> Everything Changes: What's something you've learned recently?
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Your response:From:
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It's ok to be alone.AD
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From Rilke, to live with questions and to love them, instead of constantly running after answers.Ben S
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I'm smarter and more powerful than I believe I am. After living with depression and anxiety for a decade, my self-esteem is shot, but last week, in an interview for my dream job, I heard myself talking, and thought "Wow, I know what I'm doing. I deserve this job." Reader, I got it.Hannah W
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When an adult shows you who they are (behavior), believe them. It's not an aberration. Blaze D.
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I recently learned that the funny shape of a running track (and also Wheetabix cereal) is called a discorectangle. A DISCORECTANGLE.Harriet W, England
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I recently learned that no matter how much you know, you can always learn more. This education reminded me of a quote by Pharrell Williams: “To be honest, just hanging around the right people and being unafraid to learn and not feeling like I know it all. That’s been one of the greatest lessons ever.”Matt N.
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I just learned this morning that we do sometimes think about the consequences of our actions -- when scientists intentionally destroyed the Saturn probe Cassini to avoid having it crash into one of the potentially habitable planet's moons and contaminate it with our stuff. Over 13 years, these honorable scientists learned even more.jim p
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A slower, smaller city isn't worse than a fast-paced big city, it's just different.
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People remember things you do for them long after you've forgotten (and I don't even remembered after being told I did it)
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The humility of showing up and doing the work is infinitely more sustainable than the egotism of showing up expecting to be praised. (Which is maybe obvious, but sometimes achiever kids are late to learn resilience where it counts, you know? Trying a lot of new things in my 20s has helped.)Maggie C.
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People will struggle to keep their public facade intact regardless of their personal turmoil and trouble. If they confide in you it's for a good reason and you need to pay attention. Simple acknowledgement will do wonders. Compassion sometimes is letting people live their lives and being witness to their struggle, not trying to fix to ease your own distress. Conrad R
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Through an ecstatically beautiful LSD experience, I learned that I love the people in my life with a ferocity I didn't before believe was possible.
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I learned that all tortoishell cats are female - my girlfirend and I were playing with her cat and showing her (the cat) pictures of other cats when my girlfriend casually dropped this fact into conversation. I've never owned a pet before so these kinds of facts FASCINATE me!
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That toxic friendships are very good at camouflaging themselves as voluntary habitudes. You'd think that after all we've been through, we would recognise some codependent cancerous bullshit... until suddenly you're trapped in a daily routine of 15 minute long voicenotes and weather reports and dietary ramblings and "WE should go to the dermatologist to get OUR moles checked out" (I don't have moles) and SO. MANY. TINDER. STORIES. And you think you're being loyal and loving by listening, because she HAD to move to Cape Town for work, and Cape Town IS cliquey, and you ARE her best friend and soul sister, and this is how people DO FRIENDSHIP. But it's not. It's not unfair to ask someone who is unhappy to consider how their constant negativity is affecting you. It's completely reasonable to tell your miserable soulmate that she has become ludicrously clingy, and that the assumption that she will always come first is neither rational nor correct. It's ok to leave her stranded, when you've tried every day for 2 years to soak up her anguish. You're not loving; you're enabling. Let her fall. Walk away. This isn't your fight.TC
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I learned that I'm nobody. By that, I mean that after removing all the labels and things I associate myself with, at the end of the day, my identity is a construction. This idea came to me while thinking about what my identity is.
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Basic Italian. Learned for an upcoming trip by using Memrise every day for the past year. I leave next Tuesday!!
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The past year has been both difficult and necessary; and tomorrow is a new day.
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I am my #1 advocate
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I am hoping that this is not really a truth: we can be our worst selves in the face of fear. We'll exaggerate the threat to our own survival, horde all the resources we can, and tear away the human rights of others for the perceived notion that we are "safer" that way. I am of course referring to the current political climate in the US, to the discourse of trusted neighbors and friends and family. It isn't new, but it's discouraging to learn that we've collectively learned nothing from history.- v -
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I found out I need to be committed to a mental health hospital again. The first time it happened was after a suicide attempt a few weeks after I convinced the people at another hospital that the suicide attempt I tried was really just for attention.

I would have probably tried the same things, but I got close enough that I didn't know I was committed until a day after it happened and all the medicine I took worked its way out of my system.

This was close to a decade ago.

My therapist told me during my last appointment that I needed to be hospitalized again. That it's normal for people with my disorder (a severe case of bipolar disorder) to go into the hospital every now and again to be recalibrated and re-educate on what is wrong with them and what doctors have learned about the disorder.

I told her I didn't need it.

A few days later I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. She had talked to my therapist which means she now knew that my suicidal thoughts were a few times a month, but a few times a day.

She told me that I needed to be committed.

I said I couldn't do it now.

She ordered a genomic test for me to see which medicines will help me the most. Those results should be back in October. When those are back in I have two choices.

1. Do slow gradual changes to my medicines to figure out where I should be on them and what I should be on.
2. Be committed for around a month and get it all taken care of then.

None of these options are good.

The first is more likely to hurt me since medications can induce more suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

The second will leave me, my wife, and our 7 cats in financial distress.

She's immigrated from France when married two years ago and getting her work stuff in order took over a year. She has yet to find a job. She also hasn't taken her driving test yet.

My family isn't helpful even though I'm still on their insurance at 30 because I'm not stable enough to be kicked off it.

I don't know what to do.

My wife is scheduling her driving test soon and I'm working up the courage to talk to my boss at my second job (my first is with my mother) about me taking a month off.

If everything goes okay I think I will go into the hospital. Because my team of doctors believe it's the best solution for me and I think it is too.

I'm just afraid of everything.

This is probably more heavy and long than what you wanted, but it helped me to get this out to someone that isn't my journal.

Thank you for that.
Toffer S.
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I learned how to open and close blinds from a YouTube tutorial.Martin B.
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how to ask for help, finally, and to cry. the former brought on the latter : )
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Chain rule in calculus. It's h(x)= f(g(x)) then h'(x)=f'(g(x))*(g'(x)). AD
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forgiveness doesn't have to make me weaker. forgiveness doesn't mean i have to ignore the pain i feel or the anger and damage that still exists. forgiveness doesn't mean i am less than anything or anyone.
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Always go to the funeral.

There was an article on NPR about ten years ago that talked about this. It stayed with me since the day I read it and recently, sadly, I've had two occasions to revisit it. The sentiment still rings true: do the hard thing. Do the painful thing. Do the awkward or inconvenient thing, and go. People will never forget that act of grace that is always, always bigger than you.
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two ice cubes is the right amount to immediately bring a fresh cup of hot tea down to a more drinkable temp.
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I learned that the anger and rage and depression I've experienced my life stems not from having something wrong with me, but from manipulative parenting that they probably weren't even aware of. So really, what I learned was the cycle of parenting can really do you a solid, or can do great things. Bottom line- let your child or any person really express how they feel, when they feel it, and give them space to do that without judgement. I learned this from Alice Miller's book The Drama of Being a Child which everyone should read
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I learned that my inner self is way more conservative than I ever would have thought. So according to my new-found, extra judgy subconscious, I support everyone else in being a sex positive radical troublemaker...but not me.
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Productivity makes me happy. When I'm sad, it's because I haven't been productive. Maybe this is measuring self-worth through doing, but it's true even if it's not right.
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When you hear that someone dies, the best thing to do is immediately write a card to their family sharing your memories of that person. Phone up if you know the family well enough and are certain that they will welcome your call, but putting your heartfelt condolence messages in writing which they can look back on when they're out of the initial daze of grief is always a good idea. Also, saying "Let me know if there's anything I can do" is far, far less helpful (and unlikely to get a response) than a practical offer - use of a car, bringing round a meal, helping sort through clothes / papers, cleaning the house etc. Learned through bereavements. Rosie
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I bought my kids a ukulele. Didn't know how to play it. Learned it & taught them : ) Jon W.
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This week I learned, again, how to expedite heartbreak: let the other's actions reveal who they are to you, then believe what you see.
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The world qaimaqam, which is a historic title for a minor Turkish official and one of the only words that breaks the "q" "u" rule. It was one of the words in the musical Spelling Bee, which my son's high school is putting on right now.
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I'm teaching myself Korean right now. I am learning it through a website called talktomeinkorean.com, an app called Memrise and by watching tons of Korean Dramas. If you ever get bored by American Tv-shows, try watching a Kdrama. It's different than you might think. Interested? Start by watching "Descendants of the Sun" or "Goblin". Viktoria S
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I learned about the making of the PBS 10-part series on Vietnam by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick by listening to the podcase WTF with Marc Maron. It was a fascinating discussion of how they identified and found the American and Vietnamese soldiers to interview, how the stories on both sides were so similar in terms of emotional and physical loss, and how consultants helped them shape the story and not be too heavy handed. They also discussed the unintentional parallels of the politics and reactions of that time (e.g. Nixon's staff reaching out to North Vietnamese to influence their decision to engage in peace talks which gave Democrats a lead in the polls and Americans protesting the war across America) to today and that, while they didn't intend for that to happen, it is highly influential in the Vietnam story. I listened to the podcast while working out at the gym.
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The "bad guys" in our lives are rarely all bad. In fact they could be mostly good. Unlike what the media would have us believe, they are more likely to be a loving mother who acted in her child's best interest, a lover who spurned us, or a coworker who was trying to save their own skin, than a malicious murderer. This truth is both comforting as well as remarkably frustrating to me. EEG
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I learned how to practice better leadership while fostering dogs for the past year. Dogs that are anxious or have behavioral issues thrive best when you radiate calm, assertive energy. Everything from how you breathe, hold the leash, your body language, and tone of voice can impact your dog's behavior. This rings true for people, too. Minus the leash part. Jenny L.
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I learned that the kind of work that makes me happiest is remarkably similar to grad school.
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Tomatillos make an excellent jam.
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3D Modeling - I had to download Blender for a class and I'm already able to design 3D objects. It's a cool skill to have even if you're not a designer or artist. You can whip up floor plans or just design when you have nothing to do.
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I learned that my boss makes more than twice what I make.RJR
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I learned that Lorde has Croatian citizenship from Marc Maron's podcast.Molly O
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The secret to amazing Shrimp n' Grits isn't heaps of heavy cream. It's Pimento. Effing. Cheese. Brenna F.
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You pronounce segue as segway. I've been seeging into situations instead of segwaying into them for years.
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If jeans fit you perfectly in the dressing room, they are TOO BIG!! They will stretch out after you wear them once and give you sagbutt. You have to buy the pair one size down that are a little uncomfortably tight and then after you wear them once they will stretch out to be perfect.Julie B
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After the election I started learning to play piano as a way to distract myself from all the chaos, but I ended up *really* learning about patience. An instructor told me the best way to learn a song is to play it very, very, very slowly. Which for me meant going slower than whatever my original concept of slow was. I can't stress enough how difficult it was for me to do this - it felt like rewiring my brain just to focus on one note, one chord at a time. But YouTube lets viewers slow videos down, so I learned a lot of songs that way. Now 10 months later I can play Imagine, Don't Know Why, Supercut... bunch of stuff! I just learned the Twin Peaks theme earlier this week! Joshua
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I went on my first date after a recent breakup of long term relationship. That date was the realization that my previous relationship was actually over. Kelly
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What I do might disappoint my parents, but that's not enough of a reason not to do it.
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that sometimes, no matter how much energy you put into something, there's a point where it's worth walking away...
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I learned that the geometric signs that appear in Ice Age cave paintings across Europe and parts of Asia may actually be more than random artistic flourishes, and could actually contain coded meanings that might even have a common origin in Africa. I watched a TEDtalk by Genevieve von Petzinger, then immediately went to my local public library to get her book, The First SignsRobyn M.
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How to ride a motorcycle. Bought a cheap one and putt-putted around while my SO patiently coached me the whole time.Ashley H
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Never look closely at your face while on drugs
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I'm learning to stop putting energy into what other people think about me and or my life. My responsibility is to create a life that fulfills me.
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Hawaii, though never governed by the British, has the Union Jack in the top corner of the Hawaiian state flag.Celia C.
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I have had a really, really easy life. And while I should thank my parents more for all they have done for me (which is a lot), some of the simplicity of my life is not because of work that I did or that anyone did for me. It's because of horrible decisions that my ancestors made so they could grab power for themselves while intentionally, knowingly oppressing others. What I learned recently is that I'm part of this oppression. I'm not a blameless innocent, like we're taught to think we are.
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How to use a table saw.
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What if we're supposed to just live our lives like we’re never ready for what we want? Sometimes we think we're ready for that dream job or that dream love, and every missed opportunity feels like a loss — a setback. But what if we're never supposed to be ready? What if we're supposed to just keep failing so we keep learning? What if all we should ever want to be ready for is to keep growing?Jes T
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Confidence in my own intelligence will inevitably overpower someone else’s voice, even when they’re right.Jed B.
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I learned to just ask if you want something when I requested a raise at work.Eddie F.
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People can get tonsil stones! They're little bone-colored hard nubs that smell AWFUL and for years I've been wondering what my wife was horking up every couple of months and shoving in my face and saying "LOOK AT THIS! SMELL THIS! WHAT IS THIS?!"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonsillolith
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In therapy this week, I learned that sometimes the healing can be just as painful as the trauma but that the healing is worth it.Caroline
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The word "villian" comes from the same root as "villager." Villagers weren't affiliated with a manor in feudalism, and became associated dangerous, rebellious freemen. Hence villains!
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That self care can look like something that makes you uncomfortable. Trying something new, or something that you don't know much about, or that you're not skilled at -- the challenge of the newness and unknown can be good for you. Oh and that self care isn't necessarily fun.
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I just learned that I was supposed to redact certain portions of a template that gets sent out to clients. I've sent this TMI version out 15 times over the past four months, completely unaware I was doing anything wrong until about 15 minutes ago. Jessica B
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I've recently moved to a new area, and one late night on a bus home I noticed a street with my surname on it... Turns out it's so named after my great uncle, who was stationed at a Royal Air Force base nearby during WWIIAmy F
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I just learned I am a good cook. I avoided it for years thinking I was too scatterbrained and boring. But I recently began cooking out of necessity and I kick ass at it. I've never felt so healthy and creative.Joanne S
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I learned that I can do a graduate program. In another language. In another country. Oh mon dieu!Jessica
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The only way out is through. I've known this phrase forever, but I only really understood it in the last year, when I was trapped in such a corner that there wasn't anything else to do. The only way out of sadness is through the sadness. The only way out of fear is through the fear. The only way out of difficulty is through the difficulty. You may think it's gone — you can bury it, you can avoid it, you can pretend it isn't there — but it hasn't gone away, you're just not looking at it. It's still there, you're still in it, it's still eating you alive. If you really want to get out of whatever shit you're in, whether it's of your own doing or someone else's, you need to be able to see what it really is (which can be painful), what it will really take to dismantle it (which can be intimidating), and what it will cost you to get to the other side (which will be enraging). There's always a cost, though — that's what it means to go through. But what you get in exchange is real, meaningful triumph. You got out. You went through.H
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I was recently travelling abroad and HAD to know why countries drive on opposite sides of the road. After some successful Googling, it would appear most travel began on the left hand side of the road for more effective jousting and sword-drawing by our predominantly right handed society. This all changed with teamsters in the US and France needing to be able to more effectively steer large wagons pulled by multiple horses with their right hand.
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Never pay a handyman before they're finished doing the work
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I learned that plastic grocery bags stuck in trees are called witch's britches
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I learned that, if a student uses an epi-pen or asthma inhaler, they need a special medical form signed by a doctor, as opposed to the standard medical form needed for other medications.Insane Band Mom
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I learned that sometimes broken trust can never be fully repaired, even if both people really want it to be.Anonymous
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I learned that every public figure, celebrity and institution should have a cabal of 23 year old socially aware individuals to make sure they don't stick their foot in it! The lexicon is important and easy to screw up. We have to talk the talk to be able to walk the walk.
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Forgiveness is not about the person you are forgiving. It's about relieving yourself of carrying that burden. Paulette B.
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Learn to choose your battles. Otherwise, you'll lose more than you can gain. And I learnt why we think the Earth is flat until we are told otherwise.
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I learned that I am truly a better person when I get more sleepRivky S
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I learned the recipe to my best friend's amazing veggie chili. This is not a step-by-step, Food Network chili. This is a: little bit of this here, little bit of spice there, & a lot of love. And I learned that that is one reason why she is my best friend :)Rachel E
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My son (5) told me that Kevin (from The Minions) was originally in Despicable Me 2, then went on to superstardom in the spin-off movie. The internet tells me this is true.Nate R
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This year I've learned that the only thing keeping me from being happy is thinking that I don't have enough, I haven't done enough, I'm not where I want to be yet. I'm happiest when I feel like what I have right now, who I am right now is, in fact, awesome.
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it's spelled "triathlon" not "triathalon." I saw it on someone's shirt.Rachel S
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I recently learned that Dorothy Parker left her copyright to Martin Luther King, Jr. in her will, and to the NAACP upon his death. They still hold it to this day! (And Lillian Hellman was mad about it: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5357079)Frederica B.
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DRINKING ORANGE CRUSH SODA BRINGS BACK GOOD CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!ART
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How to say "I like to drink beer too" in Welsh. ("Dw i'n hoffi yfed cwrw hefyd.")Rose L.
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It takes more strength to be kind than to be an asshole.Katie C
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I've learned to cook plum dumplings by cooking them :D
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I learned that the division symbol is just a fraction with dots where the numbers goMorgan F.
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I have learned that I can build a boat from a kit, as well as a trailer to drag it to water - I learned by doing, and we launch on SundayLee T
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I have observed for years that lightning is more frequent inside of shipping lanes than outside of shipping lanes. I have observed this in the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian oceans. Whenever I have shared this observation with my fellow shipmates they unanimously call me nuts and call my ship-generated lighteing theory bogus. Well I have been vindicated, a recent article in an industry publication explained that the particulate from ship exhaust causes more air friction and thus more lightening in heavily traveled shipping lanes. I learned that I am not nuts.Jonathan S
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I stress out over big decisions and tend to play it safe. But I recently took a look at my life and realized that the best things in it (finding my passion, my relationship) came about because I let myself take risks.Alex T
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It's not that hard to be contentJS
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I read this article from the Cut (https://www.thecut.com/2015/08/how-to-boss-yourself-around.html) that reminded me I can exist with my reluctance and the discomfort of a task, accept those feelings, and just do it. I can both be unwilling to do something, and also do it anyways, at the same time. Lauren C.
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I've recently started working in an e-shop and I learned to pack orders like a pro. Turns out, in packing anything goes. Box slightly too small? More tape. Box waaay too big? Cut the box apart and tape until it holds together.
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After a wine and truth-filled night with a friend recently, I finally learned the power of letting go of attachment to other people's emotions. I drank a little too much and shared a little too much and in the light of day I realized that holding space for how others feel about my truth doesn't serve me. I was reminded that I'm a work in progress and that I can be kind and also stay true to who I am at the core at the same time. shay d.
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i learned how to administer naloxone.
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I learned to enjoy the moment by meditating and smoking good weedDJ
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I just started working in a pharmacy, and I've learned that the most filled prescription, by far, is Ambien. After that it's blood pressure, cholesterol, and anxiety meds.Tricia B.
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How to budget Temporarily Restricted and Unrestricted income for nonprofits. Dan F.
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I've learned that it's a whole lot easier to happy when you don't retain anger. Being angry and holding a grudge doesn't serve anyone, and is actually a ton of work to carry around. It is much easier and freeing to let go of anger as it never serves its intended purpose.
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