Cards Against Agility

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	A	B	C	D
1	I am haunted by feedback	the deep-freeze	theres not enough budget	minimum viable product
2	Acceptance criteria	we can't put things on the wall	set the build-indicator to grey-scale	done-done
3	Kanban	resistance	kudo-cards	fake scrum
4	Daily Dance-Up	dreaming of waterfall	you're doing it wrong	play with Lego bricks
5	Feedback	release-train engineer	the user is wrong	shu-ha-ri
6	Goldratt	licking post-its' backside	Lego bricks	mob-programming
7	The Burndown	I want to feel SAFe	put it on the sticky	post-its
8	Sprint Planning that lasts 8 hours	scaliing head-count	failure	fake portfolio management
9	A ScrumMaster's Ghost	because we were told	ownership culture	a sexy ScrumMaster's butt
10	Scrum-and	the ScrumMaster decided	compassion	Sprint Zero
11	full-stack COBOL Developer	Product Backlog	using a voodoo doll	certification
12	Essentiall SAFe	ScrumMaster from hell	Sprint Planning	can you do me a small favour
13	Boris Glogger	a neck-tie delivering 50,000 volts	documentation	swimlanes
14	Big Room Planning	yearly roadmap planning meeting	Planning Sprint	PSPI - potentially shippable product increment
15	high-performance team	Agile Manifesto	bugs	write a test
16	we are now doing PO-stories	we have a separate backlog for that	DevOps	User Acceptance Testing (UAT)
17	we test in the next sprint	we'll use stickies	pair- programmin	Agile virus injections
18	Cost rising	definition of fun	my team	this is how we do it
19	hangover	twice the work for half the time	ITIL	commitment
20	changing the sprint length	a horny ScrumMaster	PMI	licking user-stories cards to claim them as your own
21	Martin Fowler	it's just a forecast	Prince2	we don't do documentation
22	Jeff Sutherland	refactoring	a burndown gone up	sprint goal
23	we will give 110%	values and principles	we changed the customer's requirements	a team-full of men
24	it's not my job	hours	we changed the acceptance criteria	happy testers
25	Bavarian native speaker	story-points	we changed the DoD	Scrummerfall
26	chocolate	meetings	team without a board	craftsman
27	testing is in Ukraine	lying	missing the release train	there is a lot of licking
28	a retrospective with only the ScrumMaster	Polish team members	not in the budget	project manager as a ScrumMaster
29	team members in India	the scientific method	sprint	dot-voting
30	marshmallow	promiscuous pair-programming	naked User Stories	tummy-ache
31	middle management	theory of constraints	random story-point generator	group dynamic
32	hugs	death march	feature	retrospective
33	hugging	coaching	remote team-member	mocking the ScrumMaster
34	the Traditional Project Manager a.k.a. ScrumMaster	confluence	pairing	wome in short skirts
35	HR Department	wikipedia	DSDM	a pile of former ScrumMasters' heads
36	a task force	the Big Bang agile transformation	CSM training	the ScrumMaster whip
37	The CEO	the newbie	a column on the task-board	ScrumBan
38	Continuous delivery	thrown it over the wall	retro by video	seeing the PO naked
39	a micromanaging PO	ScrumMaster	a dead ScrumMaster	whip-limits
40	on-site customer	break the build	disable the tests	pre-mortem
41	waterfall extremist	sharpies	Deming	the daily mosh-pit
42	1:1s	a bus-factor of 1	the architects	the one female team-member
43	why not?	agile games	Scrum	a micro-manager's wet dream
44	20-person scrum team	burndown	our DoD	backlog refinement
45	waerfall-scrum-fall	thin air	visual facilitation	Agile song contest
46	deadline	process agility	marshmallow challenge	hardening sprint
47	extended the sprint	pretend Scrum	failed sprint	our CFD
48	kanban without WIP-Limits	Agile Steerinng Group	the Penny Game	it's an experiment
49	2-hour long Daily Scrum	lying in Daily Scrum	a Jira ticket	Sprint goal
50	Agile annual budget	diversity	absent Product Owner	hierarchy
51	project	un-shippable product decrement	Agile Project Manager	timebox
52	ask the Team	pigs & chickens	Jira	LeSS
53	ask the PO	story cubes	it works on my machine	the CEO said so
54	ask the ScrumMaster	having Daily Scrum in the pool	cost cuts	the SM decides
55	ask the Project Manager	insect & adapt	sitting on the toilet during Daily Scrum	the customer
56	backlog written on one post-it	getting verbally abused	a hitting stick	an ivory tower
57	a pile of horse-$xxt user-storiies	eXtreme whining	not giving a $h*t about other team members	smelly team member
58	let's switch to Nexus	an action item	Technical Debt	The Change Manager
59	skipping the Retrospective	the login process	touching the women in Daily Scrum	the German Chancellor
60	the drinking Finns	the silent Swede	the talkative Italian	authentication
61	getting input	the cocktail napkins	a pile of sh*t	the sauna
62	T-shirt sizes	blanks	allergy to sticky notes	write it on a post-it
63	broken CD pipeline	Lift-off	remove it from the sprint	remove it from the demo
64	just close it	estimate in man-days	#NoEstimates!	conferences
65	planning poker	debug in production	retro retrospectives	comment out the text
66	team charter	team work	team play	put it in production NOW
67	working agreements	requirements document	the customer won't pay for this	this is waste
68	sobriety	coding while sober	feelings retro	we've always done it that way
69	scrum of scrums	Craig Larman	code review	coding standards
70	human emotions	love	we broke the sprint	prototyping
71	broken-hearted POs	a feature toggle	automation	split it
72	tasty cupcakes	a serial-killer persona	because we are agile	we do standups
73	drunken ScrumMaster	personal coaching	powerful questions	put it on the wiki
74	information radiator	it's not a bug, it's a feature	Mike Cohn	home-office
75	we are stuck in the sauna	we moved to the cloud	grab them by the story points	Kaizen
76	nasty retrospectives	buggy feature	usability	no vision
77	continuous delivery of beer	burndown paper	burndown the house	gin and tonic
78	a woman ScrumMaster	it must be SAFe	the process	stale beer
79	grab them by the sticky	empty backlog	disordered backlog	impediments
80	write on whiteboard with permanent marker	showcase your rebel self	cowboy coding	real coders test in production
81	Denning	the Kruger Dunning Effect	Cynefin	scaling
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