Word Exchange

The words we use matter!

By Aurora2021

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Basics

• CBT theory suggests that our thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and behavior are all connected, and that what we think and do affects the way we feel.
• SMART Recovery is based on CBT.

Example of how CBT works:

Typical thought example

Everyday Event: Someone cuts you off in traffic

Natural Emotion: Annoyance, fear

Typical Thought/Story: What a jerk! I hate it when people do that!

Or, I’m so bad at driving. I’m horrible in this traffic!

Resulting Feelings: Ongoing anger, resentment, guilt

Resulting Behavior: Complain to others once you get to work

This is a typical cycle of negative thinking. Now consider an alternative way.

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New, more helpful thought example:

Same Everyday Event: Someone cuts you off in traffic

Natural Emotion: Annoyance, fear

New Thought: It’s normal to be annoyed by that. But at least I’m okay. I just avoided an accident!

I’ve done that before myself. I guess we all do at times. Maybe they didn’t see me, or they panicked.

New Feelings: Relief, calm, gratitude (You’ll probably forget the incident fairly quickly.)

New Behavior: Happily greet people when you get to work

SMART TOOL:

ABC’s

Why is word exchange important?

Upset feelings are usually caused by the way we are thinking about the events in our lives, not by the events themselves.

Word Bank

A simple exercise, which you can do anywhere and anytime, brings home many of the concepts of cognitive behavioral change. It is the process of learning to exchange vocabulary. So any time you hear or think the words on the left, consciously exchange them for the words on the right:

SMART TOOL:

DIB’s

The dreaded SHOULD

Why is the word should problematic? The dictionary definition is a good place to start:

Oxford English Dictionary definition of should: “Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.”

Note the word criticizing. When we should ourselves we are implicitly criticizing ourselves. Do you function better in situations where you feel criticized? It is unlikely that the answer to this is yes. 

Stop Should’ing yourself

How does this affect us?

1. The shoulds actively get in the way of us achieving our goals

2. The things we think we should do often don’t align with what we actually want. 

What can you do instead?

1. Notice when you use the word should - It's even better if you can do this with someone. When done with someone else you can help point out to each other when the word comes up.
2. Question why you think you (or someone else) should do that thing.
3. Question if that helps you feel good? If that idea fits with your beliefs and your values
4. Question if should-ing yourself has helped you achieve your goals in the past, or whether you can remember times where it has backfired.
5. Try the sentence again, this time replace it with the word 'could', or 'I want to'.
6. Notice how that changes the sentence and what it means. Notice if this has any effect on how you feel.�

Resources

*https://www.psychologytools.com/self-help/what-is-cbt/

*https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/exchange-vocabulary/?highlight=word%20exchange

http://cbtrecovery.org/vocabularyexchange.htm

https://drsoph.com/blog/2018/8/27/should-the-one-word-you-need-to-stop-sayingnow