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SEL Learning Goal 4: Relationship Skills

Subgoal 4C: Develop and Maintain Positive Relationships

Definition: Relationship-building; Working Cooperatively/Teamwork

Grade Bands 7- Adult

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Let’s Review the New SEL Definition

CASEL’s (The Collaborative for Social Emotional Learning) New Definition describes SEL as: “Social and emotional learning (SEL) is an integral part of education and human development. SEL is the process through which all young people and adults acquire and apply the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to develop healthy identities, manage emotions and achieve personal and collective goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain supportive relationships, and make responsible and caring decisions.”

“We’ve updated our definition and framework to pay close attention to how SEL affirms the identities, strengths and experiences of all children, including those who have been marginalized in our education systems.”

CASEL: https://casel.org/what-is-sel/

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A Closer Look at Relationship Skills

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Relationship Skills Include...

Communication

Social engagement

Relationship building

*Teamwork

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Universal Design for Learning (UDL) & SEL

ALL of the SEL skills, strategies, ideas, activities to do with students can be adjusted, adapted, and accommodated so that ALL students can ACCESS and PARTICIPATE in Social- Emotional Learning Goals and Competencies.

Through:

Multiple Means of Engagement

Multiple Means of Representation

Multiple Means of Action and Expression

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SEL Learning Goal 4: Relationship Skills

MVSD Benchmark Skills and Strategies: Gr 7-9

Subgoal 4C: Develop and maintain positive relationships Definitions: Relationship-building; working cooperatively; Teamwork

(strategies in red from MVSD SEL Curriculum)

Benchmark Skills	Strategies
I can participate in healthy network of personal and school relationships. I can demonstrate inclusiveness in relationship building. I can utilize strategies to manage social pressures. I can demonstrate cooperative behavior in a group setting and display leadership characteristics in a group.	Develop a peer mediation program (details for this can be found in Subgoal 4B) that allows students to assist each other in solving problems. Have students learn and practice how to present and accept different viewpoints or opinions respectfully. Teach students to pause, assess the situation, and make a good choice when confronted with negative peer-pressure. Have students create a plan to practice the use of assertiveness and refusal skills using specific scenarios (ex: a peer cheating on your test, cutting class, drinking at a party, sexual activity, etc.) Provide students opportunities to practice positive peer support through class meetings, small groups, and school-sponsored activities. Have students review social media posts and discuss how those posts impact positive and negative relationships.

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Peer Mediators- Frequently Asked Questions

As you read this Fact Sheet, take a closer look at the section on: How students become peer mediators to get ideas when setting up a peer mediation program.

Source: http://www.peermediators.org/about/faq

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Peer Mediator Scripts

To help the peer mediators when they are in a mediation session, take a look at this resource on scripts. They offer the peer mediator dialogue that can support the conversation when facilitating a peer mediation session.

It would be helpful to role play some scenarios to practice. Samples are included in this resource.

Also in this resource: Ten Key Facts about Mediators and tips on what to say when the students disagree with the mediator

Source: http://www.uft.org/files/attachments/peer-mediation.pdf

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How Would They See It?

Finding Another Perspective

This amazing teacher resource, from Tools4Thought includes:

Exercises that help students learn how to actively seek different perspectives through an activity called: How would they see it?
Find other perspectives on issues
Activity that identifies the stakeholders- different age groups and backgrounds may have different perspectives
Putting all into practice with sample issues

LET’S TRY IT! (see next slide)

Source for this slide: https://tc2.ca/uploads/TTT/Finding_another_perspective.pdf

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How would they see it?

Do this sample exercise

Look at this picture. How would they see it?

Tractor trailer truck driver
State road workers
Joggers
Police officers and emergency personnel
Hikers
Snow plow drivers

This is a great exercise to have students do on their own or with a partner. Find any interesting picture and come up with different groups of people and how they may see the task based on their background/perspective.

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Coping with Negative Peer Pressure- Offline

Linked In offers these 5 ways to cope with negative peer pressure in everyday life:

Say “No!” in the right way: click on sample messages here for examples you can use when having to confront negative peer pressure directly
Demonstrate real-life scenarios at home and at school: create imaginary real-life peer pressure situations that teens may encounter and role play
Teach teens resistance techniques: as a parent, let your kids know that it is ok to offer them up as the reason why you can’t do something; for school- help them think about the outcomes and consequences that could happen like: “This could get everyone suspended.” (from: Linked In)

Source for this slide:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-ways-cope-negative-peer-pressure-offline-rajat-son i

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Coping with Negative Peer Pressure - Offline continued

Linked In offers these 5 ways to cope with negative peer pressure in everyday life:

4. Offer emotional support: the more up front and clear you are as parents and as teachers when talking with teens about negative peer pressure, the more trust there will be (from LinkIn)- work to strengthen emotional bonds-adults can share their own experiences; have open conversations; know your child’s/ the student’s circle of friends

5. Boost their self-confidence and self-esteem: the more confident they feel about themselves and their self-esteem, the greater chance young teens won’t succumb to negative peer pressure

Author of this article: Rajat Soni from LinkedIn

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Peer Pressure Goes Viral- when online peer pressure turns negative

Tips for Parents that can be addressed by adults and teachers in school:

Click here for additional details:

Choose WHO to follow on social media
Be realistic when sharing online
Share positivity!
Do a “social media cleanse” Just LOG OFF and remove negative influences, pics, etc. or if/when negative content or peer pressure arises
Social media is addictive so pay close attention and monitor to how much time is spent on it

Source: https://vertavahealth.com/blog/social-media-peer-pressure/

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Refusal Skills

This all-inclusive lesson has all the necessary components to teach students how to use refusal skills. Although designed for a younger audience, it can be adjusted and modified to meet the needs of middle and high school students as well.

Browse the lesson, activities, and mark it up! How might you adjust and modify it to the grade level/comprehension level of the students you teach/work with?

What would I change, adapt, omit, etc…? How can I make this work for my students?

_______________________________________________________________________________

Source: https://www.uen.org/preventiondimensions/downloads/lessons/fifth/Lesson7-RefusalSkills.pdf

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Refusal Skills Worksheet

Check out this free worksheet from TPT. Do as a large group as a way for students to practice refusal skills.

How would you handle this situation?

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SEL Learning Goal 4: Relationship Skills

MVSD Benchmark Skills and Strategies: Gr 10-12

Subgoal 4C: Develop and maintain positive relationships Definitions: Relationship-building; working cooperatively; Teamwork

(strategies in red from MVSD SEL Curriculum)

Benchmark Skills	Strategies
I can establish and actively participate in a healthy network f personal, school, and community relationships. I can incorporate compassionate and inclusive practices in relationships. I develop techniques to empower, encourage, and affirm oneself and others, maintaining positive, healthy relationships.	Pair students with mentors from the business community in arrears of career interest in relation to their future goals. Research a company’s resources policies about acceptable and unacceptable behavior and how it affects the employee and employer. Have students identify support people in their life. Next to each person’s name, write one strategy they could use to maintain that support and relationship. Have students identify and connect with a professional who could be a mentor or resource in achieving future goals. Encourage students to participate in leadership programs that align with postsecondary and career goals. Teach students to make good choices when confronted with negative peer pressure. Include situations in work settings (ex: friends who come to your workplace wanting free food)

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Students can explore: Mentor Vermont

From the site: “MENTOR Vermont believes that every young person in Vermont who wants a mentor should have that opportunity, from their early school years until they successfully enter adulthood. The K-12 Mentoring Initiative is a project, in collaboration with direct-service mentoring programs, to create the statewide infrastructure needed to turn this vision into a reality.”

Check it out! CLick HERE.

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Other Resources for Finding Mentors in the Business Community

Introduce students to MicroMentor. This is a community resource that connects mentors and entrepreneurs.

Another mentoring resource:

BUILD - watch the intro

Browse the site and Read the VISION and MISSION of BUILD

Check out Student Stories

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Who are my support systems?

Helping students at any age to identify their support systems can be a very proactive exercise to do BEFORE a crisis arises. In the event of a problem, crisis, or conflict that a student is facing, and one that may need additional adult support, he/she will know who they can reach out to in their circle of supports. This can be very helpful in working through the issue or challenge.

Check out this resource. It’s from socialemotionalworkshop.com. Although some of the activities are geared toward younger students, the same skills can be modified to make them work for older students. For example, the Support Circles exercise is applicable to anyone at any age.

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Nurturing Our Relationships with the People in Our Support Systems

Our support systems and the people we count on are very important. It is important to nurture these relationships. Think of 5 people you consider to be in your circle of supports. Next to the support person’s name, write down a strategy you can use to help maintain this relationship.

Support Person WHO?	Here is a way I can maintain this person’s support and our relationship...

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Who influences you?

On My Own Two Feet: Understanding Influences is a free resource. This book focuses on Substance Abuse Education. It was developed by The Department of Education in Dublin, Ireland.

Browse through to see all of the activities and exercises that are available to use with students. You can pick and choose exercises to cover as it relates to the needs of the students you teach.

First and most importantly, the book starts with having students think about the people who influence them the most.

It is important for teenagers to think about this concept as it relates to establishing and maintaining positive, healthy relationships.

Source: https://sphe.ie/downloads/mo2f/Understanding_Influences.pdf

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SEL Learning Goal 4: Relationship Skills

MVSD Benchmark Skills and Strategies: ADULT

Subgoal 4C: Develop and maintain positive relationships Definitions: Relationship-building; working cooperatively; Teamwork

(strategies in red from MVSD SEL Curriculum)

Benchmark Skills	Strategies
I can practice strategies for maintaining positive relationships such as: -pursuing shared interests and activities - spending time together - giving and receiving help -exhibiting forgiveness I can actively participate in healthy support networks of valued relationships I can independently seek out relationships that support goals and personal values.	Develop and sustain positive and supportive relationships Give people time, and “be present” when together. Develop and improve personal communication skills Participate in school, district or community networks of positive relationships.

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Being “Present” in Your Relationships

“When you press pause—physically and mentally—and hold a space for a person to express themselves fully, that person feels valued, heard, seen, and loved.”

From: https://tinybuddha.com/uncategorized/how-to-foster-better-relationships-just-by-being-present/

Read how you can bring more “presence” to your relationships.

Set an intention.

Be centered. Be confident. Be calm.

Speak from the heart.

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Three Ways to Be More Present in Relationships

Psychology Today offers 3 ways to help yourself be more present in your relationships. Read on for further details ….

Ask the person to tell you more.
Use reflective listening - be like a mirror.
Say absolutely nothing- for 5 minutes. Just listen and offer your presence.

Pic from Pixabay

Describe a time when you were “fully present” in a conversation. How did it go? Were you able to do all three above? Describe on the next slide

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-well-being-toolkit/202012/three-ways-be-more-present-in-relationships

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Three Ways to Be More Present in Relationships

Describe a time when you were “fully present” in a conversation. How did it go? Were you able to do all three above? ____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

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Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

First, let’s look at:

What is effective communication?
What could be stopping you from communicating effectively?

According to HelpGuide.org:

“Effective communication is about understanding the emotions and intentions behind the info being communicated.”
Really listening to make sure you understand what is being said so that the other person feels heard and understood
Communicating clearly and effectively may mean needing more skills.

Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm

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“What is stopping you from communicating effectively?”

HelpGuide share some Barriers that may be preventing effective communication that need to be considered:

Stress and emotions that are not regulated - can lead to not being “present” and paying attention to the person speaking to you; you could misread other people and send mixed messages
Lack of focus- don’t multitask when trying to communicate; avoid distractions
Inconsistent body language- be careful not to say one thing but have your body language show another thing
Negative body language- avoid sending nonverbal messages to the person you are communicating with such as- crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, tapping your feet

Have any of the above barriers impacted a conversation you’ve had lately?

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Tips to Effective Communication

HelpGuide offers skill tips to consider that can help you communicate more effectively:

SKILL TIP 1: Become an engaged listener:

Listening is more important than talking
Listening means understanding the emotions being conveyed by the speaker
Know the difference between Engaged Listening and Hearing
When you are an engaged listener, you pick up on the other person’s tone of voice that can tell you how the person is feeling, you will better understand the person, you help the person feel understood
Listening in this way helps lower stress

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Engaged Listening Tips

How do I become more of an engaged listener? HelpGuide suggests these tips:

Focus fully on the speaker (click here for more details on what this looks like)
Favor your right ear- DID YOU KNOW this Interesting fact? “the left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for both speech comprehension and emotions. Since the left side of the brain is connected to the right side of the body, favoring your right ear can help you better detect the emotional nuances of what someone is saying”- from HelpGuide.org
Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns click here for more details)
Show your interest in what is being said- nod occasionally
Try to set judgement aside- (for details, click here) read about emotional intelligence here
Provide feedback- reflect by paraphrasing: “SO what I heard you say is…” (to get more details on this tip, click here)

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Skill Tip # 2- Pay Attention to Nonverbal Signals

TIps from HelpGuide.org

Your facial expressions, body language, gestures, tone of voice, and the way you act tell the person a lot about the way you are feeling

Use open body language- stand up or sit with your arms at sides or folded on your lap- NOT crossed!
Keep eye contact
Body language can enhance your verbal communication- ex: a high five or a pat on the back

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You Can Improve HOW You Read Body Language