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4 Conversations to Have with Older Kids and Teens About Their Screen Time Habits from Common Sense

January 2023

1. Show interest in what they're doing online.

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Try not to be judgmental about what kids and teens do online. If they sense you're truly interested, they'll be more open to sharing. If your older child or teen is reluctant to talk about what they're doing online, try signing up for one of the popular platforms (TikTok, Snapchat, etc.), then ask them to teach you how to use it. Understanding what kids and teens are doing online is the first step in guiding them toward healthy experiences.

Ask:

• What's your favorite app or game right now?
• Can you show me how it works?
• What's something you like about it? Why?
• (For social platforms) What are your favorite accounts or people to follow?

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2. Help them recognize their screen time habits.

Sometimes the habits kids have with their devices aren't the best for their health. The same goes for adults, too! Maybe screen time interferes with sleep, relationships, or learning. Talk about how we can use our devices in ways that feel in balance with other parts of life. Share your own habits as examples to get the conversation going.

Ask:

• What are some of our family's habits with devices like phones or TV? (Share a few examples, like checking your phone when you wake up, or playing video games before bed.)
• Do any of our habits get in the way of things like sleep, spending time with friends and family, or getting outside?
• Are there any habits we should try to change? Why or why not?
• Can you think of any specific times we could take breaks from our devices?

3. Talk about their emotional health.

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Help older kids and teens recognize how online activities make them feel. Many teens turn to social media and online resources for mental health support and to connect with friends. However, social media can also have negative effects on some teens, especially girls and teens experiencing depression.

Ask:

• How do you feel when you're on Instagram (or another app)?
• Do you ever feel uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious?
• If yes: What makes you feel that way?
• Do you ever feel like you've spent too much time online?
• If yes: When?
• If no: Why not?
• Do you ever feel pressured to be online?
• If yes: When do you feel pressured? Why?
• If no: Why not?

4. Talk about what to do when they have negative feelings

or want to set new screen time habits.

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Talk through different strategies kids can try when they notice themselves feeling uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious when they're online. And remind them that they can always come to you (or another trusted adult) if they need help.

Ask:

• Have you ever set time limits for yourself when you're online?
• If yes: How did that go?
• If no: Do you want to try it? I could help.
• Are there ways to connect with your friends in person more often to take the pressure off being online all the time?
• Should you (we as parent/child) ignore the age restrictions on apps? Why are age restrictions set?
• Do you know how to block someone on your favorite apps?
• If no: Can we look together and figure out how?

Parents' Ultimate Guide to TikTok

(from Common Sense Website)

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Is TikTok appropriate for kids?

• TikTok can be a kid-friendly experience if you supervise your kids, use safety settings, and stick to songs you already know.
• But TikTok's emphasis on popular music means many videos include swearing and sexual lyrics, so it may not be age-appropriate for kids to use on their own.
• Even with limits, it's easy to find people wearing revealing clothing and dancing suggestively, although TikTok won't let you search for objectionable content such as "porn."
• TikTok has a commercial element that encourages people to buy stuff.
• Users can also earn TikTok Reward points by inviting friends to download the app, and then they can redeem those points for coupons from brands like Sephora and Uber.
• Common Sense recommends the app for age 15+ mainly due to the privacy issues and mature content.
• TikTok requires that users be at least 13 years old to use the basic TikTok features, although there is a way for younger kids to access the app.

A section of the app that includes additional safety and privacy features is available in the U.S. for kids under 13. In this section, kids can only see curated, clean videos, and aren't allowed to comment, search, or post their own videos. However, the lack of these features makes it unappealing for most kids. And bypassing that section only requires entering a false birth date, so it's not perfect.

Make your child’s TikTok account private

• Go to your profile page and select the three-dot icon in the top-right corner.
• On the "Settings and privacy" page, tap Privacy.
• That takes you to the Discoverability page.
• Toggle the switch for Private Account.
• On this page, you can also control other safety and privacy features, such as
• who can send you comments and direct messages, and
• who can do a duet with you.
• using the Friends setting or turning those features off completely limits contact with strangers.