Editing and Revising HW

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Tonight's Homework

1. Which of these is the best way to revise this example to make it a clear and effective sentence?

The pigs who had kept the apples and the milk decided to keep the apples and milk for themselves and only themselves.

The pigs kept the apples and the milk.

The pigs decided that they alone should keep the milk and the apples.

Only the pigs were permitted to keep the milk and the apples alone.

Best as it is.

Clear selection

2. Read the sample sentence. Then choose the clearest and most effective revision of the sentence.

The mystery of where the milk went was cleared up, too, and it was mixed every day into the pigs’ mash.

The mystery of where the milk went to was? Soon cleared up. It was mixed every day into the pigs’ mash.

The mystery of where the milk was mixed every day into the pigs’ mash.

The mystery of where the milk went to was soon cleared up. It was mixed every day into the pigs’ mash.

Where the milk went to was a mystery, and it was soon cleared up. The mystery milk was mixed every day into the pigs’ mash.

Clear selection

3. Which of these is the clearest and most effective way to revise this sample sentence *AND* avoid using the passive voice?

Squealer was sent by Napoleon to make the necessary explanations to the others.

Napoleon sent Squealer to make the necessary explanations to the other animals.

Squealer was sent by Napoleon to make the explanations to the other necessary pigs.

Napoleon sent Squealer was a pig to make the explanations to the others, and it was necessary.

Squealer was necessary, and Napoleon sent to make the explanations to the others.

Clear selection

4. Which of these is the best way to revise this sample sentence for clarity?

By the autumn almost every animal on the farm was literate in some degree.

Every animal on the farm was literate by later in the year.

By the autumn every animal on the farm received a college degree.

When fall arrived almost every animal on the farm had a degree.

Best as it is.

Clear selection

5. Read the sentence below. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Snowball and Napoleon were by far the most active in the debates, but it was noticed that Snowball never agreed with Napoleon and Napoleon never agreed with Snowball.

Snowball and Napoleon were active debaters, however they often agreed.

Snowball and Napoleon were never in agreement, but they were the most active in the debates by far.

Snowball and Napoleon were more active than the other animals in the debate, and they never agreed with them.

Snowball and Napoleon were by far the most active in the debates, but it was noticed that these two were never in agreement.

Clear selection

6. Sandy found the information below in a language handbook. “Avoid vague words and phrases that are not exact enough to be effective in writing.” According to this information, which sentence should be revised?

On Sundays there was no work.

fter the hoisting of the flag all the animals trooped into the big barn for a general assembly which was known as the Meeting.

Even when it was resolved — a thing no one could object to in itself — to set aside the small paddock behind the orchard as a home of rest for animals who were past work, there was a stormy debate over the correct retiring age for each class of animal.

The flag was green, Snowball explained, to represent the green fields of England, while the hoof and horn signified the future Republic of the Animals which would arise when the human race had been finally overthrown.

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7. Rosalita found the information below in a language handbook. “Avoid overused phrases and cliches while writing.” According to this information, which sentence should be revised?

And the behaviour of the cat was somewhat peculiar.

For the pigs, after all, were smarter than the average bear.

The pigs did not actually work, but directed and supervised the others.

There was no wastage whatever; the hens and ducks with their sharp eyes had gathered up the very last stalk.

Clear selection

8. Mary found the information below in a language handbook. “Sentences should be written using parallel construction.” According to this information, which sentence should be revised?

The pigs took the milk and the apples for themselves.

The animals worked, singing, and celebrated their freedom.

Boxer said "Napoleon is always right," and "I will work harder."

No one took more of it than they were entitled to.

Clear selection

9. Morgan found the information below in a language handbook. “Avoid using passive voice when writing sentences.” According to this information, which sentence should be revised?

The future of Manor Farm was changed by the animals.

Mollie protested the commandment, but eventually she agreed.

No one was sure where the apples and milk went.

Old Major inspired a revolution even after he died.

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10. Morgan found the information below in a language handbook. “Use appropriate transitions when writing sentences.” According to this information, which sentence should be revised?

Snowball wanted the animals to talk, but Napoleon did not.

Snowball wanted the animals to sing, however Napoleon did not.

Snowball wanted the animals to gather, also Napoleon did not.

Snowball wanted the animals to convene, and Napoleon did not.

Clear selection

Freebie Question

What is your opinion of "Animal Farm" thus far?

(Please rate your answer on a scale from 1 to 5)

I'm not a fan of this book.

I am really enjoying it.

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Do you have any other opinions about the book or our in-class reading procedures that you wish to share at this time?

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