Cards Against Agility
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I am haunted by feedbackthe deep-freezetheres not enough budgetminimum viable product
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Acceptance criteriawe can't put things on the wallset the build-indicator to grey-scaledone-done
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Kanbanresistancekudo-cardsfake scrum
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Daily Dance-Updreaming of waterfallyou're doing it wrongplay with Lego bricks
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Feedbackrelease-train engineerthe user is wrongshu-ha-ri
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Goldrattlicking post-its' backsideLego bricksmob-programming
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The BurndownI want to feel SAFeput it on the stickypost-its
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Sprint Planning that lasts 8 hoursscaliing head-countfailurefake portfolio management
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A ScrumMaster's Ghostbecause we were toldownership culturea sexy ScrumMaster's butt
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Scrum-andthe ScrumMaster decidedcompassionSprint Zero
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full-stack COBOL DeveloperProduct Backlogusing a voodoo dollcertification
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Essentiall SAFeScrumMaster from hellSprint Planningcan you do me a small favour
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Boris Gloggera neck-tie delivering 50,000 voltsdocumentationswimlanes
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Big Room Planningyearly roadmap planning meetingPlanning SprintPSPI - potentially shippable product increment
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high-performance teamAgile Manifestobugswrite a test
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we are now doing PO-storieswe have a separate backlog for thatDevOpsUser Acceptance Testing (UAT)
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we test in
the next sprint
we'll use stickiespair-
programmin
Agile virus injections
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Cost risingdefinition of funmy teamthis is
how we do it
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hangovertwice the work for half the timeITILcommitment
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changing the sprint lengtha horny ScrumMasterPMIlicking user-stories cards to claim them as your own
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Martin Fowlerit's just a forecastPrince2we don't do documentation
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Jeff Sutherlandrefactoringa burndown gone upsprint goal
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we will give 110%values and principleswe changed the customer's requirementsa team-full of men
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it's not my jobhourswe changed the acceptance criteriahappy testers
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Bavarian native speakerstory-pointswe changed the DoDScrummerfall
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chocolatemeetingsteam without a boardcraftsman
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testing is in Ukrainelyingmissing the release trainthere is a lot of licking
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a retrospective with only the ScrumMasterPolish team membersnot in the budgetproject manager as a ScrumMaster
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team members
in India
the scientific methodsprintdot-voting
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marshmallowpromiscuous pair-programmingnaked User Storiestummy-ache
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middle managementtheory of constraintsrandom story-point generatorgroup dynamic
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hugsdeath marchfeatureretrospective
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huggingcoachingremote team-membermocking the ScrumMaster
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the Traditional Project Manager a.k.a. ScrumMasterconfluencepairingwome in short skirts
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HR DepartmentwikipediaDSDMa pile of former ScrumMasters' heads
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a task forcethe Big Bang agile transformationCSM trainingthe ScrumMaster whip
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The CEOthe newbiea column on the task-boardScrumBan
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Continuous deliverythrown it over the wallretro by video seeing the PO naked
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a micromanaging POScrumMastera dead ScrumMasterwhip-limits
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on-site customerbreak the builddisable the testspre-mortem
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waterfall extremistsharpiesDemingthe daily mosh-pit
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1:1sa bus-factor of 1the architectsthe one female team-member
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why not?agile gamesScruma micro-manager's wet dream
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20-person scrum teamburndownour DoDbacklog refinement
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waerfall-scrum-fallthin airvisual facilitationAgile song contest
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deadlineprocess agilitymarshmallow challengehardening sprint
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extended the sprintpretend Scrumfailed sprintour CFD
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kanban without WIP-LimitsAgile Steerinng Groupthe Penny Gameit's an experiment
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2-hour long Daily Scrumlying in Daily Scruma Jira ticketSprint goal
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Agile annual budgetdiversityabsent Product Ownerhierarchy
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projectun-shippable product decrementAgile Project Managertimebox
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ask the Teampigs & chickensJiraLeSS
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ask the POstory cubesit works on my machinethe CEO said so
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ask the ScrumMasterhaving Daily Scrum in the poolcost cutsthe SM decides
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ask the Project Managerinsect & adaptsitting on the toilet during Daily Scrumthe customer
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backlog written on one post-itgetting verbally abuseda hitting stickan ivory tower
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a pile of horse-$xxt user-storiieseXtreme whiningnot giving a $h*t about other team memberssmelly team member
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let's switch to Nexusan action itemTechnical DebtThe Change Manager
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skipping the Retrospectivethe login processtouching the women in Daily Scrumthe German Chancellor
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the drinking Finnsthe silent Swedethe talkative
Italian
authentication
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getting inputthe cocktail napkinsa pile of sh*tthe sauna
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T-shirt sizesblanksallergy to sticky noteswrite it on a post-it
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broken CD pipelineLift-offremove it from the sprintremove it from the demo
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just close itestimate in man-days#NoEstimates!conferences
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planning pokerdebug in productionretro retrospectivescomment out the text
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team charterteam workteam playput it in production NOW
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working agreementsrequirements documentthe customer won't pay for thisthis is waste
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sobrietycoding while soberfeelings retrowe've always done it that way
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scrum of scrumsCraig Larmancode reviewcoding standards
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human emotionslovewe broke the sprintprototyping
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broken-hearted POsa feature toggleautomationsplit it
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tasty cupcakesa serial-killer personabecause we are agilewe do standups
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drunken ScrumMasterpersonal coachingpowerful questionsput it on the wiki
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information radiatorit's not a bug, it's a featureMike Cohnhome-office
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we are stuck in the saunawe moved to the cloudgrab them by the story pointsKaizen
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nasty retrospectivesbuggy featureusabilityno vision
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continuous delivery of beerburndown paperburndown the housegin and tonic
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a woman ScrumMasterit must be SAFethe processstale beer
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grab them by the stickyempty backlogdisordered backlogimpediments
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write on whiteboard with permanent markershowcase your rebel selfcowboy codingreal coders test in production
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Denningthe Kruger Dunning EffectCynefinscaling
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