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Who?The CauseAffects MyMy PartCharacter Defenses
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SelfishDishonestSelf-SeekingAfraidHow Am I protectingDo I owe amends?Optional
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People, Institutions or PrinciplesWhy I am angry? Self Esteem Emotional Security Financial Security Ambitions Personal Relations Sex Relations Fear Sick Man's PrayerALWAYS THE SAME. I don't care about the other person. I only care about me.Have I told them how I feel?What is my mind telling me? (THE PAIN UNDERNEATH)I'd Rather Feel Anger than? The Drug (high) of Anger. The Barbituate (Low) of victimhood. What are the deep,terrible feelings - core belief I'm trying to avoid. ex. (Nobody wants me). This is the key to the whole resentmentHow am I doing exactly what I am accusing them of?Positive - What do you really want?Negative - What negative pattern am I addicted to? What is the familiar thing I'm used. What do I have? What I have is what I want.What are my fears?What are my protection mechanisms?
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My Father (EXAMPLE)For not supporting me in my filmmaking career.YYYYYNYYI only care about myself, not my Dad.No, I never really told him.He does't care about me. He doesn't love me. If he had supported me I would be a successful director now. It's also not true because he did support me in his own way. The anger I feel for my Dad make is a powerful drug that hides that I don't want to take responsibility for failing. The low is I get to feel like he's the bad one and I'm the good one. My Dad doesn't love me. He doesn't love me because I"m badI am not supporting myself. I am not showing up for me.I want to achieve my goals. I want my father to love me. I want him to believe in me.I want to feel unsupported. It reminds me of home. It's how I feel comfortable.I'll never be the director I want. I have no talent. My father doesn't believe in me. Nobody loves me. Nobeody could ever love me. I'm too horrible to love.I am staying small. Never risking so I can't fail. Undiscovered genius syndrome. Living in fantasy. Blaming. Projecting. Avoid responsibilityI owe an amends to myself for not showing up for me. I need to find a way. [WRITE A LETTER TO MY DAD TELLING HIM HOW I DEMONIZED HIM.]
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The field of real estateThey have duped and used me. Misled you.YYYYYNYYI don't care about the field of real estate, I only care about me.Yes, I told me.They were not honest with me about how long it would take. They were dishonest. They should've told me. I'm not good at marketing. They misled me. Nothing works. Hopelessness. Angry at myself for wasting time and money. Sadness I couldn't make it work. Fear. Failure. Prove my mother right.It was so unfair. Accused of stealing.I wasn't honest with myself.I want to earn a living. I want to enjoy my life. I want to have enough. I want to be lovedYou are addicted to be treated unfairly.Afraid my Mom was right. I'm not loveable. I'm bad. I'll never make it.Blaming. Projecting. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Trying to get worth from job. Dishonest with yourself. Didn't do your research.To myself. Maybe doing research. [TO BE WITH THE TERRIFIED PARTH THAT FEELS LIKE IT CAN'T DO IT.]
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Claude. AA SponsorFor being negative about show business. Giving a negative view about surrender.YYYYYyYYI don't care about Claude. I only care about me.I did not tell him how I felt.Claude gave a flawed example of surrender. I would've been more successful by now. He didn't have a strong work ethic - so I could just get by. I wouldn't have self sabotaged as much. I've got to succeed. I have to figure it out.Coasted by. Surrender.God on my side. Knowiing he loves me and supports me. Know God is my employer and infinite source. Feel safe. Express your talents and gifts in the world.Craving. You want to want something.Staying small. Living in anxiety and panic around work. Blaming. Focusing on results.You owe and amends. You need to support self. MANTRA. I love and support you no matter.
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The Canadian GovernmentBetrayal. Froze bank accounts. News outlets owned by the government. Supress your voice if you don't align with their values. They paid small companies to hire immigrants.YYYYYyYYI only care about myself, not about themNo.They lie. They pretend they are helping the are only for themselves. They support people who have a victim mentality. They didn't support me. I'm bad and evil for having an opposing opinion. You don't feel safe. I'm not important or valuable. I'm alone and no on will help me. I will be exiled.I don't treat myself like I'm important or valuable.I want to feel support. Loved and important. Community. SafetyI'm bad and evil for having an opposing opinion. You don't feel safe. I'm not important or valuable. I'm alone and no on will help me. I will be exiled. Not supported. Punished.Being alone forever. Never having anyone to help or support. I'm all alone and no one will help me. And poor. I'm not important. I don't matter.Isolate myself. Standoffish. Angry. Focusing on blame.Owe myself and amends. Focusing on 2 blocks. Hopelessness. I'm not important.
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Your previous sponsorFor dumping youYYYYYNYYI only care about myself. I don't care about CassI have not.I've been scammed. I've been duped. The encouragement I received was a lie. I'm not important. No one cares about me. I'm not treating myself as important.I want to be supported I am addicted to getting no support. Unloved. Abandoned.I have no value. I'm a loser. Self pity. Victimhood. Projecting. Blaming. Avoiding your feelings. I love and value myself.
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