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UHV-I�Session 11���Fulfilment in Relationship – Other Feelings

Shifting from competition to excellence, infatuation to love…

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Prepared by NC-UHV, AICTE in collaboration with UHV Foundation

All Rights Reserved

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Interaction Before Main Session

Hear from participants about their exploration from previous day(s)

Q&A

Place some expected conclusions, find out if they also came to these/similar conclusions

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Home Assignments

10.1. Write down what would be the right evaluation of yourself. Mention any five points. Recall when you were over-, under-, otherwise evaluated in the past. How did you feel in each case? Share an example of each case.

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10.2. How do you feel when the other differentiates in relationship with you? How do you feel when you differentiate, or try to show you are special, different? Share one or two incidents of these situations

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10.3. What have you been able to explore regarding complementarity in your close relationships? Give one or two examples of how you can be complementary to a person from a different age, region, sect, belief, etc.

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UHV-I�Session 11���Fulfilment in Relationship – Other Feelings

Shifting from competition to excellence, infatuation to love…

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Trust and Respect

So far, we discussed the feelings of Trust and Respect.

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Trust is the assurance that the natural acceptance of the other is to make me happy and prosperous

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To make a successful program with the other, it is essential to rightly evaluate oneself and the other

We have seen that right evaluation is respect

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Can you see that Trust (assurance) and Respect (right evaluation) are at the base of any relationship?

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Affection

The feeling of being related to the other

(acceptance of the other as one’s relative, the other is like me)

nwljs dks laca/kh ds :i esa Lohdkjus dk HkkoA fufoZj®f/krkA

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One has the responsibility and commitment for mutual fulfilment in the relationship

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Opposition, jealousy... are an indication of the absence of affection

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Meaningful Interaction (with affection)

  • How do you feel when a relative/ friend comes to your family?

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  • We feel happy about it. We want to share many things with them and also listen from them. This exchange of feelings and words satisfies all of us.

That is interaction

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(Here, we feel connected with them, take care of their immediate needs, and facilitate them to set their things in order….)

Ragging (lack of affection)

  • When we are not able to see the relationship with the newcomers, then we may tease them, make fun of them just for the sake of fun
  • We are not concerned about its impact on the newcomer. Of course, it hurts others. That is ragging

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  • Can you recall, how does it feel, when you are hurt by someone? For how many days/ months/ years, it disturbed you?
  • Is it wise/ a normal mental status to seek enjoyment by hurting others?

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Meaningful Interaction vs. Ragging

Of course, a welcoming healthy interaction is a must, because we are a member of the same institute family, will be staying together for 3-4 years

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Thus, we are related to each other, we want to know each other so that we can be of help for each other in the process of understanding and learning together

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With the feeling of affection, we can work for excellence in each other

Think of ways to develop interaction with affection, rather than ragging

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Natural Acceptance for Excellence

We, all of us want to excel in life

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Let us understand excellence – is it about

a. being better than another in a particular area of life?

or

b. something else?

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We will also explore the program for excellence – is it

a. through competition?

or

b. through collaboration?

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Reverence and Excellence ¼Js’Brk½

Excellence

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Understanding Harmony

and

Living in Harmony

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Continuous Happiness

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Making effort for Excellence and Competing with the other is not the same thing.

In excellence, one helps to bring the other to her/his level

In competition, one avoids the other to come to her/his level

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Reverence is the feeling of acceptance for excellence (in the other)

Js’Brk dh LohÑfr dk HkkoA

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Self Reflection:

How many students in a class can understand?

How many students can come first in a class?

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at all levels of being

    • As an individual human being
    • As a member of the family
    • As a member of society
    • As a unit in nature/existence

All can understand, achieve excellence

Only 1 can come first, be “special”

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Competing to be Special

I am special, I have to be above others

We are opposed to each other

  • Competition is relative (no completion point)
  • I have a feeling of opposition
  • I prevent the other to come to my level, I make effort to increase the difference (may even dominate, manipulate, exploit)
  • I operate on the basis of pre-conditionings
  • I over-evaluate or under-evaluate myself and the other
  • I am dictated by the other, the other is my reference

The other is like me

We are complementary to each other

  • Excellence is absolute (definite completion point)
  • I have a feeling of relationship
  • I help the other to come to my level, I make effort to learn from the other (with feeling of relationship)
  • I operate on the basis of my Natural Acceptance
  • I do right evaluation of myself and the other

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  • I am self-referential, self-confident

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Complementing for Excellence

Can you see the difference? Which way do you choose to go?

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Classroom A – Competition Oriented

Topper doesn’t share learning with classmates

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Learns remaining 10% from outside sources and does not share the sources with others

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Environment of comparison, fear (of failure, of each other…) – pulling each other down

Topper shares learning freely with classmates

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Learns remaining 10% from classmates and outside sources, shares sources with others

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Environment of collective achievement, sharing and caring for each other – uplifting each other

Classroom B – Excellence Oriented

Both classes have a topper scoring 90%.

In which class will more students be developed?

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In which class will students feel it easy to study?

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In which class will the teacher feel comfortable?

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In which class would parents like to send their children?

Which class students will think for the society, for nature?

Which class will produce better human beings?

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What kind of class do want this class to be A or B?

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Self Reflection

  • You want to be excellent or to be special, different from the other?

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  • The other wants to be excellent or the other wants to be special?

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  • You want to jointly make effort for excellence or to compete to be special ?

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  • Which feelings are essential for teamwork to take place?

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  • Which feelings are essential for taking help in understanding from others?

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Competition and Collaboration/Cooperation

Adverse impact of feeling of Competition:

    • On our own sense of fulfillment
    • On other human beings with whom we are interacting
    • On the society and nature
    • We feel unhappy, whenever we have a feeling of competition within
    • Hinders the growth of others and makes them unhappy
    • Promotes struggle, war etc in the society
    • Over-consumption and therefore exploitation of natural resources
    • Has piece-meal approach

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Collaboration/Cooperation

    • When we feel related to each other, we cooperate
    • Our natural acceptance is for relationship and cooperation

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Gratitude ¼d`rKrk½

Feeling for those who have worked for my excellence

ftUgksaus esjh Js’Brk ds fy, iz;kl fd;k gS] muds izfr HkkoA

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I can see that the other has a feeling of care, affection, trust.. in behavior with me. I can also see that the other

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    • has helped me in developing right understanding & right feeling in me
    • has provided me with the necessary physical facility

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GRATITUDE is significant in the development of relationship.

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Gratitude for all the Help we Receive

Let us list down the help we are receiving from family, friends, teachers, society (related to food, shelter etc..) and nature

  • Make a list of needs (e.g. food) that you are using throughout the day.
  • See, the people and natural environment which are immediately responsible to fulfill this need (e.g. cook)
  • In the next level, make the list of people who have helped in growing the food, processing it, transporting it to your place etc.
  • A similar thread could be seen for the utensils in which we are eating, machines which are used for cooking, furniture on which we sit while eating, construction of the dining hall etc.

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  • Can you count the total number of people who are directly or indirectly involved in ensuring just one meal for you?
  • Can money provide it, if these people involved do not participate willingly in the process?

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Gratitude for all the Help we Receive

So, now we can see that

We are inherently related to all (human being as well as rest of nature) and interdependent upon them in the fulfillment our basic needs for

    • Right Understanding (सही समझ),
    • Right Feeling (सही भाव),
    • Physical Facility (सुविधा)

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Self Reflection

Check whether you have a feeling of gratitude for those who have made effort for you in your life…

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  1. A. Are you able to appreciate both –”what has been done” as well as

“what has not been done” (the complete picture)?

or

B. Are you mostly focused on “what has not been done”?

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  1. A. Do you have a feeling of gratitude for the other – continuous

or

B. The feeling of gratitude comes and goes?

  1. A. Are you making effort for “ensuring the right feelings in yourself and expressing them to the other”

or

B. Are you “expecting these feelings from the other”?

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Self Reflection

If you are mostly focused on “what has not been done”, then,

  • You need to broaden your vision to see the entire reality, and to evaluate both “what has been done” and “what has not been done”

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If the feeling of gratitude comes and goes, then

  • If the other has shared right understanding, right feeling as well as physical facility and you are not able to see that, then you need to pay more attention on your own understanding and your own feeling. Then your expectations will also be set right
  • If the other has primarily shared physical facility and is expecting gratitude in continuity, then that expectation may not be fulfilled – is an over expectation

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If you are “expecting these feelings from the other”, then

  • You need to make effort to ensure right understanding and right feeling in yourself. Then you would be able to live with responsibility with the other

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Assignment

Write a letter to one person for whom you have a feeling of gratitude

(It could be your grandparent, parent, sibling (brother-sister), teacher…)

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Recall all they have done for your development… for your excellence

(if you recall some things that they could not do, write them also down separately)

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Note: You need not submit this assignment to the facilitator

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Opposition, Affection and Love

Verify on the basis of your natural acceptance if you want to be related to:

None

One

Many

Everyone

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Affection (Lusg) – The feeling of being related to the other

(acceptance of the other as one’s relative)

nwljs dks laca/kh ds :i esa Lohdkjus dk HkkoA

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Love ¼izse½ – The feeling of being related to all (Complete Value)

¾ gj ,d dks laca/kh ds :i esa Lohdkjus dk HkkoA

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Affection

Love

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🡪 The feeling of being related to none

  • The feeling of being related to one
  • The feeling of being related to many

🡪 The feeling of being related to all

in opposition to all

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Assumptions Related to Love Right Understanding – Feeling of Love

Excitement is confused for feeling

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A) Sensation, getting/taking from the other

Continuity not possible

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B) Infatuation, Assuming Other to be Source of your Happiness

  1. Love at First Sight?
  2. By this age, I must have GF/BF?
  3. The other has 4 GF/BF; I have only one?

Continuity not possible

C) Right understanding

Love (प्रेम) = feeling of being related to all,

responsible towards all

Continuity is possible

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Once trust, respect, affection, care, guidance… are ensured within, then

the feeling of being related to all follows naturally

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Which option is naturally acceptable to you?

A?

B?

C?

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Sum Up

Affection is the feeling of being related to the other

With affection, one has the responsibility and commitment for mutual fulfilment in the relationship

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Excellence is the understanding and living in harmony at all levels of being

Making effort for Excellence and Competing with the other is not the same thing.

    • In excellence, one helps to bring the other to her/his level
    • In competition, one avoids the other to come to her/his level

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Reverence is the feeling of acceptance for excellence

(acceptance of the completeness of right understanding in the other)

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Gratitude is the feeling for those who have made effort for my excellence

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Love is the feeling of being related to all (Complete Value)

(there are several assumptions related to love which need to be rightly evaluated)

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With the right feeling in me, I feel happy. I am able to rightly relate to the other and work for mutual happiness, for justice in relationship

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Home Assignment����

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Home Assignments

11.1. Suggest ways in which we can develop affection among

        • Different batches in your institute
        • Students of the same batch

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11.2. Make a list of people that you take inspiration from.

        • Evaluate if they are living in harmony or making effort to do so
        • Evaluate the feeling you have for them: is it over, under or otherwise evaluation?
        • Evaluate if they are helping others to live in harmony
        • Note a few things that you would you like to learn from them
        • List a few steps that you need to take to work for excellence

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11.3. Make a list of people in your family, in the college and in the larger society who are directly and indirectly participating in fulfilling your needs. What is your feeling for them, how is your interaction with them, what is your contribution (in terms of understanding, feeling and physical facility) to them?

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11.4. Distinguish between Love and Infatuation

What do you mostly think about? Love or Infatuation (or something else)?

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Questions?�����

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