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Aimee,
I didn’t think I would be but I feel brave enough to enter your storm, and respect you enough to love the size of your waves. I wake up each day with the willingness to relish the calm you can have, and eager to set sail on the expanse of your mind. I can’t escape the love that I have for you, because now I have you in my blood, always reminding me that you are the only sea worth exploring.
The truth is — genuine connection is ease. It is peace. When I found you, I just knew. I feel seen, I feel like I am being mirrored back to myself, like I am discovering the shadow of my own heart in another human being.
Slowly, through loving you, I am coming to realise that the one who is meant for me in this world will not exhaust me, or hollow me out, or leave me feeling like I am hard to love. Slowly, I have come to realise that I do not have to romanticise the things in this life that hurt. I do not have to run towards the fire. Love does not have to feel like a fight, does not have to feel like battle, does not have to wound.
Now that I finally get to experience it, it feels as if I am standing at a door that I finally have the keys for. I enter it with ease. There is no fumbling through my jacket pocket trying to find the right way in. There is no desperately reaching into my bag trying to uncover the point of access. I am no longer banging my fists against the door, asking to be invited in. I walk through. Soundlessly. Softly. Relief washes over me. I take off my shoes. I hang my coat in the closet. I put on a pot of coffee. I am home. I’m home.
The weekend I fell in love with you
I knew that I had fallen in love with you the moment I watched you dance with Tash that night. It was like a wave had washed over me. I’d been suppressing how I felt because I haven’t always been the best at love, but that moment was everything to me - the way you were jumping up and down, the pure joy and content you carried, the lack of masks. I saw you for you, and I loved every second of it.
I don’t want to admit how many times I played ‘Good luck, babe’ when going for walks and while working - anything to try to relive that moment and how I saw you. I don’t think I had ever heard the song before that night, and now I am embarrassed to admit how often I play it - and that I may or may not know the words.
I fell for you, and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.