is change good or bad?
My 7th grade year
I got cut from 7th grade basketball team
It was painful. All of my friends made it.
I got FIRED from a college weekend youth ministry after 6 months
I was done with ministry. I felt that it was unjust.
My Parents
Charlotte 1922 - 1991 (69)
Brad (Nate) 1912 - 1999 (87)
My In-laws
Ann 1944 - 2023 (78)
Jim 1941 - 2022 (81)
The only humans who like change are babies
DREAMS
Loneliness
“Loneliness is the painful awareness that we lack meaningful contact with others” Gary Collins
We just aren’t connecting: “brain to brain”
In our society confessing loneliness is tantamount to admitting to being a misfit ~ Parrott, HTSA, 234
Life is hard.
Relationships are difficult and messy. Our actions and the actions of others toward us can have massive consequences.
Things don’t always go as planned or hoped.
We grieve over loss and change.
There isn’t a one of us who can skate through life without developing holes.
WHOLES
Finding contentment & wholeness …
… in a broken & holey world
WHOLES
Finding contentment & wholeness …
… in a broken & holey world
Any loss (change) can bring about grief
And some grief can be debilitating
It can create holes that are hard to heal.
CHANGE
Loss
Grief
Wave Model of Grief by Heegaard
Grief comes and goes, ebbs and flows, like the waves of an ocean.
7 Stages of Grief
(Modified Kubler-Ross Model)
SHOCK
DENIAL
BARGAINING
ANGER
DEPRESSION
TESTING
ACCEPTANCE
THE STAGES OF GRIEF
The Roadmap You Expect
SHOCK
DENIAL
BARGAINING
ANGER
DEPRESSION
TESTING
ACCEPTANCE
THE STAGES OF GRIEF
Reality
Holes
The Power of Presence
The Raising of Lazarus
John 11:17-37
Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”
John 11:1-37
8 “But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”
Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”
After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
John 11:1-37
12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
Then Thomas (also known as Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”
John 11:1-37
On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."
John 11:17-37
Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world."
John 11:17-37
And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. "The Teacher is here," she said, "and is asking for you.”
When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
John 11:17-37
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
John 11:17-37
Jesus wept.
John 11:17-37
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"
But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"
John 11:17-37
We want there to be a reason for everything
But God created a world with physics and natural law and freedom of choice where bad things happen, people die in freak accident, children die way too young, you don’t get that job that you believed by faith you were were going to get.
It’s hard to deal with loss. We don’t like to grieve. We struggle with all of these holes.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.
ROMANS 8:28
KJV
NASB
NIV
MSG
RSV
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past…
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude…
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes"
~ Charles Swindoll
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.
The Serenity Prayer
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
One of the biggest values of recognizing our own holes and working toward being WHOLE with God that we are better able to pay attention to the brokenness and hurts and holes of others.
Have you ever roofed a house or hired someone else to replace your roof?
What do you do for the next week?
"Your greatest ministry will flow out of your greatest pain.”
Pastor Rick Warren
"Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish.
Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears.
Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless.
Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human." ~ Henri Nouwen
HURT
HURT
people.
people,
Whole people,
Love people.
… love others as well as you love yourself
(Mark 12:31, MSG)
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Psalm 23
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Psalm 23
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Psalm 23
WHOLES
Finding contentment & wholeness …
… in a broken & holey world
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
(Eph 3:16-19)
Christmas Perspectives