Small Town Murder - Town Mottos

	A	B	C	D	E
1	Episode	Town	Real Motto	STM Motto	Notes
2	001	Sarah, Mississippi	(none)	100 percent non-hispanic	There's a post office!
3	002	Raynham, Massachusetts	(none)	An old town with lots of buckles	First town to be founded by a woman
4	004	Manistique, Michigan	The Emerald City	When people turn 28, they get the fuck out of here	Maybe get yourself a Jewish person and a librarian
5	005	Eaton, Ohio	A Rural Community Growing In To The Future	They seem to be receding into the past	The land that time forgot
6	006	Hawkins, Texas	The Pancake Capital of Texas	Nothing to do but watch people in a church	There are trees here, and that's about it
7	007	St. Johns, Arizona	The town of friendly neighbors (plus two others)	Maybe the elevation is what's making everyone crazy	Northern Arizona is super weird
8	008	Otisco, New York	Waters Dried Away	They had to give this land that nobody wanted away	Legend of the bear children
9	009	Burlingame, Kansas	(none)	It sounds like a place with a very dreary carnival	This place is filled with old people
10	010	Monticello, Florida	Named after Thomas Jefferson's Home	Any slight wave, and the whole thing is going under	It's all about Jefferson here
11	011	Lake Tahoe, California	America's all-year playground	You go here if you want to live in a trailer surrounded by a lot of meth	It's a have and have-not kind of town
12	013	Old Orchard Beach, Maine	Where our Shores are always open	There are no syringes in the sand	Come to the Scottish festival or the beach amusement park
13	014	Ovando, Montana	(none)	You could be pretty close to it and still not know it existed	It's Marlboro country
14	015	Warrenton, Virginia	(none)	Extra Billy will tell you a little bit about what we are dealing with here	One of the prettiest painted places in America
15	016	Lino Lakes, Minnesota	A Community With A Vision	You don't go there to party or to retire	You don't want to be shoveling snow after you retire
16	017	Great Linford, UK	Great locality, proud community	You can get to London pretty quick from here	Stop being so god damn proud when naming things. You're not that great
17	018	Golden, Colorado	Where the West Lives	We have so many quilts	The Rocky Mountain quilt museum is a highlight, so you can skip the Coors Brewery tour
18	019	Eldorado, Illinois	(None) Home of the smallest daily newspaper	A sundown town	Pink houses, ain't that America
19	020	Tonasket, Washington	(None) Jack Black lived here	There's women everywhere	Jimmie surrenders to his stupidity
20	021	Anniston, Alabama	The model city	This place is fucking dangerous	It's all old people. One surprise, and everyone's going to die
21	022	Chimayo, New Mexico	(none)	It's a nuclear bomb of Catholic people	People are fleeing this place
22	023	Ocean Grove, New Jersey	(none)	We don't want to be part of shit	Tent City
23	024	Eufaula, Oklahoma	Where Pride Creates Progress	In the middle of goddam nowhere	Song: We like to smoke lots of meth here in Muskogee
24	025	Gander, Newfoundland, Canada	Volet Gander	Big hairy dogs come from here	If America's a dick, Canada is our nice little brother
25	026	Maynardville, Tennessee	A friendly town with an eye on the future	Have a glass of wine and a fucking hot dog	Brad Pitt's character from Inglorious Bastards is from here
26	027	East Lyme, Connecticut	(none) A quaint seaside village community	Home of the oldest house in Connecticut	Beaches didn't become popular until bikinis were invented
27	028	Kendrick, Idaho	Quality and quantity is our motto	It looks like a good place to go if you'd like to start a malitia and eventually have a standoff with the ATF	This place is bleeding people away
28	029	Santa Claus, Georgia	The city that loves children	Fuck Christmas	Located in the Elf Belt
29	030	Kensett, Arkansas	A place to call home	Home of shoeless Huck Finn hillbilly children	look for mobile homes wrapped in trees
30	031	Woodside, South Australia	(none) Come see our chocolate factory	It's a hot little place	Too bad kangaroos aren't used as transportation
31	032	Baraboo, Wisconsin	Circus City or Gem City	Like a fissure on a hemorrhoid	Clowns scare children for a living
32	033	Collegeville, Pennsylvania	A great place to live, work, and play	Asphalt so smooth people come from all over to pee on it	Started by a church
33	034	Marydel, Maryland	Hall town	Nothing's happening here	Watch The Wire
34	035	La Porte, Indiana	The hub of awesome	Worst slogan of all	City of douche
35	036	Iowa, Louisiana	(none)	Waterboy country	Jimmie spits sunflower seeds in the water on a pirate ride
36	037	wolsey, South Dakota	(none)	A suburb of dirt	A great place to watch wheat
37	038	Fleming-Neon, Kentucky	(none)	Go on down the pike a ways to find something to do	A husk of a town filled with depressed people
38	039	Epping, New Hampshire	The cneter of the universe	People who make clay bricks together stay together	It's not even the center of the state
39	040	Norwalk, Iowa	(none) Noticeable	Middle of the road	The 6th best place in Idaho or the 14th best place in hell
40	041	Washington Terrace, Utah	Making life better (The Terrace)	If your commute time is less that 20 minutes, there's no reason to be a dick	Jimmie nails the pronunciation of a person
41	042	Burk, Vermont	(none)	It's Canada with less health care	We could use a few Jews here
42	043	Scottsbluff, Nebraska	(none) Nebraska like you've never seen it	Nobody's ever seen it except in a blur while driving by	There were some bad-ass, fierce tribes that lived here
43	044	Kenton, Delaware	(None)	Is it even a town?	We done run out of shit
44	045	Sitka, Alaska	Inspire your imagination; refresh your spirit. The beauty of Alaska awaits	Come up here and you can fuck a halibut in the face	People in the panhandle look at people living in the pan
45	046	Gatesville, North Carolina	(none)	This place might not have internet connection yet	Lots of pork comes from North Carolina
46	047	Sun Valley, Nevada	(none) 5th largest unincorporated area in the state	The biggest trailer park in the world	Reno 911 sidetrack
47	048	Coopertown, North Dakota	Unlimited possibility	Not even a possibility	The mundane town
48	049	Canton, Missouri	(none) We are a great stop on your way to your destination	Stop here, have something to eat, and keep fucking going	A disaster of redneckery
49	050	Easley, South Carolina	(none) The gem of the foothills	Welcomed w/ Southern hospitality by the friendliest people you will ever meet	People will smile to your face, talk shit about you, and then go to church
50	051	Newport, Oregon	4 mottos: The friendliest + three others	We can loan mottos to other cities	I will not be told what to call my town
51	052	Webster Springs, West Virginia	Mountains of adventure	Their website hosting site is don't touch me there daddy	Squirrel orgies
52	053	Wheatland, Wyoming	(none)	It's near bison	Stay away from here; it's terrible
53	054	Strathroy, Ontario, Canada	We Advance	This is where Canada goes slumming	Everything is named after bewigged douchebags from England
54	055	South Kingstown, Rhode Island	(none)	It's too small for a motto	The town smells like cinnamon
55	056	Haiku, Hawaii	(none)	It's paradise; it doesn't need a motto	Stay away, dickheads
56	057	Amherst, Virginia	(none) Dieu et mon droit	In the middle of the pan	It's pretty cheap to live here
57	058	Northampton, Maine	Caritas, educatio, et Justitia (paradise city)	Lesbianville is the real one	People are fighting about something here
58	059	Raymond, Washington	The city that does things (plus several more)	The city that can't decide on a motto	Raymond is a terrible name. It reeks of corduroy
59	060	Phillips, Oklahoma	(none)	It's where you send family when you don't want them around anymore	Everything coal, even coal crunchies trail mix
60	061	Elkridge, Maryland	(none)	Well outside of Baltimore's stray bullet range	Maryland is just three panhandles of disaster
61	062	Three Points, Arizona	Three Points AKA Roadless Junction, two names, one community	It's the beige taint of satan. You'll wish you were in Mexico	It's weird country (Pandemic reference)
62	063	Edgewood, Kentucky	Where every day is a walk in the park	Excessively white	It's a nub of a panhandle
63	064	Mineral Point, Wisconsin	Where Wisconsin begins...(and hope ends)	We have cheese and we're named after Iowa.	Iowa with farts
64	065	Sunbury, Pennsylvania	Heart of the Susquehanna river OR A beautiful Sunbury begins with you.	Don't you embarrass the town, you fuck.	Full of panhandle behavior
65	066	Mooresville, Missouri	(none)	You ever actually watch grass grow?	If Missouri had a compost heap, this whatever's under the heap
66	067	Bellevue, Idaho	Built on a vision of hard work, resourcefulness, and family	Would you like a potato? We have potatoes	Live show!
67	068	Gun Barrel City, Texas	We shoot straight with you	If I get my hands on that rabbit. Pew pew	Come on down to Wee Oo!
68	069	Waynesville, Ohio	Welcome to Waynesville	All of the Ohio, none of the Cleveland	Waynesville, schwing!
69	070	Canyon Lake, California	A bit of paradise	The butthole of paradise	Possible paradise parasite mixup
70	071	Kittery, Maine	Gateway to Maine	The exit of the United States	Maine is Canada's Florida
71	072	Canistota, South Dakota	Home of the hawks	We have more hawks than people	They would kill for a strip of outlet malls
72	073	Irvington, Alabama	(none)	We swear we're nicer to black people now	It's in the Alapanhandle area, king of the panhandles
73	074	Rulo, Nebraska	The front door of Richardson country	This is a side door at best. It's more like a hole in the dirt with a tunnel that leads to Richardson county	The episode is a doozy
74	075	Warren, Rhode Island	(none) state: Rhode Island, cooler and warmer	Don't worry. It will be over before you know it.	Don't worry, you're almost to the next state
75	076	Cincinnati, Arkansas	(none)	Don't bother, it's Arkansas	Let's not stop at that McDonald's
76	077	Gretna, Louisiana	We want YOU in Gretna	...Not so fast, black people	Lots of German immigrants started here
77	078	Redding, Connecticut	(none)	You know nothing about Connecticut, so this is the capital	Does anyone know the capital of Connecticut?
78	079	Dayton, Nevada	Nevada's oldest town/community	These people are fucking liars.	Name one shitty place after another shitty place
79	080	Villa Park, Illinoise	The garden villiage	We live 25 minutes from Chicago and work there and root for the teams but hate Chicago	Part of the trot-through states
80	081	James Island, South Carolina	(none)	We're an island, fuck your motto. Bitches, boobs, and beaches.	Hwere there are panhandles everyHwere
81	082	Flora Vista, New Mexico	(none)	Our motto sadly committed suicide.	Higher than Denver
82	083	Essex, Vermont	Crossroads of Chittenden County	Come sample our maple flannel	A long trip to fun
83	084	Red Wing, Minnesota	Come for a visit; stay for a lifetime	Come for a visit after September; leave immediately	Is that a threat or a line from Hotel California?
84	085	Gainesboro, Tennessee	(who knows?)	Contact the town when their website is back up	Switzerland doesn't know it, but this area is the Switzerland of the Cumberlands
85	086	Stanford, Montana	(none)	Hello? Is anybody out there? no?	At least 15 hours to anywhere decent
86	087	Nitro, West Virginia	Historic past, exciting future	Nitro, America's used tissue.	Have a fucking parade
87	088	Cave Junction, Oregon	Gateway to the Oregon caves	A great place to start a militia	A great place to drown
88	089	Webster Township, Michigan	(none)	Ahh, smell that Detroit	Excessively rural
89	090	Brentwood, Tennessee	Ardens Fide "Burning faith"	cacata carta oppidum "shitty town"	Not real Southerners
90	091	Kiowa, Colorado	(none)	A great place to hide	This used to be sone Deadwood shit
91	092	Williamson, Arizona	(none)	We swear we're a town; we exist!	An old west town but also good for the kids!
92	093	Middle Township, New Jersey	A Clean, Safe, and Caring Family Community	If you're a New Yorker, you get to shit on New Jersey	1620-1621 Dutch explorer sailed the coastline of Jersey: too many syringes in the water
93	094	Petal, Mississippi	Safest City in Mississippi/ the friendly city	The New Jersey of the South	There is no north in Mississippi
94	095	Oskaloosa, Kansas	(none)	Injun for boring	Any time three houses spring up, a guy with some bibles will show up
95	096	Sheridan, Wyoming	Naturally	It's in Wyoming, yeah, the state with no people in it	Plenty of space
96	097	Belmont, New Hampshire	(none)	Not too Canada, not too Boston, still cold as shit	Everyone talks like the Pepperidge Farm guy
97	098	Peru, Indiana	(several) Circus capital of the world	Where everyone is terrified	Creepy clowns
98	099	McIntosh, Florida	A step back in town	Look out black people; they're starting again	There are no direct flights to this place. Located in the taint of Florida.
99	100	Dewy, Oklahoma	The city of vision	A vision of getting the fuck out of here	They can see out of Oklahoma
100	101	Amityville, New York	(none)	Not just for guido murderers anymore	We're just gonna lie low