Writing The College

Personal Statement/Essay

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Kerber’s AP English

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Friday, September 13, 2024

Lee Kaplan

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Office Hours: Monday-Wednesday

Warren Morishige

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Office Hours:

Wednesday-Friday

Miss our summer application bootcamp?

Application Process Overview

Seniors Only

Recommendations

College & Career Corner

• If you need college recommendations, ask your counselor/teachers as soon as possible and share your Brag Sheet with them.

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• If you are applying through the Common App: complete the FERPA Release Authorization (just one time for all colleges) and then you can invite your recommenders.

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• Your counselor/teacher will receive notification that they need to write you a recommendation.

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• Even if you are unsure about your college list but are pretty certain you will be applying to private colleges, do this to give your counselor/teachers advance notice. They want at least 3 weeks advance notice.

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The College Admission Office Perspective

How your college application is read

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Beginning to end

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Building toward a “yes”

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Holistic reading

„We don’t want an entire incoming class of well-rounded students. We want a bunch of pointy, angular students.“

–Dean of Admission at one of most selective colleges in the country

“Pointy, angular students”

• Worry less about being well-rounded, and instead, express your individual personality and bring out your whole self

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• If the college application includes an essay section, the college is looking to accept an interesting, varied incoming class

• Each college will have its own angle on what is “interesting and varied”

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• Every part of the application can help bring out your whole self
• Academics, extracurriculars, essays
• But also identity, geography, family, community, and more

How colleges find “pointy, angular students”

High School Context

Community Context

Individual Context

“A Compelling Read”

• Admission reader lingo for an essay which brings out the unique, individual personality and context of a student in a deep and meaningful manner

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• There is no formula for how to do this, because then it would no longer be unique to one student

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• “Compelling” occurs across a range: some writing is more compelling than others

“Missed Opportunity”

• Admission reader lingo for something a student mentions briefly, but does not explain more fully.

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• The admission reader wishes that the applicant had written more about something, because they cannot make assumptions based upon limited information.

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• A missed opportunity never hurts an application, but it doesn’t help move it toward a “yes” either.

“Value Added”

• Admission reader lingo for anything in an application which moves it toward a “yes” decision

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• In coursework, value added might be multiple honors/AP classes

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• In essays, “a compelling read” leads to “value added”

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• Value added depends upon a student’s context and holistic reading
• Two applications from two students from two different high schools might receive value added for different reasons

Types of Essays/ Personal Statements

• Cal State University (CSU)
• No essay (unless applying for EOP)

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• University of California (UC)
• Personal Insight Questions: 4 PIQs
• EOP, if applying for it

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• Private and Out-of-State Colleges
• Common Application: 1 Essay
• Supplemental Essays: Depends upon the college

Application Type Determines Essay Type

Educational Opportunity Program (EOP)

Who offers EOP?

All of the University of California and California State University schools.

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What type of student does EOP look for?

EOP provides education access and opportunity for low-income and educationally disadvantaged students from California, the majority of whom are first-generation college students.

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What services are provided by EOP?

A comprehensive program of support services that include advising, learning skills development, tutoring, and academic advisement, the EOP provides educational opportunities to low income students who have been traditionally excluded from higher education.

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UC Personal Insight Questions (PIQs)

8 questions: You choose 4

350 word maximum for each

Not traditional essays

UC PIQs: Choose 4

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.
2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?
4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.
7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

UC PIQ: Not Your Traditional Essay

• Each PIQ is targeted to a single topic
• In 4 PIQs, you should be able to bring out at least 4 personal qualities/personality traits

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• There are no paragraph breaks when the PIQ is read, even if you include them
• Avoid poetry

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• Get right to the point
• 1-2 sentences for an introductory context
• 0-1 sentences for the conclusion

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• On average, admission readers will spend 8-12 minutes on your entire application
• Being clear and direct in your writing is important

Questions?

Activity: If you were a college admission officer…

…what would you learn about this student in the PIQ you are about to read?

Essay Writing Hints

Write about your many layers and depths

• Show multiple dimensions about who you are

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• Specifics are always better than generalities

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• Find the balance between showing your multiple dimensions and being specific enough

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• Focus on your high school years

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• Use your own writing voice and style

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If the rest of the application has mostly data about you, what can you say in your college essays that bring out your individuality, personality, and life context?

A few things to avoid

01

Avoid too much background information

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Avoid repeating information elsewhere in the application

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Avoid writing what you think colleges want to hear

Writing about yourself is difficult

• First draft: don’t worry about the word count or form, but rather use as many words as necessary to define who you are

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• Don’t write about other people or events as a way to avoid writing about you

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• Writing is a process: you won’t nail it with only one draft, so be open and ready to explore different angles and approaches

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• Ask friends or family members what they see as your main personality traits

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• Writing about you means only you can decide when you are done with your essay

The most common question we get:

“What are colleges looking for?”

• We already answered this!

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• If there were a formula to write a college essay, then everyone would write the same essay

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• Is a formulaic student appealing to the college admissions officer?

Should I use AI to write my college essay?

Will you sound genuine in your essay?

Will you be able to bring out your depth of personality?

What if you are caught?

Not Sure Where to Start on Your Writing?

We can interview you and direct you to PIQ topics

UC PIQs: Choose 4

• Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.
• Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
• What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?
• Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
• Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
• Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.
• What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
• Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

Essay Writing Help

• Send to Mr Warren OR Ms Kaplan, and avoid too many readers
• Share a Google Doc with us and provide some context if you wish
• In Scoir, enter the colleges you are applying to as a way to give us context on the colleges you are considering
• Consider sending us one (1) UC PIQ for feedback to make sure you are on track
• Maximum of 2 reads per PIQ/essay (if you start early)

College Essay Writing Resources

UC PIQs:

Brainstorming Guide here

Common App Essays:

writing requirements by college here

UC PIQs here

Common App here

Questions?