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I can't stand Russian dolls.
They're full of themselves.
When I worked as a librarian,
if anyone ever asked where the
books on paranoia were, I'd always whisper,
"They're behind you."
Someone complimented me on my driving the other day.
I got back to the car and there was a little sign saying
"Parking: Fine", which was nice of them.
I used to train racing snails.
One day, I took the shells off to see if they'd go faster.
It didn't really work and, if anything,
it made them more sluggish.
I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring.
Cheer leading exams are easy.
You go in and shout "Give me an A".
I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station.
I don’t know why, I just started filling up.
I’ve started a business selling ejector seats to holy people.
Prophets are through the roof!
Thanks for explaining the word ‘many’ to me.
It means a lot.
I've always wanted a job putting up mirrors.
It's something I can really see myself doing.
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