A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z | AA | |
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1 | Character Count | Name | Page | Death on Page | Huh? Who? | ||||||||||||||||||||||
2 | 1 | Dale | 1 | Former Navy Seal, Vietnam Veteran, 250 lbs, beard, biker, black belt, trucker, and most importantly, husband of Miss Marie. Chad's best friend. "Big Bear" | |||||||||||||||||||||||
3 | 2 | Chad | 1 | Former Marine, Vietnam Veteran, 150 lbs, black belt, trucker, quick, the funny one! Dale's best friend and business partner. "Fast Cat" | |||||||||||||||||||||||
4 | 3 | Tommy | 1 | Chad and Dale's dispatcher, expert in the art of persuasion | |||||||||||||||||||||||
5 | 4 | Miss Marie | 3 | Married to Dale, probably a PhD in Mathematics, definitely a dominatrix, looks like June Cleaver in Mike's headcanon | |||||||||||||||||||||||
6 | 5 | Patch | 22 | Rodeo attender, looks like a pissed-off Tom Selleck, possible time-traveler? | |||||||||||||||||||||||
7 | 6 | Patch Wilson | 55 | "Bad Eye", Rapist, murderer, horse thief, kind of a jerk. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
8 | 7 | John Starnes | 55 | 100 | Rapist, murderer, horse thief, kind of a jerk. Killed by Patch Wilson. | ||||||||||||||||||||||
9 | 8 | Blue Dawn | 65 | Wife of Chief Dark Horse, mother of Slim Fox, policewoman, please don't call her Pocahontas, that's messed up. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
10 | 9 | Slim Fox | 65 | "Little Beaver", "the boy" Dale and Chad are devoted to saving. 12 summers old! Possibly the Future Sitting Bull? | |||||||||||||||||||||||
11 | 10 | Dark Horse | 75 | "Dark House", chief of this particular band of Sioux | |||||||||||||||||||||||
12 | 11 | Lone Eagle | 76 | Friend of Slim Fox, roughly the same age | |||||||||||||||||||||||
13 | 12 | Lost Wolf | 76 | Friend of Slim Fox, roughly the same age | |||||||||||||||||||||||
14 | 13 | Badger | 77 | 79 | Scout sent to retrieve Blue Dawn and Slim Fox; killed by John Starnes unceremoniously 2 pages after introduction, resolved to die well? | ||||||||||||||||||||||
15 | 14 | Yanni | 77 | 79 | Scout sent to retrieve Blue Dawn and Slim Fox; killed by John Starnes unceremoniously 2 pages after introduction | ||||||||||||||||||||||
16 | 15 | Wild Eyes | 77 | Medicine man for Slim Fox's tribe; dissipator of all tension | |||||||||||||||||||||||
17 | 16 | Blue Duck | 80 | Brother of Chief Dark Horse, leads band of warriors to hunt down Patch Wilson and John Starnes | |||||||||||||||||||||||
18 | 17 | Red Sun | 81 | Sioux elder on Chief Dark Horse's advisory council | |||||||||||||||||||||||
19 | 18 | Pat Collins | 84 | General Rollins' scout, doesn't much like Chad and Dale | |||||||||||||||||||||||
20 | 19 | General Rollins | 84 | Incompetent commander of Fort Bridger; hates Indians | |||||||||||||||||||||||
21 | 20 | Lieutenant Forbes | 84 | 98 | Leading patrol from Fort Bridger to find Patch Wilson and John Starnes. Died in the skirmish with Dark Horse's search party orchestrated by Patch & Starnes | ||||||||||||||||||||||
22 | 21 | Captain Tim Troy | 84 | Army guy, good with infantry, doesn't hate Indians | |||||||||||||||||||||||
23 | 22 | Jim Eagle | 88 | Scout and translator, working with Pat Collins, taller than two other scouts | |||||||||||||||||||||||
24 | 23 | Black Hawk | 88 | Scout recruited by Pat Collins, piercing eyes | |||||||||||||||||||||||
25 | 24 | War Paint | 88 | Scout recruited by Pat Collins, mean-looking, misses nothing with his keen eyes | |||||||||||||||||||||||
26 | 25 | Moon Dog | 91 | Sent with Blue Duck and 50 other men to track down Patch "Bad Eye" Wilson and Starnes | |||||||||||||||||||||||
27 | 26 | Wolf Claw | 96 | 98 | Killed by Starnes and Patch Wilson to initiate battle between the Sioux tracking them and the Army cohort tracking them | ||||||||||||||||||||||
28 | 27 | Three Scalps | 98 | Sioux warrior dispatched by Chief Dark Horse to go back to their village with the dead and wounded after the fight with Lt. Forbes' search party | |||||||||||||||||||||||
29 | 28 | Long Arm | 98 | Sioux warrior dispatched by Chief Dark Horse to go back to their village with the dead and wounded after the fight with Lt. Forbes' search party | |||||||||||||||||||||||
30 | 29 | Doctor Flatt | 109 | Fort Bridger's resident physician. Kind of dumb. Believes Chad and Dale are knowledgable, resourceful, enterprising, naive, l33t gunters, n00bs, crapburgers, sluts, yound wenches, CPAs, FCPAs, CGMAs, robot pimps, juice-lemon-style deviled eggs, whores, Earls of Trevethick? | |||||||||||||||||||||||
31 | 30 | Sergeant O'Hara | 112 | Sergeant traveling with Capt. Tim Troy, dispatched to find Lt. Forbes' search party | |||||||||||||||||||||||
32 | 31 | Jamison | 115 | Fort Bridger's horsebreaker, forced to loan his saddled horse to allow Chad and Dale take Slim Fox back home | |||||||||||||||||||||||
33 | 32 | Dancing Leaf | 127 | Daughter of Chief Dark Horse, adopted after she was orphaned when whites killed her white family and the Sioux avenged them, translator, thinks Dale's kinda hot but respects his devotion to Miss Marie | |||||||||||||||||||||||
34 | 33 | Light Feather | 134 | Young, hot, interesting daughter of Chief Dark Horse, speaks English, sacrificed per Wild Eyes' prophecy to be Chad's literal trophy wife, but don't worry, she's totally into it so it's not weird and gross at all | |||||||||||||||||||||||
35 | 34 | Three Socks | 161 | The best character with the best name in all of literature, catches the very un-sneaky scout Pat Collins trying to spy on the Sioux village and brings him in | |||||||||||||||||||||||
36 | 35 | Red Coyote | 223 | Brother of the dead Wolf Claw, challenges Chad to combat because white people suck. After Chad beats him up they become bros, because that is how bros do. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
37 | 36 | Christina Troy | 278 | She's shapely! Also married to Captain Tim Troy. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
38 | 37 | Mrs. Owens | 279 | Boarding house owner, babysitter. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
39 | 38 | Mr. Long | 279 | Possibly the same person as Mr. McNalley? Or another guy who works in the telegraph office? Whatever, he's tired, let him go to bed, Christina! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
40 | 39 | Mr. McNalley | 279 | Clerk in the telegraph office. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
41 | 40 | Lt. Kidwell | 291 | Third in command at Fort Bridger, but green and raw, like a health food shake. Only duty heretofore was as a desk clerk to a Congressman? Did they do that? | |||||||||||||||||||||||
42 | 41 | The Marshall | 296 | WHOOO IS THE SHERIFF OF GREEN RIVER, WYOMINGGGGG | |||||||||||||||||||||||
43 | 42 | Corporal Carringer | 298 | The guy left in charge of the fort while everyone else was off on genocide duty or in the brig! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
44 | 43 | Lois Weathers | 333 | Light Feather's modern-day clone. A consultant for a large company in Atlanta! She wants to find out if Chad really is fast! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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