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Lies we tell ourselves

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We includes me …

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Goal

  • Build psychological safety
    • Seeing others be vulnerable, just like you
    • Seeing you’re not alone, everyone experiences this
    • Having a place to open up and talk about hard topics
  • Remind you we’re a team first
    • Everyone wants to help you!
    • We only succeed when the team succeeds!
    • Ask for help!
  • P2: Decrease anxiety
    • Increase inner peace
    • Increase quality of life (and work)
  • P2: Learn Ideas to make it happen
    • Mental models and questions to ask yourself

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Session Contract

  • Confidential:
    • We’re being vulnerable,
    • Stories we tell in this room, stay in this room
  • Make space for others
  • It is OK to:
    • Not share if you’re not comfortable
    • Acknowledge others experience
    • Let the room go silence
  • It is NOT OK to:
    • Interrupt others
    • Problem solve
    • For next time: Tell Jokes to break the tension

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Four lies

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  • It’s on me to deal with this/the team is too busy to help
  • Loop playing in my head is true
  • Original definition of success is the only success
  • I can control the situation

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Team too busy to help

  • My problem will take a tonne of time
  • The time someone takes to help me is more valuable than getting me unstuck
  • No one wants to help me
  • Everyone will judge me.
  • The team can succeeds without me
  • Discussion
    • If someone asked you for help, would you help them?
    • A time you thought you were a burden but they were able to help you quickly
    • A time you were able to help someone and it felt great
    • A time we re-balanced who working on what, to get stuff done
    • A time you talked with someone, and you felt way better

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Loop playing in my head is true

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  • Pain vs suffering
    • Pain -> Narrow focus on problem to cause action (hand on fire, move it)
    • Suffering -> Story we tell ourselves to justify the pain
  • Suffering (often on repeat)
    • I screwed this up, it’s my fault ; I’m letting everyone down
    • I’m not good enough ;
    • Practicing failure in advance
  • Discussion:
    • A loop playing your head that kept you up all night?
    • What part was a lie?
    • What were you trying to contro?
    • How did you change your perspective?

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Original definition of success is the only success

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  • Success isn’t the only outcome you set at the start
  • What to do?
    • Find outcomes near your original outcome
    • Include how you did it in your definition of success
  • Discussion:
    • A time you freaked out over not meeting a goal, but the alternative was better?
    • When was journey more valuable than the destination?
    • Who helped you realize this?

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I can control the situation

  • Control is a helpful illusion
    • Hit by lightning/Get cancer/Someone else’s actions/thoughts
  • What to control but can’t => Causes Paralysis
  • The only thing you can really control is maximizing your influence
  • Why am I anxious => Fun to answer, but not actionable
  • What am I trying to control => Spot what’s got you stuck
  • How can I maximize Influence => Back to action.
  • Who can guide me to maximize influence => The Team!
    • Discussion:
    • What’s something I tried to control that made me anxious?
    • How did switch help?
    • When did my anxiety drop (was it switching to influence?)
    • What helped me switch to influence?

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Results

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Appendix

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It’s on me to deal with this

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I should have been able to solve this

  • Everyone will think I’m inadequate
  • Inadequate - Skill Gap?
  • Inadequate - Not doing my best?
  • What to do:
    • Realize everyone feels this
    • Realize you can’t change the past
    • Skill Gap => Need time to learn skills
    • Not doing your best => (See reality vs expectations) => You probably had a good reason
    • Everyone will empathize, they’ve been there!
  • Discussion
    • When is a time I went back in time and changed it?
    • When is a time I wasn’t able to do my best?
    • When is a time I didn’t have the skill to be successful?
    • When is a time, I thought I’d be judged, but I was supported instead?

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