A Trauma Toolkit for Leaders

“Just As You Are” by Lea Morris

Led by Marena McGregor

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www.thisislea.com

Meditation and Resourcing

Rev. Leslie Takahashi

Wisdom from blogger Courtney Martin

“We crave to connect. We crave to be seen. We crave to comfort. It’s a very useful kind of listening. It helps us create new nodes, get things done, coalesce within communities.” Martin writes about what it would be like to create a life that is based on connections more than possessions, on deep relations rather than fleeting achievements. says, “But there is another kind of listening, a listening that we neglect at our own peril, that is not about getting some particular place, but simply about witnessing another human being. This kind of listening is long and open-ended. It’s patient. It’s curious. It’s not calculating. This kind of listening operates on only one level — the words coming out, the way they hit the ear, the shaping of a story, a sadness, a yearning, a wish.”

Introductions and Caveats

Rev. Leslie Takahashi

Michael Macias

Marena McGregor

Matt Meyer

UU Trauma Response Ministry

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www.uutrm.org

False News/Other Distortions

• Regular exposure to traumatic events has a cost
• Costs of false news and lies is high, esp. for gaslighted groups
• Stephen Porges: two needs for connection and safety in conflict
• Covid
• Gun violence
• Divides et cetera

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How We Know/We Don’t Know

• Because we are losing bearings
• Personal trauma and socioeconomic (racism, sexism, classism and other discriminations)
• Focus on the intellect (mind) over body and yet trauma lives in the body

Relational trauma reverberates

• Self-examination helps liberate us from relational trauma and repeating its patterns
• Congregations are “family systems” and thus fertile ground for playing trauma back out
• Personal trauma can influence communities
• Being informed and intentional about trauma
• Trauma-inclusive

Trauma Defined

• Merriam Webster defines trauma thus:
• 1a : an injury (such as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent
• b : a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury
• c : an emotional upset…

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• 2 : an agent, force, or mechanism that causes trauma

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https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trauma?utm_campaign=sd&utm_medium=serp&utm_source=jsonld

Resourcing (from Pat Ogden)

• Breath: focus on breath; take a deep breath; sigh;
• Ground: sense the support of the ground, chair, floor
• Orient to surroundings through the senses
• What do you see? Hear? Smell?
• Lengthen the spine
• Move and with intention
• Self-touch: self hug, hands on
• Smile
• Defensive action: hand out STOP or push against wall

Additions

• Open and close hands
• Tense all muscles and relax
• Ritual
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Trauma Defined

“...the extensive wounds that events of overwhelming violence can inflict on the souls, bodies and psyches of people.

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-Serene Jones

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(notes religious wounding)

Some kinds of trauma

• Relational (developmental)
• Event-based (violence, natural disaster, intense shock)
• Racialized (Resmaa Menakem)
• Lateral (Suzanne Methot)
• Intergenerational (epigenetic)
• Religious
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Relational trauma is not uncommon

• Adverse (ACE study)
• Affects mental health (depression, developmental trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc.)
• Also affects physical health (somatization)
• AND SPIRITUAL HEALTH

Truth-denying Truism

• Well, you must have done something to deserve this.
• You better not air our dirty laundry in public.
• You should forget and forgive.
• Time you got over that.
• All thinking people know that…
• That’s not how we do things around here.
• I believe in the power of positive thinking. (spiritual by-pass)

ACE Study

• Approximately one in three women and a slightly higher number of men had experienced physical abuse
• One in four women had experienced sexual abuse
• 13 % of women and 7 % of men had experienced emotional abuse

Trauma is a faith matter

- Because it is present in our communities

- Shows up in leaders and leadership styles

- Affects us through addiction

- With intention we can become places of sanctuary and shelter

• Community
• Rituals
• Connection
• Healing and transformation

And why it is tricky

We don’t survive trauma as a result of conscious decision-making. At the moment of life threat, humans automatically rely upon survival instincts. Our five senses pick up the signs of imminent danger, causing the brain to turn on the adrenaline stress response system. As we prepare to fight or flee, heart rate and respiration speed oxygen to muscle tissue, and the thinking brain, our frontal cortex, is inhibited to increase response time. We are in survival mode, in our animal brains. Later, we may pay a price for these instinctive responses: we have made it without bearing witness to our own experience. Afterward, we are left with an inadequate record of what happened, no felt sense of its being over and little awareness of how we endured it. If we have immediate support and safety afterward, we may be left shaken, but the events will feel behind us. If the events have been recurrent or we are young and vulnerable or have inadequate support, we can be left with a host of intense responses and symptoms that tell the story without words and without the knowledge that we are remembering events and feelings from long ago. --Janina Fischer

Traumatic response served a purpose

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Trauma Defined

In Decolonizing Trauma Work: Indigenous Stories and Strategies, Renee Linklater notes: “In this book, trauma refers to a person’s reaction or response to an injury.” She quotes researchers who write that “trauma is not a disorder but a reaction to a kind of wound. It is a reaction to profoundly injurious events and situations in the real world, and indeed a world In which people are routinely wounded.” She also points out thet a characteristic of trauma is that the responses—attention, perception, arousal and emotion—all tend to last well beyond the existence of a dangerous situation.”

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Haiku as paradox

The life of a child

This pristine canvas so bright

Deserves joy’s fresh paints.

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People don’t want heirlooms:

Give away the gold-rimmed plates—yet

harm’s legacy stays.

Art As integration

• Identify a challenge or difficulty that feels safe to touch in this shared space

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• Recall what offered you protection - opportunities to breathe, to feel, to explore

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• Let us spend the next 5 minutes drawing two things which offered us protection during these difficult times - it could be an object, a place, a practice, or any other form that was present for you

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• With these shields in our hands, let us hold them up to our hearts and as it feels right offer gratitude or a blessing. Choose what feels right for you

Music of Matt Meyer

Please learn more about Matt at

Rhythm Revelations

https://www.rhythmrevelations.com/

Trauma can create…

Grief

Resistant to change

Telling me to get over it, trying to “cheer me up,” or directing me towards a by-passing practice such as “positive thinking”

Listening without judgment, letting me know I can call you on my hardest days

Theological/Spiritual Principle: A sense of being held by something larger: God, the larger frame, community

Trauma can create…

Shame

Easily offended,angered

Shaming me further by pointing out that I am behaving “irrationally”

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Affirmation! Tell me again and again what I do right!!!!

Theological/Spiritual Principle:

Affirmation of dignity, inherent worth

Trauma can create…

Mistrust of Intimacy

Avoiding contact with people, especially those with formal and informal authority

Forcing me to meet with leaders, to talk about traumatic experiences

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Listening to the boundaries I need; Waiting and offering me affirmation for the ways I do show up, greeting me

Theological/Spiritual Principle:

Connection to something beyond such as nature

Trauma can create…

Disconnection/Isolation

Not showing up, making commitments and not honoring them

Shaming me for not showing up, not participating, breaking commitments, etc.

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Reaching out when I haven’t been present for a while,offer a nonjudgmental presence

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to check in on me

Theological/Spiritual Principle:

Affirmation of dignity, inherent worth

Trauma can create…

Anxiety and fear

Norry about change, worry about conflict

Ignoring my anxiety or minimizing

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Making time to talk to me, offer reassurance* and connecting me with psychological and social resources if needed important

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to check in on me

Theological/Spiritual Principle:

Higher power, source of life, “More”

Trauma can create…

Hopelessness,

despair

Isolation and disconnection from others

Dismissal of my emotions, avoiding me because I am not fun to be around

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Affirmation; Inclusion in activities where I can get out; and connecting me with psychological and social resources if needed*

Theological/Spiritual Principle:

Life-giving nature of connections

Trauma can create…

Resistance to

authority

Resistance to authority

Acting out, resisting authority or rules

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Shaming me for my behavior, talking about it with others (which perpetuates triangulation)

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Clear articulation of boundaries, personal and communal while affirming my worth and dignity, listening

Theological/Spiritual Principle:

Life-giving nature of truth,

How to be trauma-inclusive

• Offer choices not always breath work
• Embody practices that go beyond just thinking
• Understand that sharing a story isn’t always good
• Provide trauma awareness for staff, key volunteers such as pastoral associates
• Maintain a list of trauma-informed therapists for referrals
• Honor people where they are

Theological grounding

• Life-affirming and interconnecting beliefs are foundational.
• Covenant Can Help Us Create More Safety
• Humility Will Make Our Efforts Fertile
• Connection is Our Prayer And Authentic Relationships Our Offering

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Acknowledging religious trauma

• Acknowledging that it exists
• Addressing it when people enter community
• Acknowledging when we cause it
• Creating spaces to address it as a regular part of community life
• Creating a culture where self-development is affirmed

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Pastoral Care

• Listening!
• Provide trauma awareness for staff, key volunteers such as pastoral associates
• Maintain a list of trauma-informed therapists for referrals
• Offer opportunities for mutual support around grief, transitions, caregiving
• Offer a UU 12-step group

Movement oriented practices

• Hiking in nature
• Drumming
• Dancing
• Trauma-informed gentle yoga (can be chair yoga)

Spiritual practices

• Mindfulness
• Centering prayer
• Meditation (yes and no)

sitting, walking, activity-based

• Chanting
• Sharing circles
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Alternative worship and ritual

• Use movement
• Incorporate the arts
• Chanting and rhythm
• Small groups and sharing in less formal structures
• Opportunities to share personal stories of healing and hope

An Example: Movement and Rituals

Dialogue

Art As integration

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• We will now tear our shield in half (perfection is not important here)

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• While keeping one piece of the shield for ourselves, let us spend the next few minutes circulating and offering the other half of our shield to someone else. If you prefer to remain seated, simply raise your hand so others know to come to you

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• Now that we have shared pieces of our shields, let us reflect on holding our own power, while sourcing power from the fierce love of another.

REMEMBER! It is complicated!

More to say….

Becoming fully human is about risking connection. When we emerge from the spirit world at birth, we need to be surrounded by a strong network of relationships based on respect, responsibility and reciprocity. These relationships teach us the skills we need in order to know ourselves, know others, and take up our responsibilities in the world. If we do not have that network in childhood, then we have two paths: we can spend a lifetime repeating the disconnection that we have inherited, or we can seek change through connection.

--Suzanne Methot Trauma, Spirit and Indigenous Healing

Additional Resources—Coming July

Traumaandthespirit.org

Sung Blessing “Be Gentle and Kind”

by Lea Morris

Led by Marena McGregor

Closing words

Trauma is not your resting place.

-Stacy Abrams

Music to Travel By

“Holy” by Laura Zucker

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Please check out the music of Laura Zucker at “Laura Zucker Music”

https://laurazucker.bandcamp.com/