the-office-lines
 Share
The version of the browser you are using is no longer supported. Please upgrade to a supported browser.Dismiss

 
View only
 
 
ABCDEFGHI
1
idseasonepisodesceneline_textspeakerdeleted
2
1111All right Jim. Your quarterlies look very good. How are things at the library?MichaelFALSE
3
2111Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it. So...JimFALSE
4
3111So you've come to the master for guidance? Is this what you're saying, grasshopper?MichaelFALSE
5
4111Actually, you called me in here, but yeah.JimFALSE
6
5111All right. Well, let me show you how it's done.MichaelFALSE
7
6112
[on the phone] Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. Yes, hello. This is Michael Scott. I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products. Just wanted to talk to you manager-a-manger. [quick cut scene] All right. Done deal. Thank you very much, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Oh, I'm sorry. OK. I'm sorry. My mistake. [hangs up] That was a woman I was talking to, so... She had a very low voice. Probably a smoker, so... [Clears throat] So that's the way it's done.
MichaelFALSE
8
7113
I've, uh, I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years, the last four as Regional Manager. If you want to come through here... See we have the entire floor. So this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see. This is our receptionist, Pam. Pam! Pam-Pam! Pam Beesly. Pam has been with us for... forever. Right, Pam?
MichaelFALSE
9
8113Well. I don't know.PamFALSE
10
9113If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago. [growls]MichaelFALSE
11
10113What?PamFALSE
12
11113Any messages?MichaelFALSE
13
12113Uh, yeah. Just a fax.PamFALSE
14
13113Oh! Pam, this is from Corporate. How many times have I told you? There's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate.MichaelFALSE
15
14113You haven't told me.PamFALSE
16
15113It's called the wastepaper basket! Look at that! Look at that face.MichaelFALSE
17
16114
People say I am the best boss. They go, 'God we've never worked in a place like this before. You're hilarious.' 'And you get the best out of us.' [shows the camera his WORLD'S BEST BOSS mug] I think that pretty much sums it up. I found it at Spencer Gifts.
MichaelFALSE
18
17115[singing] Shall I play for you? Pa rum pump um pum [Imitates heavy drumming] I have no gifts for you. Pa rum pump um pum [Imitates heavy drumming]DwightFALSE
19
18116
My job is to speak to clients on the phone about... uh, quantities and type of copier paper. You know, whether we can supply it to them. Whether they can pay for it. And... I'm boring myself just talking about this.
JimFALSE
20
19117Whassup!MichaelFALSE
21
20117Whassup! I still love that after seven years.JimFALSE
22
21117Whassup!MichaelFALSE
23
22117Whassup!DwightFALSE
24
23117Whass...up!MichaelFALSE
25
24117Whassup.DwightFALSE
26
25117[Strains, grunts] What?MichaelFALSE
27
26117Nothing.JimFALSE
28
27117OK. All right. See you later.MichaelFALSE
29
28117All right. Take care.JimFALSE
30
29117Back to work.MichaelFALSE
31
30118[on her cell phone] Just before lunch. That would be great.JanFALSE
32
31119
Corporate really doesn't really interfere with me at all. Jan Levinson Gould. [walking out of his office] Jan, hello. I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not. But, um... Yeah.
MichaelFALSE
33
321110Alright, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda?JanFALSE
34
331110Um... Me no get an agenda.MichaelFALSE
35
341110What? I'm sorry?JanFALSE
36
351110I didn't get any agenda.MichaelFALSE
37
361110Well, I faxed one over to you this morning.JanFALSE
38
371110Really? I didn't... [looks at Pam] Did we get a fax this morning?MichaelFALSE
39
381110Uh, yeah, the one...PamFALSE
40
391110Why isn't it in my hand? A company runs on efficiency of communication, right? So what's the problem, Pam? Why didn't I get it?MichaelFALSE
41
401110You put in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet.PamFALSE
42
411110Yeah, that was a joke. That was a joke that was actually my brother's, and... It was supposed to be with bills and it doesn't work great with faxes.MichaelFALSE
43
421110Do you want to look at mine?JanFALSE
44
431110Yeah, yeah. Lovely. Thank you.MichaelFALSE
45
441110OK. Since the last meeting, Ellen and the board have decided we can't justify a Scranton branch and a Stamford branch.JanFALSE
46
451110OK...MichaelFALSE
47
461110Michael, don't panic.JanFALSE
48
471110No, no, no, no, this is good. This is good. This is fine. Excellent.MichaelFALSE
49
481110No, no, no, Michael, listen OK. Don't panic. We haven't made... We haven't decided.JanFALSE
50
491110All the alarm bells are kind of going... ringie-dingie-ding!MichaelFALSE
51
501110I've spoken to Josh in Stamford. I've told him the same as you and it's up to either him or you to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other.JanFALSE
52
511110OK. No problem.MichaelFALSE
53
521110This does, however, mean that there is going to be downsizing.JanFALSE
54
531110
Me no wanna hear that, Jan. Because downsizing is a bitch. It is a real bitch. And I wouldn't wish that on Josh's men. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. Or women, present company excluded. Sorry. Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing?
MichaelFALSE
55
541111Question. How long do we have to... [Telephone rings] Oh uh, Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it?MichaelFALSE
56
551111Go ahead.JanFALSE
57
561111Packman.MichelFALSE
58
571111Hey, you big queen.Todd PackerFALSE
59
581111Oh, that's not appropriate.MichaelFALSE
60
591111Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today?Todd PackerFALSE
61
601111Uh, I don't know what you mean.MichaelFALSE
62
611111I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?Todd PackerFALSE
63
621111Oh, my God! Oh! That's... horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person.MichaelFALSE
64
631111So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily.JanFALSE
65
641111No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office. [zips his lips] Like that.MichaelFALSE
66
651112So what does downsizing actually mean?PhyllisFALSE
67
661112Well...StanleyFALSE
68
671113You guys better update your resumes just like I'm doing.OscarFALSE
69
681114I bet it's gonna be me. Probably gonna be me.AngelaFALSE
70
691114Yeah, it'll be you.KevinFALSE
71
701115I have an important question for you.PamFALSE
72
711115Yes?JimFALSE
73
721115Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday?PamFALSE
74
731115Yeah, stop. That is ridiculous.JimFALSE
75
741116Am I going to tell them? No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.MichaelFALSE
76
751117Hey.MichaelFALSE
77
761117Hey.RyanFALSE
78
771117This is Mr. Scott.PamFALSE
79
781117Guilty! Guilty as charged!MichaelFALSE
80
791117Ryan Howard from the temp agency. Daniqua sent me down to start today.RyanFALSE
81
801117Howard, like Moe Howard. Three Stooges.MichaelFALSE
82
811117Yup.RyanFALSE
83
821117
Watch this. This is Moe. Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck. Mee! [hold hand up for a high five] Ah, right here. Three Stooges. Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing, Pam. I'm sort of a student of comedy. Watch this. Here we go. [Yelling in cod German] I'm Hitler. Adolf Hitler. [Continues with cod German]
MichaelFALSE
84
831118
I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go because then I might... I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. I like to do illustrations. Um... Mostly watercolor. A few oil pencil. Um, Jim thinks they're good.
PamFALSE
85
841118Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.PamFALSE
86
851119Sure. Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. Thank you very much. Dwight, what are you doing?JimFALSE
87
861119What?DwightFALSE
88
871119What are you doing?JimFALSE
89
881119Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.DwightFALSE
90
891119It's not on your desk.JimFALSE
91
901119It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.DwightFALSE
92
911119You can't do that.DwightFALSE
93
921119Why not?JimFALSE
94
931119Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ.DwightFALSE
95
941119[crosses fingers] We'll see. [Dwight begins smashing pencils with his phone] This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.JimFALSE
96
951119Downsizing?DwightFALSE
97
961120Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, bring it on.DwightFALSE
98
971121You just still have these messages from yesterday.PamFALSE
99
981121Relax. Everything's under control. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's important. Right. Oh this is so important, I should run to answer it. [Imitating Six-Million Dollar Man sound effect]MichaelFALSE
100
991121What?PamFALSE
Loading...
 
 
 
scripts
 
 
Main menu