Jokes & Riddles
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QuestionAnswer
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?Nacho cheese!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?He didn't have the guts!
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Why did the tomato turn red?He saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call bees that give milk?Boobies!
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Why did the girl get hurt playing soccer?Why wouldn't she?! It's called sock-her!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?Because they don't know the words!
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What does pizza get when it has indigestion?Pizzeria
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?Because it was dead!
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What did the cook name his son?Stu!
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When does lettuce get drunk?When it's at the salad bar!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?Ground beef!
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What do you call a cow with one leg shorter than the others?Lean beef!
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What did Spock see when he looked in the toilet?The Captain's Log!
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How do you catch a squirrel?Climb up a tree and act like a nut!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?A fsh!
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What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?Dam!
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What do you call someone who's crazy about chocolate?A cocoa-nut!
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Why does the Halloween jack-o-lantern always have a silly grin on his face?If you had the contents of your head scooped out, you'd have a silly grin on your face, too!
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?Because they have big fingers!
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What do you use to fix broken tomatoes?Tomato paste!
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What do whales spread on their toast?Jellyfish!
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What did the girl melon say when the boy melon proposed?We're too young, we cantaloupe!
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What did the hockey player do when the thief demanded money?He gave him a check!
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What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?A receding hare line!
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?A roamin' catholic
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What's the best invention of all?Venetian blinds... if it wasn't for them, it'd be curtains for us all!
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Why is it better to be a test tube baby?Because you get a womb with a view!
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What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?Anything you want, it can't hear you!
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What do an elephant and a blueberry have in common?They're both blue, except for the elephant!
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What did Tarzan say when he saw 1000 elephants coming over the hill?"Look, there are 1000 elephants coming over the hill!"
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What did Jane say?"Here come the blueberries!" (Jane was colorblind)
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What did Tarzan say when he saw 1000 elephants (with sunglasses on) coming over the hill?Nothing... he didn't recognize them!
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What do you call a deer that can't see?No eye-deer!
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What do you call a deer that can't see and has no legs?Still no eye-deer!
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What is the fruitiest subject in school?History, because it's full of dates!
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What is the best hand to write with?Neither, it's best to write with a pen!
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Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?Because if they lifted both legs, they'd fall over!
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What happens when you throw a green stone into the Red Sea?It gets wet!
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?Because it's too far to walk!
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How did the farmer fix his jeans?With a cabbage patch!
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What's the best thing to take in the desert?A thirst-aid kit!
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Why is Russia a very busy country?Because most people there are Russian!
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If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?Missile toe!
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What is the most slippery country in the world?Greece!
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What is the strongest bird in the world?A crane!
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What kind of fish can't swim?Dead ones!
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?Because then it would be a foot!
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What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?Lunch and dinner!
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Why did the cookie go to the hospital?It was feeling crummy!
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What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?I'm a wiener!
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How do crazy people get through the forest?They take the psycho path!
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What did the grape do when it got stepped on?It let out a little wine!
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What has four wheels and flies?A garbage truck!
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How do you make a tissue dance?Put a little boogie in it!
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What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?Russell!
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When's the best time to jump on a trampoline?Spring time!
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What kind of shoes do secret agents wear?Sneakers!
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What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?One says to spit out your gum, and the other says "Chew! Chew! Chew!"
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What did one snowman say to the other?"It smells like carrots!"
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How do you get holy water?Boil the hell out of it!
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What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?Polaroids!
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What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?A pool table!
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?Anyone can roast beef!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?Because they taste funny!
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What takes longer... running from first base to second, or from second to third?Second to third, because there's a shortstop in between!
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Where do penguins vote?At the South Poll!
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Why did the little strawberries get upset?Because their parents were in a jam!
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Why did the man with one hand cross the street?To get to the secondhand shop!
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Why shouldn't you tell a joke to an egg?It might crack up!
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What did the mother chicken say to her disobedient children?If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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What do you call a fly with no wings?A walk!
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How do you get down from an elephant?You don't. You get down from a goose!
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What did one elevator say to the other elevator?I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why does a chicken coop have two doors?If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
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Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team?Because she ran away from the ball!
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What happens when an orange gets sun burnt?It peels!
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What's brown and sticky?A stick!
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How come Snoop Dogg always carries an umbrella?Fo-drizzle!
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When is a door not a door?When it's ajar!
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What do you call a pig that knows karate?A pork chop!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?A cartoon!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?Take away it's chair!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a creek?Wet feet!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?They get toad!
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If a long dress is evening wear, then what is a suit of armor?Silverware!
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What has one horn and gives milk?A milk truck!
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What's the best thing to do if you find a gorilla sleeping in your bed?Sleep somewhere else!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?Alley cats!
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What did one magnet say to the other?"I find you very attractive!"
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?"It's time to go to sweep!"
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What did the necktie say to the hat?"You go on ahead, I'll hang around for awhile."
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?The Presidential Seal!
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What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?Boo-boos!
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Where do you find giant snails?On the end of giants' fingers!
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What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?The cold shoulder!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?Because he had no body to go with!
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What did one plate say to the other?"Lunch is on me!"
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What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire?It was an udder catastrophe!
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Why don't elephants smoke?Because they can't fit their butts in the ashtray!
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