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Pseudolinguistics

Sam Ehrenstein

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What is Pseudolinguistics?

  • pseudoscientific theories about linguistics
  • usually made to promote an ideology
  • follow pseudoscientific method
  • sometimes hilarious

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The Pseudoscientific Method

  • pseudoscience pretends to be scientific but isn’t

Pseudoscientific Method:

  • have a belief
  • find evidence that seems to support it
  • ignore or dismiss evidence to the contrary
  • if you get ridiculed or otherwise face consequences, blame the scientific establishment/corporations/government/Jews/liberals/other group you don’t like
  • never change your mind

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Bosnian-Montenegrin-Serbo-Croatian

  • Serbs, Bosniaks, Croats, and Montenegrins speak basically the same language
  • Due to ethnic tensions/hatred, a lot of people don’t want to admit this
  • The Serb dialect uses the Cyrillic alphabet, while everyone else uses the Latin alphabet

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Other Dialect Confusion

  • Hindustani
    • Its two registers are Hindi and Urdu
    • Often thought to be different languages
    • This is insisted on by many speakers due to religious differences
  • Filipino
    • not really a language
    • a standard register of Tagalog
    • the idea of it as a separate language has been promoted out of supremacist ideology
    • also, other Philippine languages are distinct from Tagalog, but are sometimes called “dialects”
    • China does this too
  • Italian
    • some languages spoken in Italy, such as Piedmontese and Maltese, are sometimes called dialects
    • this comes from the use of the Italian “dialetto” to mean a regional language

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Correlation ≠ Causation

  • saying two languages are related just because they have some similar-sounding words with similar meanings
  • you need to show a consistent phonological correspondence as well as evidence of how a link could have appeared
    • migrations of people or genetic evidence, for example
  • any two lexicons with thousands of words each will statistically have some similar-sounding words
    • even with randomized words you get matches
  • borrowing and coincidences happen
  • humans are very good at seeing patterns where none exist

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Goropism

  • invented by Johannes Goropius Becanus
  • says that Brabantian, a Flemish dialect of Dutch, is the original human language
    • completely coincidental that it’s what Goropius spoke
  • apparently it has more short words than Latin, Greek, or Hebrew, so it’s older
  • was spoken in the Garden of Eden
  • “Noah” comes from nood (need)
  • “Adam” comes from Hath-Dam (dam against hate)
  • “Eve” comes from “Eu-Vat” (barrel from which people originated)
  • hieroglyphics are also based on Brabantian

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Other Nationalistic Ideas

  • Latin is a descendant of Dacian, so Romania is superior or something
  • Lemurian theory claims that Tamil is the ancestor of all languages
  • Sun Language Theory:
    • all languages are descended from proto-Turkic, since they have some similarities
    • therefore the Turks are the best
    • promoted by Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, the first president of Turkey

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Neurolinguistic Programming

  • the bad NLP
  • New Age “human potential” load of horse manure
    • there’s also a version for horses, incidentally
  • reality is subjective, so by changing our thoughts and behaviors, we can do things
    • “using linguistics to program our minds and bodies”, whatever that means
  • name-drops lots of linguistic terms, but doesn’t really use linguistic concepts
  • similar to Brain Gym in a couple of ways
  • has been repeatedly shown not to work, but its proponents say they are studying it wrong and should just trust them
  • still popular among some groups of people

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Linguistic Determinism

  • strong Sapir-Whorf hypothesis
  • human knowledge and thoughts are limited by language
    • Newspeak
  • widely considered to be pseudoscientific
    • lacks evidence (e.g. color perception)
    • thought is possible without language
    • words can be combined to describe new things
    • we can imagine things without being able to describe them

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Even Weirder

  • There’s a guy called Andrew Schlafly
  • He has a theory about languages
    • some are more “primitive” than others
    • concepts don’t exist until there’s a word for them (like genocide or tyranny)
    • “history is the triumph of superior languages over inferior ones”
  • It is completely wrong
    • he conflates a language with its writing system
    • also confuses connotation and denotation
  • It is entangled with his right-wing fundamentalist beliefs
    • He thinks that “liberal values” are destroying modern English (an extreme form of prescriptivism, mixed with anti-”PC” screeds)
    • How “advanced” a language is seems to correlate to how much Christians used it