Crisps to try
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Awfully Posh Pork ScratchingsPork SwordNo crappy additiveseBeer, an artisanal lager probablyIs this really a crisp?Best to get scratchings from a pub instead of buying these mass manufactured ones that consist mostly of airAre we talking the clear plastic bag variety from the butchers?
Bacon BitesBaconGod knowsdcan't help itSquash - re
Bacon FriesBaconThere’s flour in these?From the makers of Scampi FriesYes yes yesReal ale, preferably room temperatureSeemingly only available in pubs, beside the Scampi Fries. Just as delicious and wrong.
Bissli (Waitrose)GrillmaizeTaste like bacon, but Israeli (kosher), so no bacon!MaccabeePizza flavour is good as long as you're not thinking of real pizza.Onion rings are... OK.
BrannigansRoast beefPotatohOlorosoRoast beef and mustard 4 lifeNo doubtRusticThe accountant of crisps, stable, dependable, but not going to blow your mind.
Burtons Fish & ChipsFish & ChipsNot sureThe best ever!Yes!!!Red WineSorely missed
BurtspotatoCheese and onion are a winner
Cape Cod crisps- plain salted Used to be available in UK, now possibly only in US Like, really stinky.
Cheese PuffsCheeseCornWhy on earth not?!
CheeseletsCheeseWheatTechnically a cracker...
CheetosCheesy, spicyCornAFAIK only available in the USA. Dew, bro!Wonderful with humous dips or Helman's Mayonnaise
Chicken Flings (S. Africa)Yes for nostalgic purposes onlyChenin BlancThe definition of umami - let the flavour senstation melt onto your tongue
ChipsticksSalt n vinegarThe stuff they leave on your fingers is fucking deliciousOh let them melt on your tongueUltimate stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth aceness
DiscosPotatoWhy do they have to remove all traces of fat and ruin awesome crisps! Well-oaked whiteScorchingly salty - YUM!These actually burn the skin off your lips
DoritosSaltedcornOnly good with a dipCoronaGive me Cool Original or hint of limeEww no, flavoured Doritos are horribleAgree, salted or nothing...Cool Ranch is alrightSalted with dip; cool on their own; cheesy as an ingredient; lime if you're weird
DoritosTangy CheesecornNice in fahjitasonly on offer
DoritosFlaming HotCorn, i guess. I mean you'd hope, right?Only really good as an accompaniment to a good quality tsatsikiYesPerhaps an IPA?Ugh - way too over-flavouredHence the need for tsatsikiTurn your fingers orange
Every Dutch crisp company, everPaprikaPaprikaPaprikaPaprikaBong waterI think the Dutch are secretly addicted to paprika crisps. Lidl's and Aldi's do big bags of these things.paprika crisps from Aldi and Lidl are actually German. Just sayin'
FrazzlesBaconCornThe best everFor sure
Of course!
Riesling or ciderGood for mac n cheeseMy favouriteAs good as sex, and leaves your fingers smelling the same as sex as well.The best bacon when you can't fry your own. and dont want real bacon. Made me burp during a medical this afternoon
French friesSalt n vinegarShit chipsticksTaste as close to burning as it's possible for a salt and vinegar snack to taste
French friesSalt n vinegarno ideaYesWineNeed two packs due to small serving size
French FriesWorcester SauceNo IdeaThese are the king of French Fries - all other flavours pale in comparisonYesTizerEasy to eat six packets in a row
FritosSouth AfricanCastle LagerClosest comparison is Doritos, but they are smaller and have an amazing tomatoey flavour. Almost like they have been sprayed with salted tomato paste. fff
Golden WonderSalt n vinegarpotatoNot a Crisp, It's a puff
Ghost PopsspicypotatoSouth AfricanHells Yeahorange juice Ok not Strickly a crips, but a puffy crunch which then dissolves on the tougue leaving a pleasant sour tang and slight chili burn. High tendency to cling to the roof of the mouth, and stick in clumps to the rear molars and gums, thereby providing a mini-snack hours after actual consumption.
Goldfish cheese crackersCheddarThe best fish shaped, hollow cheese flavoured snack on the market. Sunny DThis is not a crisp.If cheeselets can be classed as a crisp I would argue these can tooThis is a BISCUITTechnically I think they're a crackerMade by rogue librarians who wanted everyone else to feel the pain too....... the evidence: Chocolate flavour.FINE. But you get chocolate flavour crisps. Or at least, you did in the 90s at some point. Wasn't it Golden Wonder, in their death throes?
Hula HoopsReady saltedpotatoMy Doctor tells me I'm not allowed.Cup of teaThe brown packet one - BBQ? nice in the morning for fun burps during the dayMust be eaten from around your fingers.
HighlanderSalted, salt & vinegar, cheese & onion, tomatopotatoRidged crisps, seemingly only available in multipacks from UK supermarkets. Packs are rather small.Why not? Cheap multipacks.BovrilA poor man's McCoys, but still they're crisps, so yum.
Johnny's Onion RingsOnion?cornMoreish but slightly chemical tasting onion rings, that aren't acutally made of onions at all, but cornYes - cheap and tastyLiltCan't believe these aren't on here already. A schoolground favourite.
Kettle Chips potatoSalt and balsamic vinegar is the best flavourYeah!Gin and elderflower cordial. Middle class, innit.Come on, the Honey Dijon is fab.The salt and balsamic vinegar just taste of salt, and a hint of balsamic that suggests they have simply wafted the scent of vinegar over the crisp rather than actually dipping it in.So bleak, it's like it's been shown a picture of the flavouring.These ruined my marriage.
Kettle Chips Balsamic n vinegarpotatoSee G34
LaysPaprikapotatoLays is the Euro name for walkers no? Don't know - Walkers don't do Paprika though!only in Europe, they're pretty much the only decent flavour crisp you can buy in franceCold CoronaLoveLay's French flavours include the epic Bolognese, Carbonara, Mustard and Olive flavours. In Spain, the Receta Campesina is brilliant.
M&S Cheese curlscornThe orangiest cheesey crisps that don't even taste of cheese! Barmy! Weak compared to French Lay's Saveur Roulet RôtiBEST. FAKE. CHEESE. EVER
M&S cheese tastersCheeseCorn, right? So much better than wotsitsEvery time I pass an M&S foodM&S sparkling water (if it's a hangover journey) or M&S gin in a can (for any other occasion)Best crisps everCheaper than Wotsits and more tasty
M&s salt & vinegar chipsticksDohWallpaper paste powder? The undisputed king of the salt & vinegarsHell yeahBlack teaEndless finger slurps....get involved!
McCoysSalt & VinegarpotatoBig ridgey slabs of goodnessEverydayIf these were a religion, they would fuck you in the tastebuds for all eternityThe greatest thing since shaved vaginas.
McCoysSteakpotatoThis shit has been blown out of the water by Walkers Deep Ridged Flame Grilled SteakNo way! Walkers tried and failed, these are the best steak crisps for sure! Don't know why anyone would eat these ahead of McCoys S+VWalkers - keep walking mate
Mini CheddarsCheeseWheatNever ever be tempted by the other flavoursGasolineIs this not a cracker?Definitely a biscuitThe Marmite flavour is sort of interestingComes in a crisp bag, is sold in the crisp section. This is a crispSold in the snack section, surelyBloody crisp nazis.Not the same now they've got rid of the MSG
Monster MunchPickled onionCorn Mostly vinegar, with a caustic mouthfeelAnythingThe Chesney Hawkes of crispsCan stink out a room in 5 seconds.Apparently these dissolve your brain. Yum!Like rubbing your tongue over a cheesegrater - in a good way. Local wankers have started using these as an ‘ironic’ burger topping. The wankers.
Monster MunchRoast BeefCornLess sour than the pickled onions, with a strong umami aftertasteExcellent source of dietary fatFor when picked onion is not avaliable, but you still want to pick gloopy corn mix from your teeth.
Monster MunchFlaming HotCornVaries depending on how much flavouring is stuck to the crisp. Odd, slightly addictive flavour. Not as "flaming hot" as you would be led to believe.Oh yesNormally a Strawberry YazooHard to find in newsagents and supermarkets, mostly found lurking in petrol station crisp sections (and normally these are the bigger "Mega Size" versions with more crisps in - bonus).Lies, these are bountiful in Tesco.Why did tomato and bacon flavours have to disappear?
Mr Trotters pork scratchingsTrottersPorkGross, just grossNo way! ListerineMR TROTTERS ARE THE BESTNastyA pig's ear
Nik naksNice n spicycornNobbly twigs of corn starch coated in lovely chemicalsYesCherry cokeGreat textureMarkSomething of a freak crisp, many simpletons are appalled by the shape and taste of these bold odditiesCrisps which make it ok to lick flavour powder off your fingersIs it not always ok to lick the powder off your fingers?Never leave a pack of scampi and lemon NikNaks open in your coat pocket
Phileas Fogg American Bubble ChipNew York Deli Relish These MUST contain crack or something. Ridiculously morishMethadoneThe adverts claim they are not a crisp. Is there any truth to this or is it mere advertising hyperbole?
Phileas Fogg Mexican Taco RollSour Cream & OnionSEE ABOVE. CRACK-RIDDLED BITES OF WONDER AND AWEMethadone
Pom Bear stickssaltedpotato starch?Efficient German SnackingBitburgerDelicious
Pombears SaltedpotatoYummy my sons faves Yes (kids)Nice if your palate also runs to packing peanutsThese make me feel like the king of the bears.PACKING PEANUTS? how dare you. what the fuck are Pombears?Like eating a bag of fresh air.
PopchipsReady saltedpotatoGreat texture, just the right level of saltinessA crisp whiteThe flavoured ones are all pretty rank
PringlesSaltedcornShit yet addictiveYeah, they're always on offerAnything - they are really salty!Tastes like a wet dogQuite popular in Peru I hear.
QuaversCheeseCornLittle shells of puffed corn coated in a cheesy powderTangoTotally underrated.Wonderful
QuaversPrawn cocktailThey're fucking disgusting but they do existI've a bit of a thing for them though...
RingospotatoWho names crisps after a member of the Beatles! Poor man's hula hoop
RoystersT-bone steakPotatoSort of bubbled texture. Odd.These are very much still on sale in Scotland, I can vouch for that.I can also confirm Scotland is where Roysters are at.Werdly though, only the T-bone steak flavour. No other flavours of Roysters exist any more, it seems.
Salt and ShakepotatoEat the salt packet separately. Paper sachet and all.Water - keep it pure!Tricking people into thinking they had won a £5 note in Walkers packets since the early 90sClassic
Scampi FriesCornIce-cold pint of cider (but NOT cider with ice in it! What imbecile came up with the idea of putting ice cubes in cider?)Too much secondary school baggageNot one if you're on the pullStinkyLike, really stinky.But really NICE.
SeabrookSalt n vinegarCoca-cola, ice coldNow this is a true S+V connoisseur's crips. Amazing with an icey can of cokeI particularly enjoy these after swimming
SkipsPrawn cocktailcornAwesome the way they melt on your tongue Why not? Makes a nice snackAddictive. No flavour made in nature. Addictive
Space InvadersBeef
Space RaidersPickled OnionPotatoBlack alien heads and only 15pYes- Everyday foreverFantastic in a salad with fusilliApparently they rot your brain
SpiralsSalt n vinegarpotatoA cheap alternative to monster munch
SquaresSalt & vinegarPotatoThey're SQUARE. King of crisps. Best salt & vinegar flavour on the marketIrn BruThe pinnacle of human endeavours
Taytocheese and onionpotatothe only crisp in Ireland worth eatingevery timeguinness or cidona
TaytoSalt & VinegarpotatoLook a bit rubbish, but really strong flavour. Mainly available in pubs in England.Yes - another pack, another pintHeinekenTayto have started selling chocolate bars too - with bits of crushed-up crisps through the chocolate. I can only IMAGINE what they taste like.Tayto crisps are as Irish as Guinness. The first thing you see at the doorway of Belfast airport is a Tayto vending machine.
TaytoCheese & OnionPotato
TohatoThose superhot chilli rings from Japan centreSee this was crisps for immigrants to the UK? Ergo Japan Centre crisps do not count ;)Ahem, if UK people (I) eat them, they count ;o)
TwigletsMarmitewheatNobbly twigs coated in marmite. Not Marmite-y enough nowNot crisps? SurelyStill count I reckonWonderfulOnce played Pooh Sticks with these. It isn't the same.
TyrellsLightly SaltedPotatoLike chips. From a bag. And cold.YesBeer
TyrrellsCider vinegarpotatoPosh crisps can do one.No crisps have really managed to capture the nice taste of balsamic or gourmet vinegar yetEaten entirely by cunts - rude! My favourite crisps, def not a cuntCo-op’s own brand crisps are actually Tyrells in a different pack. Same crisps, cheaper price.Favourite of the crisp snob brigade, but not that good actually. Get in about the Nik Naks and Quavers ya bourgeois clowns
WalkersPrawn cocktailpotato
WalkersCheese n onionpotatoinexplicably popularDry white wineCauses your breath to stink of badger's arseholes for daysDon't eat them unless you want to puke all over yourself
WalkersThai sweet chillipotatoWalkers are the scum of the Crisp Kingdom
WalkersRoast chickenpotatoWeak compared to French Lay's Saveur Roulet Rôti
WalkersSalt n vinegarpotatoThe everyman crisp.Try a vertical tasting of the original, baked & deep ridged.I'm not sure about the baked crisp fad of a few years ago, they all had the consistency of cardboardThe deep ridged are like crack. Proper vinegary too.Make your fingers smell like the inside of a council houseAlso: great for crisp sandwiches. Finest bouncy white, lots of butter, crisps.
WalkersSalt and Vinegar (deep ridged)potatoAmazing. Each ridge is filled with a whole bottle of vinegar and a shaker of salt.Yes
WalkersWorcester SauceMind blowingly tongue numbing! (So my sons says) Lemonade Poisoned my dog
WalkersDeep ridged flame grilled steak flavourSome steak flavourings are overly meaty. This has a real caramelised onion finish. Reminiscent of Royster's T-Bone Steak crisps, now defunct.MalbecMalbec. Are you fucking kidding!?
WalkersTomato ketchupA serious challenger to cheese & onionYesTeaThese or Worcester sauce flavour with a cheese sarnieGenius
Walkers BakedCheese and OnionPotatoStrangely hexagonally shaped.YesTexture of cardboard (the salted ones do, anyway)
Walkers SensationsChilliPotatoAddictiveWithout a doubtThey're a shit impersonation of Kettle Chips.
Wheat crunchiesBaconwheatUsed to be awesome till they changed the recipeNoThe taste of school lunchbox disappointment.
Wotsitscheese?cornPleasingly disolve on your tongueTizerLick the ends and stick them together to make a super long wotsit
Dissolves well in tomato soup. Finding the tiny ones at the bottom of the packet is a bonus.So synthetic they are quite wonderfulLost their cheesy soul - M&S do an own-label version which are far betterIdeal with chopsticks or you make an utter mess.
Tangy Tomstomatomaizedelicious with spicy tomato transform a snack mixed in a cheese sandwichYES
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