Year 11 RSHE 2024-25�Communication in relationships: Lesson one.�16^th September 24�

We are learning about:

Principles of healthy sexual experiences

Communication in relationships: Lesson one.

Learning objectives

• To recall the role of rights, trust, and values in managing healthy and positive relationships.
• To understand the core principles that should be present between two people during positive and healthy sexual experiences

Learning outcomes

At the end of this lesson you will be able to:

• identify the principles of healthy sexual experiences
• explain how these principles can be demonstrated in healthy sexual experiences, online and offline
• Communicate wants and needs

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Do Now: 5 Quick questions

Do Now: 5 Quick questions

GROUND RULES

• Everyone has the right to be heard and respected.
• We won’t share our own, or anyone else’s personal experiences.
• We won’t ask each other or our teacher personal questions
• We won’t put anyone on the spot, and we have a right to pass.
• We won’t judge or make assumptions about anyone.
• We will comment on what was said, not the person who said it.
• We will use language that won’t offend or upset people.

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Come up with an answer for each of these questions. 5 minutes.

What rights do people have in relationships, and how might someone respect these rights? E.g. the right to be safe

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What might influence a person’s expectations of themselves, others and how a partner should behave in a relationship? E.g. parents

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How might someone know if they’re ready for sexual intimacy, and how else can partners express intimacy in relationships? E.g. strong feelings

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Rights in relationships: suggestions

• Everyone has the right to be respected and treated equally in a relationship.
• They should feel safe and have the right to give, not give, or withdraw their consent. The age of sexual consent is 16. Someone under the age of 13 cannot legally give consent in any circumstances.
• People should be able to honestly express how they feel in a relationship, so long as this does not infringe on another person’s right to feel safe in a relationship.
• Partners should respect each other’s boundaries in a relationship, including each other’s right to privacy. For example, respecting their right to keep messages on a phone private.
• People in relationships should have the freedom to leave relationships, as well as to have time to spend with people outside of the relationship, such as family and friends.
• People should feel comfortable to be themselves, and partners should respect each other’s culture, sexuality and identities as individual people.

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Relationship values that people may have

• Showing care
• Being independent
• Fairness
• Time with friends and family
• Having time to themselves
• Connecting with each other
• Shared experiences
• Being able to trust someone
• Privacy
• Being honest

What do we mean by �‘sexual experiences’?

Sexual experiences or sexual activity refers to any way that people connect with each other sexually.

This can be online and in person and includes:

• Kissing
• Sharing sexual messages, photos and videos
• Sexual touching
• Oral sex
• Vaginal or anal sex

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During the lesson, we will only be talking about sexual experiences between two people.

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Scenario

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RS: Sam just told me about Saturday night. Did Alex say yes then?

LM: I dunno. Alex was pretty drunk. But they really like each other so I’m sure they both wanted to.

RS: I’m not sure. Sam didn’t enjoy it and feels a bit weird about talking to Alex now.

1. Do you think Sam and Alex consented to sexual activity?

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• Should both people have to enjoy sexual activity?

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• How might someone be able to tell if another person is comfortable with sexual activity?

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What does consent mean?

Consent, in simple terms, means to agree to something.

�When applied to sex, sexual consent means to agree to engage in a sexual activity, with full understanding and capacity.

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Consent can be given with words as well as body language.

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Consent to sexual activity can be withdrawn at any time.

Capacity

Someone doesn’t have full capacity to consent if they:

• Are asleep or unconscious
• Are under the influence of alcohol or drugs
• Cannot speak or communicate clearly
• Don’t understand what is happening
• Are under 16 years old

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Signs of consent

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Consent

Saying ‘yes’

Saying that the sexual activity is enjoyable

Eye contact

Being relaxed

Touching or kissing

Being responsive

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Non-consent

Saying ‘no’

Avoiding eye contact

Crying or shaking

Flinching

Resistance

Silence or stillness

Rigid or tense body

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Consent and the law

In UK law, the age of consent is 16 years old.

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This means anyone below 16 cannot give consent even if they are saying yes to sexual activity.

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For sending nude or semi-nude images and videos this is 18 years old.

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Sexual activity without consent is always illegal.

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Core principles of healthy sexual experiences

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Consent

Honesty

Enjoyment

Respect

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Both people only do sexual activities which they both want to do; without any force, pressure or persuasion. Both people have full capacity to consent to sexual activity. Both people feel positively about sexual activity and have no negative emotions about it. It is always ok for either person to withdraw at any stage from sexual activity, and both respect this and stop.

Before, during and after sexual activity, both care about and respond to their own and the other person’s feeling. Each person’s body, boundaries and feelings are as important as the others. Neither person sees or treats the other as of less worth than themselves and each listen to what is being communicated, both verbally and non-verbally.

There isn’t any deception, trickery, or withholding of relevant information. This includes being honest about: who you are – not lying or embellishing to ‘get someone into bed’; any health issues – including sexually transmitted diseases; and what both people want from sexual activity – including which sexual activities each person is ready for.

Both people should be enjoying the sexual activity and checking in with the other person about their feelings.

Consent

Honesty

Enjoyment

Respect

A

B

D

C

1

2

4

3

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Both people only do sexual activities which they both want to do; without any force, pressure or persuasion. Both people have full capacity to consent to sexual activity. Both people feel positively about sexual activity and have no negative emotions about it. It is always ok for either person to withdraw at any stage from sexual activity, and both respect this and stop.

Before, during and after sexual activity, both care about and respond to their own and the other person’s feeling. Each person’s body, boundaries and feelings are as important as the others. Neither person sees or treats the other as of less worth than themselves and each listen to what is being communicated, both verbally and non-verbally.

There isn’t any deception, trickery, or withholding of relevant information. This includes being honest about: who you are – not lying or embellishing to ‘get someone into bed’; any health issues – including sexually transmitted diseases; and what both people want from sexual activity – including which sexual activities each person is ready for.

Both people should be enjoying the sexual activity and checking in with the other person about their feelings.

Consent

Honesty

Enjoyment

Respect

A

B

D

C

1

2

4

3

Which principles aren’t being followed?

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1. Jules is at a house party, chatting to Kat, who is flirting with her. Jules picks up (correctly) that Kat is interested in her. Jules is not attracted to Kat but is thinking about kissing her and seeing how far they might go, because Kat is really popular.

2. When Zakia and Luca were going out, Zakia sent Luca a nude. A few months later, Zakia ended the relationship with Luca. Luca is thinking about showing his friends Zakia’s nude because he feels bitter and wants to somehow ‘get back’ at her.

3. Glen and Charlie are flirting at a house party. They are both very drunk, at one point Charlie falls over and starts talking about wanting to go home. Glen feels that if he doesn’t make a move now, the opportunity will be missed.

How could someone support a friend who had a sexual experience where the principles weren’t followed by the other person?

Healthy attitudes towards sharing nudes

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Principles of healthy sexual experiences should be present in online situations too.

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Extension: Pressure to share images

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Chat 3.mp4 on Vimeo

Scenario

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RS: Sam just told me about Saturday night. Did Alex say yes then?

LM: I dunno. Alex was pretty drunk. But they really like each other so I’m sure they both wanted to.

RS: I’m not sure. Sam didn’t enjoy it and feels a bit weird about talking to Alex now.

1. Do you think Sam and Alex consented to sexual activity?

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• Should both people have to enjoy sexual activity?

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• How might someone be able to tell if another person is comfortable with sexual activity?

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• How could RS and LM support their friend Alex?

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Speak to a trusted adult. If a young person is worried about something that’s happened, talking to someone they know, like a teacher or parent, may make them feel better and help them plan what to do next if action is needed.

Childline is a free, private, and confidential service where young people can talk about anything. Whatever the worry, Childline can be contacted online, or on the phone, any time. The Childline website also has lots of helpful advice, games, and activities.

CEOP Safety Centre is available for young people under 18 to report online sexual abuse. A specialist child protection advisor will work to make sure that the young person is protected.

Support services