| A | B | C | D | E | F | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | NAME | HOW LONG? | 1ST THING YOU DID: | WHAT YOU SHOULD DO AFTER THE BREAKUP: | WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO: | OVERALL GENERAL ADVICE: |
2 | 1 | Went completely numb and pretended like everything was fine | There are a lot of things you could do. Unfriend / block said person on social media. Reach out to people you can trust, rant about it. Try to get different perspectives on said predicament. Allow yourself to process but don't let it affect and take over your life. | DO NOT BOTTLE THINGS UP AND PRETEND everything is fine through denying your feelings/delaying the reaction. Yes it is important to keep busy and focus on improving your life and focus and prioritize other things in your life but if it is kept in for a long period of time it will somehow come and bite you in the ass later. You have to let yourself feel the wavering emotions associated with said person ALSO, if possible block and cut off said person on social media and the new person as well because trust me creeping on the new girl's social media is a waste of time and energy. Do not compare yourself to the new girl or the other lovers. | You are not a reflection of those who cannot love you. This is something my friend said and he helped a lot with the healing process and I'm thankful to have him around. Regardless of what could have happened, it'll hurt. The pain that comes from a lack of closure, and while it does hurt, sometimes it's for the better. Sometimes it takes a complete dissociation from a person to understand where you stand from a new perspective, one that's not altered by the idea of them. While closure is nice, and there are so many times I personally would love closure to really know for certain if someone liked me or I had a chance... it can also really impair the healing process too, whether they were or weren't interested. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but bliss doesn't mean you immediately forget what could have been. Maybe in some alternate universe, it did work out! But in this universe, whether or not there's reason for why things happen... things do happen. And as much as we might only focus on the negative aspects of the things that happen to us, a lot of the events that we experience shape both our characters and our lives in ways that we might not even see at first. Whether those changes are good or bad are debatable, events that seem like the end of the world may seem seem like ambiguous moments or even positive experiences in the years to come; unfortunately, it's impossible to see that currently, nor is it easy to imagine something so mentally taxing can result in an overall positive outcome. But if we maintain a mindset that life goes on, we will eventually find something worth the pain and regret we felt in the past. | |
3 | A little Over a Year | He dumped me at his place, drove me back home.. he cried the entire way home. I did not, I was in shock. I went to his place the next day to sleepover (we had broken up and gotten back together in the past), and I went to hug him and kiss him and he pushed me away and was so cold and had no emotion. And it finally sunk in it was for real, I broke down and begged him to take me back. He said no, we slept in his bed while I cried and cried. He rubbed my back and told me it would be okay, then drove me home the next morning. And I cried and cried for like 2 weeks straight. | Focus on your goals. If for whatever reason you really fall into a slump like I did. Find a THERAPIST!!!! It helps. I got talkspace for a month so I could start right away and have someone to vent to when I wanted to call him. | Don't do what I did and beg. It will make him turned off of you even more....And it will dent your pride immensly. Do not keep contacting him. Do not worry about what he thinks of you or what he is doing. If you are meant to be friends in the future, it will happen. Dont force it. | See a therapist if you need to. Talk to your family. I fostered kittens, and that cheered me up and kept me busy. Don't let intrusive thoughts take over like "you wont do better" "the breakup was your fault" " if you were prettier he would have stayed" etc. Those are from an evil voice that isnt who you are... | |
4 | Sky | <1 year | Listened to Kanye's old school albums on repeat, blasted loud pop music and worked out like crazy | Journal down your thoughts, make fun plans with your friends so you have less time to mull over things by yourself. Book a holiday! Kiss someone random at a club so that the last person that you kissed is not your ex! | Don't contact your ex. Avoid going on new dates straightaway. Dont stalk them on social media. Delete your social media temporarily. | You will learn to be independent, but there will be a lot of things that you see or songs you hear wherever you go that will constantly remind you of him. I honestly think that I never truly moved on and forgot about him until I fell in love with someone else and that took a full 6 years til I found him, but I have no regrets and am really proud of not getting with anyone in between that time just because I felt like I needed company. |
5 | Jessica | <1 year | cried together with him for 5 hours (it was a mutual break up, and we were both sad we had fallen out of love somewhere along the way), then called my best friend and cried on the phone for another 5 hours until I fell asleep | Cry. Process your emotions. Lean on your friends, a LOT. Accept reality/don't be in denial. Try to be kind to yourself. | be in denial/take all the blame, think about getting back together in the future like it's a real possibility | forgive yourself, don't think about all the what-ifs. Understand that life happens, and it is what it is. Sometimes we date people just grow with them for a while, and that's okay. Take what you can, use all the energy left from the relationship/within you, and catapult off into becoming a better you. |
6 | T | ~1 year | Our first break/breakup: cried to my friends; official break up: cried so much the first time, no tears were shed, but just a lot of introspection | See a therapist!! Getting to talk to a therapist was so cathartic for me. I looked forward to going to my weekly sessions and it really helped me feel better. When I felt embarrassed to tell my friends everything, my therapist was there to listen. Surround yourself with your friends! Let them know you need them. | Think about him and cry during shavasana (yoga), cry so much you can't eat, try changing yourself so he can get back with you, stalk his activity | Don't isolate yourself from the people who want to help you or support you. You may think that you can handle it and get better by yourself, but sometimes you can't. And that's OK. There are so many people that want to see you do well, so don't be afraid to ask them for advice. There's a reason why some breakups don't work out, and in time you'll understand why. You are probably young, and have so many opportunities out there waiting for you. Not just potential partners, but career wise, friendships, etc.. |
7 | Steph (not a relationship breakup, but a best friend breakup after almost a decade of friendship) | ~10 years | cried in my room | Detached myself in all ways possible from this person-trying to not see them at school, trying to get new friendships, esentially going through a phase of self redescovery and rebirth of yourself. When you are highly attached to a person and cannot do anything without them, you start to forget about who you are as a person. Its good to get back into your own vibe and let yourself grow. Find new friends, go out more. Don't visit regular places that you and that person always went to, rather try new things and only go to the old places when you are ready and have moved on from the memories. | Don't try to piece it back together. Everything happens for a reason you'll soon find out why. Be happy about the memories but learn to not dwell on all the bad things. Appreciate what you had and learn to grow with what you've lost. It takes time. | People come and go, theres no right time to meet someone. Take it as a way to see that there are better things to come and everyting happens for a reason. You are wonderful and have many people who care about you. |
8 | Amanda | 1 1/2 years | cried and cried and cried and cried; the first week was definitely the worst and the hardest week emotionally. i knew that i had to cry it all out because to me its better to get as much as it out as i could in one go than bottling it up for weeks/months/years | let it all out; cry it all out; to yourself, your mom, your best friend. definitely cry it all out. NEXT: book yourself a few classes or workshops in something you've wanted to do for a long time but haven't found the time to. could be a new workout class or pottery or calligraphy or a workshop. something to get you busy and get your mind occupied into something that you are not familiar with at all because it will help you put all your focus into learning something new. this isn't technically avoiding the situation but in fact putting your mind to just shift your focus on something else. where focus goes, energy flows. SO; cry it all out and try something new. out with the sadness, in with a new focus and skill. | message them, look at old photos, READ OLD MESSAGES (this one killed me personally), read old letters etc etc, do not stalk them on instagram sc twitter or whatever. DONT GET WITH THEM!!! NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT DO IT!!! DO NOT BOTTLE UP YOUR FEELINGS EVER EVER EVER EVER!!! if you need to cry, do it. if you need to talk to a friend, do it. talk to someone, a friend, mom, relative, uber driver (this is just jks but i mean if you do find a good uber driver to talk to then thats a plus), your stuffed animals (they're good listeners). TALK YOUR FEELINGS OUT, there is nothing worse than pent up thoughts and feelings bc it'll accumulate and one day you'll erupt and it just won't be good for your own mental health. you don't necessarily shutting them out of your life (unless you really need to then by all means) but you don't need to put your focus where you really dont want it to be by doing things that will remind you of that person and the time you had together. | though the relationship ended mutually because he was moving away and we still wanted to be friends and we still occasionally check up on each other to see if we're okay, I made sure that at least for the first 3 months that i avoided talking to him by whatever means possible because you need time to recover (thats how long it took me to actually start getting over him)(may be different for everyone) (or dont do this but this is just my personal experience). i always have to remind myself to be grateful for whatever life has brought to me, and that is one of the biggest pieces of advice i could give is that, yes the process of moving on is difficult but to make it easier start to count your blessings and learn to become grateful in all the things that life has given you. be grateful for anything and everything, from the biggest of blessings to the most mundane. be grateful for the sunshine and warmth, be grateful for the trees and the fresh air, be grateful that you were able to share a relatively small part of your life with someone so intimately. one way or another there is always something to be grateful for from every experience, eventhough a relationship may have been sour, be grateful from what you have learnt from yourself and/or that relationship to make you a better person. Always be grateful. keep a gratitude journal. it'll help you mentally take note of your gratitude but also on those difficult days you will have something to look at that can remind you to be happy about. |
9 | peebs | 1 1/2 years | pick up all my things from his place and then cry, literally cry cry cry cry | 1)girls, i didn't listen to this advice but UNFOLLOW, BLOCK, DELETE on everything. do not contact or see them at all. they are now a stranger in your life. you have no reason to be following them or being in contact with them!! 2) throw yourself into something you love, do all the things that make you happy/ or do all the things your partner hated! look after yourself, make yourself feel good, try a new haircut, go workout, hang out with your girls! | DO NOT CONTACT THEM! by all means, this is something i really really regret not doing. remove everything that reminds you of them from your life, you don't have to burn it but just store it away so you don't constantly have to look at it. don't try and keep tabs on their life, they are not part of yours anymore. you have to heal and begin the process of letting go | i'm still struggling with this break up, it's the hardest thing i've had to experience in my life, you trust and open up to someone and they betrayed you. the hurt is not going to go away in one day, it takes time and it might take a long time. seek help if you need it, go to therapy, talk to friends, feel what you need to feel. going through this will change you but for the better!! you're only going to hurt yourself by holding onto someone who isn't holding on to you. |
10 | Amanda | 1 1/5 year | Cried and called my bestfriend who brought candy and came to my house directly. | Spend time with friends and family. Focuse on yourself. If you are in school, focuse on that. Read books. Listen on girl power music. | ||
11 | Amanda | 1 and a half year | I cried and called my best friend overseas, and asked another good friend to sleep over at my place | Delete and block them on social media. Even though it hurts, it will only hurt you further when they try to get in touch with you. Get a friend over and sort out all their belongings, and put the sentimental stuff away in a box. You don't have to get rid of these things immediatly, but getting them out of sight helps. Reach out to trusted ones, be it family or friends. Let yourself feel every emotion and don't be afraid to show people that you are hurting. It's a healing process and it takes time. If needed, start therapy, there's no shame in that, and it has helped me such a great deal with improving my person too. Do things you haven't been able to due to previous partner. I took up ballet and learning a new language, I went to the cinema alone. Do something fun and new, pick up a skill. Treat yourself! For an entire year I saved up for moving, getting married, etc. and never allowed myself to buy anything but necessarities. Buying myself new clothes and makeup, new pillows for my couch, getting new a haircut, it really made myself feel better. Live in the present. Say yes to opportunities. If a classmate invites you for dinner and cocktails, dress up and go out and enjoy it! Journaling is also very nice, it clears your head from all the swimming thoughts. Process what happened and try to understand why things happened the way they did, that's been my form of closure. | Don't starve yourself and don't rely too much on alcohol. Being with someone new will only help so little, so I don't recommend it. Try not to stalk them or the new partner too much, it will mostly hurt. Don't think it will be the end of your world. Don't look at pictures and think it was perfect if only you had done this and that. | I fell very hard for his apperance and that is NOT something a relationship should be based on. No matter how attractive and handsome they might be, if they don't treat you right, it is not worth it. He would often threaten me with breaking up, and I would beg him to stay. Never beg anyone to love you, it should come naturally. I also made the mistake of taking him back shortly after a real break up. I even forgave him for cheating. He wanted me to drop out of my education and move across the world to live together with him and get married. We became long distance instead and while I worked my ass off to pay rent, save up, get good grades in school, he had an long term affair. I was so miserable and depressed during this time, I questioned everything, I was not in a good place. When I found out he had been cheating just 20 days before I were to visit him, my whole world crashed and splintered into pieces. So even though they promise to change, and makes you fall in love with a fairytale dream of a future, just know that habits are hard to break and sometimes it's better to trust your gut instinct and let go. The unknown is scary, but it's exciting to try something different! |
12 | Quentin | 1 and half years | Went to a meeting and forced a smile than cried that night | Cry, Scream, Journal, See a therapist! | Call them, hook up, or have any contact first few months 6 months tops | it gonna hit you more days than others and thats okay. give yourself time to grieve not a time stamp. |
13 | XJ | 1 month | Tearing up all day at work and trying to hide 'em tears- bawled my eyes out in the car once I left the office, then went to my gym and cried by the pool again | Take some own space to recharge/ feel all you need to, both +ve and -ve feelings/ make a to-do list of the activities you know you'll enjoy doing and get them done! | Contact them/ ignore your true feelings/ close yourself off from your friends and fam | self-love > everything else. Love yourself so much that it overflows and that's when there's enough love for others. And always face your shit head on, again and again and again. Loneliness sucks. But deal with it. BE LONELY, ALONE. Make a map outta your shit & enjoy this humanly experience :-) |
14 | Esther | 1 month | Let myself feel my heart drop accompanied by the saddest tears I never knew I could cry. Thought about other things I should’ve said during last moments of talking to him. | Do not talk to him. Once someone breaks up with you, you must show them what their life is like without you. Don’t go telling the whole world about your breakup, just your closest friend(s), and appreciate their presence for listening to you and being there for you even after you learn that not all people in your life will reciprocate. | ||
15 | Hannah | 1 month shy of 3 years | Cried in a starbucks to my best friend | Cut off contact for a while. Surround yourself with friends who care about you to fill the hole in your heart. Eat good food, drink good wine. | Don't try to be friends again too soon. Unfollow his social media. | If they love someone else sooner than you think, it doesn't mean that they didn't love you--sometimes, things just don't work out the way you want them to, and that's okay. Tell your friends you love them. Priotize your friendships. Do new and exciting things--it will always hurt more if you watch your ex-person from afar living their life without you living yours too. |
16 | Amy | 1 year | Cried and called my best friend, talked to her and cried to her until I fell alseep (well past 2-3am, bless her soul) | Stalk them incessantly on social media. Look at old photos. | Just watch my video LOL | |
17 | Colleen | 1 year | Cried and told my friends. My best friend called me and I told her everything and just cried with her | Be with friends and family that love you. It defintely helps to be surrounded by people who love and want the best for you. Stay busy, I noticed that I felt the worst when I was alone. Also get rid of any physical reminders of them. Let yourself feel all of the emotions, don't hold back | Don't text them!! No matter how much you want to, don't do it! It'll only prolong the healing process and make you feel worse | You will feel better at some point in time. Don't get upset with yourself for not feeling good right away. Just be paitent and try to focus on the things that you learned from the relationship, good and bad |
18 | Kat | 1 year | cried in the shower | distance yourself | don't try to contact them in any way. don't look at old photos. | |
19 | Alicia | 1 year | Cried so much. I took a day trip to San Diego with my Best Friend just to take things off my mind - everything in LA reminded me of my ex. Side Note: I really needed this spreadsheet. Just seeing that other people are fighting the same battle makes me feel like im not the only one. | Listen to songs that make you feel empowered, meet people when you finally actually feel like meeting them, do something you were never able to do when you guys dated, exercise and get fit, run errands, eat at your favourite restaurant or eat in and watch your favourite movie at home! I just received closure from my ex after 2 months of breaking up, and i felt both relieved but miserable. I say talk to your ex when you're ready (if you need closure) | We were in the same friend group, hence I met him even a week after we broke up. BAD IDEA. Kept me hanging and left me thinking that we still could get back together. So I say, stay away from him physically as much as possible, because despite how much I wanted to see him, we all know it isn’t healthy! Don’t be too hard on yourself for not being able to move on quick (because it does take time). Avoid all the places you both loved and went to as a couple. Avoid going to places you both planned to go to (at least for now) and I say avoid all the movies and songs you both discovered and loved together. Just avoid strolling down memory lane :( update: 5 months post break up, I say go to places you went to last with him, and rewrite new memories in those places. The last time I went to Disney was with my then boyfriend, and I went again with a bunch of my friends and re-wrote all my memories! It helped. | Honestly, just accept that it does take time to move on, and not to be too hard on yourself for still thinking about him, etc. I think distracting yourself from all the unhealthy thoughts just by doing the things you love, talking to your family, friends, etc. and really finding the space and time to just really reflect and love yourself. Like Amy said, make yourself whole! So the next time you meet your next lover, you know you're whole with and without him/her :) |
20 | Tina V. | 1 year | I cried. I was in denial that it was truly over. I ordered a ton of poetry books off of amazon. Words have never spoken to me more than they do now. (authors I reccommend: lang leave, michael faudet, beau taplin, rupi kaur) | I took a break from social media. Sadly, life goes on and I didnt want to see that. Go do what you've always wanted to do. Reach out to your close friends. | As hard as it is, don't reach out to them. Don't spend your days hoping or wishing. Don't look back on old text messages, old photos, videos, snapchat, etc.. Reflecting won't do you any good during this time, it'll dig you into a deeper hole of what ifs. | Remember you had a life before them. For me, it was a 'good' break-up even though i didn't want it to happen, deep down I know that our future did not align. He's a wonderful guy and I truly wish the best for both of us. Everyone copes with break-ups differently. Just know that it is okay to cry. Go with the motions. Be prepared because it comes in waves. |
21 | Virginia | 1 year | Made a breakup playlist, sobbed in my bed listening to that playlist and then left to study abroad in New Zealand | Create things - poems, songs, art, writing. Turn your pain into something beautiful. Also get outside and go to a beautiful place | Immediately hook up with someone else and try to start a new relationship with them - you are just trying to find someone new to cling onto | This is just a season in your life. Let the feelings come and go and remember that each experience is pushing you forward and everything you go through is making you human and giving you a breadth of knowledge for your life |
22 | Karen | 1 year | My best friend drove me to his apartment and waited for me in the car when it happened and all I did was cry on the drive back | There's no right answer since everyone processes breakups differently. Keep yourself busy and take time to work on your friendships. But also take the time to cry and let it all out. Take the extra couple minutes to get done up sometimes even if it's running a quick errand - it'll help lift your mood. | Don't read through old conversations or look through their social media | Don't try to overanalyze the breakup or blame yourself for what happened. I know at times it's hard to believe but time will heal your heartbreak. Take this time to pick yourself back up - learn a new skill, go to the gym, get a new hair style. There's so many fish in the sea, you'll eventually be ready to put yourself out there again! |
23 | Kristine | 1 year | Cried and ordered dominos pizza and shared it with my best friend | block/unfollow them on social, meditate, eat good food, go on mini adventures by yourself even something as small as going to a new coffee shop or restaurant is so much fun! | Look at old photos/videos (just delete them off your phone), drunk call or text them, talk shit 24/7 about them (at the end of the day you had a relationship with this person and were with them for a reason, respect them and this period of time in your life) | As corny as it is, only time will heal everything. Don't get mad at yourself for not moving on, don't force anything and take time to tend to your wounds. Some days you're on top of the world and other days all you want to do it cry and eat junk food. Don't look at those bad days as set backs, you need them to grow. Take in all the good and bad that comes from this to grow <3 |
24 | Melody | 1 year | cried and threw my stuff around my room in frustration. meditated to bring myself back down. watched episodes of the office and drank wine with my roommates until 2am :) | Do all the things that you never had time for before. I picked up cross stitch, got back into playing the piano, and started meditating and journaling occaisionally. Accept that you did everything you possibly could. Stay busy, reach out to your friends and make plans with friends you normally would not. Do not be upset with yourself for greiving your relationship, your pain is important to acknowledge | don't think about what you could have been under better circumstances. Definitely don't revisit all of your favorite places, or listen to your favorite music for now | This is the time to really focus on yourself and to grow into who you want to become. Do keep in mind that focusing on yoursel also reveals your demons |
25 | Jessie | 1 year | Let out a sigh of relief. I was in a relationship that was deteriorating for a long time. I decided that my happiness trumped the guilt I would feel breaking up/ hurting my significant other's feelings. It was my first relationship and I had goggles on. | Unfollow them from social media. Block their number. Don't do that weird/cheesy exchanging of stuff. Honestly nothing you left at their house is that important. | Understand that your breakup happened for a reason. DON'T TRY TO BE FRIENDS. Just don't. I think that we all like to think of ourselves as mature enough to be friends with an ex but trust me when you reflect on a relationship, feelings such as resentment come to the surface. And it's very hard to not look at the person and think "You hurt me... You treated me like crap..., you manipulated me, ...you pressured me, etc." | Just because you broke up with the person/ did the dumping does not mean that your sadness, anger, guilt, disappointmets (any feelings at all) are not as valid. You can still mourn a relationship. |
26 | Sim | 1 year | Call my best friend and cry to her | Focus on yourself and learn to love yourself completely again. Block them if you need to so you can heal without any pressure. Take a trip with some friends and spoil yourself because you deserve it. Change your look!! | Don't look at old photos and text messages. Don't try to be friends before you're ready, otherwise it leads to a whole mess of problems. Don't try and compare your progress to theirs, they might be better at showing how broken they really are. DONT DRUNK TEXT OR CALL. Don't blame yourself because the other person didn't know how to love you properly and never ever ever beg someone to stay in your life. | Remember what you've learnt and how much you've grown. Appreciate what good times you had together and learn from that. If it happened, it happened for a reason. Remember you can't force anyone to love you and you're probably better off without them in the long term. The first is always the hardest. "Closure doesn't exist, just cut your hair and move on." |
27 | catherine | 1 year | cried, stopped everything i was doing, cried for something that felt like years | keep close w/ friends. ignore them. find something that makes you happy :) | spread rumors about them. trying to make them jealous. | its okay. its part of life. someone will always be there with you even when you feel alone. dont feel alone and youre loved <3 |
28 | Vivian | 1 year | We talked for 3 hours we broke up on Skype - we were long distance - and it felt like nothing changed. But I knew that once we hung up nothing would be the same. I kept putting off hanging up because he was my best friend and my first love. And I just wanted to talk to him. We comforted each other and it made me not think about it. I slept and I was too in shock from what just happened. | Talk to your friends. Talk to the people who love you. You need their love and support. Take down those pictures of you guys together - you don't need that in your face right now. | Do not talk to them immediately. It may be tempting to reach out for your support system, but they are not in your life for a reason. Do not stalk them (this did not help me - it still doesnt its only been two weeks but it still doesn't help) even though it is very tempting. | Give it time. You deserve someone who makes you feel amazing. There is someone out there for you. You deserve better. Settle for nothing less. |
29 | Tanya | 1 year | Told my brother what happened and then layed in the dark all night and day' | |||
30 | Susan | 1 year | Went out with my cousin & drank. I was good until I called him and cried on the phone | Let yourself cry and talk about it with people. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and see how you are trying to grow. Self-care go back to an old hobby that you let go of, talk to yourself as you would a best-friend or lover. Let yourself just feel. Reccommend keeping a physical or digital journal of letters you would write to them, about your healing process | Don't erase them completely from your life. That voice in the back of your head, listen to it. Don't dismiss how much you are hurt. Don't get caught up on the thought of them coming back into your life. | You are worth everything and more. If you feel down reach out for help even if it is hard for you. Respect your own boundaries. Love isn't only available in romantic relationships, it is everywhere your best friend, your family...whatever that means to you. Most of all let yourself heal and don't blame yourself or them; be happy that it happened at all. |
31 | Mabel | 1 year | I went home to see my parents, they ordered me takeway. I cried a lot. I told all my friends and ranted about the whole thing to them. I must have repeated the story 100 times. | block, unfollow, delete. I found journalling really helped me. I gave myself time to think as I kept feeling the urge to reach out to him, but not reaching out was one of the best decisions I made. I found listening to music helped, spending time with friends and trying to break up the first initial days/weeks with doing fun things with friends and family. | keep in contact with your ex, stalk them on facebook or ask about them through mutual friends. Also don't judge yourself for feeling bad about the break up, you're feelings are always important and valid. Don't rush back into dating or talking to people if you aren't fully over your ex- you end up feeling guilty and it's not great for the other. Don't compare yourself to other people or their timelines for getting over things, and don't think that you wasted time being with them- it's something you can learn and grow from. | be kind to yourself first and foremost, listen to what YOU want, cut out people in your life who make you feel bad or guilty about things. often the most painful times in life are the times that make us grow as people. Use the time you are single to really work on goals for yourself as you won't be single forever (unless you want to be!). Throw yourself into something new even if it's just a TV show. Go and remake memories at places you went with your ex with if that's something you want to do. |
32 | Ruby | 1 year | Cry my eyes out and spiraled into a depressive state, sought out therapy | Seek professional help if you feel like you can't seem to shake the past or what happened to you. It'll give you peace of mind and well-thought out coping techniques. Therapists can be hit or miss but once you find that perfect person, it'll change your world. | Never ruminate on what you "could have" or "should have" done. Dedicate yourself to being a better person in the future and change accordingly. Every experience you have is one to learn from and beating yourself up for something you did in the past only keeps you from moving on. | Let yourself go through the motions of sadness. Holding it back only makes you more prone to having a breakdown in the future. Love yourself and make sure you maintain your self-worth because at the end of the day, all we have is ourselves. Never let ANYBODY reduce how you feel about yourself. |
33 | S | 1 year | I cried because I felt my heart literally break. I imagined a future with this human being. I know if it;s meant to be it will be. I honestly thought he was the only one for me which sounds naive as I look back but for whatever reason I fell prey mainly because he was a genuinely, authentic person. Somebody with a good heart that never tried to cause harm. He was just an amazing person honestly. I think he will always own a glitz of my heart. It was rough due to the fact that I hadn't dealt with my abuse from the past. As I opened up to him he began to shy away and ignore me. He was way to immature to handle a real, strong independent woman. He didn't deserve me. I was being honest and vulnerable. That is the strongest most fullfilling act of trust. And him ignoring that fucked me up, | Do not be harsh on yourself. Never look back and think how the situation could have turned out differently. The past is the past. You can learn yourself and better from it but never ever talk down on yourself. Their are always two sides to every story. Always. It is entirely okay to hate your ex, avoid them, it is okay to have those thoughts. Surround yourself with others because if you lock yourself in a room it could get all "dark and twisty"; yet also make time to pamper yourself. Empower yourself. Go on that dream trip, move, master a hobby, be at peace with nature. Make new friends. Emerse yourself into new experiences. Work on yourself and go out. Put on that blue eyeshadow you've been to afraid to try. Be content inside and love yourself to the fullest. Go ahead and keep your phone on airplane mode and make that powerful spotify playlist. Get that dream body and exercise your ass off. Go to the spa and get a facial. Treat yourself. BECOME CONFIDENT AND STOP IT WITH THAT INSECURITY ALREADY | Do not Spend much time on social media, unfollow them. Do not listen to other people's opinions. Delete their number. Maybe even change yours. Do not reminisce on your past experiences with them. Look forward. Don't turn back and question. | I expect to much from people because I invest my actual heart and soul into every person. I have realized that is not the answer. We must each take care of ourselves. Don't entrust FULLY in others. They are not the soulution to your problems. They have their own baggage. You need to improve and fix yourself first. Don't compare yourself with another person. YOU ARE THE ONLY HUMAN THEIR WILL EVER BE WITH YOUR OWN DNA. YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY COMPARE YOURSELF HONEY BECAUSE YOU ARE SO UNIQUE AND FULL OF BODY AND YOU DESERVE BETTER. You can only compare yourself to yourself. Be better than you were yesterday. Be around people you love and don't take another breath for granted. Also host a personal ceremony. Burn that shit: pictures, their clothes, TEAR IT UP. Much love y'all. You are NEVER alone. Remember that. Find like minded individuals or someone else going through a breakup. You can help each other. Bring up the best in ourselves. Remember life is not fair but in all honesty pain makes you a stronger, more resilient, compassionate individual. Accept the pain and be sure to turn that into the best possible version of yourself and life. Also cut out toxic people. They don't deserve you ;) |
34 | Jane | 1 year | stayed up all night and cried, i blamed myself completely. He never showed me emotional vulnerability until that day, where he shared that there were things in the relationship he wasnt happy with. He never once brought up issues throughout our relationship, but in stead quickly ended it. 2 days prior we were talking about how many kids we wanted and where we were gonna get married, he even gave me a promise ring a month prior. It was always so good and so happy until one day he just flipped. After he shared the things that he had been struggling with in our relationship i immedietly was disgusted in myself and felt as though if i wasnt such a monster he wouldnt have left me. If i hadnt have made those mistakes he wouldnt have had to leave. | |||
35 | H | 1 Year | Cried a fuck ton, called my friend and cried, called my mom and cried | Cry it all out. Reach out to friends, grab meals with them, and just cry to them. Reach out to family too - crying and talking to my mom about it helped. Listen to podcasts about breakups and youtube videos too. Talk to people about it, don't keep it in. Block them from all social media, remove gifts they gave you and things that remind you of them - just put it in a box somewhere you don't have to see it. Delete photos of him. Do things that make you happy!!!! Focus on me!!! If you feel like you miss him and want to get back together - tell a friend this, so that they can remind you that he was a jerk and was not good enough for you. Because you are bound to forget sometimes about how they forgot you, didn't prioritize you, hurt you, betrayed you. | Don't replay situations, what you said, what he said, past memories. Don't look at old messages/texts. Don't unblock him, don't contact him, don't stalk him, don't ask friends to stalk him for you. Don't beg for him to come back into your life. Don't download dating apps and try to hookup to distract yourself - it just hurts more. | Healing takes time but it will get easier. I found for me that talking to friends about it helped so much - especially if they went through similar situations or if they're very empathetic. It feels good to feel understood. Also, concentrate on friendships - especially girlfriends!! They will always be there for you - remember too that next time you enter a relationship, don't forget about your girlfriends! Do things that you enjoy - shopping, theatre, dancing, singing, eating out. (But don't overdo it and go into debt.) Do things that you didn't do in the relationship be he didn't like it - for example, he didn't like watching kdramas with me and was allergic to peanuts - so fuck him, I'll watch all the kdramas I want and eat a ton of peanuts and pad that WITH PEANUTS. Listen to podcasts, read books (I found audiobooks really helpful and much easier to read). Watch movies. Just treat yourself like your best friend. And take this breakup as a blessing - the longer it would have gone on, the more time you would have wasted with this jerk. Be thankful for the relationship - you were happy in it and grew and learnt a lot, but don't dwell on it. Be happy and thankful for it, and move on, let go. I feel happier if I dress up and put on makeup, so doll yourself up (even if it's to lectures!) bc you are beautiful! Feeling pretty makes me feel happy. Also don't be afriad of theraphy - if it works for you, go for it! Same with antidepressants - go for it if it works for you! Don't dwell on the past! Take this as an opportunity for you to grow and be a better version of yourself. This guy is not the one, but the right guy is out there, patiently waiting for you :) don't lose hope! |
36 | Roberta | 1 year | Cried so much, talked to him, as he was by my side, and stopped eating completely. | Most importantly, talk to as many people as possible. For me, it was a blessing to get it off my chest and get the support available. Look after your mental and physical health, as they should be your biggest priority. Delete and throw out most of the things that remind you of your ex. Finally, go out and have fun, do some casual dating when you're ready. It's so much fun. | I can't stress this enough - don't contact to respond to them, if the person hurt you and was toxic. Don't give them that closure as it will leave you thinking and remembering things that will hurt you. | Don't force yourself to get over it asap, it takes time, as cliche as it sounds. Know your self worth and promise yourself to become the best version of you. The glow up will leave your ex regretful and you can thrive on that. But focus on building new friendships and relationships, as they are very healing and rewarding. |
37 | Jaz | 1 year | Cried SO much. I've never heard myself cry like this. Called a friend. Bought myself flowers because he never did. | Allow yourself to feel everything. Be KIND to yourself and acknowledge you are in a sad place, but remember that it is temporary. The biggest thing that had helped me was rebuilding parts of my identity that I lost while I was with my ex-partner. For example, I didn't see a lot of friends when we were dating, so I started to hang out with the ones I lost touch with. I also felt guilty hanging out with my guy friends while we were dating, so I started to hang out with those friends again. By doing so, I was building conversations that weren't part of my life before. It was a rediscovery of my own self. Alongside this, I started working out a little more, journaling, and writing. | Do NOT text them. If you did, it's ok, but don't do it again. Block or mute their socials. The thing that stopped me from looking at his social media was by asking myself "Do I really want to get hurt by something he posted? Do I really want to give him that power?" Eventually I stopped checking for good to protect my own energy. | This is a temporary space. The best thing you can do for yourself is rediscover your relationship with yourself and your own identity as a whole person seperate from anyone. Read books. Journal. Watch movies. Cook food. Call your friends. Do NOT check his social media and it will accelerate your progress. And remember, progress is not linear. There will be some days you find yourself "back tracking" and that is ok. Be kind to yourself. |
38 | Sam | 1 year | I cried and talked to my sister for hours. Later, when I could think more clearly, I spoke to my family about it and my close friends. Talking really helped me in the early days, that and sobbing 3+ hours every day lmao. | -Cry however much and however long you need to. You can't force yourself to hold it in, and you might find that you feel better after these crazy cry sessions. -Take everything that reminds you of that person and shove it in a box. Having it out and around you is only going to make everything worse in the days head. -Be kind to yourself and do things that make you feel pampered, loved, and safe. - Every day try to push forward and do something that builds your life up, even if it's just making breakfast that morning. | -Don't beg for them back. It just makes you feel worse when they are cold. -Don't try to fight your feelings, they are your feelings and you are valid to feel what you feel. -Don't think about only the good things, remind yourself of all of the bad crap that they did to you too. It probably wasn't peaches and cream the entire time. -Don't be alone for too long, try to stay active and keep yourself motivated to move forward. Don't give up. | You're going to feel so bad for a while, and that's okay. Breakups suck so freaking bad, but in the end - they are going to make us better lovers and partners. Because at the very least, we learned what to do and what not to do in a relationship. Hopefully we learned a lot about ourselves too, what we need out of a relationship and what we don't need. At the end of the day, these things happen for a reason. You can't force love - because if you could, it wouldn't be the way you wanted it. We have to build ourselves up and believe that there is someone better out there for us. Because there is. Never give up hope. |
39 | Teryn | 1 year | cried and went to my best friends house | realize your worth and reflect on not only the relationship but yourself as well. Surround yourself with people that make you happy and can help you through this tough time. Find a hobby to keep yourself busy and leveled. Write out all your thoughts and feelings if you are unable to let it out to someone. Start fresh and focus on yourself because you deserve nothing but the best, take this as a learning process and make yourself better. Take this time to find yourself and be happy for yourself. Also put all the things that remind you of them into a box or away and move all photos into a drive or usb that you don’t have easy everyday access to. | don’t try to talk to them like nothing happen. don’t hold back tears and feelings. don’t close yourself off from everyone else that loves you and don’t do anything that could harm your life. don’t risk your health. | love yourself before you love someone else. your s/o is not your single source of happiness, your friends and family are all just as important. you are the single person that can make yourself happy and know your worth. |
40 | "}\[/ | 1 year | everything i should not do. i went insane and begged her to stay with me. i cried like crazy, called my best friend. i cried a lot in that time | put the things that remind you of them in a box. unfollow them on social media. cry, reach out to friends. go to yoga classes, try new things. see things as a new opportunity and a new beginning. journal every single day buy yourself a set of lingerie, or a bath bomb/face mask etc. treat yourself, you need it the most right now. | Don't rebound or go out drinking immediately. Don't reach out to them. Don't hurt yourself. Don't ever beg them to stay with you. | you cant beg someone to love you or be with you. if someone decides to leave you, they did you a favor. love yourself enough to know that you are worth more than that. |
41 | Kateleen | 1 year | I called up one of my best friends (who was in Vietnam for a vacation at that time) and cried to her. That was at 1 or 2AM here in America. Then I cried myself to sleep. | cry it all out & surround yourself with great friends and family who can cheer you up | talk or reply to them when you're feeling lonely, stalk them on social media, look at old photos and messages | It is ok so be sad and cry it out. Give yourself time to let it all out, but you have to know that it WILL get better. Don't mope around in your house and stay in bed every single day. Try to do something new or something you've always wanted to do (like what Amy said in her video!). Distract yourself and cope the right way such as doing a new & fun hobby. It is not the end of the world and you will still find love. True love that is! Those come unexpectedly at the right time. |
42 | Shahreen | 1 year | Intially I went numb, threw myself into task, cried myself to bed every night, binge watched how others overcame breakup, practiced LOA more, and wished for the person to return. | Selectively listen to others breakup story. Find stories that resonate with you so you can feel less lonely during this journey to overcome the hurdle. Often times romantic relationships are so personal that its hard to completely open up to friends and family. So go to a therapist. Personally they didn't help me directly, but after going to session for a while it carved out a path I could help myself. Practice compassion for the other person. Realize they're a human on their own journey and as much as it hurts we have to be okay with it. Your friends might push you to block that person, but you know your soul is craving to stalk. So go ahead it do it because it takes me to reach the rock bottom before I can shoot back up. You can click block on social media, but can you block the images and scenarios you imagine in your head? That creates the true misery. | Don't stop yourself from crying. Don't feel like you have to be with friends all the time, and put up a face. Okay sometimes the world doesn't understand and you gotta do whatchu gotta do, but really you can come right home and cry it out to yourself, your very bestfriend. Don't develop over confidence and get cocky. In other words don't get an attitude "I ll show him I am better than her," or "I will show what he lost" and start posting pictures and captioning things hoping he will feel sorry for losing you. That is you living your life for someone that has left you behind in the past. Not living for yourself is like forgetting that this time capsule called life is ticking. | Binge watch and binge read and binge listen and binge work all you can. Learn learn learn because when we see the glass half empty, we need to learn new mindsets to start seeing the glass is actually half full. Fill your cup. Yes, eventually part of you will start wish that the person sees your worth. Do that by not simply changing your outer appearance but also working on your inner being, which takes a lot more time. Know that it's way more than going to the gym and gaining a bigger booty. Of course thats a perk but its the extended compassion within you, the ability to memorize a grocery list or learning to quickly design a website, or cooking that amazing meal that might get you to meet the next THE ONE or unite with The One that once appeared at the wrong time. Serve yourself by uplifting your knowledge, cheerishing your work and time on earth. Indulge into self development so you can change your self image becaue the mindset is where it all starts. |
43 | Lauren | 1 year | Cried my eyes out, had my friend drive down to stay with me, and binged Sex and the City | Give yourself grace, | ||
44 | Shelly | 1 year (3 years on/off) | you cant beg someone to love you or be with you. if someone decides to leave you, they did you a favor. love yourself enough to know that you are worth more than that. | |||
45 | Anita | 1 year (it was just after our one anniversary) | / | Talk to your family and close friends, they know you the best. They know the real you and what you were like during your relationship. Cry if you need to cry. Remember to rehydrate. I found going to the gym to be a very therapeutic routine, there is no time for tears when you are getting through sets. I am writing in a journal, saying everything I want to say to him. Maybe one day I'll be able to draft a letter to him to tell him why it didn't work out (but still too raw, its only been a week) | I am not sure to be honest. I am completely new to this. I know I am not doing myself any favours by looking at old photos and saved snaps. I am not ready to fully let go yet. Even seeing his name makes me tear up but its all apart of it | They say the best way to get over someone is through distractions, so focus on work, focus on wellness, focus on the positive relationships in your life, find a new hobby. Time isn't what heals you, it is that times creates distance from the memories, I hope to remember him less and less in time; and maybe one day I'll make even more amazing memories that will eclipse my memories of him. |
46 | Alison | 1 year (off & on) | Called my closest friends and talked out all my emotions until I felt like a broken record | Remember that you are surrounded by love, and remember to love yourself. Do things that make you happy. Remind yourself that happiness can also come from within. This healing shit takes time, so don't try to rush it. Personally, I found that journalling helped to get all my thoughts and emotions out. Looking back, I can see how much I've grown as an individual, which is a really nice personal reminder that you'll be okay in the end :) | Dwell on their social media/photos/conversations, at least until you've given yourself enough time & space to heal. Do not take on blame, because life plays out in certain ways for a reason. | Be forgiving, kind, and gentle to yourself. Treat yourself with the same love that you give to others. Give yourself time. You are human too, after all. You will heal and grow, and be able to look back at this point in your life and see how far you've come. |
47 | Melon | 1 year (on and off) | Ask for a second chance. | Be more in touch with the present. Let go of the past. | Ask for a second chance. | Identify the difference between love and attatchment. It is no longer love when you keep going back and forth. Ultimately, we are just scared of the unknown so we tend to hold onto things that make us feel safe. At the time. In the end, momentaral happiness isn't worth harming your journey in search for infinite happiness. |
48 | D | 1 year 10 months | Begged him to come back, was in disbelief for the first week, cried almost everyday especially after waking up from dreams. Scheduled my therapist appointment on the day of the break up. | Be with family and friends, reach out to strong people you look up to, connect with others who have been through similar or even worse situations. Give yourself time to grieve and mourn over the loss, the possibilities and forgive yourself and your ex for the pain you've caused each other. Love yourself like you've never loved before. Learn about psychology, see a therapist | Blame yourself. Numb yourself or distract yourself from not feeling. Feel the feelings! | |
49 | A | 1 year 2 months | When he broke up with me I said "okay" and let it be... we both just sat there for a bit until one of us finally walked away. I cried for the first week and didn't eat (in a normal way) for several weeks after. I experienced my first panic attack and developed bad anxiety (which now I think was seperation anxiety) because I hated to be alone in public but craved being alone at home. | Honestly this varies from person to person, I was lucky enough to have a friend (we aren't friends anymore now) at the time who allowed me to just talk it out and allowed me to express how I feel just so I could process what was actually happening to my mind and body. Honestly just allow yourself to FEEL, I know most of us try really hard to avoid the pain because it hurts but the moment you allow yourself to sit with your thoughts and emotions and pain the faster it'll go (it feels like forever) People advise that you find a hobby, but in my experience literally nothing excited me and the only way I could escape was to cry myself to sleep. It wasn't until my first panic attack in my sleep that I realized even my "safe space" was no longer my safe space. I began to slowly put myself out there and hang out with friends I felt were close to me, and I slowly got over the anxiety and began to enjoy life for what it was instead of the pain it gave me. | Try not to compare yourself to the other girls. It wasn't until maybe three months after that I found out the real reason of our breakup. He had this crush on my friend and fantasized about her throughout our entire relationship. It wasn't until our prom day that he made his first phsyical "move". And a week after our breakup that he attempted his second move. At that point I felt used and angry but tried to not take it out on my friend and every other girl who looked like her. He always said he cared about me and that I meant something to him but it was hard to believe him. Soo basically what not to do: don't compare, and don't wonder about the dude, you're a free woman and it feels liberating once you realize how much power you have. | I've edited this section so many times but I think this time I have solid adivce. it's super easy to be fooled when you have created a false image of the person you want them to be in your head, and when they show the slightest effort you think that everything bad and the emotional/mental abuse wasn't all that bad to begin with. But Trust that the image in your head is NOT REAL or else it wouldn't be a thought, it would be reality. It took me awhile to realize that even though what happened to me was unfair, it doesn't mean I "lost". To be able to still have respect, dignity, and morals for myself is a huge win. Knowing that it's only your heart that was broken and not your soul is something that gives me the biggest smile when I wake up each morning and go to sleep each night. And knowing that what I feared most I survived and came out so much stronger and wiser, I am thankful for that lesson and I'm thankful to have met such a friend who supported me even though she had to walk away to take care of herself, it taught me that walking away doesn't mean you're fake or flakey, but that you know when to leave something before it negatively affects you. Because of her strength I finally walked away from the old version of myself and everything/one that was connected to past me. And let's just say, i think I'm falling in love with the new version of myself that I'm becoming. Growth is very uncomfortable but it is so necessary and always keep in mind that the promises are worth it even if you don't know what it is yet. Beautiful people have survived something painful and came out stronger. Tell yourself that and speak to yourself with love because she's counting on you to be there. :) best wishes. |
50 | Vivien | 1 year 3 months | Cried, transfer all photos from my cell to my laptop for save keeping, but not for looking | Delete his/her number. Keep yourself busy and distracted by hanging out with people who love you. | contact your ex in any form or fashion | Start looking forward. Things go away to make room for new things. |
51 | Annie | 1 year 4 months | Cried with my roommates, wondered what was wrong with me | Go on a trip, spend time with friends, do things that make you happy, say yes to everything | Check up on your ex on social media | Take your time grieving and healing. You are stronger than you think. One day someone will give you the love you deserve. Until then love yourself so much that you won't accept anything less. |
52 | Lauren | 1 year 6 months | Cried and called my best friend, then cried myself to sleep | I agree! Cut all ties and don't agreet to be friends. How can you when you need to heal? They are not allowed to have their cake and eat it too. Unfollow them on all social media, and do not communicate or see them in-person. | Overwhelmingly think of "What if?" scenarios and blame yourself for why the relationship ended. Do not look AND over-analyze old photos. Talk to many many people expecting them to tell you something you want to hear and ignore the reasurrance/real advice that they're giving you | Make sure that you can depend on yourself for your own happiness first. This will help all of your relationships (platonic, romantic, family, friend, partner, etc.) The reason why a relationship works is because both of you know how to love yourself and this will also become the healthy ways in which you love each other. Lastly, I personally do not believe that you can be friends in the way that you think you can be after your relationship ended. You are exes now. That is the title of your relationship. It's over. The most that you can be are acquaintances. |
53 | Diana | 1 year and 3 months | cried , talked with my brother about it, huged everyone, talked with my bestie, bought ice cream and ate half of it straight away. listened to music and watch a show | Listen to music, positive songs, take long baths, talk a lot with friends, live life, go out, love yourself, visit new places, explore, read, write your feelings, hug someone every day, watch comedy movies, smile, workout, run, walk, meditate, yoga! <3 | cry every single day, stay at home, ignore everyone, you shouldn't stalk him or try to talk with him. Don't blame yourself, be raticional. You can, you will feel better | You deserve someone who treat you like a princess, if don't you deserve better. When you treat others the way you want to be treated, it's the worst, do not let anything do that to you honey. He was the one who I lost my virginity with and i never trusted no one as i trusted him, but despite of that , we didn't work out, we were always fithing, were too different but loved each other a lot. We broke up today, and I'm glad we took the step I tried to take many times, once we broke up and he just called me crying asking for another chance, never give them another chance. If didn't work out the first time, it won't workout latter, im sure . Take care of yourself, always, put yourself first, everyone around you loves you, don't think they don't. You are strong, and beautiful, and this was only a part of your path <3 |
54 | Ari | 1 year and 6 months. Exactly to that date | We never officially said we were broken up. We just both knew this was it. I asked him "what do you want" hoping he would say "I want you" but he said... "someone like you". My heart broke into a million pieces. I cried myself to sleep as he laid beside me. Just cried all night and all day and made him leave the next morning. I just cried for days and stayed home in my bed. The thing that made this so hard is that he's such a GREAT guy. I have nothing bad to say about him. He was just not the one for me. I never had peace in my heart about the relationship. | Cut off ALL contact. I told him to stop texting me and that I wouldn't talk to him. In the next few days I deleted All texts and stopped sharing location and ended his share my location. Just DONT talk to him whatever you do. Take time for yourself. Maybe get a new haircut or knew clothes? I really did retail therapy and it's helped. Talk to friends. Go on youtube and watch videos that give you hope for the future. Listen to podcasts. I'm going to start listening to optimal living daily. Read books... one youtuber recommended "the power of now" . Find comfort in the Lord and ask the Holy spirit to comfort you. Remember that you were whole before you met him and you are whole now. | Remember all the good times ONLY. Remember the bad with the good because something had to happened to make the relationship end. For me, I felt alot of unrest in my soul the whole relationship. Remember things like that. Don't keep going over the future you created for you guys in your head. It will be hell. | Focus on YOURSELF. Have hope that there is a future without him. Remember that the past is a concept. Find self confidence and remember that you are a QUEEN. Healing takes time. You will go through phases where you are completely ok and then burst down crying a few minutues later and then miss him and then get angry at him and then want to kiss him. It's OK. this is normal. These phases will stop being so crazy after a while and you will just get to feeling ok again. Also remember that it is a gift to be able to FEEL. I know it hurts but to feel is to be human. And finally remember that this is a season and it will pass. NO DOUBT. |
55 | Yasmyn | 1 year, 3 months | Cried and had a tea party with my friends | let it all out. let yourself cry and scream and express your emotions without the fear of being too emotional or looking stupid. do things that you love doing, and find new activites to do that make you feel a little more alive again. try and be as productive with your days, getting out of bed and wearing cute clothes, putting makeup on in a ritual of self-love. not for anyone else, but for yourself. if you can't straight away, that's fine to. but take it day by day and eventually the pain subsides, and you can see yourself clearly again. | try to stay away from your favourite songs with them, it makes you fall deeper down the pit of depression, nostalgia and missing them. don't keep thinking about what was good about the relationship so much so that you can't remember the bad and begin to doubt your decision. you had your reasons, and it didn't work out for those specific reasons. allow yourself time to understand what it means to be alone again. | allow yourself to grow on your one. it takes time to remember that you are complete by yourself. that person did not complete you. take time to grow independently and learn to love yourself again. |
56 | Lucy | 1 year, 4 months | Got on a plane to the UK | Delve into personal development, focus on your other relationships, follow your dreams | Beg them to stay | People come and go in your life for a reason so don't worry, when it's meant to be it will be. There will be other loves, I know sometimes it feels like you will never meet anyone else but it does happen. This time is precious and wonderful and perfect for focusing on yourself and doing all the beautiful things you always dreamed of. |
57 | Emily | 1 years (off and on) | Took a shower, went to bed. We had been off and on before and the first break was the wost (cried on the shower floor, etc) because we hadn’t fully discussed the details of any of it and it drove my already anxious mind mad. So this time, I made sure we had closure for every detail and still have an open dialogue now. I also had a trip planned already to visit my friend in her family’s Palm Springs vacation villa so I drank a lot of expensive white wine and talked about everything but him under the beautiful California Fall sun | close out any lingering questions or concerns that you know would bother you so that you can fully take your mind off it all. And ultimately learn who you are separate from not only the other person but anyone in your life. What makes you work and what do you need most from others to thrive (then you can probably see what the other person DIDNT give you that you needed lol). | Say anything you don’t really mean or make any promises | You are the one who goes to bed with you every night. Make sure that relationship is solid. Make sure you like you. |
58 | Lillian | 1 years (on and off) | I cried so much it hurt. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I started staying up late, watching shows we used to watch together. I started falling asleep in class because it got to the point where I slept at 3 or 4 am just because I would just stay in bed all day. | Take some time with yourself first. It's okay to be sad. But the hard part is actually getting up from everything. Start talking to your friends and telling them how you feel and maybe a therapist. It's okay to cry but just know that there are so many people who love you in ways you don't see. Hang out with your friends more and surround yourself with positive people. You will see light again and it won't be the worst to see other people. | Don't avoid a place or person because you affiliated it with him/her. Don't reread all the messages and overanalyze all of them. Don't think it's your fault a year into the breakup. Don't think they changed for you when they have a character change. Don't look forward to their snapchat stories, instagram posts, and facebook statuses. | Explore new things or places. Learn to love yourself in ways you never did. Treat yourself to the occasional tuesday night ice creams or the friday night drinks. Just remember that everyone else in your life loves you and chooses to stay with you. You don't need validation from others from people who step into your life for a split second. Believe in yourself and what you're capable of. |
59 | Rachel | 1,5 years | Nothing, I tried to get a normal talk, to understand what happend, this didn't work. I was phisically shaking so I went to bathroom and replied I am strong and this is all for the better. | Try to think about the other person as little as possible. This already happened, there is no point in spending more time dweling. Once you are ready I recommand to write the relationship down, meaning just write down the dynamics a bit, most significant moment. You will be surprised how many red flags you will then see that were there on the way and at the time you ignored them. Write down the learnings and promise yourself not to become bitter or angry because of what happened. Decide to use it to learn and develope. Listen to yourself and make sure you are giving yourself all the love. | Do not accept his 1 am apologies and regrets. I trusted the guy when he was saying he only wants me and he loves me very much etc asking me to agree to meet to sort our stuff. I let him in for the night of his Bday and none of what he promised took place after (serious talks on how to get our relationship back in shape). He then claimed he is busy (partying, going gym, drinks with mates, I said he is being an arse and I don't see a point in meeting anymore). Even if you love the guy and that's what you want for now pls love yourself enough not to accept being placed 2nd (or in fact 5th or whatever is outside of the top priority list of his) | Do not become bitter because of that. Enjoy your life, be happy and remember only the best. Forgive the person if needed. |
60 | Symphanie | 1.5 years | Cried and broke down in my mom's arms then went to sleep for 12-15 hours (I don't remember exactly, but it was a hella long time) | Put all your photos of them in a folder, (don't erase it, you may want to remember later) and hide it somewhere deep in your computer/phone. | Pick up unhealthy habits. Call them. HATE THEM, you can dislike them, and not want to ever see them again, but don't hate them. The relationship and person is part of your life, and whether it was good or bad it will always be part of your life. Hating that part of your life or that person is just wasted energy that you can put towards something positive. | Replace the loneliness and pain in your chest (you know the feeling) with something healthy. Cook, run, exercise, rock climb, paint, read whatever. Just do something healthy, and do it A LOT. |
61 | Vina | 1.5 years | Cried and called my sister | Allow yourself to feel all your emotions, and not try to curtail the process of feeling overwhelmed with sadness | Maintain contact with them/see what they are up to. It's a black hole. | Do things for you because they make you happy - surround yourself with your loved ones but also don't be afraid to do things alone too. |
62 | Sylvia | 1.5 years | Cried to my roommate, who ordered me McDonald's fries right away | Recognize that this is only one point in time for one single point in space – yourself. Allow yourself to feel, but also allow yourself to explore the universe freely again. | Try to stay in touch (at least right after) | Take advantage of all the time you have now to do the things you may have been restricted from doing with your ex. |
63 | Kristine | 1.5 years | Cry to my roommate | Let it all out!!! Cry, talk, cry, write. Find a way to feel. | Check their last seen, read your old messages or look at your photos or videos together. | Don't dwell on what you did wrong or what you could do differently. Focus on how you can move forward. Focus on yourself! |
64 | Jo | 1.5 years | Drank cider with him and talked about all the could have beens, thinking that this was a mature break up 'procedure' and ended up crying whilst walking home alone after leaving his place. Blasted music that ended up breaking my heart, sat in the corner of my house and cried my lungs out until all of my energy has been drained. | Call up someone. You feel lost, you feel empty, you feel drained. That is ok. That is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Recognise that it is ok to hurt, to even feel resentment, to mourn a dead relationship. You don't have to face it alone. Start creating a small routine for yourself. I started with the tiniest little goals every moment each day, because I felt so lost after my break up - I literally did not know what to do after breaking up. He was so ingrained in my life and my old routine that I felt lost staring at this great empty space in my life, physically and emotionally. Recognise that part of that pain could also be the fear of change. Recognise that change is constant and of course change would be fucking scary as hell. Take it the littlest step at a time. I started creating tasks for myself to do, for e.g. What colours are the sky today? Paint it out. What buildings did I love getting lost in the city? Draw it out. How colourful is my meal today? Aim to have all colours of the rainbow in my meals today. What clothes do I usually wear? Change it up. What makeup do I usually wear? Change it up... so on and so forth until I found something I was excited about life again - and that was watching the sunset at the Opera House but instead of my usual spot, I saw it from another place. And it made my heart full. That there are some things in life that I can still feel this way about. That was enlightening. Finally, recognise that it will be a constant struggle from now onwards. That there are bad days and good days but bad moments and good moments in both days. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't making a linear progress at a constant rate. | Going through the different stages of the relationship in your head again. Don't go through the flirty messages you guys sent each other just before you guys got together. Don't think about how you guys met. Don't think about the time he said "I love you" or the time you did. Don't look at his last seen and wonder if he's messaged yet. Don't look at his last seen and wonder if he's meeting anyone new. Don't don't don't think of the future you fantasised when you were with him. Don't blame any parties on the failure of this relationship - it does not define either of you. People are sent into your life for a reason, likewise, they leave for a reason too. Don't close yourself up from the rest of the world and what it has to offer. Don't doubt your ability and adaptability for you to get through this. | Be kind. To others. To him. To yourself. Growth is a long process and it often takes a long time for you to be able to recognise how far you have come and how much you have done. I am grieving even till now and it is still a constant struggle everyday. The tiniest of steps count and the tiniest of steps matter. I am proud that I chose to live today, that I chose to continue breathing, because choosing life can be one of the easiest things to do but also one of the goddamn hardest thing I have had to do, and I know I am not alone in this. Be kind to the world and to your environment. When I started seeing life in little things, in the cawing of birds or in the chilly weather, I felt an immense love for the nature. Recognise that your emotions are validated, allow yourself to feel it all but know that they can't control you if you don't allow it to. Happiness can be a choice and you can actively make that choice when you are ready. Don't don't don't don't lose hope in the world. Don't lose love. Don't lose that spark in you. If there's anything at all to be taken from this, it's 'keep faith and be kind'. |
65 | Huynnie | 1.5 years | Had my friend pick me up and cried in my bed. Went to a social event for a school club the next day but I ended up getting emotional and crying lol | Let yourself feel what you need to feel. If you don't wanna talk about it and just wanna cry, do so. When you're ready and your mind is clearer, reflect on everything. Where it went wrong and why it didn't work out. I broke up with him but I realized that I was unhappy for a long time and to be honest, as shitty as it is to say, I probably got into the relationship for the wrong reasons. I didn't love him and it wasn't fair for me or him to be in a relationship if it really felt like a sham to me. When I broke up with him, he was really upset (obviously). But after a couple days, we decided to talk to over and reflect on both of our problems. | Don't go back. The relationship needed to end for its reasons. It's easy to look at the good memories and how happy it made you felt, but don't latch onto that. Don't beg for a relationship that wasn't meant to be. Don't try to get back together because you've been together for so long that it feels weird not to have that person in your life anymore. You will learn to live without that person and still enjoy life. You will smile and laugh again, and you could fall in love again. Don't close yourself off. Also, even if you ended on good terms and agreeded to be friends, just give each other space after the breakup regardless. Maybe you can reconnect in the future when you're at different places in your lives and feelings aren't there and you can just appreciate what was. But wow it feels so awkward trying to maintain a ""friendship"" because it feels so forced. You don't need to keep them in your life. Even if they were a good person, you are not obligated to maintain a friendship when you know at the time you need space to remember how to be single. | Be open and vulnerable with yourself. Be honest. Don't be too hard on yourself too. Even if you did make mistakes, turn them into lessons. Know that you're capable of growth and you don't have to keep repeating the mistakes. There's an entire world out there for you. Use it to empower yourself and others and thrive!! |
66 | Yena | 1.5 years | i cried on the phone and begged him for a second chance. Didnt cry as much that night but the next morning, i was brushing my teeth and i couldnt stop crying | focus on school or work! i also tried to talk to my friends about it as much as i could to just cry it all out. all i did was cry for 2 weeks but after that i felt better and was able to focus my energy on myself or friends or family. | dont call him. dont text him. download tinder if u have to but dont be self destructive | everything happens for a reason. It might feel like u cant live without em but there are so many other people in the world, youll be alright! |
67 | j | 1.5 years | I initiated the breakup so I just took a deep breath, stared at the phone screen (really did not want to do it over text but he refused to see me) and cried | Cry it out. Talk it out if you need to. But really just cry. Block him off instagram!! Delete all your conversations with him. Just remove him from your "space". | Don't text him, don't stalk him. | Don't beat yourself up for feeling so much post-breakup. At the same time, pick yourself up, respect yourself and realise that YOU WILL BE FINE without him. Surround yourself with friends. Don't rush into another relationship till you've fully made peace with all your feelings (and your ex). |
68 | Tina A. | 1.5 years | I was numb and could not eat or sleep that day. | Set goals for yourself.Things that you have wanted to do,but that the relationship was holding you back from doing. All the trips that I was looking forward to taking with him were no longer going to happen, so I decided to plan several solo trips on my own. | Don't make the mistake I did and contact him (even to wish him a Happy Birthday). I didn't get the same, loving reaction I used to get and felt heartbroken twice. | It is really hard because the future you planned is no longer there, but embrace the uncertainty, as this breakup will make space for new fulfilling things that were meant to be in your life. |
69 | Alexis | 1.5 years | Made the decision if I wanted to continue with this guy in my life OR if I needed to move on. I know for some people that this is one of the hardest things to do but I think once you make that decision, STICK BY IT. | You should absolutely do all the things that make you happy. Regardless of if it reminds you of your ex. Make sure to be your own best friend and to strengthen yourself as an individual. Reward yourself for doing good things. When you are upset, get rid of that energy in a good way (IE: Journaling. Talking to a friend who has the patience to listen to you) I think the best thing you can do for your self is to start DOING things. If you need to cry, CRY until you get the emotions out, but dont allow yourself to make yourself more and more sad by continually thinking about the past. | Do NOT talk to this person while you are in the stage of recovery. Whether this takes a week, a month, a year. Once you have made your decision that you are out, you need to work on yourself and seeing this person while you are still healing your heart is not going to help you AT ALL. Do not be disruptive to yourself and do things that are constructive! | Be kind to yourself and me around people who are nurturing. Do nice things for yourself and wish the ex well. Do not hold on to things. Work on forgiveness and also work on self improvement. |
70 | Dee | 1.5 years | Took an Uber back to my apartment and cried myself to sleep | Write it all out - a letter to yourself, diary entry, whatever it may be, to help you reflect on the relationship and process what just happened. Speak candidly with your friends/family/people who genuinely care about your wellbeing. | Do not contact your ex. Delete or block them on all social media. Don't wallow in your pain (like eating ice cream all day while crying in bed), but also don't try to fill your time with meaningless distractions--that ultimately won't work in the end. | Sounds cliche, but is 100% true: time heals everything. You'll feel better in a week, and then you'll feel even better than that after a month. It's a gradual process. Just remind yourself that pain and sadness is a normal part of being alive and not just limited to breakups. Once you accept this, breakups feel less catastrophic and more like healthy growing pains, a universal part of growing up and becoming a better person. |
71 | K | 1.5 years | Unfollow/block on all social media | Block on social media and practice self-care. Surround yourself with people who truly support and love you. Indulge in activities that are true to your inner self. Exercise and get moving, even if it's just a short walk around the block. Take care of your mind and body and go out and do things, even if sometimes you don't feel like it - but also don't be hard on yourself if you feel like staying in and grieving and feeling all the feels. | TBH I'm finding it hard to figure out what to write here. I don't think there's necessarily things that are flat our wrong to do - your feelings are your feelings and they are always, always valid and sometimes that means your feelings lead you to do impulsive things. And sometimes those impulsive things have negative consequences, but I try my best to follow the belief that there's never a "right" or "wrong" choice, they are simply choices people make and then we make more choices based on what happens next. I think the worst thing is to be too hard on yourself when things aren't going the way you planned or wanted. It's so hard to not feel guilty about doing things, but just be kind to yourself!! | Remind yourself to be kind to yourself and that it is okay to let abusive people out of your life. Often times people feel hesitant and guilty for blocking on social media/making it seem as if that person never existed - but it's a way to protect yourself and for you to allow yourself the space to grieve and heal. It is absolutely, 100% okay to let go of abusive people. Being victims of abuse often means that the victim blames themselves for hardships that occur in the relationship, but it's not true! Your worth is also never, ever based on another person. People who do not make you feel worthy of love should not be in your life. Surround yourself with people who build you up and encourage you, and to whom you want to do the same. And if that means you have like two friends that's also totally okay lmao. **Be kind to yourself** |
72 | Georgianna | 1.5 years | we cried together for two hours, then slept together,then carried on as if the conversation never happened, still trying to detach ourselves from one another as we didnt want to break up, but he s got caught in life and feels as he is not completely "there" when we are together, so he feels that it is unfair for me to be in this position, and not getting the attention i deserve. | think of things realistically, in the way that you have to understand that its not the end of the wolrd, as hard as it seems, everyone goes through it, dont overanalyse what happened and why, appreciate the things it has given to you | continue to talk to them, just because the seperation is something so difficult and your connection was a habbit that is hard to break | relationships come and go, i do believe that there is no thing as "forever" in love. Sometimes it's difficult to process especially if there was nothing in particular, that broke you up. Try to love yourself more and when you feel that you re perfectly fine on your own, that will be the time to move on. |
73 | Jessie | 1.5 years | We were going to different colleges and we had agreed beforehand that long distance just wasn't our thing. Even thought I said this, I think a part of me still wanted to try because he was my first love, but I'm glad it didn't go in that direction and that we were able to end on fairly mutual terms. We broke up the same day that he was flying out to North Carolina so he went to the airport and I went to my friend's house and bawled my eyes out while watching friends. I was really heartbroken for so long and the intense pain from it lasted for a while. I tried to keep myself busy and reassured myself that no matter what happens we would still remain best friends, just as we were before/during our relationship. I thought that the overall dynamic of our relationship wouldn't change that much and was in a state of denial for a good couple of months. I even rebounded with a couple people in the first month of college in an attempt to prove to myself and others that I was fine and had moved on, but really I was doing it to fill the void that I felt inside. I went to parties and got really drunk and met lots of great new people, but I couldn't keep him out of my mind during the initial transition to college. | You should journal your thoughts! I love writing everything that I'm thinking or feeling because it feels like a cathartic and overall healthy way to just kinda vent. Yes, you should also find support through family and friends, but it's nice to write everything down so that when time passes, you can see the progress you've made or just be able to look back and see the kind of mindset that you used to have. It really helps me to be introspective and understand that these things happen in life and it's not any one person's fault. | Definitely DO NOT hook up with random people or chase strangers in an attempt to fill the void. It's important to address your sadness and heartbreak rather than attempting to brush it off and stay in denial. I wish I had just realized the extent of my heartache so I could avoid having caused some awkward situations. Trust me- hooking up with random people can often come back and bite you in the ass in some way, or honestly it just kinda leaves an awkward ugly blimp in your history that you may want to forget about. Also, you shouldn't hate yourself or them for what happened. Understanding this can really help you to get a better, optimistic outlook in general. | Understand that letting yourself constantly think about the sadness can bring you down. While it's important to reflect, it's also important to not let these thoughts completely consume your entire being. You were somebody before you met them, you were somebody during your time with them, you are somebody after them. |
74 | Kait | 1.5 years | I begged him to stay with me and cried for weeks. I went through the whole, "can't eat, can't sleep" phase.Then for a month I tried getting him back because he kept telling me "he still loved me" and "i was the one" but I needed to change for him to get back with me. While in reality he had moved on in a week and that tore me apart. | You have to truly feel your feelings.Don't hold everything in. Just take the day and cry, listen to music, stay in bed, it's okay to not be okay. I gave myself exactly three days to sulk and be sad about everything on my own. Take that time to feel your feelings, think, process everything, to cry your eyes, scream sad songs, just wallow. Then get up, wash your face, play good feeling songs and talk to a friend or family. Say your feelings out loud to someone who cares about you. Take this time to rant and yell. Surround yourself with good people and dive into current or new hobbies. Workout!! Read, journal, play a sport or video games, just do things that make you happy. Find yourself again, figure out who you are and love yourself. It sounds cheesy but once you get a grip on you again, things get easier. | DON'T BEG THEM TO STAY or chase after them. If they choose to leave then let them go. Don't blame yourself for everything or wonder why you aren't good enough. Delete their number, block them on social media, it's not childish you have every right to heal and out of sight, out of mind. Also don't stalk them or obsess over what they're doing or who they're with. Delete the photos and videos and messages because you will try to look through them. If you don't want to lose the memories but want them out of the way maybe transfer them to a drive and put it away. Don't listen to them if they're trying to keep you around for convience. | |
75 | Seon Yeong | 1.5 years | Cried so bad on the night itself, talked to bffs | HOLY start spam listening to podcasts, inspiring videos, and do ANYTHING that will improve yourself physically and mentally! By that means, go to the gym, eat healthy, start connecting with all your friends, go out and have fun! TRAVEL IF YOU CAN! Most importantly, you gotta take this time to slowly find yourself back - REMEMBER WHO YOU ONCE WERE BEFORE HE CAME INTO YOUR LIFE! | Don't get in touch with that person or stalk him! That will only prolongs your pain and the time to get over the break up. Focus and YOU and YOURSELF! | So cliche but, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. You need to be WHOLE and feel complete by yourself before you can love others or accepting love from people! |
76 | Anita | 1.5 years | initially i felt relieved, told a few friends/ranted a bit and then the sadness and loneliness and missing him came like a tsunami wave | Let yourself feel the downs and cry as much as you need. I drove to a friends and screamed in the car for a bit. Emotions need to get out whether it is by expressing it to friends, journaling or screaming. Listen to SZA or Olivia Rodrigo's driving license and grieve. Hug a friend!! If you need physical touch, touch yourself! Love yourself, because only we ourselves can give us the most love exactly as we need it. Try out things that boost your self confidence and make you feel good. Exercise, dance, read or build some furniture for instant results. | Sell yourself under your value!! And justify everything hurtful they did to you. I was/am daydreaming of him calling me or being at my doorstep wanting to get back together...giving myself false hope. Don't just dwell in the good memories, write down the bad ones!!! | Not everything can be fixed, some problems are not negotiable or solvable. I keep telling myself that things are solvable but they are not. If you have friends around you, they can remind you of how unhappy you were in the relationship and constantly remind you of what does not work. Analyse what you are exactly missing: is it really this person you're missing or the future you imagined to have? If there are things you urge to share with him - ask yourself what differece does it make? They're not going to be enlightened and go to nirvana by the info you want to share. Instead share with friends! The beautiful memories you made are still there. But realise that you can make new memories with new people, cooking, traveling, doing even better activities together. Know you're a figher, you fought for this love and that is something to be proud of. But love may also be easier and not as hard! Give yourself that chance. |
77 | 10 months | Cried and ignored everything, thought he would come back | Let yourself feel pain, but eventually realize it ended for a reason. Life can be good again. Maybe better if they are always your source of pain. | Don't look at old pictures or text messages. Don't stay alone and think of only the good. Remember the bad as well, and live in reality. | Follow a Japanese saying "shikata ja nai", it means it is not able to be changed/ let it go. Often, when something can't be helped, it's a sign that it truly wasn't meant to be. When you let go of something not meant for you, you will find relief. This may take a long long long time. He was my first love. | |
78 | Dunja | 10 months | Cried my eyes out and (unfortunately), begged him to take me at the airport, which made things even worse since we both promised things that we wouldn't mantain later on. | Get Distant - this means not talking to your ex, stalking them on social media, try to look at the conversations they're having online (if you know their password - PLEASE do not do that in any case), delete everything that reminds you of him/her, past conversations and also, block all the people in his/her family and friends (if you know them of course). Instead, spend time with your loved ones, try to find closure by doing something that truly satisfies you, and also take the time to let out all your feelings - there are gonna be whole days where you're gonna feel down, unmotivated and cry your eyes out (especially the first months tbh), and PLEASE don't try to contact them whenever you find yourself dealing with negative emotions - you have to learn how to cope with sadness, and only you can ever truly help yourself at the end of the day. | Stalk their social accounts, blame only them (or only yourself) for the failed relationship, try to stay friends with them, or even promise each other to not date anyone else at the very beginning of the breakup - or even promise anything at all to each other!!!! remember you two are completely different humans at the end of the day, with different ways to move on and a different time to do so. If your ex will move on with someone else before you do, think about the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and just remember he/she is not the right person for you - you too, in your own time, will find someone who loves you. And PLEASE DO NOT STALK THEIR NEW PARTNER!!!! You'll only end up hurting yourself more and it'll just put you down thinking of all the memories you've had with your ex, and constantly beating yourself up psychologically thinking ''how could they move on that fast? was our relationship fake? did he fake loving me all this time?'' etc etc. | If your ex has already moved on with someone else, it's gonna hurt badly at first. You might start thinking your relationship meant nothing to them, and you'll probably bottle up a lot of anger, sadness and resentment towards your past lover, and honestly it brings to nothing good. If you ever feel the urge to write them in ''order to get some sort of closure'', don't do it. Your ex might end up telling you things that he/she doesn't even mean, or offend you, or hurt you because of all the emotions, and the lesson I've learned is : you have to find closure within yourself. You know your side of the story, and you don't necessarily need to know the other one. You've shared memories that you'll end up cherishing all your life,as well memories that hurt you, make you feel happy and all sorts of emotions, and those are enough to lead you on to your own closure. At the end of the day, even if it's over and it surely sucks, you've gained life experiences that will help you grow up and will be useful for your next relationship. Take your time to move on, it might not happen quickly (or it might) and it's okay! Take time to understand who you truly are, learn to love yourself exactly for who you are, what your goals and priorities are and always put yourself first. In the next relationship, remember that you come before your partner, no matter how much you love and care for them, don't be dependent on the other person, always take your time for yourself, never hang out 24/7 with them, and please don't put your friendships aside when in a relationship. Friendships last forever, and it's important to take time for your friends without your partner. Also, don't check on their phones, their messages, their DMs on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook or any sort of social media. If you ever feel the need to do so, it means there's something wrong in the relationship or that you don't trust your partner enough, and that is a big red flag. Additionally, don't ask about your ex's past love life; It is normal to be curious, but trust me ignorance is bliss,the past is the past and you really don't want to start comparing yourself to their past lovers - remember that he/she chose you, there are many reasons why you eneded up being together and you are unique and special in your own way. Lastly, don't be ashamed of being more emotional / sentimental than the other person. Expressing your emotions and feelings is truly a beautiful and admiring thing, and we honestly need more honesty in this world! Please always be yourself and don't ever change who you truly are - if it's the right person, they'll love you (and your negative sides too! :) ) |
79 | Jenn | 10 months | Cried myself to sleep and stayed in bed for a couple days; word-vomited to my two best friends and mom/sister | Throw yourself into the other areas of your life that are productive and need improvement. Cut off as many ways to contact him as possible so you don't. Seriously, no contact. It ended for a reason and you will only wound your own dignity trying to get him back, as difficult a pill to swallow as this sounds. | Contact them, look at old photos/chats, and engage in rebound hookups/flings. Do not stress eat. Also, DO NOT rush yourself to feel better. There is no "right" amount of time to get over your ex by, and it's okay to feel sad for, like, a really fucking long time. Also, do not feel shame/guilt for loving them as strongly as you did. | It feels like the world is ending, but life goes on. One of the toughest lessons I have ever learned, but everyone has to go through it. You aren't alone. Also, check out Matthew Hussey's videos on YT, the website Post Male Syndrome, and look into Buddhist/zen mentality books to heal. |
80 | Irissa | 10 months | We cried in bed for hours and when he finally left, I cried in the Uber. Got home and cried even more to my brother. Started a new job the next day and I was completely utterly dead on the inside for weeks. | Be kinder to your soul. Healing takes patience. Take on a new adventure, be it a hobby or a passion of yours that you put on the back burner. Be distracted but purposefully. Do the things that have always given you joy but this time, find new meaning in them to fill the 'void' in your heart. | Lolol don't get batshit drunk at a club and text your ex!! Try your damn best to not get on dating apps to fill the void too. | Its the love that lets go. Love is always good and should never hurt. If it ended, especially if it was one-sided, love yourself enough to keep your chin up and continue moving forward. The good thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way is up. Find new ways to fall in love with yourself, slowly but surely, day by day. And when those nights where the sadness overflows, let it. Embrace your emotions and that there is so much more healing to be done. Never rush. |
81 | Char | 10 months | Went mental & cried, tore up the calendar my parents gifted him, then packed an overnight bag & stayed at one of my best friends, cried some more | Block them on social media & no contact, make a break up playlist - sam smith & little mix | Blame yourself. It takes two to tango. When the relationship ended, I looked back and felt that I had made many mistakes. I kept thinking about the what IFs. Don't do that. It's ended for a reason. Move on. | Learn & grow from the relationship but don't beat yourself up |
82 | Lillian | 10 months | Cry, cry & cry. It had been dragging out for a while at this point, but it didn't hurt any less when it was finally over. It's been a while so I can't remember exactly what happened, just that it was a blur and I don't think I had much of a reaction initially but I do remember crying, buckets. He was my first love and I was so convinced that he was the one. | You need to do what you feel like you need to do. Take a couple days if you need it, let it out, cry, rant, yell, call a friend, be by yourself. Personally, I think if you're able to get closure, then that's something you should do. But also remmeber that you might not always be able to get it and you may have to learn to give yourself closure, hard lesson that I believe whole heartedly everyone has to learn at one point in their lives. Try and surround yourself around your loved ones, family, friends anyone who makes you feel warm, or if you want to be by yourself that's completely fine as well. You just need to do what you need to do & no one can tell you your reaction is right or wrong. After you've cried it all out, indulge in rewarding activities. Reach out to friends, have heart to heart conversations, read a moving book or journal your feelings out. | Don't be self-destructive. Don't question why you weren't good enough, or what you could have done better, or plot on how you can try and get him back. Also, don't shit talk your ex, keep it classy, future you will be thankful you were able to exit the relationship with grace. | Going through this heartbreak was honestly one of the best and the worst things that could have happened to me. First love has taught me so many things and although I had to go through hell and back, it lead me to where I am today and for that, I would not have traded this experience for the world. First love not only teaches you how beautiful and nasty love can be, but it also teachers you how beautiful and nasty you can be. I put so much into him and the relationship that when I lost both in one go, I lost myself as well. I had put him before I put myself for so long that when I lost the relationship, it felt like I had lost everything, including myself. Heartbreak is universal, but how long it takes you to get back onto your feet is going to be different for everyone. It took me an especially long time for me and in my case, triggered depression and anxiety. But without this heartbreak I would have never learnt to love myself the correct way & would not have recognised my self-worth. Never feel embarassed about the way you feel, or how long it takes you to get back onto your own two feet, see someone professional if you need to! Everything in your life happens for a reason and I know it sounds cliche, but the universe has it's own unique plan for you, so learn to trust the process. Surround yourself with people you love & who love you. Take care of yourself, indulge in self-care no matter what that means for you. It's going to be hard, but really take this time to focus on yourself and I promise you, slowly but surely, you will re-learn that life is truly beautiful. You've got this, I promise you with all of my heart that you will be okay. |
83 | Carmela | 11 months | I told my closest friends and family about the breakup right when he and I separated ways because I thought it was better to tell them before they ask questions repeatedly. We cleared messenger nicknames, the emoji and relationship status. Didn't cry right away but later that week I balled my eyes out every day | Cry. Just let it all out. Scream if you have to. Talk to your friends and family. Seek professional counselling support (online if you wanna stay anonymous). I talked to Headspace (counselling services) once and they gave me a few tips and advices. Writing on a journal really does help. Avoid reading past journal entries until you're ready - it might trigger emotions again. Learn to accept that everything happens for a reason. | Never ever look at past conversations. Delete their messages if you have to. Delete social media if your ex is particularly active on it. It doesn't help if you see what they do in their daily lives. Don't daydream about getting back together or even think about "what if's". Don't overthink things too much, especially when something triggers memories or when you visit certain places that holds special memories. DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH WITH YOUR TRUSTED FRIENDS AND FAMILY! | Listen to people's advices and past experiences but learn to filter what you want to take out of it. Do not force yourself to follow what they think should be right and what you should be doing. Follow your guts as long as you're not harming yourself. Don't force yourself to get over the breakup right away - although it sounds cliche (and I also thought it was impossible) it does take time. Be patient, focus on yourself and gain your confidence and independence back. (For the people who are comfortable with praying) - Prayers do help - imo prayers are a way of reflecting and meditating. Stand tall, smile and everything will be okay again. |
84 | Michaela | 11 months | The breakup was pretty mutual, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. I'd cried in my parents' arms and sat in a daze for days. It's been hard to unlearn the little habits that revolved around him, but I'm slowly getting there. | Let yourself feel. Let yourself be mad or sad or frustrated about the breakup, but don't let it consume your whole life. In your heartbreak, it can be incredibly easy to neglect your work, but remember that your feelings, whether they be lingering romantic feelings or feelings of self hate and anger, are not forever. Talk things out with your loved ones! You don't have to take on this burden alone. Make a playlist of music that makes you happy! Take care of your plants! Make art, and write traditional letters to your friends! You deserve all the love in the world. | Don't reread the texts and the love letters, and don't look through old photos of you together. This will only be salt in the wound, and you don't deserve that hurt. Even if the breakup wasn't messy, mute them on social media if you can. It can be much harder to step back from things, especially if you guys have mutual friends; if you see them in shared group chats, maybe consider muting the group chat, too. Keeping them out of your 'line of sight' is one of the biggest favours you can do for yourself, and doing these things don't make you a coward. If you decide to stay friends, never start doing the weird flirting/overly complimenting exchanges, because these can be really confusing; you may not know if there's hidden subtext or not. Lastly, never, ever text them in the middle of the night. You owe it to yourself to stand strong without them. | Know that you deserve the world. This breakup is not forever, and love will not die forever simply because this relationship didn't work out. Though it may not seem like it now, you will survive; you will keep living and loving and pouring light into the lives of those around you. I believe in you! |
85 | Lovegood | 11 Months | Jumped right into denial. | Look,you loved this person . You had familarized yourself with this person.You were certainly attached to them. So the first thing I suggest you to do is ulitmately comes in terms of it. Acceptance is very importantant here. It is very important that you see them for what they are and what lead to the breakup instead of idealizing them in the pursuit of nostalgia.Secondly, now is the time to invest in yourself. You have to re build yourself. You have to find a sense of purpose that is ultimately yours and you need to work towards that person you want to be. Maybe you always wanted a fitter body,work towards it. Maybe you always wanted to get good grades in Uni,work towards it. Love means a lot and even more in love fazed society such as ours but it is very important to acknowledge and re asses things/people/places in your life. If a certain thing is not fulfilling you or helping you evolve ,cut if off. There is no greater love than self love. Always invest in yoursef and cultivate good habits. | DO NOT: Start Obsessing over them. Go back to them. Stalk them. Daydream about getting back to them. Have any sort of expectations from them.Hurt yourself by starving or overeating. Do not let your feeling trick you into thinking that all that life had to offfer you has gone sour because honestly speaking this boy/girl was not the only thing going in your life. Never underestimate your worth.You might fall like a 10000 times while healing yourself but never give up on it . | Everything in life is a challenge/problem that you need to overcome. Whether it your struggle to achiever carreerwise or your attempt to let go an unhealthy habit or a person who was no longer serving you in your life.Moreover,I feel breakups aren't personal as they seem. That being said,obviously break ups are personal but they feel more personal than they are because it hurts our ego and we internalize a lot of expectations from our partner. I will try to relate this to shoe shopping. You might like a shoe when you are at the shop and it might look really good but when you wear it,it just does not fit you properly so you do not end up buying it. So now the fault is neither in your need to buy a comfortable shoe nor in the shoe for being a size smaller. Obviously relationships aren't as devoid of emotions and empathy as shopping would be but I feel if someone leaves you,you should not internalize yourself as incapable because you are not. They lef you,it is okay. |
86 | Nancy | 15 months | We broke up over Skype so after the call ended I ran to my mom and cried in her lap | Don't ask for a second chance. What's done is done. I sent a long essay to my ex asking him to reconsider the relationship and checked everyday for 2+ weeks for his response. He never ended up responding. | ||
87 | Melissa | 18 months | Got back into my car after we talked in his car and I screamed and cried. I couldn't stay in the neighborhood because I was afraid of waking up the neighbors so I went to a closed plaza to let it all out. I messaged my best friend, went home, changed our relationship status on facebook as a first step towards closure. | 1. ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY -- if you feel like crying, cry. You will feel better after. Crying is not a sign of weakness. People cry when they are happy too! Crying is an expression of an emotion and if that is what you are feeling, as a human you are entitled to expressing your emotions. 2. REMIND YOUR SELF HE IS NOT THE SUN OF YOUR WORLD -- take cry breaks yes, but continue to take care of yourself: eat, sleep, rest, and exercise. It will be difficult, I know -- I barely felt like eating after my breakup BUT your health and well being is the most important thing. You are strong independent woman!! Also, take time for self care! I know that when you feel like crap you may not feel like putting effort to get ready. For me, when I'm feeling down, I put more time into getting ready and I always pick out a killer outfit. This extra boost of satisfaction of feeling yourself will seriously help. If you wear makeup, the saying goes: don't let today be a waste of makeup!! 3. SURROUND YOURSELF -- self-isolation works for some people and healing on their own works for them. But for me, when I isolate myself due to sadness/stress, I don't do as well. For me, hours after my breakup, I immediately messaged, alerted all my friends and asked for their support! I talked/texted/face timed and scheduled hangouts with all them! Don't feel weak or a bother for asking people for help, humans are social beings and people generally really do have a heart :) If they are truly your friend, they will be more than happy to support you: that's what friends are for!! Get out and build new and even better memories without them. Especially, do activities or go places that they never wanted to do with you! 4. DO NOT IDEALIZE THEM AND THE RELATIONSHIP -- upon breakup or actually any sort of change in your life you experience (new school, new job etc.) your brain kicks into this weird mode where it can only remember/think of the good things that person/event had to offer. You must combat your own mind by remembering the bad parts about them and why you were unhappy with those bad parts and how you will do better without those aspects in your life. Remember what the bad thing was that prevented you from being able to stay together. 5. REMOVE THEIR PRESENCE/DO NOT TALK TO THEM -- they were probably a person who made up a huge part of your life and daily day and they may have usually been on your mind often. For this reason, your brain is used to, accustomed (for lack of a better word, addicted) to stimuli that are associated with them. Physical items, text messages, PHOTOs. Seeing/looking at these things ESPECIALLY PHOTOS gives your brain the craving of their presence in your life. In order to move on and start healing you must separate them from your life. Delete pictures, remove/block them from social media (with the intention of healing not anger/pettiness), and do not talk to them for some time. | DO NOT BE ANGRY AT LOVE; love can only be a good thing and circumstance is what has caused the hurt, not love itself. So continue to love yourself and others around you. Do not fixate the idea/validation that you will only be better after you've completely gotten over your feelings for them. Tbh we may never completely get over or stop loving our significant other. Surely with time the sorts of love you had for them like affectionate and physical/sexual love may fade and you may continue to love them as a person who was important to you at a point in your life. And remember that that's okay. Also as I mentioned in what to do -- you shouldn't let them stop yourself from taking care of yourself. Maybe do not isolate yourself. Do not idealize them and the relationship and do not sustain their physical/digital presence. | 1. Remember that YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU BELIEVE -- MUSCLES ONLY GET STRONGER AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN RIPPED. Upon my breakup first break up I felt like such a mess and I didn't know if I would ever be able to get through it. A week later now and I have made so much progress by the support, research, self care and self combatting I have done and you can also do! 2. DO RESEARCH on breakups, loss, addiction/withdrawl. Our bodies kick into fight/flight immediately upon breakup and our minds are sometimes out of our control and understanding, take time to understand how your body and mind are reacting and take the steps needed to calm your self and your mind. And also how to really combat your mind that is only fixated on them. I watched Psych 2 Go and Guy Winch's Ted Talk video about break ups and researched other psychology articles on loss/grieving, breakups and relationship addiction/withdrawal. Also read books and poetry. Highly recommend Rupi Kaur Milk and Honey and The Sun and Her Flowers!!! 4. In the case that you have been broken up with: REMIND YOURSELF THAT IF HE/SHE/THEY WANTED TO CONTINUE TO BE IN YOUR LIFE THEY'D STILL BE TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT RATHER THAN LEAVING-- as much as this hurts and is straightforward, it was my first step towards accepting reality and getting closure. People who treasure you and cannot live without you would never leave you. You only have love to offer and if they cannot accept love from a person who is willing to give it, they are SERIOUSLY AT A LOSS. |
88 | Joyce | 1y 9m | Cried the entire bus ride back to university after our date, then proceeded to drink and party for the first time at my freshman homecoming | Talk to those around you, seek the help and support you need. Don't be afraid to reach out, and continue on with your life. Try new things and keep living. | Shut yourself out and stalk them on social media. Grieving is natural, but remember to move on afterwards. | |
89 | Daisy | 1year | ignored it/avoided the problem | keep yourself busy | text him when you're drunk or lonely | focus on yourself and be thankful for what you have. enjoy the present moment |
90 | ad | 1year 9months | acted like nothing happened when I got home, told my parents in a reallycalm tone and then went upstairs and called my best friend to come over so that I could properly cry and tell her how it happened | talk to anyone whom you know is willing to listen to you about how you felt after it happened. It's important to get insights on how to turn your perspective around to help you acknowledge the reality and move on | don't keep texting him back in hopes of being able to get back together. Wishful thinking is not the way to go. | take your time but don't wallow in self pity, as much as it sucks, go through your daily routine of work/school and also reconnect more with friends and family to keep yourself sane and occupied. If it helps, try a new hobby like volunteering , trying a new sport, anything that can help you build a new community of people and friends into your life |
91 | Autumn | 2 1/2 years | The first time we broke up I cried all spring break. The final time I was relieved it was over | Let yourself feel the emotions for a few weeks. After, you should pick yourself up and go on with your life. You went years without this person, why should they change your life now? | I wouldn't suggest talking to them for a while. My ex and I are friends now after being broken up for 6 years but that first year all we did is argue back and forth. The next year we didnt speak and one day we just spoke to each other as friends. | Nothing lasts forever, everything and everyone is in your life for a reason. Sometimes you have to cut down new trees to make room for new ones to grow. |
92 | Wendy | 2 months | Cried and called my friend and talked to my sister and watched youtube videos on how to move on from a break up lol | focus on yourself and the things/people you love. Remember your goals and try new things that you always wanted to do. Put all your energy into how to become a better person. Practice Gratitude | Stalk them on social media it's not good for you because you won't feel good after it and don't pause your life because you feel they might come back love yourself and put yourself first | We are all going to be okay because better things are to come (: Live your best life today and always |
93 | Georgia | 2 months | bawled my eyes out & ate a whole lot of naughty food | Honor your emotions and wallow. Just for a little bit, listen to the sad songs, watch the soppy movies and read the painfully reltable love quotes. But once youve done that for a few days, maybe a week, maybe a month, make a plan. Plan what you need and what in your life, set goals and starting ticking things off the list. & also block them on all social media platforms, you really dont need to know when theyre going out on a boys night! | bury your feelings, look back at old photos & videos, and do not contact them. Itll only make you feel stupid when they dont reply with what you wanted to hear, or at all. | Remember you were whole before you met them and you will still be whole after they leave. You are still all the beautiful worth-while things you were when you two met and you will continue to be forever. |
94 | Annie | 2 months | Cried and stayed at home for a week even though I had school lol YIKES | If you want closure go for it, but it closure doesn't really exist lol you just have to accept what has happened and how things are now. Delete and block him off of social media and proceed to let out your emotions. Take your time. | Keeping in contact with them. This halts your healing process and makes it harder for you to move on. Don't keep in contact with them though it is hard to not talk to them. | If the two of you ended on a bad note then might as well just delete them from your life. Take your time when it comes to healing; no one's rushing you. Let your emotions out because bottling them in will do you more harm than good. You don't want to lash out at your friends and family who did nothing but look out for you. |
95 | Varia | 2 months | Laid in the dark and wrote in my diary | Unfollow, block him, delete the old conversations and stop reliving the "good times." Tell your friends and loved ones, don't suffer alone. Heartbreak is a universal language, they will empathize and help you. | Care about what they think of you. I had to see this guy TWICE A WEEK FOR TWO WEEKS in class and oh my god I let him talk to me and laughed at all his stupid jokes like we were still together. I let him talk about other girls, his friends, and was a fucking doormat. He never even apologized. I wish I hadn't wasted the energy trying to be the "cool girl" and holding out hope I'd be the one he changed his ways for. Love yourself boo and stop caring what he thinks of you. You are amazing. | Don't feel guilty about handling the breakup the "wrong" way. I am not a crier and still haven't cried over him. I felt guilty about that, but have since realized that's just not who I am and how I handle grief. Handle this the way you want to because there is no right way handle a breakup. |
96 | Krystal | 2 months | Leave his apartment that I took a 4 hour bus to | Start a journal! I can not emphasize how much that healed me during my breakup. It really put things that I was feeling into persepctive. Instead of spiraling down a neverending loop of negative thoughts I would reason out why I was feeling certain emotions. I also started writing every day one day I was grateful for. | Don't imagine or daydream about getting back together. You won't. | Even if you feel that you lost your self confidence you will bounce back stronger than ever! If you guys broke up then it wasn't meant to be. |
97 | Elena | 2 months | Went to dinner and clubbing with friends | Go out of your way to do activities you don't normally do. New experiences are an exciting distraction but also gives you new perspective and reminds you that life goes on. Doing them with friends is even better because you can talk about how you're feeling. Give yourself and your significant other space. | Alone time to ruminate is good but don't spend too much time alone because you'll start to only focus on the bad things. | Be as open, honest and communicative as you can (my ex and i are still best friends thanks to this). It's better to have doubts outside of a relationship than inside. Life moves on. |
98 | A healing soul | 2 months | ` | He asked me to remain friends, and at first I thought it would be pretty immature for me to say no, I thought I could text and even video call him without feeling sad, but here's the truth: I couldn't. I was still very much in pain, and even when I don't like to admit it I still had this hope of us coming back together. Everyday whenever he texted me I was hoping he would say: I am so sorry, let's do this right. But that day never came. Every day I was killing myself and I knew it, but I didn't care, because all I really cared was getting back together with him. I sort of became obssesed, but today, after 3 months of doing the "only friends but secretly hoping you will come to your senses" I have realized that the only one who needs to come back to her senses it's me. He doesn't love me. I don't know if he ever did. That doesn't even matter anymore, because I am not in the past, I am in the present, and today we are not together anymore, and I need to move on. There are many wonderful, beautiful people and experiences out there, I don't have to get stuck in this situation. So, to sump up what I have learned from this experience it's: don't be his friend, you like him, you feel attracted to him, think about how you feel about your male friends. Is it the same feeling? No, it's not because indeed it's different. Of course you don't gotta hate him, but here's the thing: when it's over leave, don't continue watering a dead flower. | Don't text him. Don't stalk him. Don't pretend to be his friend. Don't call him. Delete his number and don't write it down somewhere else or memorize it. Let it go. | I honestly believe that the best thing to do in order to honour a relationship is to move on and to not try to "stay friends", it just isn't healthy and it will cause you a lot of emotional issues. Go out and meet new people. Stay hopeful that the right person will come around and yeah, for the record, the right person won't treat you like shit. Don't lower your standards. You know what you deserve and you know what you want. |
99 | Ginny | 2 months | Bawled my eyes out in my room, but went to get Japanese food right after. I couldn't stop crying, as soon as I thought about it I would cry. This was also the time my mental health was already going downhill, and the break up was a week after I lost my friends, a week before my finals. | Surround yourself with someone. Definitely focus on yourself and take some time to settle your feelings to heal. | Don't do what I did. I texted my ex. :) | Everything happens for a reason. It sounds cliche but it's true. Breaking up doesn't mean the end for a relationship though. However, learn from your past experience and do not get your hopes up that somebody will stay with you. You are so much more than you think. Love yourself first before you can love others. |
100 | K | 2 months | I was kinda shocked since he "broke up" with me through the phone. I didn't realise that we are breaking up now and I kinda laughed with him and made jokes about everything. When I think about it, it is so weird how I reacted. Afterwards, I called my best friends and started to ball like a child. | Let all the emotions flow through your body and mind. Let all your emotions out. Do not think about what just happened too much. Talk to a friend and just cry. Do not hesitate. Do not feel like you are not supposed to cry or that crying makes you weak. Crying is a healthy reaction to heartbreak. | I always tend to romanticise the other person and what he did. I always think maybe he did that to protect me or he did that out of pure love. Please do not think that. We don't live in a romcom movie and he probably is just a human, making mistakes. Do not think too good of him (of course he does not have to be THE jerk and you don't have to be the victim but just don't exaggerate). Don't stalk him, don't bother texting or calling him to take you back. You should know what you deserve and what you need and want in life and if he doesn't meet your needs and goals, then let it go. | I don't like people saying that you are not supposed to be sad or that broken because you guys weren't even together. In our generation we tend to start dating and start a "thing" without making it official. Some spiritual minds say that it is toxic to call someone "yours" and that being in an official relationship means to restrict one's freedom. But I know a lot of people don't think like that and I think most of us are caught in social norms and want to be in an official relationship and build a family one day. That's why I don't get why our generation has to do everything that a couple does but hesitate calling the significant other their partner. Just because they want to make sure that there is a small percentage that you can pretend to not be in a relationship and maybe have the freedom to be unloyal or whatever. These thoughts lead me to the advice that although you are maybe not official, and although you didn't spend too much time with the other person, you can still develop so many feelings for one each other and share so many experiences and thoughts, that you are obliged to feel the way that you are feeling now. Don't let others tell you differently, that you guys "just" dated for 2 months or that you should stop crying because he wasn't even your boyfriend. F*ck those people and allow yourself to feel everything you want to. I swear, everything will get better with time :) |