Why is the Church doing a gay pride anyway? It's not like we can get married there.

It’s a pity you’re not in a girl gang Sean, you could put your slap and your slingback on and get out there with them

We’re not gonna need accountants and solicitors soon because everyone’s gonna go back to the old trades

I gave up any ambitions I had for drawing when my teacher mistook my O-Level study of a tree for a giant squid

The yoga teacher’s in hospital, turns out he’s not as flexible as he thought

If my mind were a computer, the police would’ve already confiscated it.

Is that Bear on a bike looking like a power ranger? Yep, only that’s his lucky training outfit.

I know now that you are a very kind lady and will forgive me because I do not think you are the silly deluded cow that my mum says you are

What's the nicect thing you've got? A signed pencil drawing of George Michael

I had a paella on the beach once in Lanzarote, spent the rest of the week in the en suite bathroom

Stop off to join any hate groups on the way home? Hear the Neo-nazis are looking for new members

and for pudding, I’ll let you know what me and your mum got up to last night

Taking your fire place for a walk are you? Well yeah, I know a dog’s more traditional but I consider myself a bit of a trend setter

Actually it was Jackson Pollock Ah, the... scientist Abrtract expressionist

Do you realise we’re down to our last two bottles of Champaign? You’ll have to have milk on your cereal like everyone else

To be honest, I find old bits and pieces ever so tedious, but ask me again if you ever do anything interesting.

You look like a man who could do with a cup of tea and a slice of cantaloupe

When I used to think of me perfect man, I never imagined you’d end up being ginger or anything, you see I always had this picture of Cliff Richards in me head

My wife is looking forward to the quaint English custom of Dingle wedding and punch up.