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A Coaching Approach

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Note to facilitators:

If you want, place a fun photo of yourself or family to use as you introduce yourself! Or, delete this slide.

The more practice time the audience gets, the better.

Use as many personal illustrations as possible.

Notes have been provided with each slide to give you a context for the slide. Key ideas are bolded.

This is a basic coaching training. There is so much more that can be said but please keep to these basics. Refrain from bringing in extra material. Though it may be interesting, you do not want to stray from the basics. I have seen people try to bring in assessments, the “Johari” Window, more feedback skills, stages of change etc. Though none of those are particularly bad, they take away from the focus of a basic training. They would be information and skills to add to a level 2 or 3 training.

If individuals can begin to use the model/approach of coaching and good coaching skills you will have accomplished a lot.

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Session Objectives:

Define coaching
Learn a process for coaching
Identify and practice coaching skills
Create an action plan

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from where you are to where you want to be

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What is the mindset of a good taxi driver?

What are the skills of a good taxi driver?

What tools and resources does

a good taxi driver have?

*used by permission of iNTERNAL IMPACT

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Coaching is the process

of coming alongside a person or team

to help them discover God’s agenda

for their personal growth

and ministry effectiveness.

This is done by asking powerful questions,

listening deeply and

cooperating with the Holy Spirit.

The ultimate goal is to empower them

to take steps of faith

to see that agenda become a reality.

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LISTEN

EXPLORE

ASK POWERFUL QUESTIONS

HELP DEVELOP ACTION PLANS

DO

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FIX IT

GIVE ADVICE

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

PRACTICE PSYCHOTHERAPY

DO NOT

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Environment

Coaches create an environment that promotes coaching... an environment that promotes growth and development.

Ask the group: What would be some important elements in a successful coaching relationship?

You could either facilitate this as a large group discussion or have them discuss it in small groups and then report back.

A safe environment is the key. What is needed to develop a safe environment? Emphasize the following:

TRUST is extremely important and created by:

Mutual respect
Honoring confidentiality (note: if there is an organizational issue, they need to know it may need to go further. Handle with extreme caution. Stop them before they tell you too much)
Not judging others
The intention of the person being coached.

Trust is built over time, but sometimes even in a short amount of time (i.e., considering our shared relationship with Jesus Christ). The level of trust generally increases as more time passes with the other person.

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Believe that God is

already at work

in a person’s life and ministry

Trust the Holy Spirit

to guide and direct

Coaches recognize the importance of the Holy Spirit. When we use coaching skills we must:

Believe that God is already at work in a person’s life and ministry
Trust the Holy Spirit to guide and direct both us and the individual we are coaching.

It is important that we rely on God’s Spirit to direct us as we coach others. He can lead us to ask questions and make observations that help the person we are coaching.

God is the One who initiates ideas, direction and encouragement. When we rush in with advice and direction, we might obstruct the Spirit’s intended work. So, we ask questions to help the individual discover what the Spirit is saying to them.

If we believe God is already at work, we can trust Him to bring His ideas, strategy and steps for action to the person we are coaching.

As Christians we have a major advantage over non Christian coaches for discernment, wisdom and power to change.

As a coach we need to learn to trust the Holy spirit when we sense “below-the-surface” issues.

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Ask

Tell

This is important One of the adjustments we would like to make in our organization is from a highly-directive leadership approach to a more empowering approach to leadership. As we seek to move toward student-led, church-led, leader-led, we need to put a greater emphasis on asking good questions to help others discern their best action steps, instead of telling them what to do.

One of the main differences is the difference in asking and telling.

Visual exercise:

Ask participants, “What are the benefits of each?” Have them discuss each separately either around tables or as larger group.

Capture the discussion on the white board or flip chart. When the discussion is finished. Ask:

Which is most important? How many say, “Telling?” How many say, “Asking?”

These are actually “trick questions”. Like two wings of an airplane, BOTH asking and telling are needed.

Which do you do most? (most people admit that they tell much more than they ask)

The art of leadership is knowing when to ask and when to tell.

A coach-like relationship helps people resolve issues and find their own answers through the use of probing questions.

Today we will put a lot of focus on the asking skill, but also discuss some telling skills.

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Discipling�Mentoring�Coaching�Counseling

We typically get questions asking us to differentiate between the terms listed on the screen. It is good to realize that each of them is a distinct and valid approach to leadership. We actually use each of these approaches as we lead. A leader needs to discern which approach is most appropriate to address the current need/goal:

Discipleship is a process described in the New Testament to help Christians become more like Christ. Among other things it involves teaching, training, Bible study, prayer and fellowship.

Mentoring involves an individual with prior experience or expertise coming alongside to pass on their knowledge to another.

COACH: taxi driver = MENTOR: tour guide. The tour guide tells you where to go and what to see. It is based more on the mentor’s experience and expertise. Typically, a mentor will do more telling and a coach will do more asking.

Coaching is about helping to move a person forward from where they are presently to where they want to be. It addresses the future and requires action. It is like looking through the front windshield of a car. As people grow, we focus more on coaching and supporting, rather than telling and directing.

Counseling, in the traditional sense, tends to focus on the past, hopes to get understanding, and leads to healing. It is like looking through a rearview mirror of a car. It often requires professional training, especially for deep or trauma issues.

As a trainer, you will use all of these methods at different times. Many of the same core skills are needed and used in each! However, we are going to focus more on coaching during this training… because that is a skill that is not as well developed for most of us.

As a leader, we look for (next slide)

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Coaching Appointments�� Coaching Moments

Coaching interactions are intentional. Whether formal or informal they are focused on life change, goals, and/or missional effectiveness. Coaching may be short-term or long-term in duration. This coaching approach, whether face-to-face or over distance, happens in a relationally-rich environment and leads to results that are critical to the mission.

In our organization we are looking for both – coaching appointments (formal) & coaching moments (informal).

Leaders meet with their staff on a regular basis using a coaching approach.

But we also desire that a coaching approach become more normal in our culture.

A coaching moment is any time an individual is willing to explore and find answers.

It can be a short, casual conversation in the hallway. No need for an official appointment. * See sample coaching in the moment conversation in the “Coaching Approach Resource Guide.”

This is why we are providing training in a coaching approach to leadership.

As a leader with in CCC (next slide)…

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Coach/

Developer

Spokesperson/

Ambassador

Direction

Setter

Change

Agent

Vision Casting Motivating

Strategy Formulation Aligning

Heart

for God

Vision

Values

Direction

Movements

Everywhere

Results

Stewardship

Capacity Building: People, Money, Resources

Leadership Framework

Relationships

A coaching approach and coaching skills can be applied not just to training in NST, but to every relationship, role, responsibility and result of leadership.

Some people confuse the role of a coach in the Leadership Framework with what we are talking about here: using a coaching approach. It is important to understand the difference. Possibly give an example of how a coaching approach can be used as either a direction setter, change agent or spokesperson role of a leader.

The Role of Coach in the Leadership Framework involves:

1. Prepare and equip your team to pursue the mission.

2. Ensure each team member is developing confidence, competency and capacity in their work role.

3. Creates an environment for growth.

Note that at the center of leadership is the heart of a leader. Whether we are talking about the role of coach or using coaching skills, our heart (our relationship with God and others is extremely important). We need to be filled with the Holy Spirit and asking God for wisdom as we use coaching skills.

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What are the benefits

of using a coaching approach?

Ask the participants: “What do you see as the possible benefits of using a coaching approach?”

Possible answers:

Increased ideas generated

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This is a coaching model. There are many models. This is one we are using to teach the basics of using a coaching approach. (You can see why it is known as the Coaching Bridge)

What are the benefits of having a model: Common language; a guide; it provides a focus for our conversation.

What other models do we have in CCC? 4 Laws Holy Spirit booklet LF PDP SDC

Walk through the steps quickly as an overview and then go back and talk about each.

Define the gap: where you are now compared to where you want to be. This is not the specific focus of the conversation. Rather it is the bigger goal/issue/problem that you want to accomplish/overcome. Example: I need to complete my new staff training by next fall. I need to create a new system for tracking students who accept Christ.

Questions you may ask to determine the gap: what is it you would like to see happen?

Focus Conversation: provides purpose and establishes the outcomes for this conversation. This narrows the bigger gap to a specific issue to talk about. The coach then keeps the dialog focused on the desired outcome. Remember this is their agenda, not mine. May be just a small piece of the bigger gap to b e bridged. Example, my schedule is so busy that it has been difficult to work on my new staff training. The specific topic becomes the busyness that is preventing the new staff training from being completed. There may be may focused conversations needed to bridge the bigger gap the individual stated.

Focusing the conversation is really important and often takes a while. You want to be sure you have narrowed the conversation down to the core issue to discuss.

Explore Options: stretches the thinking of the individual to determine possible options to bridge the gap from where they are now to where they want to be. Possible questions: What needs to happen? What has worked in the past? What have you seen others do? What are some possibilities that come to mind? This is brainstorming. There are no wrong ideas. Do not judge their ideas (either positively or negatively). If you comment that something is a good idea, they may choose it because they think you approve instead of going with their choice. Same with giving negative comments, they may avoid doing something because they think you disapprove.

Plan Next Steps: The individual must choose a course of action and then creating actions to get from where they are to where they want to be. This is a combination of strategic planning and a action planning. They develop the plan, not us. Possible questions: what do you need to do to achieve this goal? How else might you get to the same place? Who do you need to talk to?

Address Obstacles: reality check? After the individual comes up with a plan you want to address what might stand in the way from them to follow through with their plan? Ask them to identify barriers that may stand in the way from progress. Ask them how they will avoid or overcome those barriers. They might be missing skills, inadequate budgets. If they fail to look at the possible obstacles, they may et discourage or halted in their forward progress when they come up.

Review and Close: ask them to recap what they are taking away from the conversation. Have them review their action points and when they will complete them. We do this so that we are sure we have heard the same thing, so that they own it, by saying it there is a bit of commitment. I also ask them how they will be held accountable to follow through. The coach does not need to be the one holding the accountable.

It is important to note that though this model looks linear you may walk back an forth across the bridge in a conversation. You may get to exploring options and realize you are focused on the wrong thing so you go back and refocus.

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Practice

Have a live coaching demonstration as an example. Keep the subject simple to allow for demonstrating as much of the process as possible.

Try to keep it short (15 minutes) When you are done ask audience what they noticed. Ask them where the transitions over the bridge took place.

Then have them practice 2X2. Give them a chance to experiment without feeling like they are being observed or judged in how well they are doing. Each person will coach the other for 5 minutes around a real item/issue that they want to move forward in. Then, the large group should debrief the time. Switch roles. Debrief again.

Debrief as a group:

What went well? What would you do differently? How did it feel?

Emphasis: first time you are just getting used to the process. It may seem awkward as any new skill would.

Remind them that it feels awkward anytime you are first using a new skill, but the more you do it the more comfortable you get with it.

Have them cross their arms. Wait a few moments then ask them to cross them the other way. Most people have a problem with it. It is uncomfortable. Why? They are not used to it. The more they practice using coaching skills the more comfortable they will get with it.

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Coaching Skills

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Spirit Led

Coaching Skills

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Listen Beyond Words

Ears

Eyes

Undivided Attention

Heart

The Chinese characters that make up the verb

“to listen” tell us something about this skill.

Coaching Skills

This is about how we use listening skills in listening to the person we are coaching.

Talk about the Chinese character. It is what you hear, see, and perceive in your heart. We can learn the skill but if our heart is not right it is noticeable. Bring in the spiritual here. Maybe share some verses on listening. We must be filled with the HS. Listening is a gift we give people.

Ask if they have had training in listening. Discuss three levels:

Passive: while you are talking, I am thinking of my own experience. Or I am multitasking. I hear the words but may not be giving them my full attention.

Active: I can paraphrase back to you what you said.

Contextual: I am paying attention to everything. Body language, tone of voice, what is he really saying beyond the words. Give examples of body language, of facial expressions (happy, sad, pensive, mad) and tone of voice (say “I am not frustrated” with a tone that depicts frustration) This is about us picking up on their body language, their tone of voice, their facial expressions.

Exercise:

Part A: Have one person talk for 1 minute about a topic they are passionate about. The other person can not say a word, only listen. Instruct them to listen beyond words. Debrief. What is the essence of what the person is saying? Did they listener truly understand?

Part B: Now have them reverse roles, only this time have them sit back to back. Debrief again. Ask who really got the essence of their story. Ask them what the reasons might be that you had them sit back to back. (coaching over distance requires listening beyond words over telephone even when you can’t see the body language)

Quotes on listening:

“No man ever listened himself out of a job.” Calvin Coolidge.

“Everyone needs someone he feels really listens to him.” C. Neil Strait (author)

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Spirit Led
Listen Beyond Words
Ask Powerful Questions

Coaching Skills

Ask, “What are the reasons coaches ask questions?”

“What makes a question powerful?”

Discuss different types of questions:

Closed ended questions lead to “yes” or “no” answers and stop conversation. “Is the project on time?”

Open ended questions invite discussion. How is the project coming?

In the first case, they may say yes and the conversation is over. In the second they may say. The project is on time but we have run into a problem. This can lead to a vital conversation that the first (closed ended) question would not get to.

Information gathering is a “no no.” That usually means coach is gathering information to solve problem. Remember it is not the coaches responsibility to fix it, but to listen. The person being coached usually has all the info they need to think through the situation with the coach asking powerful questions.

Avoid stacking questions. That is asking one questions after another without giving people time to respond. Ask one at a time and let them answer. If you need to continually explain your question you need to work on asking better questions. If you think you asked a poor questions, let them answer it and then ask a better one. Sometimes I have said, “That is not the question I want to ask, let me try again.”

Silence is your friend. Allow people time to think. Do not be afraid of the silence.

Ask yourself, Why am I talking?

(English speakers =If you haven’t introduced WAIT (Why am I talking?), do it now or remind them about it. )

Avoid “why”, replace with “what are the reasons?” Asking “Why” often raises defensiveness.

If someone asks you a question, turn it around and ask them. (Dan’s question on leading teams, draw out answer instead of answer question)

Often the most powerful questions are the simplest. For example, “What else?”

The questions on the card are only examples of the types of questions you might ask. You cannot prescribe what questions you would ask as that will change with each conversation.

You can have them turn to the back of the card and have as small groups write other questions that could be used under each section.

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Practice

Practice in threes this time. One coaches, one is being coach and one is observing. Each person will coach the other for 10 minutes and then we will debrief the time and switch roles. Using real topics is most effective. They may want to use something form their PDP or position focus.

The person who did the coaching will first share what they thought they did well and where they can improve. Then the person who was coached shares what they feel the coach did well and what might have helped them do better. Last, the person observing shares what the coach did well and one thing they could work on doing better.

After all three participants have practiced coaching and received feedback, debrief as a large group again.

What went well? What would you do differently? What are some good questions you heard?

Who is walking away with real action points?

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Insightful Observations
Celebrate and Encourage

Coaching Skills

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Insightful Observations

Coaching Skills

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Celebrate and Encourage

Coaching Skills

Celebrate and Encourage It is very important to celebrate milestones. We all need encouragement. You may want to share some scriptures relating to this (1Thessalonians 5:11)

Emotional bank account. We need to sincerely pour into people. If we do this consistently then when we come with feedback that is difficult to hear, they will know we are for them not against.

Celebrate small steps as well as large.

“You were aiming for 50 evangelistic contacts. You got 35. That is great! You made progress.”

Point out the positive forward movement they have made even in the current conversation. Maybe they realized they were thinking poorly and acknowledged it. Just make sure you are sincere.

To practice celebrating and encouraging others, try to catch 5 people doing something right or well each day and tell them so.

Exercise: Have them write a note to someone on their team using the skill of acknowledgement. Be specific not general. More than cheerleading. Focus on who more than what. What is something you see in them that is encouraging to you? What have you seen them do well?

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Spirit Led
Listen Beyond Words
Ask Powerful Questions
Insightful Observations
Celebrate and Encourage

Coaching Skills

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Practice

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Questions and Answers

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Becoming a Better Coach

During this seminar I learned…

I will take this action step…