Peer Critique of Research Paper Draft (English 382)
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TimestampPaper AuthorPeer Critic's Name Argument / ThesisTextSourcesFormatChief strengthNeeds most workPaper AuthorPaper TitlePrivacy (of paper author)Privacy (of paper critic)
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2/27/2012 9:42:00Johnson, SamuelWhile theatrical production or classroom study have been the main ways Shakespeare has been experienced to date, today it is fitting that Shakespeare's works be translated into the virtual world of Second Life.He refers a lot to The Tempest, quoting Prospero directly and paraphrasing other texts. However, I think he might have referred to other plays that carry similar themes (such as A Midsummer Night's Dream).His reference to Hamlet on the Holodeck was appropriate but seems just a bit dated since that book doesn't talk about virtual worlds. Also, it seems as though he would have made more reference to current blogs or teaching materials where people have tried to perform or experience Shakespeare online. He did get some good social proof, however, as evidenced by the Facebook updates and emails that he quotes.The Works Cited page isn't double spaced and should be. Also, I don't think you need to use a URL when referring to web pages anymore.It has a gutsy thesis. I'm not sure I agree with it. However, that's part of what got me reading it and wanting to respond to it. I think he should play up the possibility of virtual performances becoming more important than tradition, live event productions.I believe he could strengthen his argument by drawing upon people who do educational work in Second Life (not affiliated with Shakespeare). Some of these issues have probably been thought through in relation to other content.Oxford, EarlofShakespeare's Works Need a Second Life in the Digital AgeThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:27:42Walke, Kayla"Shakespeare, like all literature, cannot successfully be studied alone."

The paper talks about how Shakespeare can't be studied in isolation, but needs different (and global) perspectives.

The paper is pretty cohesive in the sense that it doesn't lose track of the thesis.
There aren't primary text quotes, but there will be (I hear from Othello and King Lear). I'm interested to see how textual analysis will be inserted into the more broad statements written as of now.I like the introduction using a secondary source. I'm interested to see how you incorporate your correspondences with various international experts.Not a lot of MLA going on right now, but it's probably coming later.It's most interesting when talking about the hows of engaging the text with other people, since it's easy to tell us we need to do something without telling us how to do it.Incorporating primary texts of Shakespeare is what needs the most work. We need to see specifics and how they relate to the whole. A quote from King Lear as interpreted by different cultures and what this brings to the reading, etc.Stevens, MalloryDiscussing ShakespeareThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:30:39Stevens, MalloryWhile abuse is often considered a "modern issue," many of Shakespeare's plays discuss its effects and the diverse dynamics of abusive relationships, as well as the patterns that define them.She does a great job of taking the primary text and linking it to modern ideals to prove her point that abuse is not just a modern issue it is only considered to be such because it has recently been given a formal name. I felt that her analysis was very well done because while she did discuss theme and character she wasn't limited to these. She discussed more than what was expected and reached deeper to understand nuanced meaning not implicit in the text. She used the text to describe how people were being manipulated or manipulating. She utilizes the Merchant of Venice and the Taming of the Shrew. In some cases she quotes directly and in others she paraphrases. My only advice would be to be sure it is analysis and never just summary.
She could incorporate social proof a bit more but she cites NiCarthy and the poems and they are quoted appropriately to further her point.She uses the basics of MLA format, and I assume it will all be used correctly in the final draft.I really like when she uses all her textual evidence to show how the relationship between the abuser/abused is destabilized. I felt like it was an original idea and something I hadn't considered.I think the conclusion probably needs the most work/attention to really drive her point home without just repeated what was said before.Walke, KaylaShakespeare's Abuse Cycles and Their Application TodayThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:33:08Tovar, Alicia "in a world of students with short attention spans emerged in expanding technology, why is Shakespeare still being taught in a way that is so drab and limited in scope?"References to how to use the text. No textual analysis written out, but plans are evident in notes. (use witches speak structure)She draws on formal secondary sources embedded in her writing so far. No embedded social proof yet. Yes :). She might need to go back and fix on or two of her citations, but there is still time. This paper has great applicable strength to teachers. I feel like it has a lot of promise in showing teachers how to incorporate technology into something they are already doing--scaffolding or breaking down texts. I really like this topic and think it has a lot of value. I think that because of the developments of your paper and the things I know are coming just make sure to really analyze Macbeth. I know you have future plans, but I would advise trying to incorporate the text wherever you can and be very specific. :) Pina, TaraScaffolding Shakespeare The person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:40:08Pina, TaraThere is a need for teachers to adapt their teaching style to incorporate the modern technology and media.

Yes there is cohesion
--small amount of text in relating to play

perhaps more integration for sure.

i kinda feel like this is more of a "teaching" paper rather than a Shakespeare paper, so maybe consider that
it looks like a really good mix of what you are planning on using?i think what you have looks good
however when citing plays you only need to do just the act, scene, and line
and you cite it using Arabic numerals

ie (1.2.3-4)

you dont need page :)
the idea of not using technology stunting learning? i like how are working in teh play so fari think incorporating it into a Shakespeare paper and working in the primary text Tovar, Alicia Shakespeare Rough Draft The person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:42:24Zabriskie, Bri"Ophelia killing herself through drowning is a symbol of cleansing herself from the social roles and abuse that she had taken for so long; she was freeing herself from the world."

She refers back to the thesis often, but not all of her points are clearly connected to it. The paper lacks organization just yet.
Ashley refers to the primary text frequently, but has not quoted it directly to support her argument, though it appears that there are many places in which she will be able to do so as she develops her ideas more fully.

The paper emphasizes character analysis.
Right now, Ashley relies on the primary text and her observations (I think) as her sole source, but it is clear she intends to back up her points with formal scholarship. The beginnings of MLA format are apparent: a header, a title, etc. It is clear Ashley has thought deeply about the subject and considered the character Ophelia very carefully. Her ideas are very interesting and not readily apparent in the primary text. Great job Ashley!Organization. The paper requires a clear delineation of arguments. Right now, it is unclear how each major point connects to another and the major thesis. Lewis, AshleyOphelia Drowning: Cleansing Herself of Social RolesThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:43:03Spooner, KaleighThe main argument of the paper seems to be that despite the fact that Shakespeare appeared to favor the status of men, he did give women (specifically in "The Taming of the Shrew") more power and a voice.

It becomes apparent very early on what the paper seems to be about. There are a few places where a lack of cohesion takes place but nothing that a good run-through will not fix.
Yes. She does an excellent job of including her sources and integrating them into her argument as well as the sentences themselves. This makes it easier to see the stream of thought and the flow of ideas that she is working with. It also, in my opinion, seems to give a stronger sense of validity to her argument. Yes. There seems to be a great deal of secondary research and sources that are employed in the argument and presentation of this idea. The quotes and critics enhance her argument and work well to support the main idea of the paper. These sources and critics really help to integrate the thesis into the entire paper, making it stronger. Yes. Very well structured. There are few places where this isn't employed. But, that being said, I completely understand that this is rough draft and will go through a revision process. :)I think the strongest portion of the paper comes from including an extensive analysis of the text itself and bringing in secondary sources to expound upon those observations. It is also interesting to note the different aspects of the play that I personally would never have connected to the argument of women's power and seeing how each piece of analysis the writer has done really connects to the argument and makes it stronger. It really makes things more rounded, which is great! The only thing I would suggest is to make sure that you keep a track of your thesis and argument throughout the entire paper. You're already doing a wonderful job of that, but just be sure to bring all your data back to the central idea and show how things relate to your topic and why. Don't let a great idea be lost on the reader because they can't understand the connect to the thesis. Tait, Mikhaela"Who's Being Tamed Now?"The person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:48:13KayleighIn spite of the many successes catalogued by researchers and students, there is a limit to how much you can learn from traditional methods of study. The credibility of several researchers coming to the same consensus is important, but The advancements and popularity of the digital sphere have expanded the scope of understanding and created new avenues of comprehension (word choice) and learning, specifically in relation to the linguistics of Shakespeare and should not be discredited or ignored.

Yes, the paper does reflect back to this continually.
There isn't texual analysis yet, but there is indication that there will be for the finished draft. The various Shakespeare plays that may be analyzed are Othello, Much Ado About Nothing, Henry V, Hamlet, The Tempest.Yes, there is a myriad of sources and the indication that there will be more. Amoung the ones currently mentioned are Stanley Fish, Mark Davies, Dr. Hope. She seems to draw from all her sources to really prove her thesis.The proof that digital humanities is beneficial to the study of Shakespeare. I am interested in seeing the influence on the studies of Shakespeare in certain texts. Othello has already been mentioned, but there must be others that have benefitted from new technology. It will open up a new avenue for studies.I am sure this will happen as the paper is fleshed out, but a more even focus on the application vs theory. There should be enough proof that the digital humanities actually has benefitted specific texts and specific studies. She could even mention that she used a lot of digital resources to write this paper. There is an amazing application to this theory and I just want to know more about it. SNONEThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:52:18Ontiveros, Rachel"By examining the works that inspired Shakespeare we will widen the pool from which modern filmmakers and storytellers can draw for their own inspiration."

I like the introductory paragraph itself, but the thesis does need a little work. At this point, the parts do refer back to the main thesis because it's an outline. But once you get farther along, just make sure that EVERYTHING you say is relevant to the topic and you don't go on random tangents. I like that you are comparing three authors that could have inspired Shakespeare's works because the more proof you have, the more valid your entire paper is.
No quotes from the text(s) yet because it's only at the outline stage. I assume that there have to be direct references to the text because you are doing an in-depth analysis of the actual content of Shakespeare's works and how they refer back to earlier authors. Remember to back up everything you say with proof from the text. If your paper is going where I think it's going, then there should be evidence of more than thematic and character analysis. Those are definitely important, but you should also include an analysis of the actual plot, possibly the language of the plays, the structure, genres, etc. You have a lot to work with, so you should not be lacking in proof for your arguments.No quoting of secondary sources as of yet. Once you get out of the outline stage, just make sure that you do have scholarly sources as well as social proof so that you have authority higher than yourself to give your own arguments more credence.No format yet, just an outline. I assume you know what you're doing, just make sure to double-check everything before you turn in your final paper!I think that your paper's strength will be in your comparisons to other authors and all of the research that has been done on them. I assume that you have scholarly sources discussing these authors' possible influences on Shakespeare, so their research will give your own research more authority. Make sure to do your own analysis--don't just lean on everything the sources discuss. try to find something new or a different angle to bring to the table just so you can bring in a new perspective. Obviously you need to actually write the paper. Your outline seems clear and organized, but your ideas or focus might change as you begin the writing process. Like I said before, make sure you refer every point you make to your thesis--don't let yourself ramble on things that don't exactly fit with the paper, no matter how much you want to add them (I'm only telling you this because I have a problem with that). Definitely analyze all aspects of the texts you're working with. Back up everything you say with proof from the actual text or from your secondary sources. Cutler, JoshnoneThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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2/27/2012 10:58:36Lewis, AshleyShakespeare's use of folklore in the medium of the popular stage intimidated powerful institutions of his time and had the ability to share knowledge on ideas. Folklore is a valuable way of sharing knowledge through different mediums.Bri quotes multiple Shakespearean works to support her argument, and her historical background and modern examples really make her argument valid.She has both informal social proof and formal scholarship to support her argument. Her citations are well done.Her format follows all the guidelines, except she still needs her Works Cited page.Her chief strength is how she ties it in to both then and now. She uses multiple strong examples to prove her point.She needs to revise her paper to make it more clear and polished; it also needs a bit more length. Besides that, it is great.Zabriskie, BriAnneFear the FolkThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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3/2/2012 10:38:09Stevens, MalloryLDS Mormons, like the Jews in The Merchant of Venice, have undergone religious oppression, not from non-believers, but from other religious persons.She utilizes the primary text but it is sometimes unclear what is being quoted and what is being paraphrased. She uses a good deal of information from the text and does use outside sources but doesn't explicitly say what they are in the text (quotes that don't have a source) She depends a good deal on personal authority by virtue of being a Mormon.The beginnings of the format are there. I'm assuming it will all be filled in with correct citations and I'm sure a Works Cited page will be added.I really like where she discussed how skeptical Hamlet was of his father's ghost and how the play would have been much simpler if he could have trusted the father's ghost. I like how she explains why Hamlet distrusts the ghost and what events would have been avoided (everybody's deaths) if he had just trusted. The tie between the Shakespearean text and today's politic was interesting and I think that could be discussed more.It sometimes feels like the same sentence has been written in three different ways to prove the same point. I feel like it would be more effective to have one precise and to-the point sentence. Try not to use "us" when referring to the church because it makes the paper sound like a defense and takes away some authority. Also, make sure you don't make too bold of claims without baking them up. Also, be sure not to make too generalized statements about Christians. Be careful not to sound like you're trying to use the paper to endorse Romney.Onitveros, RachelChristian Oppression in Hamlet and The Merchant of VeniceThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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3/2/2012 10:40:40Ontiveros, RachelWhile the idea of Shakespeare’s universality has gone largely undisputed there is evidence to suggest that his works are not as universal as may have previously been thought, at least not in the traditional sense. Perhaps the idea of the universality of Shakespeare calls for a redefinition, a redefinition that deals not with thematic elements but with the new-found ability Shakespearean scholars have to discuss Shakespeare globally. (maybe condense this and make it one sentence if possible)
The introductory paragraph works pretty well, just clean it up a little.
The paper has good organization and cohesion. Everything refers back to the thesis, it looks like. Very focused.
Not much actual quotation of the play--I don't know if you have enough, but it could work. Your paper seems to focus more on the general content, ideas, and themes of the plays than on specific elements. Perhaps you should consider bringing in a few more quotations and going more in-depth with them, just to show specific examples to back up your claims. The good thing about the generality is that you have much more than just thematic and character analysis.Very well--a lot of different angles of the same point. It's good that you have stories from scholars and experts as well as from your own experience with the subject. The source diversity gives your paper authority while still allowing it to be personal and relevant. Good quotes, good paraphrases, all support your point. For the most part, but make sure you insert punctuation after the in-text citations, watch your grammar, syntax, punctuation, etc. Your works cited page also looks a little incomplete, so make sure you know what all to include when you cite a source.It's very interesting to see why certain cultures enjoy certain Shakespeare plays. Your analyses of the content of different plays show perspectives that people probably do not usually think of. Your secondary sources are probably your strongest element of the paper. I don't know if I agree with the claim that Shakespeare's texts are not universal, since you have proof from people who have studied his plays in several different countries. I think the stories themselves are universal, but the interpretations are far from universal. You touch on this a little, but just make this distinction clear.Stevens, MalloryThe Universal ShakespeareThe person whose paper I am critiquing knows I am filling out this form about their work and that my comments about his/her work will be online and publicly viewable.I understand that my comments here about my peer's work will be online and publicly viewable.
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