The Season 4 premiere welcomed a new face to King's Landing as Prince Oberyn Martell waltzed in for the Royal Wedding in place of his sick brother Prince Doran. Oberyn didn't waste one second and went straight to Littlefinger's brothel to pick out a variety of sexual partners. First, he lets his "paramour" Ellaria Sand pick out a lady of her liking (a man who accepts his woman's sexuality? Okay, we like this dude). But then something even more unexpected happens when Oberyn picks out a blonde boy for himself.

It's about to turn into an orgy when Oberyn gets distracted by some hatin' Lannisters. He rushes out to taunt them, stabs one in the hand (ow), and immediately turns to ardently kiss Ellaria. "Game of Thrones" just loves to tease us, flaunting some skin and shedding a little blood only to end it so suddenly -- but just wait.

Jaime gets rejected by Cersei

Jaime's finally back and ready to make some passionate incestuous love with Cersei, but as soon as he goes in for the kiss she shoots him down. You'd think one missing hand wouldn't be a big game changer (hey, at least he's not a eunuch), but apparently for Cersei it is. She tells him he's "too late" and is super pissy over him leaving her (as if being chained down as a prisoner was actually his choice). Poor Jaime looks heartbroken and we're actually feeling pretty bad for the guy.

Tyrion rejects Shae

This episode is full of rejections and almost-sexual opportunities. Shae is so desperate for Tyrion's love, but he's worried that their relationship will get her killed so he resists her completely. She even shoves his hand under her dress (something Tyrion would never refuse) and he still walks away. We know he's just trying to save her, but damn, that just sucks for Shae.

The Hound & Arya's tavern fight

Can you say badass?! This scene escalated so quickly and got gory so fast that we had to run it back and watch it again. The Hound is clearly the boss of Westeros, as he not only fights off the guy on top of him, but jams his face into his own sword, multiple times!

Then Arya gets the bloodiest revenge on Polliver, the jerk who stole Needle, recites what he said to her when he took it, and, of course, sticks him with the pointy end. It's beautiful.