____ Workshop

April 7, 2021

Dean Spade

Intros

• Name
• Pronouns
• Your role in [org name]
• Favorite guilty pleasure during the pandemic

Agenda for this workshop

• Navigating Individual and Group Capacity
• Perfectionism and Procrastination
• Giving and Receiving Feedback

Group Culture

• how do we say yes/no/maybe to each other?
• how do we communicate when something changes and we can't do what we agreed to?
• how do we communicate when someone isn't doing what we thought they agreed to?
• how do we create a culture where we value people for being not doing?
• how do we create a culture where we are accountable for what we've said we'd do?
• how do we celebrate and experience satisfaction?
• how do we communicate when we want more support in our work?

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Feelings that come up when we talk about overwork and capacity:

• Overwhelm
• Fear of failure
• Pressure to perform
• Imposter syndrome/self-doubt
• Excitement
• Purpose
• Imagining transformation

Internalized Cultural Messages

• how do we value ourselves for being not doing?
• how do we find ways to feel acknowledged, recognized and valued that isn't based on achievement/external approval?
• what comes up that drives us to over-commit?
• what does procrastination feel like?
• what does overwork feel like?i

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How do we want to communicate about workload and capacity in this group?

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H/T to Training for Change for the “Max-Min” activity

How do we want to communicate about workload and capacity in this group?

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H/T to Training for Change for the “Max-Min” activity

What messages do I hear in my head when I am deciding to overcommit?

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What messages do I hear in my head when I am deciding to overcommit?

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What would make me feel like I could be direct and clear when I cannot take something on?

• Put your ideas in the chat!

Perfectionism and Procrastination

• Most of us live with one or both
• Perfectionism and rigid judgement in our movements, fear of being dragged or cancelled for mistakes
• Can impede our boldness
• Shows up differently for different people
• Can be related to roles--imposter syndrome, feeling exposed, feeling like people think I’m a leader or won’t think that
• Difficulty prioritizing tasks, feeling of chaos and spread thin

Feelings: Avoidance and Feeling On Purpose

• Think of a task or type of work you avoid or procrastinate? How does your avoidance feel in your body? Put words in the chat!
• Think of what it is like when you feel on purpose in your work? How does that feel in your body? Put words in the chat!

What gets in the way of me starting or completing tasks I agree to?

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What gets in the way of me starting or completing tasks I agree to?

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Whole-Group Discussion: What Helps?

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• What helps you organize and prioritize tasks?
• What have you considered or might like to try?
• How could an accountability buddy help you on something you avoid?

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Feedback Is Difficult in a Prison-Centered Society

• Most of us experience high-stakes feedback--failing, getting fired, getting punished physically
• Perfectionism and fear of “getting in trouble”
• Imposter syndrome
• Fear of being thrown away
• Power dynamics
• Very little practice giving and receiving feedback in growthful, positive ways
• Essential abolitionist skill--prevents conflict, builds safety, dignity and belonging

Three Types of Feedback

• Appreciation (Thanks!)
• Coaching (Here’s a better way to do it.)
• Evaluation (Here’s where you stand.)
• Might be most relevant with people learning new specific skills/jobs, people being evaluated to see if they are ready to do that task alone or as lead yet, paid staff

Be Explicit about What You Are Asking for and Giving

• Right now I could use some encouragement.
• Can you help me figure out how to do this better?
• I am open to hearing how you think this could go better.
• I need more direction on this.
• Can I share an idea about what might help here?
• Can I share an assessment?
• I want to tell you how grateful I am for your work on this.

Four Quick Pairs and Shares

• Share a time when you got feedback that helped you grow and change. (2 min each)
• Share a time when you got feedback that you didn’t want, couldn’t take in, wasn’t grounded, didn’t work for you. (2 min each)
• Share a time when you gave feedback and it didn’t go well, and any reflections about what you would want to do differently. (2 min each)
• Share a time when you gave feedback that you think was heard and made a positive impact. What went well? (2 min each)

How do I like to get feedback? What do I not like?

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H/T to Training for Change for the “Max-Min” activity

How do I like to get feedback? What do I not like?

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H/T to Training for Change for the “Max-Min” activity

Takeaways

In the chat or out loud:

• What are you taking away from this workshop, for you and/or for ___’s next steps?