone.http://archive.is/RFjBfLatino
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Just replaced the iPhone that was stolen from me on train last night. Any calls/texts to me till now were received by an alleged Mexican.http://archive.is/xb8AQLatino
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Thank god I'm not Mexican, or all this laziness of mine might elicit some offensive ethnic stereotyping. People can be cruel.http://archive.is/1tMtLLatino
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Slamming doors, barking dogs, and a Mexican cleaning crew before 8AM... Just another relaxing morning in sunny South Florida (!$&@#!!)http://archive.is/9OntBLatino
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The only hot naked guys ever in the locker room at my gym are two elderly Mexican cleaning ladies. #AstoriaSportsComplexhttp://archive.is/54WiOLatino
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All the Mexican guys who go to my gym are so cute. I can't help but fantasize what they would look like life-size.http://archive.is/vhKVTLatino
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At Gym. It's been so long since my last workout that when I walked in, all the little Mexican men started singing "Hello Dolly". #cuteofthemhttp://archive.is/2lu71Latino
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Comedy is so delicate. One wrong word & a joke can offend an entire group of people. Especially with dirty jews. I MEAN JOKES! DIRTY JOKES!http://archive.is/3wCcwJewish
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Just Jew'd my cab driver into stopping the meter less than half way away from my apartment. Top that shit, Suze Orman! #andnoblowjobhttp://archive.is/YAZzQJewish
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Happy Hanukkah, everyone! Or as they say in Israel, "One of our attorneys is a Jew."http://archive.is/KisuuJewish
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Just saw my first naked Hasidic Jew in locker room at my gym. And before you ask the obvious question, yes, they wear payos on their balls.http://archive.is/yXFauJewish
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I canceled my great plans tonight because of this horrible weather. Jews will do that.http://archive.is/G0ebGJewish
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Bald men with comb-overs would be like if Asian guys wore their testicles over their penises. It looks silly and no one's fooled.http://archive.is/hvspzAsian
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Thought I just had a Lady GaGa sighting, but turns out it was a small Asian man. Back to work, everybody.http://archive.is/V2L2ZAsian
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Thought I just spotted Danny Pintauro walking up 5th. Then realized it was a little Asian woman. Then realized it was Danny Pintauro.http://archive.is/oN5uqAsian
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Cleaning my fridge. There's some old Chinese in here from like 3 weeks ago! His family must be worried sick! (Sorry, I know he's "Asian".)http://archive.is/LjqRHAsian
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Congrats, Stephen Colbert. Turns out the Asian community doesn't dominate the entertainment industry as much as we originally thought.http://archive.is/sYJxcAsian
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If one of you cleans my apartment right now, I will name my first adopted Asian baby 'whatever your first name is' - Ling Rainbow.http://archive.is/4DwYWAsian
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Those little Asian women peddling bootleg DVDs are the only reason I wear a rape whistle.http://archive.is/Tdv5gAsian
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Is that asian chick on "The Talk" B.D. Wong? [B.D. Wong is a male Asian actor]http://archive.is/WAXXKAsian
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An 80 y/o white man lives in my building w/ his 24 y/o Asian partner. Makes me believe love is possible. Oops! I meant, "makes me nauseous."http://archive.is/OrpTMAsian
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At my funeral, please have whichever Asian delivery boy ran over me with his bike and killed me deliver the eulogy.http://archive.is/jAMqXAsian
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I find myself obnoxiously over-enunciating every time I order Chinese food. Does that make me racist or just an asshole?http://archive.is/9ZjP2Asian
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Just cleaned out my fridge and found some old Chinese from like a month ago. I don't even remember putting him in there.http://archive.is/Kvaj1Asian
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I love rainbow cookies so much. God, I really hope it's them I was named after and not that Japanese nail salon by my apartment.http://archive.is/xYw5ZAsian
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My new drag name is Transvaginal Mesh. Tranny Mesh for short.http://archive.is/vFMpxtransgender
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I’m far too sensitive and respectful to watch porn. I just keep thinking, “That’s somebody’s transsexual lesbian grandmother.”http://archive.is/gkVRltransgender
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Transsexual Surprise #RejectedKatyPerrySongTitleshttp://archive.is/CQheCtransgender
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"Nothin' sadder than a tranny in sensible shoes." -Mark Twainhttp://archive.is/acPkItransgender
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My dreams last night starred my cat, Chita Rivera and some random tranny in a Duane Reade. Equity is pissed.http://archive.is/YqO8Jtransgender
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Christmas music before Thanksgiving feels a little tranny. Ya know what I mean, @MarthaStewart ?http://archive.is/Ztt9qtransgender
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Here’s your first look at Eddie Redmayne as a trans woman: [Redmayne was not playing a trans person]http://archive.is/wyTfdtransgender
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Here's how we tackled transgender issues when I was a kid.http://archive.is/N0PhTtransgender
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If I COULDA been, I WOULDA been. And THAT'S transgenderism.http://archive.is/HtcwLtransgender
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Just saw an under-aged boy making out w/ a middle-aged woman. Then realized boy was an appropriate-aged lesbian. Still called the police.http://archive.is/vmHNklesbian
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I hear Kristen Stewart is a lesbian. What else is ew?http://archive.is/6tjkjlesbian
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Every time I accidentally cruise a really butch lesbian, I have to put a dollar in the jar. #GayBoyProblemhttp://archive.is/EKETzlesbian
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"Less masc than a lesbian but more masc than a kitten" -my Grindr headlinehttp://archive.is/bZlr8lesbian
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I would go full lesbian for Rachel McAdams. Also Eddie Redmayne. #Oscars [Redmayne is not a woman]http://archive.is/R0wYelesbian
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I just accidentally checked out a lesbian. #SneakyButchhttp://archive.is/5RRbBlesbian
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Some lesbian scolded me on Twitter, saying my "gay terrorist attack" joke last night was offensive to the victims of 9/11. #LesbiansAreFunhttp://archive.is/AIuEqlesbian
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