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Common attitudes towards conflict

In conflicts, it’s important to find out who is at fault so that mistakes aren’t repeated.
A good first step in a conflict is to get the facts straight.
In conflicts, people need to hear what they’re doing wrong so they can fix it and work better together.
During conflict discussions, it’s best to hold back your opinion to avoid hurting others.
Many people don’t admit their mistakes and make excuses — in those cases, they need to be convinced.
It’s best to get straight to the point in conflict discussions to avoid wasting time.
Emotions should be kept out of conflicts because they often make things worse.
You should quickly notice and reject any blame the other person puts on you.
Don’t spend too much time listening to the other person’s excuses.

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Introduction to Conflicts

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Questions about conflict attitudes

Definitional aspects

Two or more conflicting parties
With differing perspectives / interests / goals / needs / values
The differences interfere with one another

Perceived impairment (important to both parties)

Experienced conflict symptoms, e.g.:

Aggressiveness, hostility
Disinterest, “switching off”
Rejection, resistance
Inflexibility, stubbornness
Flight, avoidance
Over-conformity, overly adapted behaviour

Can you recognise the conflict signals? When would you regard a discussion a conflict?

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Individual effects of conflict

The effects of conflict vary greatly from person to person.
They depend on your
evaluation,
willingness to cooperate (your conflict 'style')
past experiences

Important: Recognise the positive aspects of conflict too, and develop constructive attitudes towards it!

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Negative effects

Consume time and energy
Strain the nerves, cause frustration
Tie up / waste resources
Lead to high costs
Risk of escalation / hardening of positions
Negative emotions (in oneself and others – anger, rage, fury, fear, withdrawal, helplessness, etc.)
Cause confusion, remove a sense of direction
Restrict an organisation’s rationality

Positive effects

Mobilise strength and energy
Trigger necessary change
Lead to clarification (of tasks, responsibilities, structures, perspectives, etc.)
Help remove interpersonal barriers
Increase personal resources and competences
Push us out of our comfort zone: growth and development
Strengthen identity
Increase cohesion within (sub-)teams

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Individual effects of conflict

The high cost of conflict

Conflicts can lead to substantial costs for the organisation
They are common (and often important) – so take them seriously and build conflict management skills
Costs usually increase when conflicts are handled poorly or ignored

Types of conflict

Task conflicts – Often easier to resolve and can even be productive
Relationship conflicts – More emotional and can escalate quickly

Key risks

Taking things personally (“personalisation”)
Blaming others (“It’s your fault”)
Overlooking your own role (core attribution error)

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Why do conflicts arise in the workplace?

Communication factors

Misunderstanding
Lack of information
Misleading information
Rumour/Gossip

Structural factors

Size of the organisation
Missing links
Reward structures
Use of power
Different management styles

Behavioural factors

Relationships between people
Status and recognition
Forms of cooperation
Lack of common platform
Management behaviour

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External sources of conflict

External Sources

Professional sources – family sources – (other) private sources

Questions

Which sources repeatedly lead to conflict?

To do:�Take a strategic approach:�Diagnosis – Strategy – Prevention / Action Plan

Internal sources of conflict

Internal Sources

Inner impulses and internal conflicts cause external conflicts

Questions

What repeatedly drives me into (unnecessary) conflicts?
What repeatedly leads me to avoid conflict?

To do:�Personal analysis / self-reflection, personal development�Discover: “Introjects”, parental messages, “complexes”, projections, transferences, etc.

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Conflict reflection exercise (Task individual + Groups of 4)

Step 1 – Individual reflection:

Think about a conflict (either resolved or unresolved) that you have experienced.

Step 2 – Group discussion (30 min):

Form small groups and take turns sharing your experiences.

Use the questions below to gain more clarity about what happened.

Discussion questions:

What do you think made (or will make) the conflict have a good or bad outcome?
What was your reaction to the initial situation? What did you do, say, or feel?
How did the other person (or people) react in the situation? What did they do, say, or feel?
What particular factors or circumstances influenced the situation?
What did you learn from this experience?

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Reflection

Definition and attitude

What do I consider a conflict - small disagreements or only major emotional clashes?
Do I tend to avoid conflict or engage with it? In which situations?
What positive outcomes have come from past conflicts?
What is one good conflict experience I can use as a personal anchor?

Sources of conflict

Where do my main conflicts arise - from situations, people, or recurring patterns?
What inner conflicts or habits might make it difficult for others to disagree with me?

Emotions in conflicts

What emotions do I experience in conflict (e.g. anger, fear, sadness)?
Which emotions in others are most challenging for me to handle?

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Communication in Conflicts

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Using individual-perspective statements

“I” Statements Instead of “You” Statements

Describe your own experience – your perspective

�Not: “You” messages – they feel like attacks and escalate conflict

Use non-accusatory language (and mean it)

Avoid generalizations like always, never, everyone, no one
(e.g. “You’re always…”, “You never…” – these escalate too)

Non-judgmental

No attacks, no devaluing
Focus on facts (“observation statements”)

Describe behavior without negative judgment
Include self-disclosure: statements about how I feel

Optional additions:

Express wishes, requests, or concerns (be cautious with demands)
Goal: avoid counterattacks, defensiveness, or withdrawal
Possible addition: make an offer (What can I contribute?)

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„I“ Statements: Examples

“You never listen to me.”

“You’re always late.”

“You don’t care about this project.”

“You’re so messy.”

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Emotion + Behavior + Impact Formula

Helps express feelings and needs clearly, without blame, to promote understanding and constructive dialogue.

Potential formulation: “I feel ___ when ___ because ___.”

Examples:

“I feel anxious when deadlines change at the last minute because it makes planning difficult.”
“I feel hurt when my suggestions aren’t acknowledged because I want to contribute to the team.”
“I feel frustrated when messages go unanswered because it slows down our work.”

Key idea:

When you start with “I feel…”, you are sharing your own experience. It’s a fact, not an accusation.
When you start with “You are always…”, it often triggers defensiveness and conflict.
Focus on describing your emotion, the behaviour you observe, and the impact it has.

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Conflict Resolution

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Conflict resolution styles

Dominating

Win-Lose

Consensus�Win-Win

Obeding�Lose-Win

Avoiding

Lose-Lose

Compromise

Interest in enforcing one‘s own interests

low

high

Interest in cooperation and interests of the other party

low

high

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Conflict resolution styles

Dominating (Competition-Oriented)�Low cooperation, high assertiveness�Asserting one's own interests, aiming to "win" the conflict�Example: A manager enforces a decision without reaching consensus

Consensus (Cooperative)�High cooperation, high assertiveness�Joint problem-solving, win-win outcomes�Example: Negotiations that benefit both sides

Avoiding (Withdrawal)�Low cooperation, low assertiveness�The conflict is ignored rather than addressed�Example: Not engaging in a discussion

Compromising (Middle Ground)�Moderate cooperation and assertiveness�Solution through mutual concessions�Example: Both sides partially achieve their goals

Accommodating (Adaptation)�High cooperation, low assertiveness�Putting aside own interests to maintain the relationship�Example: Giving up personal wishes to preserve harmony

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What is “my” conflict resolution style?

Which conflict resolution style is “the best”?

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The Harvard negotiation-based approach to conflict resolution

1. Separate the people from the problem

• Focus on issues, not personalities.

• Manage emotions and maintain respectful communication.

2. Focus on interests, not positions

• Look beyond stated demands to underlying needs and motivations.

• Ask 'Why?' and 'Why not?' to uncover mutual interests.

3. Find options for mutual gain

• Brainstorm collaboratively for creative solutions.

• Aim for win-win outcomes rather than zero-sum thinking.

4. Insist on using objective criteria

• Use fair standards or external benchmarks to make decisions.

• Avoid yielding to pressure or positional bargaining.

Fisher & Ury, 1977

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The Harvard negotiation-based approach to conflict resolution

1. Preparation: Identify your interests and those of the other party.

2. Communication: Listen actively, acknowledge emotions, and clarify misunderstandings.

3. Exploration: Generate multiple options before deciding.

4. Evaluation:Use objective standards to assess fairness.

5. Agreement: Aim for solutions that meet core interests on both sides.

(The goal is not to ‘’win’’ the argument, but to reach wise, lasting agreements.)

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Exercise: From positions to interests (in pairs / groups of 3)

Goal: Not to “win” the argument, but to reach wise, lasting agreements.

Step 1: Choose a scenario (2 min)

Example:

Two colleagues want the same holiday week.
One prefers remote work, the other wants office presence.
Two departments disagree on budget allocation for a shared project.

Step 2: Defend your position (3 min)

Each person argues from their own position (“I need this week off because…”).
The goal here is to notice how quickly the discussion turns into winning or defending positions.

Step 3: Focus on interests (7 min)

Restart using the Harvard steps:

Identify what truly matters (interests) to each side.
Listen actively and acknowledge the other’s perspective.
Explore options that could satisfy both sides.
Evaluate using fairness and facts, not emotions.
Aim to reach a mutual agreement that both would accept.

Step 4: Reflection (3 min)

How did the tone and outcome change when you shifted from positions to interests?
What felt different in the “collaborative” phase?
How could you apply this approach in real workplace discussions?

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Your KAIN Project

Five Essential Definition Blocks

A well-defined project is half the success. Use these five building blocks to structure your thinking and ensure your project is focused, actionable, and results-oriented. Each block serves a specific purpose in transforming a vague idea into a concrete plan.

Situation

Describe the concrete problem or need you're addressing. Stick to facts and the current state—what's happening now that requires attention?

Goal(s)

Define your SMART goal: what is the desired target state? Be specific about what success looks like and when you'll achieve it.

Value

Articulate the benefit for your team and company. Will this improve efficiency, enhance quality, enable knowledge transfer, or deliver another tangible outcome?

Approach

Outline 3–5 key actions or small experiments you'll undertake. Embrace the Kaizen philosophy: small steps, continuous improvement.

Measurement & Evidence

Identify 2–3 indicators that will demonstrate progress. Gather simple before/after data to show what changed.

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Project Examples and Realistic Expectations

Real Example: Mentoring Project

"Explore options for mentoring in my organisation, develop a plan, start with one mentee, and complete the preparation phase within the next 6 weeks."

This goal is specific (mentoring), measurable (one mentee, preparation phase), achievable (6 weeks), relevant (organisational development), and time-bound (6 weeks).

Keep Expectations Realistic

Better to deliver a focused, well-executed project than to overreach and underdeliver. Sharply defined scope beats ambitious vagueness every time.

Remember: You're planting seeds, not harvesting the entire crop. The practice phase is about learning by doing, not perfection.

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Practice Phase Timeline

Structuring Your 4–6 Week Practice Phase

Success during the practice phase comes from combining the right support, maintaining a steady rhythm of action and reflection, and capturing just enough documentation to learn and communicate effectively. You won't be working in isolation—coaching, peer support, and structured check-ins keep you on track.

Weeks 0–1

Finalise your project plan and secure stakeholder commitment. Ensure everyone understands what you're doing and why.

Weeks 1–5

Execute your actions and run tests. Hold weekly short check-ins (15–30 minutes) to review progress and adjust course.

Weeks 5–6

Lock in your results, reflect on what worked and what didn't, and begin drafting your presentation.

Lightweight Documentation: Just Enough, Not Too Much

We're not asking for lengthy reports. Keep documentation simple, practical, and useful for learning and communication.

One-Page Project Brief

Capture the five definition blocks (Situation, Goal, Value, Approach, Measurement) on a single page for clarity and focus.

Progress Log

If applicable, record date, action taken, observation or result, and next step. This creates a simple narrative of your journey.

Before/After Snapshot

Document your indicators at the start and end. Even rough data tells a powerful story of change.

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Support Available Throughout

Trainer Coaching on Demand

Whether you need a quick pointer or deeper coaching on a complex challenge, your trainer is available to support you. Schedule sessions as needed—don't wait until problems escalate.

External Experts

For specialised topics beyond the core programme, we can bring in external experts to provide targeted guidance and insight.

Communication Channels

Group Chat: Use the WhatsApp or Teams group for quick questions, sharing experiences, and peer-to-peer learning. You're not alone in this.

Fixed 1:1 Session: At minimum, you'll have one scheduled 1:1 with your trainer to review progress, troubleshoot, and refine your approach.

Phase 3 Preparation Tip: Build your presentation as you go. Capture problem → goal → approach → results → lessons learned in real time, rather than scrambling at the end. Future you will thank present you.

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Success Factors and Avoiding Pitfalls

Setting Yourself Up for Success

The difference between projects that flourish and those that flounder often comes down to a few critical factors. By understanding what drives success—and what commonly derails projects—you can navigate the practice phase with confidence and agility.

Secure Sponsorship

Inform managers early, clarify decision rights, and ensure you have visible backing. Silent support isn't enough—make it explicit.

Involve Your Team

Create a multiplier effect through shared learning. When the team is engaged, knowledge spreads and commitment deepens.

Seek Feedback Proactively

Use BOOST or Sandwich techniques as appropriate. Regular feedback loops prevent drift and surface issues early.

Iterate in Small Steps

Follow the cycle: hypothesis → test → learn → adapt. Small experiments reduce risk and accelerate learning.

Pitfalls to Avoid

Scope Too Large: Biting off more than you can deliver in 4–6 weeks leads to frustration and incomplete results

Missing Metrics: Without clear indicators, you can't demonstrate impact or learn what worked

Silent Resistance: Ignoring stakeholder concerns allows opposition to grow unchecked

Countermeasures

Sharpen Focus: Ruthlessly narrow scope until the project feels manageable and achievable

Define 2–3 Metrics: Establish baseline measurements at the start so you can track change

Early Stakeholder Conversations: Address concerns head-on before they become blockers

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Ready-to-Go Checklist

Before you dive into the practice phase, ensure you've ticked these boxes:

Topic & SMART Goal Defined

Your project focus is crystal clear and your goal meets all SMART criteria

Stakeholders Identified & Informed

You know who matters and they know what you're doing

Actions/Experiments Planned

You've outlined 3–5 small actions or one larger experiment to test

Metrics Set with Baseline

You've defined 2–3 indicators and captured starting data (if possible)

Dates Fixed & Templates Received

Your 1:1 coaching and group check-ins are scheduled; you have templates for brief, log, and presentation

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Phase 3 Session: Presentation & Reflection

Date: xx.xx.xxxx

Format

10-minute project presentations with Q&A

Peer exchange and dialogue

Collective lessons learned session

What to Bring

One-page brief report summarising your project

Progress log highlights showing key moments

Before/after evidence demonstrating impact

Optional: presentation slides with photos, diagrams, or visuals

This is your opportunity to celebrate progress, share insights, and learn from the experiences of your peers. Come prepared to inspire and be inspired.

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