Narrative Writing - Settings 102
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Name of studentPictureComments: Hao En & Su EnComments : Carisa & Pei ShanComments : Shamemi & Teoh YunComments : Yi Lin & JaimeComments : Priyanka & LionelComments : Karan & Yu ZheComments : Idris & JurvisComments : Lincoln & AbilashComments : Zheng Jie & ChristopherComments : Jasper & BenzComments : Shakti & Darryl
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Carisa & Pei ShanPicture 2: The majestic castle stood under the dark gloomy sky which looked like it was going to rain. There was a pond with many trees at the side, leading to the castle. The surrounding was very peaceful and tranquil.They did not further describe how did the lake really look like, they should further describe how majestic it looks like. The part about the sky is nice though.No further description of the pond and castle.However,the description of the sky was rather nice.Smooth flow of descriptionsVery good description but it is like an opening of a story.The description is not really good. You could describe the scene a bit further. More expressions but the descriptive words were quite good.I think there should just be more stuff included.
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Goh Jia ShengPicture 5: The lake was reflecting the rays of light from the sun and the street lighting had reflections on the lake.It was getting dark and the sun was going to sleep and the moon was going to swap his place with the sun.
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Hao En & Su EnPicture 1: This is a picture of an old attic filled with a variety of contents within the bags. It is undergoing construction, hence there are plastic bags covering the wooden roofs. The attic itself is built with brick and wooden bars. There is a small window at the end of the attic, with the luminous light shining into the attic, brightening up the whole place. A chest stood in the middle of the attic, with other boxes and plastic bags located on the top of it. It is dusty and must have not been used for quite some time. A broom stood by the treasure chest. Why is there a treasure chest in here? What exactly are it's contents? Nobody knows... Yet.No atmosphere. Very choppy, like doing the picture description for oral. Weird?Nice description. Seems interesting. Due to the question at the end.Will interest people to read on because of the mystery in the end of the story.The description might be a bit too long, and does not seem like a story opening. Good but could be better:)Too much description about what is around the attic, not much atmosphere.I think there should be more vocabulary and descriptions
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Idris & JurvisPicture 1: This is a picture of a store room on the top floor under the roof. It has a metal roof. It seems to be dusty and in a mess. There is a trap door on the floor to go downstairs. The place feels to be damp.No atmosphere. Not descriptive enough."This is a picture on a roof / store room on the top floor under the roof." This is an attic. Not very descriptive enough,sounds rather blunt.Setting is not descriptive enough and no atmosphere descriptionNot much description about the attic and the atmosphere is not described vividlyNo descriptive wordsNo atmosphereOnly setting, no atmosphere at all. Only the description was focused on.
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Jasper & BenzPicture 4: Setting: Forest with broken trees and branches with huge rocks beside the pavement. Dead leaves on the pavement and hills.

Picture description: The picture shows a blazing forest under the smoldering Sun. Fallen trees and branches scattered around the side of the pavement, with small hills that leads to the wilderness. The dead leaves laid peacefully on the pavement, with majestic tall trees. The trees cast beautiful shades under the shine, and many huge rocks are placed near the side of the pavement at the hill slope with algae growing on them. It seems like the fallen branches and trees were struck by lightning. The pavement leads the person to a lush scenery of green serenity, making a perfect place for a picnic.Blazing? Where's the fire?Good description of the surroundings.Good description of the surroundings, atmosphere is available.Good setting but needs to put a little more effort into describing the atmosphereThe environment is set wellNice setting but no atmosphere
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Karan & Yu ZhePicture 6: This scene shows a gnarled tree branching out wide over the crystal clear lake.There are big hills looming out in the dark horizon. The blood-red sun glides behind the hills forming an eclipse effect. It casts a warm feeling into the hearts of the peopleNo atmosphere. Blood red should be red blood. How can it glide?No atmosphere. Where is the atmosphere? Good scenery description but no atmosphere descriptionNo atmosphere but the setting is described wellNo much atmosphereLacks atmosphere but setting is okay.
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Lincoln & AbilashPicture 2:This picture describes a beautiful and enormous majestic castle which is the proud home of a rich king and queen . Everybody are envy of them but no one dares to disobey their ordersEverybody are envy of them is totally wrong english... No atmosphere.Everyone = singular. So it should not be "are"Too little description,need to be more clearDescribes characters well but not settingHow do you know about the king or queen?For all you may now it might be abandonedIt is describing the castle not the people. Castle description is good. The people that envy the king and queen are just assumptions.
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Priyanka & LionelPicture 5: This is scene in the night where there is a vast lake and there is a black bridge far ahead. City lights are reflected on the surface of the lake. There are deep, dark wood beside the majestic lake. Trees sway to the tune of the light, night breeze. Street lights light up the scene,turning it into an eerie yet romantic atmosphere.It isn't oral... Shouldn't start with this is a scene etc. "are been" is wrong. "City lights are being reflected on the surface of the river" might be a better one... There's a mistake.It is eerie not IRIE. please do not watch too much animeGood Descriptive but needs to be more clearEr... It don't really sound very rightDescription of the atmosphere is good, but the setting needs to be a little more in detail.
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Shakti & DarrylPicture 6: It was a beautiful sun set. The sky was ominously glowing a variety of hues from yellow to red. The sun was hiding behind the hills giving it a radiant glow. The lake reflected the fiery sky to look like molten lava. The Willow Tree naked without any leaves looked like a red maple tree with the reddish background. The dark clouds drifted by bringing darkness to the town now and then. After that the sun took his leave and left the moon to do his job.Quite nice.Good use of exagerationDescription too drama, fiery sky like molten lava is too exaggerating. Nice description of the surroundings though.
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Shamemi & Teoh YunPicture 3 : This is a picture of a kingdom of five blue coned shaped towers,far far away, on top of a deserted mountain. The majestic sun has just rose, among the clear blue sky.The surroundings appear to be gloomy,as mist encircled the area. The treacherous abandoned bridge was far too dangerous to cross in,for the bridge was in smithereens.Many descriptive words, high command of english. Though should spell out the word 5... Good description of the castle and the bridge.Many good descriptive words like majestic,encircled,treacherous and smithereens.Has a setting but no atmosphere(isn't gloomy the atmostphere? Teoh Yun)Description is good, but you could add a little more detail to the bridge.
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Yi Lin & JaimePicture 4: In the quiet rainforest, full of trees and greenery, there’s a pathway that leads to a place unknown. It feels safe, peaceful and comfortable,but at the same time, looks haunted and spooky in the night.It is has a good description and describes the whole environment. Should put more sentences to spark our interest in what's at the end of the pathway.Very smooth and good description.What about the trees that are fallen?Very good description but it is like an opening of a story.Not bad not bad...A nice mysterious description but simple adjectives used. Good but could be bettter! :) But very nice:)))))Not so imaginary, although its good a good description of the scene.
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Zheng Jie & ChristopherPicture 3: You might think that this is a majestic place, as the sunsets and magnificent arrays of colours forms the sky shines on that castle that is as white as a cloud - the fluffy kind - but you are sadly mistaken. The castle has been abandoned for several eons and whoever who tries to take over the castle will drop below the broken bridge, and no one has survived this pit of terror. Not very scary...It is quite good for a horror story and good eyesight spotting the broken bridge... It took us ages to figure it out.Not much description on setting and atmosphereDescription is good but needs work on the atmosphereNice descriptionGood dramatic description with the castle surroundings and the castle. Observed carefully.
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