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Dialogue 101

Writers@MQ, slides by Sam Kas

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Correct grammar within dialogue

New person speaking starts on a new line

If the same person is still speaking, you don’t have to make a new line

Eg: “I do love baby otters,” she said, brushing at a fly that wanted to land on her cheek. “They’re so cute!”

Use speech marks (and if you don’t be prepared for people to be confused)
Use exclamation marks sparingly! Otherwise! It! Sounds! Kinda! Unhinged!
Put a comma before the last speech mark unless you finish it with another punctuation marker (i.e. full stop, exclamation mark, question marks)

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Dialogue Tags, Adverbs and Aversion to Said

Adverb - a word used to describe a verb

Don’ts

“Blah,” she whispered quietly.

Dos

“Blah,” she said softly.

You actually only want to use adverbs for about 10-15% of your dialogue tags. So use them sparingly!

“Blah!” he shouted angrily.

He slammed his fist onto the table. “Blah!”

A dialogue tag is just what’s used to specify who’s talking and how they’re saying it.

Sometimes to change up your dialogue you can use adverbs. But there are right and wrong times to use them.

A wrong time could be the first example. Don’t do this. We already know whispering is a very quiet activity, so we don’t need to specify it twice. Instead, if you’ve already used whispered in another part of your page/ paragraph, you could use “said softly”. Or if it’s already implied that the speech is said quietly (eg your characters are hiding) you can just use your basic words (i.e said, replied etc).

Of course, there are times we can omit that type of dialogue tag entirely (the he said, she said thing) and just have actions to show the emotion. In this example next example we probably already know he’s angry (based on other context that obviously isn’t shown here). So we should show it instead. This way we’re also following our rules of “show don’t tell” so it’s a win-win.

Now, I know people have an aversion to the word “said”. However, sometimes it’s better to use said than to find a synonym for every “said quietly” or “said with anger” or “said arrogantly”. There’s nothing wrong with using said. We just have to use it sparingly.

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Show Not Tell and Matching the Tone/ Character

Don’ts

“I hate brussel sprouts!” she said grumpily.

Dos

“I hate brussel sprouts!” She folded her arms and glared at the offending greenery.

Dad said, “Go clean your room!”

Dad shouted, “Go clean your room!”

“My father will hear about this,” Luna sneered.

“My father will hear about this,” Malfoy sneered.

Going off the slide before, when we choose our dialogue tags we want to mostly watch out for telling rather than showing, and also matching the tone.

You’re probably sick of hearing “show not tell” when writing, and maybe even wondering “how can I do this with dialogue? It’s people talking!” Have no fear, here are some examples.

This first example is fine dialogue, but wouldn’t it be just that bit better to show her reaction? Like the version to the right? We now know by being *shown* that she hates broccoli (let’s ignore the fact she does say it). Also we’re giving her more characterisation by showing her reaction to things she hates, and now we know she’s more than just grumpy about having to eat it.

Another thing to keep in mind is what the tone of the scene is. So let’s set the scene. You’re in the lounge room, gaming on your xbox. You’re dad’s just come home from a long day at work and preparing dinner because your cousin and his family is coming for the night. So sure, you’re dad might say it calmly but considering he’s been at work all day he’s probably stressed and very tired, and so might be angry that you’re being a slug and gaming while he’s slaving over a pot. There’s also an exclamation mark, so that’s also a context clue. So the example to the right is perhaps better. We’re now matching the tone of the scene.

And lastly, we have to keep in mind our character. For this, I’m going to be using an example of two Harry Potter characters. Now, I highly doubt you’d be seeing Luna saying lines like the one above (unless she was under the imperius curse). However, we could probably hear Malfoy say it clearly, right? (I mean he does say it XD)

Some tone indicators will just not match your character and that’s ok, it’s what helps shape your character into who they are.

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Breaking up dialogue and monologues

Add movement (aka what are the character/s doing? Sweating, fidgeting etc)

Adding paragraphs, leaving open ended quotation marks

“Looks just like when I saw him in Granny’s nightdress,” Red Riding Hood said anxiously, cowering behind Lancelot.

“My stepmother has an axe!” Cinderella boomed.

“They’re not real,” Hester said, rolling her eyes. “They’re zombies.”

“They look plenty real to me,” Lancelot growled, drawing his sword.

The (probably) most common and obvious way to break up your dialogue, is to include actions. Like this (very much edited and abridged version of events from The School for Good and Evil: The Last Ever After [don’t blame me it was the closest book on hand]). We have dialogue tags for each line describing how each character is reacting to seeing their undead nemesis. In the book, the actual page has more characters and more actions but I hope you get the idea.

In the physical book the scene takes place around page 544. If you’d like to find the actual scene just ask me [Sam/ Epxilon38] and I can send a screenshot of the page :)

Of course, you’re allowed to have monologues. But if you don’t want your readers to face a wall of text, break it up into paragraphs with open ended quotation marks. For example like this very fictional dialogue between Tom and JR.

Link to the website that I got this from is: https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/96608/why-does-the-multi-paragraph-quotation-rule-exist/96613#96613

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When to use anaphora

Anaphora - the repetition of a word or group of words at the beginning of successive clauses or sentences.

The best time to use anaphora:

When you’re trying to drive home a point!

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More Examples of Anaphora

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!” - Martin Luther King Jr

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” - Charles Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities

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Indirect vs direct speech

Indirect

The alien waved from the window of his spaceship, shouting, “Farewell people of Earth!”

“Sarah said we should be ready by eight.”

“Direct speech is like this,” she said. She then proceeded to explain to the audience what indirect speech was.

Direct

The alien bid farewell to the people of Earth from his spaceship window.

Why we should use indirect:

If the conversation is mundane, summarise it. Eg: No one really wants to read small talk unless it’s essential.
This could be a way to cut down on those long monologues
Can help make the conversation feel more natural

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Keeping it natural

Use verbal mannerisms

Adding words to a sentence that’s unnecessary (eg ‘man’, ‘bro’ or ‘innit’)

Use contractions (most people are not going to talk like this, they will prefer to talk with contractions)

Talk a bit about the accents (Eg specify that someone has an Italian accent)
Use colloquial words/phrases (Eg using ‘lass’ for someone who’s from Scotland)

One good way to get experience is to sit in a cafe, and write down what the people are saying.

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Any questions or extra tips you’ve found?