Death Sex & Money Break Up Survival Kit
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\\No matter how bad you feel, how horrible the world seems, do something that gets your heart rate up and makes you sweat. Boxing, running, yoga, cycling, climbing… Anything.Good video to watch, to compliment Lex's suggestion
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Build new memories that belong solely to you.This was the best thing for me!I'm doing this in May--taking a solo trip to Europe. I can't wait!I'm moving to Europe! I was able to take a position I wasn't able to while in my marriage
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Jessica M.Dance Parties
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Martina M.Threw out his bullshit gifts to me
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Blocked him from social
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aFucked a few strangersLOL Fun, +1-I had many 1 night stands. Just what I needed too.get itttttthaha! :-)
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Ana T.Do the things that you would hide from your ex
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Finally fuck the friend/acquaintance you always wanted to, but couldn't because you were in a relationshipUnless you think you could really have something with them. Then give it some time.
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WertttrI started approx. 4 TV series
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Heidi L.Buy shoes10 minutes after ending my marriage (two weeks ago...) this is exactly what I did (had to collect myself off the floor to do it, but goddamnit I did it). They are my "divorce shoes," and when I wear them they remind me that I am fierce, worthy and able to carry on no matter what I encounter on this life's journey.YAAAASSS- 5 pairs in so far
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Take many long baths
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Take many long napshow does anyone nap? I can barely sleep....
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Make lists ;)preach
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Jess H.Cook or make something complicatedExtra points if it's something your ex refused to eat or was allergic to. She was allergic to flowers. LOTS of flowers now. Botanic Garden! lmboYES !
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Melissa M.h ywccut your hairKeep it sexy though, nothing will make you feel more empowered in the moment and worse the next day than a cut you never wanted in the first place. (believe me)
-Agreed, nothing drastic. I donated mine after a breakup. Big mistake. Most of my pretty feelings are in my hair.
YQY!Yes! I agree with this one. Hair holds DNA as well as feelings and memories so opting for a haircut is very healthy. My mum would never let me cut hair in school before exams so I wouldn't have blank brain. Years later I went for a bob after a break up and it felt like a new window had opened up.
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Try something newSay yes to a date, try a new form of exercise (or start exercising), try a new type of cuisine.
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Get outside!Seriously... +100! x2
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Ashley A.CryThere's no getting around it. Embrace the crying for a few days, then start to move on.Doing it now. See the "things to listen to" list for the best wallowing songs. Avoid Bitter or defiant ones until later.
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CMI e+ vvDo stuff they hatedWatch movies they hate, listen to music they hate, eat food they hate. All the stuff you couldn't do with them, do it now. Like...walk the dog. LOLmy ex was vegetarian - you better believe i'm eating ALL the meat rn
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Go to places you went togetherI find it cathartic to go back to places we went together, so I don't think "the last time I was at this restaurant we were together," he/she doesn'D21)t get to be my last anything - whoa never thought of this. DBrilliant. Hi,Nice idea - don't let those place be owned by him anymore.
Agree 1000x. I have walked past our old apartment/neighborhood/scenes more than a few times just to re-liev them with myself
Agreed. I think of it as making the place mine again.
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Eat really, really good foodNothing makes me feel better than amazing food
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Molly PHair cutYou might make an impulsive decision--but hair grows back, and experimenting is good!
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FitnessYes; work out so hard you can't think of anything else (salt water is the cure for everything)100% yes
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0Long walksYes. My ex hated cheese. Who could hate cheese?!Hating cheese...major red flag ;)YES, my ex hated GARLIC, this was a doomed relationship from day 1.
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Cultivate friendshipsDefinitely cultivate your friendships without just talking about the demise of your relationship.
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Hiking10/10 It is so good to spend that time outside
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Crafting, be creative! It's important to keep yourself mostly busy. Don't only wallow, but do things you enjoy that make you feel good about yourself. I made so many counted cross stitches and it was so helpful to think and let my hands be busy.
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Get a pet
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Peter MExerciseYou'll look good and feel good. I crushed my half-marathon PR from college days 12 years later. Fought serious depression and anxiety.
+1: When it feels like you can't think of anything except your broken relationship/ sorrow, a strenuous workout will force you to think about stuff like breathing and technical accuracy so there is no more room in your brain to think of the relationship
Seconding. If you're in a place that has it, I love Solidcore Pilates. It's totally absorbing - I couldn't think of anything but the workout
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Make new friends in other social circlesBumble has a BFF section
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Meditate/MindfulnessI got addicted to Tara Brach's podcasts, learning about acceptance, here and now, compassion, lovingkindness, impermance, Oneness, anti-self/other
I love Tara Brach
I really recommend the app SimpleHabit - they have a good series of guided meditations focused on breakups
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Journal, Journal, JournalHelp your brain process the past. Pages don't judge you.
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WmybI Food is medicine. Medicate yourself with food rather than alcohol/drugs.
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Occupy your mind (with Podcasts)Highly suggest Tara Brach. Splendid Table. Wait wait (comedy). Unhidden Brain. ::::Why oh Why (about being single and starting to date, and the struggles that comes with dating and meeting potencial couples /sex ) and, If I were you (Two guys give advise to people that send questions, in a very satirical and funny way) :::Also, Magic Lessons, Liz Gilbert's podcast. It's about creativity but she's weirdly cathartic. A lot of good stuff for the soul. As well as Dear Sugar. I owe them both.Caring from the Void, Invisibilia, totally agree about comedy like Wait Wait
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AbBg ,+badbwTherapy is for EVERYONE!Agreed. And it doesn't all take place on a couch. Don't be scared of the therapy couch trope. Yes. Therpay therapy therapy. SO helpful for me to sort out what went wrong and how to prevent future patterns
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zack is Non-toxic, non-judgemental, patient.
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Create art.Whatever it is...create something! Get expressed.
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Try new things.Neurons that Fire Together, Wire Together. Be positive, think positive, do positive things, and groove those channels in your brain. Trying new things helps create new, unexpected neural networks and brings us into the here and now - at our purest and most authentic self. Learn to love and discover yourself in the new activities. Surprise yourself. It will help you love life and be grateful again.Go to accupuncture. Get a Thai Massage.
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Be grateful.It changes your brain. Fear disappears when you choose to be grateful.YES YES YES.
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Jordan GDrink an entire Bottle of wineMaybe consider moderation as well...
Not by yourself!
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Go to hangover brunch with your friends the next day
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Incorporate a new excercise into your daily routine (I've fallen in love with training for my first half marathon
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Go to Gratitude
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Heather C1. Get a therapistIf breakups keep happening and keep feeling harder to cope with, TRUST A PROFESSIONAL
Agreed- I cannot stress enough how important my therapist was in helping to get me through the rawest, toughest part of the healing process
Even just deciding to see a therapist took so much wieght off. The moment i made that call, I began to heal.oh god please go to therapy, you deserve to be happy
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The best days I've had single were the days I took time to go into a part of NYC I never visited BY MYSELF. Without anyone to tell you what they don't like, you can see movies YOU want to see, eat food YOU want to eat, and hell, grab yourself a well deserved drink.
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3. VolunteerGet out of your head and make the world better.
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4. Delete the ex from your social media BUT......let your best friend or a trusted person keep them. My friends and I have kept this going from college and it's well worth it. Instead of me seeing an ex happy and thriving in a new relationship, a friend will let me know if they have gained 15lbs.This isn't entirely healthy, but hey, more power to ya. It is, though, quite funny. I dig it. This is hilarious!just sitting here morning my loss of my bestfriend and stalking instagram account then i decided to attempt to help myself through this terrible heart break and though i personally wouldnt do this , this here is the first time i laughed all day
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Nicki K.Watch stand-up comedyYES - Chris D'Elia Jim Norton is especially good medicine / Bill Burr/ Louis C.K. - Anything Dark and Raunchy. (Or TRY stand up comedy yourself! Such a challenge. So much more immediate in its anxiety than a break up, so you have to focus on it!)Amy Schumer
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Buy that preservative-laden, non-organic mac 'n' cheese and hot chocolate your ex would disapprove ofEat and drink anything they would deem "unhealthy," really
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Go on long walks
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Cook something complicated just for the hell of it
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Therapy
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Put their love letters and other gifts/memories from your relationship in a box, and don't open it for a while
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Get an awesome haircut
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Stay busy, and do things with your friends even if you aren't feeling it
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Do NaNoWriMo or another writing challengeIt keeps you busy and creative!
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ChristianGo to the movies and catching up with the things you have forgotten you like.
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Establish a "healty" relationship with red wine and vodka tonics.
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Kaylie M Try doing new things aloneTravel, especially. Movies andcoffee shops are nice too.
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Journal all of your feelingsIt helps as a reminder in the future and facing heartbreak (of different or the same variety)that you are have been there before and overcome
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Renée M.Hide all their social mediaConstantly monitoring what they're up to will only cause you more pain. It's best to just unfriend, unfollow, block - anything to avoid going down that dangerous rabbit hole.so true, having it out of sight, makes it fractionally easier to have them out of mind and well take every little bit right.
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Sarah M. Go to new places by yourself to create new memories that reflect your own interests
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Steph MCall people in the time you would've called/texted your exI always called my ex while I was walking to work, lunch, coffee whatever. In the first few weeks or our breakup, that part would be the hardest. I gave the heads up to friends and family that I would be frequently calling them during this time to help break the habit of something that reminded me of the intimate time that we spent together chatting. Eventually, I would call less and less, and soon enough, I was able to enjoy those walks alone againI realized how many friends I'd lost touch with during my last long-term relationship. That realization was probably the worst part of the breakup because these were people who were incredibly significant at various points in my life. Taking the time to reconnect is so important, even if you think you're too late, because these people are the ones who love you and, most likely, the person who would've told you that you and your partner weren't a great match (had you given them the opportunity).
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Break those annoying small habits that you compromised on in your relationshipStart pushing toothpaste from the top of the tube again, leave your bed untucked during the day - reclaim the little things!
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Invest in yourselfDo in activity in which you will be able to see a tangible improvement in your growth over time - work out, learn a language, learn a new skill (cooking, knitting, whatever). It will be fun and also help increase your self-efficacy
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Ana TDo the things that you would hide to your ex
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Steph S.Yes to all the positive things (self-care and investment) but make a list of the reasons why you broke up, including all the fights, arguments, and disagreements you had. This list of "why you broke up" is important for when your mind wanders and you think of all the positives and get sad. You give that list a quick look over and remember all the problems that were in your relationship.
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As a straight female go to a gay bar.Great confidence boost and no need to worry about others trying to scheme on you when you're not ready.
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Lillian K.Start a gratitude journalKeeping a gratitude journal forced me to focus on the small positive moments of my day, and helped me realize what actually brought me joy - leading me to prioritize my time more appropriately. It's been almost two years and I continue to add to the list of all I am grateful for in my life every day.
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AnonymousExercising regularly, if I felt bad I made myself go for a walk.
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Vinh T.
Crying was the most therapeutic process for grieving heartbreak.
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Suzanne S.See a therapistYou may think you have nothing to talk about, that break ups happen and you eventually feel better, but talking to someone who is, essentially, a complete stranger is extremely helpful.
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Amy W.get a great new outfitmake yourself feel good on the outside while you're feeling low on the inside
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Lynn S.buy some jewelrysomething nice. Later you'll see it as a milestone of moving on. It'll become the "Gary necklace"
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Emer S.Theraputic Screaming/WailingPreferably pick a place where no one will notice. My favorite method is in the car with some very loud, angry, cathartic music
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Weight lifting/CrossfitMultiple bonuses here: endorphins from exercising, structured workouts that help distract your attention (and terrify/challenge you--but in a good way), opportunities to meet and socialize with well-meaning people, and (usually) some quality eye candy to ogle (but not in a lecherous, creepy way. Please don't do that.)Kickboxing with a heavy bag is amazing - kick the shit out of it - I won't tell anyone if you picture his/her face ;)
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Lynsey C.Be kind to yourself
I highly recommend Kristin Neff's Mindful Self-Compassion course. It was life-changing.
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Greg D.sell some jewelryTake an item of jewelry he gave you that you weren't really crazy about to begin with, but you wore it for his sake, and SELL IT - and use the money to buy yourself something you love but would never normally purchase for yourself.
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MegGo to the moviesThere are so many options and your tastes in what you want to see-- romcom, superhero, foreign, or animated film-- are completely your own. Indulge that sensibility and finally go see something you want to see.
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SarahDon't expect it to be perfectYou will have a rough time at certain points and that is normal and okay.I often tried to handle it perfectly and be "fine". Which I wasn't. once I let myself admit it and start to work through it, the pain started to become more manageable. Read some Brene Brown books. Take workout classes. Learn to cook something new. Make new friends. Push yourself.
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Angie M.Allow yourself to FEEL it I give myself a week or 2 to wallow. Lets all those feelings out! Then when the week (or however long you give yourself) is over, you pick yourself and get back to living. You'll still be heartbroken, but you've given yourself time to mourn. It makes the healing process easier (at least in my experience).
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Liz D.Go running, free of any technology or a watch, then get a beer afterI haven't run since youth, but what I loved about being on foot at speed was I was alone and in that spot (and flying along). Running with the umbilical cord disconnected seems just right. (Lewis)
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Caitlin M.buy new bras and underwear
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Caroline Kmake weekend plans in advance with good friends. don't flake!Do a jigsaw puzzle - it’s relaxing and completely takes your mind off things. Plus it’s a goal with a finish line
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don't attempt online dating until you're READY (you'll know)But when you are ready, rack 'em up. First dates are such an ego boost!
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AdinaListen to the Break Up episode from This American Life
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Change your routine!!!
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Amanda MThat picture you have that you're not ready to throw out yet? Wait. Then when you're ready, tear it into 4 pieces and throw it the fuck out. Take the trash out. Be done.
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Anna RTake classes that make you feel like a badass. Or otherwise start something new that makes you feel like a badass.
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Solo trip or a trip somewhere with your best friend(s)
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Manissa MMcook. for yourself. for others. go grocery shopping and buy all the things you want. every kind of cheese. every cookie and chocolate. eat them alone. eat them with friends. feed yourself generously.
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Glenda WDefinitely agree with the solo vacation. I did my first solo trip to Europe when I was going through my divorce. It was sooo empowering.
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Find your people, travel to your people, stay over at their houses, have dinners and girls nights and book in fun things. Cry with them, laugh with them. Cry, cry, cry. Do the thing that hurts the most - like listening to the song that hurts just right or the things you think you can't do because the pain is too much. Take a friend and do them with the friend and cry. Face the crying and the worst of the pain. It will be awful, the most awful, you will feel as if your heart is physically breaking and as though your insides have been crushed or rearranged or pulled from your body, but do it. Face the hard things with friends. It is better to face them then allow them to re-surface months later or to allow them to linger in the background while you fake it on top. Cry. You will be okay. And then remember the things you love, remember what you did before you met him/her, and go, do that. Join a writing group, take an acting class, just go and do it. Also, go on long long long walks. Walk until you are too tired to do anything else, it helps when you can't sleep to wear out your body with physicaly movement. And drink, if it helps. But make sure you have friends with you who can take care of you when you're drunk and tell you when its time to put the bottle down and put on a brave face. But for the first few months after - Drink. Its okay. But always take a friend to help ensure you don't make bad life decisions while drinking. You will be happy/sad for a long time, mayber forever. but there is always happy. And there is always good things. Count three good things a day. #countthegood Its there. THe lonliness fades, but while it is there it is okay to lean on people and to be around people and to be keepign yourself busy, eventually you will be able to just be. The pain will feel like too much like it will swollow you whole and as if you will never get over it. And you will not believe anyone when they tell you the pain fades. It does. Just keep going. Just choose what the next right thing is and do that. And DONT TEXT THEM. It will never make you feel better. Either you won't hear from them or you won't like what you hear and you'll feel worse.
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Michael DStart an exercise routine. I agree with what so many people have said about the benefits of exercise, but I would suggest setting up a routine. The routine itself will help replace some of the newly found free time with something that feels productive and hopefully helps you feel sexy and desirable.
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Julie J.Move your body to music. Even if you're the world's worst dancer, you will feel better (even if only slightly) after you put on some music and flail around.
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Remind yourself of the things that were bad about the relationship so that you don't get caught up remembering the relationship through rose colored glasses.
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TheresaIf you were living with the person, sleeping alone is difficult in the beginning.You will get used to it eventually. I found that a hot water bottle was very comforting. I bought one that had this fuzzy covering (so you're not hugging rubber). It was warm.
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TheresaKeep your mind busy - I binge watched TV shows - the ones with many seasons - The West Wing, The Wire
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