Hurt People
Hear through their pain
Trauma creates a lens between us and what's really being said
At Home: Intimate Relationships
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY SAID
"I need space today"
Just needing alone time
"Can we talk about this later?"
Not the right moment to discuss
"I'm disappointed"
Expression of current feeling
"You forgot again"
Pointing out a pattern
WHAT THE HURTING HEART HEARS
"I'm leaving you"
Abandonment wound activated
"You're not important right now"
Rejection wound activated
"You're a failure"
Shame wound activated
"You always mess up"
Unworthiness wound activated
At Work: Boss and Colleagues
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY SAID
"Can I give you feedback?"
Constructive input on work
"I need to reassign this"
Workflow adjustment
"You weren't in that meeting"
Stating a fact
"Let's discuss at the meeting"
Professional timing
WHAT THE HURTING HEART HEARS
"You're doing it wrong"
Shame wound activated
"You're incompetent"
Inadequacy wound activated
"You don't belong here"
Exclusion wound activated
"Everyone's talking about you"
Humiliation wound activated
With Friends: Social Situations
WHAT WAS ACTUALLY SAID
"I'm tired tonight"
Not feeling social
"I didn't see your text"
Missed a message
"That's not what I meant"
Clarifying a misunderstanding
"I'm being quiet today"
Having an off day
WHAT THE HURTING HEART HEARS
"You're boring"
Inadequacy wound activated
"You're not important to me"
Abandonment wound activated
"You're annoying me"
Rejection wound activated
"I don't want to be around you"
Unworthiness wound activated
Everyday Actions: What Gets Misinterpreted
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
Someone doesn't call back right away
They're busy
A look or facial expression
Brief nonverbal communication
Someone changes plans
Circumstances changed
A raised voice in conversation
Expression of emotion
WHAT THE HURTING HEART INTERPRETS
"They don't care about me"
Abandonment wound activated
"They're disgusted with me"
Shame wound activated
"They don't want me around"
Rejection wound activated
"They're angry at me"
Fear wound activated
Understanding the Wound Filter
When we're carrying pain, our old wounds speak louder than the words being spoken to us.
This isn't a flaw in character—it's a protective response. The hurting heart is trying to keep us safe from more pain. But in doing so, it hears danger where none exists.
Healing begins when we recognize this filter—and gently learn to listen differently.