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ShellyNitaColtBullBrockEl PrimoBarleyPocoRosaJessieDyna-MikeTick8-BitRicoDarrylPennyCarlJackyGusBoEmzStuPiperPamFrankBibiBeaNaniEdgarGriffGromBonnieGaleColetteBelleAshLolaSamMandyMaisieHankPearlLarry & LawrieAngeloBerryShadeMeepleTrunkMortisTaraGeneMaxMr. PSproutByronSqueakLouColonel RuffsBuzzFangEveJanetOtisBusterGrayR-TWillowDougChuckCharlieMicoMelodieLilyClancyMoeJujuOllieFinxLumiJae-YongAlliMinaZiggyGigiSpikeCrowLeonSandyAmberMegSurgeChesterCordeliusKitDracoKenjiKaze
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SamCan’t beat me even with a shotgun, eh? And you call yourself my son’s partner.I’m stronger than your bear, what makes ya think you’re stronger than me?HAH HAH, your old man still has a few lessons to teach ya, it seems!Give it up, mate. I’m stronger than you were in your prime, and I’m ten years older than you now!All those rockets and ya still can’t take me. Stick to computer games, ya wimp!This is why nobody jumps in boxin’, flab abs!I’d rather take one of yer molotovs to the face than ever talk to your fake ass!Word of advice: Don’t chase music, it’s a bad career choice, bonehead.Aaaaand Sam’s officially T.K.O’d the Boxin’ Botanist!Go back to the junkyard, kiddie, yer out of your league!Put up ya jukes and fight me like a man, geeza!There ain’t enough bombs in the world to even scratch me!I don’t play computer games, but I sure played you, tin can!Some space bounty hunter, can’t even get a earthling bandit!Yaaaar done for, scrappy!A single hit from me and yer hittin’ the deck, matey!A bot AND a nerd… I hope that hurt!Who wins, a pair o’ fists or a jackhammer? ME, OF COURSE!!Go back ‘n yer dingy little well, kiddie!Yer mind sure is clear after I punched ya a good one!Finally, someone made ya shut up!Oh-oh-oh no-o-o, did the rust bucket break again?Looks like I’m a better fake baker than ya, seein’ as I just cookedcha!Why don’tcha head on home with the other junk, missy? Do yerself a favor.You should be thankin’ me, really. You need that sleep, HAH HAH HAH!Don’t be ashamed, girlie! You’re gettin’ no-hit by a real champ, HAH HAH!You, lassie, have been bee-ested! HAH HAH HAH!There ain’t enough security in the world to stop this bandit, ya tiny cobble of screws!Face it, youngin’: The fists of a man is better ‘an the scarf of a little boy!Even Pearl could rob you blind, ya wimpy excuse of a man!Wow, what a strong, brawny man! Of course he could easily beat the wuss scared o‘ kids!Looks like that helmet did nothin’ to protect yer brains, kiddie! Go cry to Papa Rustbucket!Old man to old man, mate: Give up, even I can hear yer bones creak!Honestly I gotta stop punching ya lights out, I’m gettin’ the feeling that ya like it!C’mon, Belle, you can do WAY better ’an this.Was that the guy I was fighting or one of his rats? Can’t tell anymore!All that makeup, all that ego, and my sixty-year-old wife still looks better than ya!Here’s some advice for ya, mate; Yer supposed to hit people with the sharp end of the knuckle busters!I have Pearl’s cookies! What would I ever need you for?I only have space in my heart for one woman with a fake arm! Bugger off!Awwww, is widdle shrimpy angwy? That’s just too bad, HAH HAH!I ate yer cookies, then you ate my fists! Fair tradeoff, nanny!I hate bots, I hate the law, I DOUBLE HATE YOU TWO! STAY DOWN!Shootin’ me has no effect, bug! I already have a true love!A man who dresses as a unicorn? Why don’t you put on a skirt while you’re at it, brony?Tell me, did that beatin’ feel anything like the washin’ machine? HAH HAH HAH!Oh, you’re right, mate, it isn’t fair at all. Me against you? Totally lopsided.I stepped on you bugs all the time as a kid, and it’s not any less fun now!Hop in one of ya graves fer me, I’ll bury ya!Oooooh, not the tarot cards! Please don’t give me a paper cut, Halloween girl!Keep blatherin’, mate, I’ll just shutcha riiiight up.Yeah, that’s right, keep runnin’! Ya can’t beat me!I have more difficulty with yer lil’ squeakers than you at this point!Can I borrow your voice port for a second? “Beep boop, my name is plant-bot. I have 0 personality. Over.”Where’s the contract where ya kiss my ass? I wanna sign that one!Just melt already, ya slobber bucket! Who’d miss ya?!Brrrr, I just got chills from how I destroyed ya, toaster!No! Bad puppy! I never told you to get up! Keep playin’ dead!Ye look like a cartoon, mate, and ye hit exactly like one. Go back to the kiddie pool.Fists always beat feet, ya amateur!I never thought I’d hate a mother more ‘an her kiddies, but congratulations!My knuckle busters ain’t nearly as painful as hearin’ you sing, sky rat!Go back to the sea, bubbles, ya ain’t a match for me!‘Ey, knucklehead, outside of yer movies the underdog doesn’t actually win. I DO! HAH HAH HAH!!!’Ey, if ya didn’t want me to beatcha to a pulp, you shoulda said somethin’! HAH HAH HAH!What you really should be watchin’ is my FISTS goin’ through YOUR FACE!Obey my queen? How about I punch her lights out instead? Is that alright?Fat lotta good your hot dogs did ya! Head back to the kiddie pool, why dont’cha!You could run me over with yer train and it’d break, ya failed composer!Ya gotta get some guts to rob people straight-up, mate! Here, lemme demonstrateKeep jumpin’ on me, monkey! I needed a new punchin’ bag!’Ey, where’s that Jae-Yong guy? He’s ten times a better singer ‘en you!Yeah, hard to stab a man in the back when he’s beatin’ ya brains out, huh?It’s alright, seafood! Just imagine you won with yer schizophrenia!The way ye just let me walk into you, it’s like ya don’t even see me! Oh waitGo play with your dolls somewhere else, mate, we’re fighting here!Didn’t expect any more from a kiddie who hides under a mask!How do ya design escape rooms when you can’t even escape my fists?Your metal weapon is better for makin’ annoying noise; My metal weapon‘s better for actual fightin’. Stick to music, girlie!Mate, I say this as a fan; Just stick to singin’, you have no business here.Stick to stalkin’ fish, mate, stalkin’ me just gets ya a bruised noggin!Combos? Yeah, you got completely destroyed by that combo I just whaled on ya!And now for my final trick, makin' you disappear, makeup man!I'm a champion, you're a doll! What'd you think would happen??I’m gonna take that smile as consent to keep beating ya up! Make sure to say something if ya don’t like it!Instead of jumping me, how about ya jump away, birdie? Yer out of ya league.Here’s some advice, kiddo: Just turn invisible and run away as fast as you can, you can’t beat me!Yeah, stay asleep, lad. It’s fer the better.You can’t burn me, ya klutzy amateur! I’m already on fire!!I was gonna leave ya alone until I saw yer bot! That just made it personal!Face it, soda can; I’m on a different level!Here’s my prank: Beating yer head into the shape of ya hat! Real funny, eh?Face it, freak! Only good those shrooms are gonna do is help pretend you could ever beat me!Awwww, look at the kitty cat! He’s the perfect size for me to BEAT HIM TO A PULP!You can’t fight, pipsqueak, you can only cosplay like you do.Yer never gonna beat me! Katanas don’t work against my knuckle busters, mate! Give up!The real identity crisis here is how neither one can beat me, lassie!
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BelleI literally outrange ya, why ain’t I the ranger?Sorry, kid, but your bear is a threat. Hmm? You? Nah, just the bear.Sorry, son, but somethin’ tells me Ma needs to humble ya.Quit your whinin’ and walk it off, beefcake.Rockets don’t mean much if they can’t even hit me, kid.What sort of idiot tries getting closer to a sniper rifle?Call me when your precious manners win ya a one on one.Those eyes look much better empty, ribcage.It’ll take more than plants to stop the Golden Arm.Face it, kid. You’re a wannabe, and you always will be.Boom, just like that.If you wanna beat me, first you’ll have to find a brain for that head.You’re so slow my aim’s actually getting worse, tinny.Haha, look at you! You look like Sam had a go at you!You know the difference between a bandit like me and a pirate like you? Bandits like me actually rob people.Thanks for the gold, kid! Appreciate it!I don’t care about your dumb rocks, but the ones you’re made of seem to be conductive, so that’s nice!Watch your language, Pearl could be listenin’.Come back again and I’ll make you one with your station.Bows are out, guns are in. Get on with the times, Tarzan.Did you film me kicking your ass? I think that’d be your top post, personally!Beating me would be your hardest stunt yet, trash can.The best sniper won, Little Miss Innocent.I’d have more trouble beating your scraps, fatso.It’s dead… IT’S DEAD! And it was hideous!Move to the outfields where you belong, kid.Did that… sting, kid? Hah hah hah!Alright, now where’s the actual security bot?No scarf can beat the Golden Arm, especially not one attached to a stupid teenager.You’re just free loot, you wimpy wannabe.Where’s the security guard? All I see is a coward hiding under a mask.Your main talent is landing on your head? That’s not surprising.I’m getting chills from the fact you and I are meant to be the same age, you fossil.There’s the mark ya wanted, happy now?You see that electricity? It hurts people, granny. You wanna shoot people with it.Hey, janitor, why don’t you leave bandits to the actual security?Hopefully that humbled you a little. Probably not, though.You’re losin’ your touch, Sam. Try a little harder.Thanks for the candy! Wait, was that actually meant to hurt?The Golden Arm will always beat an Iron Arm.A literal tank, and seaweed over here still can’t handle a sniper rifle.You may be an oven, but I just cooked you, Pearl.Awww, are the poor police having trouble catching the bandit?Who wins, the ugly fly or the expert marksman?Next I’ll be fighting leprechauns and fairies.What’s with the pink glasses? Fan of mine, or somethin’?Awwww, can’t handle that you’ve been outplayed?Squashed like the bugs you are.Dash all you like, I’ll still never miss.I don’t need an extra eye to hit yours right in the pupil, you fraud.Hey, my wish for you to shut up was granted! Neat!All that speed doesn’t mean a thing if you can’t dodge.Keep squeaking at me, I could shoot you in pitch black.I wonder how much your little plant is worth, sticky note.Go slither back in the hole you came from.Fun fact: My static shock resonates through your entire body, drool bucket.And your sale count is still 0, nuts and bolts.Hah hah, look at all your hairs standing on end, flea fest!Turn tail and rescue yourself for a change, Barney.Even a dragon can’t defeat the Golden Arm…Ma to ma: Give it up, you know I’m better.Yeah, keep flying, kid, it makes you an easy mark.Sorry, blubber bubbles, I mistook you for a threat.Someone needed to bring ya back to reality, fatmouth.Hmmm? Was that a groan of pain? Speak up, mime.You think you’re watchin’ me? Nah, bot. I’m watching you.Get back in your mud, froggy, you’re out of your league.Get back to the kiddie pool, wiener, this is above your pay grade.Runnin’ straight at a sniper is really putting the loco in locomotive.Hands up! This is a proper, straight-up, non-wuss robbery!I know you’re a sound editor, and a monkey besides, but can ya stop screaming so badly?Ending on a low note, are we? That’s too bad.Silent as possible, swift as you can be, the Golden Arm still never misses you.You sound like Sam’s snoring, you delusional lobster.You and I are two sides of the coin, my tiny friend.I’ve got a spell for ya; it’s called AIMING, witch.Thanks for the X, kid! Because of that I know exactly where to shoot ya!Looks like your time is up. Get it?The rifle goes bang, your head goes boom, and you crash to the floor, kid.Oh god, it’s Jae-Yong! Listen, I’d like an autograph after I’m done kicking your ass!Stalk me as much as you like, I see you the entire time, gator.Looks like none of those dancing skills carried over to dodging.Y'see, this is how you actually use electricity, glory boy.Get back on your shelf where you belong, doll.Wait, was that cactus moving? I was just shooting it for fun.Go ahead and fly. I’ll shoot you down, tweedle dee.The Golden Arm can even hit invisible targets! Hah hah hah!Zap, zap, rise and shine, kiddo.Come back when you can channel electricity, rookie.Even that fancy mech of yours doesn’t stand a chance against the Golden Arm.Next time, you’re gonna need a superduperhero to take me down!Hah hah, now that look on your face? That’s funny!I ain’t scared of nothin’, except what might be goin’ through this freak’s excuse of a head.Y’know how I realized I was old? I still remember when you had an actual career.Your inflatable dragon looks like it has more brains than you.Stick to cutting sushi, kid. You’re embarassing yourself.Angsty emo or pompous wuss, I kick your ass either way.
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PearlSorry, sweetie! Maybe this is a sign cookies are better than bullets?Looks like you couldn’t bare the heat, haha!Where’s mommy and daddy now?No! Bad animal! Sit! (Wait, you’re a grown man?)Head off to bed and I'll fetch you some medicine, sweetie, I think you've got a case of the skill issues!You’ve eaten so many of my cookies I’m worried you’ll ruin your six-pack!Always remember that you have a few spare bottles for yourself!Don’t worry, I’ll sweep up your bones for you!Your hands are plants? Wooooah! My hands are solid metal!I’m sorry, are you an orphan? You look like you suffer from a lack of parenting.What’s the matter? Not so pleasant when you’re facing the explosions instead?Just relax… you look all wound up!No more game time! Come eat!Looks like the best sweets dispenser won!And now you’ll gimme all your loot! … please?How generous of you to give me free gold!The only rocks I’m interested in are the  F L A M M A B L E ONES.So you see, that’s why we don’t swear, honey!I think you’ve got something to be afraid of now, hehe!Next time leave the proverbs to the mother!Maybe you could dodge better if you looked up from the phone?Oh, no, are you alright? Oh, it’s you, of course you areMay the best baker win! Oh wait, I already won!Respectfully, I think more cookies is the last thing you need!It seemed like you needed sleep, so I gave it to you!You struck out already, honey, time to get on the bench.It’s bee-n lovely, but I think it’s time for you to go, honey!Before keeping an eye on your kid, maybe keep an eye on yourself!How would you put it? Errrrr… “L bozo!”Wow, you fit exactly what Sam and Belle would call a “wuss!” Good job!They say you’re scared of kids, but at least you’re not scared of cookies, given how you walk right into them!Careful with the cookies, or you might lose another tooth!Scoot off to bed, this is too much for you, dearie!Next time I’ll burn the scrapbook! I wonder what your reaction will be?What’s with your aim today, Belle? Way worse than usual!Sorry, but I’m not that good at trash talk!Be humble, sweetie, because there’s always someone out there better than you.Remember, Sammy, you can’t have too many cookies! You have a diet to keep!That’s what real sweetness tastes like!No one’s preventing T H I S H A Z A R D, lady.Looks like cooking some seafood calmed you down!Sorry, but there’s only room for one oven around here!What did Belle call you two? Oh yes, “Dumb and Dumber!”You spread love, yet you have no lover! That’s funny…Oooh, I beat up a unicorn! Belle and Sam will be so proud of me!Oh, honey, just get through this… how does a wash sound afterwards?Sorry, sweetie, we all have bad days! Some of us more than others…Come back next time and I’ll B U R N Y O U A L L D O W N.I’m flattered, but your plans for a cemetery will not start with me!You know what I see in your future? A lot more cookieeeees!Do I get three wishes now? Oh, this is so exciting!You can’t outrun the power of love! … and burning heatThe only difference between you and your porters is that they’re cuter!Oops, did I burn your plant? Sowwy!Did you seriously think you could still be scary at your age? That’s adorable!You can have dessert once you stop slobbering, honey, that’s gross.This isn’t the kind of meltdown I know how to handle...Awww, look at the puppy playing dead! Good boy!Stay in the pool! Then you can cool down the burns I gave you!No, sweetie, cookies aren’t popcorn! Stop trying to catch as many as you can!Oops, sorry, lil’ gal! I thought you were dangerous!Hopefully that brought you back down to Earth!Sit up straight and speak properly, honey!The only time you’ll beat me is in one of those scripted movies, sweetie!It’s okay to say “Ow!” That’s a natural response to pain, honey!Why are you watching me? Something you’d like to tell me?Before you have any more cookies you need to wash your hands, sweetie!I think you should move back to the pool; I’m putting you out of business!Attention, passengers! It looks like our train has been delayed by an oven of OPPRESSION!Awww, what cute spiders! I can see you try to look as good as them!Keep this up and you‘ll be hairless before long, monkey!Why aren’t you singing anymore? Did I accidentally burn your mouth off?Why are you so shy? Wait... is this your idea of trying to sneak around? It’s really not working, honey.Looks like I’ve learned to make cooked lobster!Even you could see the HEAT I’m spewing!!Oh, forget it, honey! To curse me, first you’d need me to HAVE A S O U L.It’s important to remember that under the mask you’re still a kid!My solution for any of your escape rooms? B U R N T H E M D O W N.I can tell you’re a drummer from how you let my cookies drum against your head!Can I be honest with you? I don’t know what Sam and Belle see in you.Don’t be afraid, honey! Come a little closer for more!Ooh, what cute dance moves! Unfortunately, you're meant to be fighting, sweetie!Awww, cute magic tricks! Why don't you take them to a preschool instead?Why don't you go find a four-year-old to play with, honey?Only fitting the kiln of chaos burns down the plant!For such a grump, you sure love my cookies! That’s fine, catch as many as you can!Forget the lollipop, suck on that!Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!No one’s hotter than the cookie oven of carnage!I don’t need fixing, mechanic, I’m already the perfect oven!Your whole job is stopping bad guys and yet you can’t even beat me!You see how other people feel when you punk them? Now don’t do it again!Maybe lay off the shrooms, looks like you’re missing all the scalding hot cookies in your way.Awwww, look at the kitty! Look at his widdle attempts to hurt me!Oops, looks like your spirit’s broken now! How clumsy of me!Sliced, diced, minced, and then heated up! Enjoy!Apologies, miss, but I’ll be serving you, not the other way around.
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StuWH4T A P00R PERFORM4NCE FROM OUR R4NGER GU3ST, F0LKS! B3T SHE'S NOT PROUD OF T-T-TH-THAT ONE!O000H, I B4-B4-B4-B4RELY MADE 1T OUT OF TH4T AL1VE, FOLKS! HAH4HAH4-H4-H4, N0T SO PR3TTY NOW, 4RE YA, F1NGER GUN5??T4-T4-TALENT BEAT5 BRUTE STR3NGTH ANY DAY OF THE W33K, M3ATHEAD!YO-0-0-OUR ONLY T4LENTS ARE VIRTU4L, BUDDY! HIT THE R0AD!TRY JUMP1NG THE WH3-3-3-EEL AND E4T F1REWORKS AS A M3AL!!H4H4H4, I B3TCHA JEALOUS TH4T THE R0B0T LADIES GO FOR ME INST3AD!SW1TCH TO ME-ME-M3TAL R0CK AND PE0PLE MIGHT ACTU4LLY TIP YA, 3Y3 S0CKETS!N0T THE PL4NTS! TH4-TH4-TH4T'S T3RRIFYING, DUMB3LL HAND5!WH3RE'S YO-YO-Y0UR MOMMY, K1D?? I NEED A RE4L MECH4NIC!00F, CLE4RLY OUT OF YOUR PR1-1-IME, HOW TR4GIC...AWWW SHUCK5, L00KS LIKE YA... B-BL-BL-BLEW IT, BUDDY! HAHAHAHAH4IT'5 A SNA1L, IT'S A RO-RO-RO-R0CK- N0, IT'S TH4T LAME-O SCRUB GAM3 MACH1NE!OOOH, WHO AM I KIDD1NG, I'M W0RTHLESS JUNK... SAID THE GUMB4LL MACHINE 4S STU D3STROYED H1M!I-1-I-1 N33D MY MON3Y FOR REPA1RS, BUDDY! Y0U'LL SEE FOR Y-Y-YOURS3LF HOW EXPENSIVE TH0SE AR3!S0-0-0RRY, CH1CK, BUT I'M ALR3ADY L0ADED! D0N'T N33D YOUR D0NATIONS!N3RD 4GAINST J0CK, WH0 D1DJ4 TH1NK W0ULD W1N???R3AL SC4RY J4CKHAMM3R, L4DY! T00 BAD IT C-C-C4N'T H1T M3!1 W4S G0NNA OFF3R YOU TO B3 B0NNIE'S PARTN3R, BUT TH4T WAS JUST P4-P4-PATHETIC!TH3RE'S 0NLY ONE SP1R1T HERE, AND TH4-4-4T'S THE PARTY 0NE!OOO0H, ARE Y0U R3CORDING M3 ON TH4T?? N0? WH4T A WAST3 OF A PH0NE!S0RRY, NUTS N’ BOLTS, BUT THERE’S NO-O-O-0T ENOUGH ROOM ON THIS STAGE FOR BOTH OF US!1!MISSED M3, M1SSED ME, N0W YA GOTTA KISS ME!Y0-0-OU M1GHT BE G00D AT F1XING ME, BUT Y0U'RE NO G00D AT SCR4PPING ME, PAM3LA!Y-Y-Y-Y4 M0VE LIKE MOLASS3S, B1G B0Y! TRY TO K33P UP!S0-S0-SORRY K1D, BUT 4LL Y0U'RE H1TTING IS AIR!IF Y0U DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN, Y-Y-Y0U'D B3TTER BEE-H4VE, L4DY! HAHAHAH4H4C-C-C’M0N, B4BY, LET LOOSE A LITTLE! 4IN’T NO K1-1-1DDOS TO PROTECT HER3!REMEMBER TO VISIT THE SP3CTACUL4R 5TU STUNT SH0W SOM3TIME, SC4RFY! S33 YA! H4H4H4H4H4EV3N I AT LE4ST PAY MY TAX3S, YA-YA-YA W1MP!SUUURE, KE-3-3-EP HIDING UNDER THE M4SK, COWARD!Y4 STILL GOT SOME T-T-TRICKS TO LEARN, KIDD0!Y4-Y4-YA LOOK T00 OLD TO EV3N W4TCH MY SH0W, L3T ALONE BE P4RTA IT!NO, I A-A-4M NOT  AUTOGR4PH1NG THAT PART OF Y0U! S-S-STOP CHASING M3!4T L3AST MY STUNT5 AR3N'T O-O-0UTRIGHT ILL3GAL, Y4 CR1PPLE!O-O-O-OOOH, A JAN1TOR! 1’M S-S-SOOOO SCARED!J4-J4-JANET ONCE S4ID SH3 WANT3D TO BE LIKE Y0U! I GR0UND3D HER F0R A WH0LE MONTH JUST F0R TH4T!Y-Y-Y0U SH0ULD T4KE UP SHAD0W BOX1NG INSTE4D! Y0U'R3 GREAT AT HITT1NG MY SH4DOW, HAHAHAH4TH4T'S THE C4NDY Y0U'VE B33N GIV1NG BONNIE?? I-I-1 NEED T0 B4N H3R FR0M GO1NG TO YOUR SH0P!D-D-D0N'T PR3VENT DANGER, JUST F4CE IT H3AD 0N! L1KE I DO!HA-HA-HA-H4, I B3TCHA TANK FEELS LIKE M3 AT THIS POINT!THERE’S NO TIME FOR COOKIES WHEN YA GO-0-0-TTA BE IN 5TUNT SH4PE, LADY!YOU’LL N3V3R TAKE ME AL1-1-1VE, YA FUN SP0NGES!!LO-O-0T OF GOOD TH0SE WII1IINGS DID Y4! DO YOURSELF A F4VOR, BU55 OFF!1 G3T IT, BUDDY. I-I-1F I HAD TO W3AR TH4T ALL D4Y I'D BE D3PRE55ED TOO!H3-H3-HEY B0NNIE, C0ME DO YOUR L4UNDRY! I TH1NK IT'S C0MING ALIVE!G3-3-3-ET BACK TO THE B0ARD GAM3, NERD!! YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR 3LEMENT!1-1-IT'LL T4KE M0RE TH4N A C0UPLA BUGS TO T4KE SP3CTACULAR STU 0UT FOR TH3 C0UNT!B4CK OFF, CH4LK-FAC3! I DIDN’T DIE LAST STUNT!Y-Y-Y0UR FORTUN3S ARE A SH4M! I WILL N3V3R DIE!!!C4TCH TH3SE H4NDS, YA BRA1NDEAD TURB4N H3AD!Y-Y-Y4 NE3D 0NE OF TH0SE SP1KED EN3RGY DR1NKS? ALL 1 NE3D IS SOME G4S!P3OPLE L0VE CH3CKING 0UT MY STUNT5 4LMOST AS MUCH AS TH3Y L0VE CH3CKING OUT OF Y0UR HOT3L!ST0MPING YOU 1S AS B0RING AS Y0UR P3RSONALITY, PL4NTY!WH0'S THIS L-L-LAME-0? D3FIN1TELY HAV3 NO ID3A WH0 HE 1S!B-B-B1T OF A ST1CKY SITU4TION FOR Y0U, HUH?? HAHAHAH4AS USUAL, UNCLE L0U'S T00 LAM3 FOR UNCLE STU! HAHAHAH4I-I-IF 0NLY YOU H4D A S3COND EYE, MAYBE Y0U COULD SH0OT M3 THEN, DOGGY!I'M R1SKING MY 0WN L1FE WITH MY STUNT5, NOT 0THER P3OPLE'S, D1NO!Y0-0-OU GOT THE TALENT, YA JU5T DON’T GOT THE MOVES YET, KID. K33P TRYING!WH4T, D-D-D0 I NEED TO G3T THE FLY SW4TTER NEXT TIME??Y0-Y0-YOU'RE GR0UNDED, HON3Y! HAHAHAH4LEMM3 MIM1C Y0UR T4LKING FOR A S3C; HURRRRBLE BURBLE B-BURBL3Y0U W4NT C-C-CINEMA?? H0W ABOUT TH4T SMACKD0WN I JUST H4NDED TO Y4??TH4-4-AT TELEPORTATION WOULD BE WAY C00LER ON ME!TH4T'S R1GHT, WATCH AS M4NY OF SP3CTACULAR STU'S SH0WS AS YA L1KE!M1ND C0NTROLLING YOUR T3MPER AFTER H0W I JUST 3MBARRASED YA, FR-FR-FR0GGY!M1ND S4VING M3 S0ME OF TH-TH-THOSE HOT D0GS FOR MY N3XT STUNT??Y0U HAV3 A WH0LE TRA1N UND3R Y0U AND I'M ST0MPING Y4 WITH JUST A WH33L!S1LLY Y0Y0 G1RL! I C4N'T EV3N H0LD MON3Y IN TH1S JACK3T!1S THAT THE B3ST YOU CAN D0, B4NANAS? WH4T A J0KE! HAHAHAH4ST1-1-ICK TO BEING JANET’S RIV4L, Y0U’RE NOT A MATCH FOR M3!N0 NEED TO BE QU1ET, THIS IS A SH0-0-OW! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE A1R!!1!I M-M-M4Y SEE ST4RS S0METIMES, BUT Y0U SEE A WH0LE OTHER R3ALITY, CR4BBY!N1CE DRILLER, MICEY! SH4ME IT C-C-CAN'T H1T ANYTHING!SURE, CURSE M3! JUST ANOTHER TO THE BIIII111G PILE!Y0U K1DS NOWADAYS AND YOUR FANCY H-H-HOVERB0ARDS! ALL I N33D IS A WHE3L!ALL SL0-MO DOES IS M4KE ME L0OK EV3N C-C-COOLER, CARDB0ARD HE4D!B4NG TH0SE DRUMST1CKS AS MUCH AS YA L1KE! I-I-I REM3MBERED TO BR1NG MY H3LMET!DR1-1-INK AWAY THE P4IN LIKE YA USUALLY D0, M1CROPHONE M4N!S-S-S-SE3 YA L4TER, ALL1GAT0R!IM4GINE W4STING TH0SE T4LENTS ON D-DANC1NG IN5TEAD OF STUNTS...TH4T WAS GR3AT! W3 SHOULD R3HEARSE ALL TH4T D0DGING AS 1TS 0WN SHOW!I'LL T3LL YOU ONE TH1NG, I'M N3VER LETT1NG B0NNIE BUY YOU!Y0U M1GHT BE THE 0NLY PERSON IN ST4RR P4RK I D0N'T WANT WATCHING M3! GO AWAY!STU'S D0DGED BULL3TS, PUNCH3S, AND NOW P0ISONED D4-D4-DAGGERS!Y0U SH0ULD TAK3 OFF THE H00D SO YOU C4N A1M BETTER, KIDD0!TO B3 FA1R, IT'S N0T LIKE I 3-3-EXPECT S0MEONE ASLEEP TO H1T ANYTHING!I-I-1’M USED TO FLAM3S, CHICK! TRY S0METHING ELS3!R3SPECTFULLY, Y0U'RE A SUCKY M3CHANIC AND I D-D-D0N'T NEED YOUR SERV1CES!4T L3AST WHEN I SH0W OFF, I'M NOT M3ANT TO BE S4VING PEOPLE, S0DA MACHIN3!BET YOU TH0UGHT YOU WERE CL3VER, HUH? NOW LOOK ATCH4!I N3VER TH0UGHT I'D M33T SOME0NE WHO T4LKS MORE INC0HER3NT THAN ME!TRY TO SC4RTCH M3 ON3 MORE T1-1-IME AND YOU’RE G3TTING DECLAWED, K1TTY!I’M THE SH0W, K1-1-1D, YOU’RE JUST THE B4CKGROUND MUSIC!H3-3-3Y, THIS IS A STUNT SH0W! NO SOMB3R PL0TLINES ALLOWED!“00H, I’M A NINJA WITH 5HURIKENS” WELL I H4VE F1REW-0-0-ORKS IN MY FING3RS!
6
MicoLosin' to a chimp! Witta shotgun! Yer an embarassment!Ya bear fights smarter 'en you, lil' girl!Ya may have good looks, pretty boy, but this chimp’s got actual talent! Ever hearda it?Yer the kinda thug 'o gets beat up a' the start o' every movie!Ya have a rocket launcha but still lose to a monkey! Whatta idiot!Oooh, how many steroids do ya take a day, lunkhead?As a reward, canni have somema yer heavy stuff, please? Thanks.Go busk somewhere else, numbskull, we're fightin' 'ere!Dose plants on ya hands look smarta than ya, flytrap fists!Where's ya mamma, kid? Did she abandon you or somethin'?Hey, doofus, do ya even know where yer lobbin' that dynamite? Or are ya that braindead now?Heh ha, and jus' like that, ya go kablooey! Easy as pie!Lotta good that laser gun didja! Pew, pew, pew, into nothin' at all!Even the movie studio couldn’t make yer bounty huntin’ nonsense real, clanker!Booty? Oh yeah, you're real booty at fightin', eh, clanker!?The way ya speak, I’d think I’m talkin’ to ona my brethren!Here, lemme mimic yer talkin', clanker: "Durrrrr rocks hurrrr rocks!"Woooah now, I gotta go censor those nasty words for da recordin'!Oi, off the stage, ghosty! We don’t hire child actors!Not so wise now, eh, wise guy?!Just another wannabe. Yaaaawn.Careful now, crash test dummy, or one day da mechanics mightn't fix ya!Don’t look so pretty now, do ya?Beatin’ by somethin’ ya can’t do; jumpin’!Ha! Whattya even think yer hittin', mumbles? Go back t' sleep!Yer bat would swing more accurately by itself, chickadee!I can't bee-lieve how terrible ya are at fightin', lady!I’m gonna gun for your kid next just ta spitecha!Here’s a phase ya won’t be movin’ past: Head trauma!Even I make more money 'an you, ya blubberin' sissy!Ya wanna roast? Yer scareda' kids. Dat's all I need to say.Facin’ kids now? This is below ma pay grade.Word o’ the wise: Old men don’t make it far in this industry!Ahhh, yer one a’ those fans. Yeah, ya need one of them asy-luums.That’ll be the second arm ya lost, granny!’Ay, who polluted the set? Get him outta here ASAP!All those times you thought you were the schizzle… guess what? Ye’re NOT! How’s that feel?!I knew it all along! All ye ever was was a dumb sack o’ meat!One sound editing I’d like ta make is turn yer screamin’ down to 0!Forget savin' those theater bozos, ya won't be able to save yerself from this!Tank? Yeah, yer really tanking in this here battle, shrimpy!Cool it a lil', oven! Keep baking cookies, wouldn't wanna get too violent, wouldja?If that's the joke of police we have 'round 'ere, maybe I should be a criminal!Nobody loves me and I love nobody! Dat’ll neva change!Sunshine n’ rainbows n’ bruises… dat’s you!Canni just say yer fashion sense is awful, ya laundry bundle?Say, I don't recognize the accent! Can ya tell me what planet yer from, dweebus?Thanks, ya cooties! I needed t' practice ma tree climbin' skills!Try jumping and maybe ye'll git somewhere, fang facey!Betcha didn’t see that comin’, eh?!I wish ye’d stop comin’ back, blubbermouth!Bein’ fast is useless if you just stand in one place!Honestly, I just wanted ta shuddup ya squeakerin’!If I ripped off yer note face right now, literally no one would recognize ya!I think an actual snake would be more dangerous, ya old geezer!Ewwww, I’m gonna wash myself after I’m finished with ya!Yer number o’ wins is just like yer sales: 0!And stay down, ya stupid one-eyed mutt!Heh ha, why don’tcha use those lifesavin’ techniques on yerself fer a change?The dragon can’t even defeat a chimp! Whatta losa!Who wins: An alien in a spaceship or a chimp with a boom pole?Ai don’t even need a jetpack and I’m still messin’ ya up!I'm gonna take a wild guess and say there's no brains in that there helmet!I may be the monkey in this business, but yer the closest in brain to a gorilla!I could tell ya always thought you were better ‘n us. How’s this feel, stitch-lips?!So focused on watchin’, ya forgot to actually do somethin’! Stupid clankers.Hey, yer tadpole missed, slimy! Shame yer not gettin' it back!Hey, don't mix salt withcha hot dogs, 's not a good combo, wiena!Turned the volume on yer symphonies down to 0!Sorry, missy, but yer "show" ain't distracting me from yer crappy theiverin'!Now I see why people think I’m a joke; It’s cuz a’ THIS imposta!You sing the same way I scream, ya passin' fad!Do ya really think yer sneaky, weed? I've seen Lola fade into a background betta.I almost feel bad, messin' yer head up even worse than it already is!Heh heh, yer as dumb as da rocks ya throw, ratty!Ooooh, you have a doll! How intimidatin’.As a pro sound designer, I can confidently say yer hoverboard is nothin' but a baby's toy, kiddo!Hey, kiddo, how much does Starr Park fund the escape rooms, 10 cents a month?Turned the volume on yer drums to 0; Whatta great sound guy I am!Two unappreciated workers, 'cept when it comes to you ya don't deserve appreciation!Hey, why don'tcha call in yer girlfriend to help ya? Oh wait!Ain't no dancin' around the fact that ya suck, kidz bop girl!Yer as hairy as me, thunder boy! Start shavin' already!Sorry, too mature ta play with dolls! Try Lola!Oi, stage prop! Get back in ya position!A literal chimp jumps higher than ya, featherface! Shows whatta wimp you are!Didja even practice with the shurikens before this, ya ninja wannabe?Not even bashing his head wakes 'im up! I think he's a lost cause, fellas!You play with fire, but I played you, lady.Yeesh, and people say my voice is annoyin'!That’s whatcha get for keepin’ my soda from me!Laugh all ya want! They say it’s the best medicin’, and you need some now!Insanity is trying the same thing again and again and thinkin' it'll go different... also bein' a mushroom man!Face it already, kitty-cat, ye’re a washed-up has-been, and it’ll stay that way!Maybe yer tabletop game character could beat me, ya cosplay geek!Guess all that samurai stuff you yap about was just fer show, eh?And rememba, waitress, I said no salt on my sushi!
7
MortisHere lies: The purple-haired ranger, jealous and bitter to the bitter end!Here lies: The feisty young bear, too undisciplined for battle!Here lies: The handsome star, his ego being the death of him!Here lies: The armed thug, biceps larger than brains!Here lies: The loud-mouthed gamer, unprepared for reality!Here lies: The hunkish luchador, his strength insufficient!Here lies: The polite barkeep, his true colors written on his final face!Here lies: The musical skeleton, who managed to die twice!Here lies: The boxing botanist, her experiments leading to her end!Here lies: The child prodigy, her strength falling short of her intellect!Here lies: The senile old bomber, following the fate of a canary!Here lies: The living bomb, his whole life a suicide mission!Here lies: The angered arcade machine, his game officially shut down!Here lies: The insecure gumball machine, unable to live up to his act!Here lies: The barrelled pirate, too lazy to live!Here lies: The brutish buccaneer, died doing what she loved most!Here lies: The analytic robot, unfit for battle!Here lies: The unruly driller, her obscenities useless to save her!Here lies: The ghostly child, finally with those of his ilk!Here lies: The hunter of wisdom, proving unequipped for his next mark!Here lies: The prattling teenager, disrespectful to her uncle’s ingenuity!Here lies: The stunt show star, broken for the final time!Here lies: The saccharine baker, appearance now ruined in more ways than one!Here lies: The scrapyard mechanic, her trinket unable to heal her from death!Here lies: The towering ogre, body slow yet big, mind slow yet tiny!Here lies: The brooding bubble-blower, unable to bat away all the bats!Here lies: The fanatic of bees, walking into death as easily as a bug!Here lies: The computerized childminder, already destined for doom!Here lies: The edgy teenager, as famous a bad random as ever!Here lies: The failed salesman, died remaining in desperation!Here lies: The veteran security guard, who never did let go of his one fear!Here lies: The child cannon, her helmet unable to protect her!Here lies: The wintry janitor, surprisingly NOT claimed by natural causes!Here lies: The obsessive collector, her insanity driving her to her doom!Here lies: The golden-armed gold snatcher, her final heist foiled!Here lies: The disgraced janitor, death being the only way he could fall lower!Here lies: The self-absorbed diva, her arrogance her undoing!Here lies: The metal-fisted pugilist, pulled straight towards death!Here lies: The sour-faced sweetshop owner, dethroned for her incompetence!Here lies: The hazard-preventer of ennui, finally alive in her moments of death!Here lies: The skirmish-obsessed shrimp, his recklessness his doom!Here lies: The tumultuous cookie oven, her heat swept away!Here lies: The synchronized siblings, working together and dying together!Here lies: The grotesque Cupid, finally meeting the fate of the fly-swatter!Here lies: The sulking unicorn, put out of his misery!Here lies: The clothes of void, once again empty!Here lies: The obsessive rule-enforcer, the rule of death imposed upon them!Here lies: The many-minded log, their vengeance for their fallen comrades leaving them all slain!Here lies: The vampiric mortician, filling the first of his graves!Here lies: The mysterious dealer of trinkets, demise something she didn’t foresee!Here lies: The blabbering djinn, soul now sealed inside a cemetery!Here lies: The over-energized athlete, who sped straight to her death!Here lies: The arctic manager, going out of business due to the rivalling graveyard!Here lies: The emotionless incubator, what little life inside it doomed!Here lies: The slithering dealer of souls, forked tongue failing in combat!Here lies: The mindless slobber blob, died with his incoherent squeaks untranslated!Here lies: The failed cone machine, as lonely as he ever was!Here lies: The dogmatic colonel, both eyes now covered forever!Here lies: The overzealous lifeguard, unable to rescue himself from death!Here lies: The fire-footed dragon, bringing popcorn to his own demise!Here lies: The extraterrestial mother, her mission failed and bloodline doomed!Here lies: The jetpacked joyrider, her burial an ironic fate!Here lies: The incoherent graffiti artist, sunken to the deep!Here lies: The vainglorious director, gone in a flash of true cinema!Here lies: The magical mime, permanently committed to his silent act!Here lies: The all-seeing security bot, eyes shut for a change!Here lies: The frog of lust, who loved to mess with things she didn’t understand!Here lies: The laid-back snack vendor, unable to sell himself a hot dog!Here lies: The cacophonous conductor, ran out of steam!Here lies: The arachnid kleptomaniac, her lust for money defying her sense of danger!Here lies: The disgruntled primate, forgotten and discarded!Here lies: The K-pop star, her career ending on a low note!Here lies: The phytomorphic assassin, silent since that fateful day and immobile since this fatal day!Here lies: The belligerent crustacean, his drive for war sealing his doom!Here lies: The blind mole, drilling into the underworld!Here lies: The wicked voodoo witch, spells and potions unable to protect her!Here lies: The enrapturing rapper, his last skateboard trick gone awry!Here lies: The Egyptian lord of time, unable to escape his fate!Here lies: The drummer of the elements, burning bright, then melting down!Here lies: The nightly pop star, freed from his depressing career!Here lies: The stalker crocodile, one with the marsh at last!Here lies: The dashing dancer, disgraced and destroyed!Here lies: The electrifying magician, likely shocked by his untimely demise!Here lies: The dancing voodoo doll, her combat skills truly belonging on the shelf!Here lies: The watching cactus, perhaps never having a soul to lose in the first place!Here lies: The thuggish raven, his death as silent as his victims’!Here lies: The sneaky trickster, his ghost now invisible forever!Here lies: The restful god of sand, now within eternal slumber!Here lies: The clumsy pyrophile, who cremated herself!Here lies: The nasal mechanic, in remains like her mech!Here lies: The heroic soda dispenser, leveled in battle!Here lies: The practical prankster, put in his place!Here lies: The mysterious mushroom man, one with the shrubs on the ground!Here lies: The washed-up actor, dying as cartoonishly as his career!Here lies: The tabletop knight, victory yet another fantasy!Here lies: The sushi-making samurai, wrecked as his honor!Here lies: The double-sided ninja, her last moments spent on what she swore to forsake!
8
HankJust as always, you’ve been overshadowed, ranger!You lack discipline, child! Go back to boot camp!That’s what war does to your face, soldier! Deal with it!You’re just a thug! I, on the other hand, am a SOLDIER!I weathered the rockets and crushed the sniper unit regardless!There’s more to war than the workout, soldier!You are no gentleman! Cut the act, artillery bot!The only song I’ll listen to is the horn of WAR, skeleton!Your sick illegal practices on flora end here, war criminal!You are the one soldiers fight for, not the fighter, little girl! Head back home!War trauma’s gotten to you, soldier! Visit the clinic!My tank is too much for your little toy bombs!War is no game, soldier! I suggest you retreat!Bounty hunters, all talk and no skill!You have no claim to the sea, barrel bot! Step down!Discipline and honor wins fights! Both things something a pirate lacks!If you were made of a mineral in the ocean, it would be talc, you worthless wuss!You dug a hole, and all it led to was your defeat, cuss!Never send a boy to fight a shrimp’s war!Your proverbs can’t save you in combat, soldier! Take aim and strike for once!Call me when those likes on your phone earn you victory in combat!Real danger is not a spectacle, soldier! Maybe you'll learn that after this!No need to act, Sniper Unit No. 1! We all know exactly who you really are.You should make a tank out of your scraps like me! Cod knows you need one!Frankenstein felled! Take advantage and PUSH!It's blatant to behold that I blow the bigger bubble, biddy!I am the man among shrimp, you are the shrimp among women, you hymenopteran fanatic!Protection bot? Hah! You’re a faulty excuse of a tin can.Even an armyman can't understand your nonsensical slang, young man!Your battle sense is almost as terrible as your business sense, you fat coward of a man!!I commend you for your service, trooper. BUT YOU STILL SUCK!Look at how our enemies use children as cannon fodder! Sick monsters!Who allowed this retired veteran back onto the battlefield?! Is he even a veteran??Why was this asylum inmate allowed to fight the front lines??Sniper unit down! Push push push, men!The odor of your trash is stronger than you, janitor!Keep doing your little movies! Just know some of us do REAL work out there!!Metal fists aren’t practical, soldier! Get a real weapon!Only thing sweet about you is your DEATH, sniper unit!I suggest you fall back before you end up with two rocket arms!How did this wimp of a shrimp even make it past boot camp?!You’ll cook seafood no more, clanker!Local police force defeated! Push territory, men!What, did the task of taking down a tank with a bow swamp you?Are you trying to hurt or bribe me with ice cream?? I don't know which is more pathetic!I firmly reject your hugs! You do not embrace the enemy in war!Lecturing enemy soldiers about the rules of war gets you nowhere, soldier!Both of us have a thirst for vengeance, BUT MINE IS STRONGER, ANTSIES!!Forget undead, you fight like you're dead, vampire!If you really could see the future, you wouldn’t even have tried to fight me!My wish for your swift defeat came true, you blabbering buffoon!No man, nor woman, outruns the wrath of war!You worthless arctic neighbors have done nothing to help the sea's plight! You deserve this!One loss for the earth is one win for the sea, incubator!I refuse to negotiate! My terms are you surrender and I stop kicking your wrinkled old butt!Using dog slobber as weaponry?! Truly, our enemies are depraved!You should’ve stayed on your mountain! It was safer there!It seems as though the captain of the skies is no match for the captain of the seas!The torpedoes of a lifesaver are no match for those of a lifetaker!That’s right, keep kicking a tank, footsie! See where it gets you!!There is only room on the battlefield for one diminutive invader of the earth!This sky rat has finally met the wrath of the sea!If you’d listened to the war briefing for once, this wouldn’t’ve happened, bubble boy!You want a war drama? It’s gonna have to feature your DEATH, braggart!I'll give you one more chance before I destroy you: Just speak ONCE!Security bot down! Assassin units push, they’re not watching you!Your tadpoles will never override my drive for the cause, disgusting frog!Take war seriously or get trampled like seaweed, you weenie!When train goes against tank, only one is actually built for battle!That’ll teach you to pickpocket, you shifty alluring arachnid!Was there something hitting my tank? I think it was just the breeze.This tank has weathered much worse than some rabid music notes, you nugu!Assassin unit down! Look ahead and not behind, men!I thought I trained you better than this, soldier!Hah! You call that a vehicle, cheese-scraper? That’s a toy! This is a vehicle!No voodoo tricks are allowed on the battlefield! You are a war criminal!That mask doesn't change the fact you're a little boy trying to fight a man's war!No amount of time control helps you dodge the shellfire I rain upon you!I see no ice elements here! All I see is a drummer crashing and burning!Time out! It seems a random civilian bumbled onto the battlefield!It seems that our brethren in the marsh are of weaker stock!This is WAR, not a dance competition! Go back to the skate park!Take your little magic tricks back to elementary school where they belong! We’re battling here!I always did despise ballet, you dysfunctional doll!Get BACK, silent demon! BACK!Take to the skies! You have no domain in the sea!No getting sneaky on the shrimp!!Get up, soldier, it’s past 0500, military time!I HATE flamethrower units! Any decent man in the army does!!Hah! Your mech is a joke, miss! Build a tank instead!Strength is worthless without discipline, soldier!Anything that can go wrong in battle will go wrong, soldier! Never rely on luck!Your very existence is a war crime, you disgusting freak of nature!Blasts, who keeps letting the housecat onto the battlefield?! And why does he keep walking into my weaponry!?One day your dragon will be just another fossil in the sea!My worst enemy, bested once and for all!GET BACK UP! YOUR TRAINING IS NOT DONE!
9
ByronPah! You aim that shotgun like you’re blind.Thankssss for the free bear skin, little rodent! I needed it for my next serum!Not ssssuch a beauty after my venom seared your face, hmmm, you himbo?Worthless meatheads like you are exactly the kind I use as guinea pigs for my serums!I may be taking an L, but it isss you who's going to hell, you boor.You’re not ssstrong enough yet, luchador. But I can make you stronger, for a price…Hmph! Your strength matches your manners: A complete facade!Your singing career fails once again, skeleton! But at least you can play a sssswansong for yourself!You limit your experiments to plants? Little wonder you‘re the inferior combatant.Ahhh, just what I needed for my latest serum: Children’s tears.Hah! It’s clear to see whose mind has aged better, you witless dynamite lobber!Every bomb is destined to go off, one way or another!You wish revenge, arcade bot? You’re far too pitiful to earn it unless you sign right here…Face it, robot; you’re pathetic. But I can make all your dreams come true, if you would just sign this…You consider yourself a captain, you worthlesssss rustbucket? No. You are a joke.Pah! Not even a serum of mine could make you a worthy buccaneer.I should collect your vocal ports, I need more truly repulsssssive items!Hmph! Some of the things you say sound like they belong in my bottles, driller!I’d offer a contract, but I’m not ssssure you even have a soul to offer.Speak like a hunter, but you will alwayssss be the prey, archer...Hmph! What a waste of a finely crafted venom.Remember. Our. Contract. You’d have died a long time ago if not for it. We all know you’re as twisssted as me deep down, you saccharine maiden…I expect gratitude for burning off some of that flab of yours!What a lumbering brute... sssssomeone ought to put you in a cage!Why is this little girl running at me with a bat? Issss she trying to attack me?Not even any bee pickingsss I can collect from you? Pathetic.I'd honestly struggle more battling the child you protect, worthlessssss security drone!The darknessss in your soul? Sounds like a useful potion ingredient! Allow me to tear it out of you.I could promote fecal matter and I’d ssssstill sell it better than your worthless shop!A most useful potion ingredient: The blood of a worthless coward!The only thing about you of any value is your skull, little child!Playing god with snow is child’s play! When you get to our age, you play god with live specimensssss.Let’ssss see if you’ll still try following me after that, you lunatic!Riches, knowledge, a brand new arm, all thingsssss I could offer you... but I won't!You’re ssssuch a pathetic lowlife even a contract of mine couldn’t make you happy!Hmph! Let’s see if your ego will return from that, diva!Float like a butterfly, sting like some acid! That’s alwaysss been my motto!Hmph! I don’t believe I could concoct a serum more sour than you, sweetshop owner!I see it in your face, miss: You’re unhappy with your life. Sign here, and I’ll make it more exciting…Sssso desperate to be a martyr? Let's dip you in venom and see you crack, then.I sssslowly roasted you over a fine broil of venom, oven...This issss what happens when you police try to intefere with my business!Every part of you looks like an ingredient for my potions, you disgusting wretch!Your fighting is as dignifed as your cosssstume, you joke of a man!I wouldn’t risk my ssssoul like that, given it’s the only thing you really have in thisss world…You look like an abomination risen from my experiments, you insufferable know-all!One soul was claimed, and hundreds more are to come!How pitiful a vampire! Ssssign here, and maybe you won’t be the only one within your graves…No usssse in foreseeing a fate unavoidable, trinket dealer.The esssssence of a djinn and utter insanity in one! What a catch!There’ssss no outrunning poison once it’s in your veins, energy addict!Combat skillsssss as poor as your attempt to pretend you're a real penguin!I will rip your little sapling out and shove it into a potion out of sssspite, incubator!Hmph! No doppelganger could possssibly rival my genius!Ugh! I’d rather down one of my own vials than touch this monstrosity!I’ve sold countless souls! You can’t even sell ssssSNOW cones, you worthless fraud!And they call you a colonel? Bah!You'd think the final dinosaur would be ssssomewhat smarter than the others, but no!You always did seem a fool who’d rush ssssstraight into his doom!How ussseful for my potions; The corpse of an alien!Flying away cannot ssssave you from your fate!Pah! Pathetic seaweed scrounger. You'd never sssstand up to me.Bah, you just remake the same tired old tropes. Here’s a new one: The death of the protagonissssst!Silence issss a dangerous thing, mime. Now you are in silence for all eternity...Knowledge isn’t alwayssss a desirable thing, robot! Now you know the taste of acid!No matter what sort of tadpole you use, I am the one in control, maggot-spawn.I’ll warn you now, I’d be careful about eating that next hot dog of yoursss, vendor!Hah! You’re almost as much of a failure at fighting than at conducting!Tsk! The only thing I'll let you have is an eternal curse, you petty pincher!Hah! All the contracts in the world couldn’t save you from being a worthless joke.Your atrocious music is more venomous than anything I could concoct, you dozen!I've never seen a plantly specimen such as thisss... a shame it appears to be braindead.May I extract your brainsss? I've been looking all over for a mind struck with madness.Do you happen to be mutated, perchance, rodent? Something of my doing, perhaps?Pah! Best hand those ingredients of yours to me, witch, I’d make better usssse of them!Hmph! The power of hypnosissss, and you waste it so thoroughly, youngling...Your time hasssss come.My venom clings to you like frost and burns you up like fire, ssssso that you’ll never mindlessly bang another cymbal again!Pah! Worthless drunkard. Best for all if you downed one of my failed serums instead.Ah, a mosssst perfect ingredient: The tears of the rejected!Savor that taste, youngling! That's the taste of derrota!Tsk! Your vanity is almost as shocking as your crushing mediocrity, you cheap charlatan!Bravo! How wonderfully you danced into my poison, puppet!Always wassss silent, and now you always will be, mutated cactaceae!Ah, excellent. This worthless bird’s feathers may be useful in my next brew.Pah! You're as obviousss to detect invisible as visible!Hmph! How am I meant to rope someone sssleeping into a contract?Tsk! Only person you’d end up burning with that is yoursssself!It'sss a shame you cannot fix your own body, you worthless tinkerer...Pah! At least I can admit I dispense poison, vendor!Tsk! You’re good for nothing except running your mouth, you usssseless clown!You look like you drank ten of my failed vials at once, you revolting beast!Ah, jussst what I needed for my latest brew; The hair of a disgraced star!Your victory is a fantassssy, just like everything else about you!Hmph! What an embarassing display! Ssssign here, and I won't tell your wife...Two facesss only means a second contract, fair geisha...