Boundaries

&

Your Weight Loss Journey

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Bertha Rodarte, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

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www.drbertharodarte.com

Objectives:

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Understand boundaries in relationships

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Evaluate role of boundaries in weight loss

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Begin to develop & choose boundaries in our journey

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What Does It Mean To Have Healthy Boundaries?

• Boundaries are ways to communicate our needs to others via words and actions.
• The are perimeters we set with ourself and others.
• Taking responsibility for your own actions & emotions, while NOT taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others

How Do you Know if You have Unhealthy boundaries?

• Pay attention to your feelings.
• What do you need? What do you want?
• Do you ignore the desire in your head to say no? To say yes?
• Do you overshare or withhold intimacy/connection?
• You’re over committed or isolate from others?
• Compromise too often and feel resentful?

Types of Unhealthy Boundaries

• Rigid boundaries: Rigid boundaries are boundaries set that are too strict and lack flexibility. Have a hard time asking for help, seem detached or distant, and are very protective of their emotions & personal information.
• Rigid rules about what and how much to eat, but the rules don’t fit personal needs, preferences, or lifestyle. In these circumstances, any benefits tend to be short-lived.

Types of Unhealthy Boundaries

• Porous boundaries: Porous boundaries are the opposite of rigid boundaries. They are too loose and allow for inappropriate interactions. Have a hard time saying no, display co-dependency, and accept abusive behaviors.
• Put their kids' and spouse's needs above their own in every possible way, thinking they are showing love. But they end up completely frazzled and stressed, and often turn to food to cope, which leads to a vicious cycle of weight gain, guilt, and shame. 
• Healthy boundaries: Healthy boundaries fall somewhere in between . They allow for some flexibility but also keep the individual and others safe.

Learning To Set Boundaries

• Be clear and make it plain. Describe the facts.
• Keep it short. (You can state your feelings but only if you are ready)
• Be clear. What you would like to happen.
• Directly state your need, request, or say “no.”

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• I want/need/expect________________.
• You can state why you want this boundary but it is not necessary.

Two Parts to Setting a Boundary

Verbal

• I’m not able to commit to another project.
• I don’t feel comfortable sharing this information.

Action

• Not committing to more when you don’t have time
• Not sharing anything when you feel uncomfortable

Knowing Your Boundaries

• A weight loss boundary establishes the territory in which you choose to operate, which includes the behaviors you want to practice and supporting thoughts you want to think.

Examples:

• I will describe my body in loving terms.
• I will not eat/drink more when I have reached my limit.
• I will pause and ask myself whether you’re really hungry.
• I will eat 2 veggies with dinner and lunch.
• I will not have “forbidden” foods.

Benefits of Boundaries

• When a boundary defines your territory, you eliminate confusion because you set clear expectations for yourself.

Some boundaries you might establish for yourself in weight loss include:

• Foods that you choose to eat or limit
• Exercises that you choose to do
• Ways to manage your internal influences, such as thoughts you’ll accept or reject
• Ways to manage your external influences, such as social influences and environmental influences

Internal Influences

• It’s important to pay attention to your thoughts.
• Your mind is like a garden; unless you focus on thoughts that help you achieve your goal, negative thoughts will take over like weeds.
• So monitor your thoughts for distractions. Think of the word ‘’tract,’’ within ‘’distraction’’ as a tract of land you own.
• Managing your thoughts is critical because it helps you defend your tract.

Personal Factors

Health status

Genes

Mood

Knowledge

Age

Income

Personal taste

Hunger Level

Special dietary needs

External Influences

• To maintain your weight loss boundaries, you’ll need to manage your social and environmental influences.
• Regarding social influence, we tend to become like the people we associate with most.
• So you want to ensure that you include health-oriented people in your circle.
• However, if you have friends or family who are tempting you to go back to old habits, then you’ll need to set boundaries with them.

Environmental

Factors

Weather

Ambiance

Availability

Region

Length of serving line

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Plate size

Price

Convenience

Why you struggle with Weight Loss Boundaries

• The definition of struggle is ‘’violent efforts to get free of bondage or restraint.’’
• Free yourself from the bondage of negative habits. Naturally, your old nature is going to resist change.
• Being aware of the stages of change can help you stay encouraged during your change transition.

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• Stage 1 – Unconsciously Incompetent: You are practicing a negative behavior and you do it automatically.

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• Stage 2 – Consciously Incompetent: You are practicing a negative behavior, but you are aware that it’s not good. You may or may not want to change.�

Stages of Change

• Stage 3 – Consciously Competent: You are making changes to a positive behavior, but you have to really think about it. You are re-wiring your brain.
• You re-wire your brain through repeated behaviors. PRACTICE
• You may think ‘’this doesn’t feel like me.’’ However, the ‘’me’’ you are identifying with is the old you, not the new you.�

Stages of Change

• Stage 3 is the longest stage of change.
• Many people quit in Stage 3 because it feels uncomfortable to learn a new way of thinking/acting & people grow impatient.
• Stage 4 – Unconsciously Competent: You are practicing the positive behavior automatically and now it feels like “you.”
• Stage 4 is where maintaining your boundaries happens automatically. Now, your new behaviors become ‘’That’s just who I am.’’

Maintaining your Weight Loss Boundaries

• I recommend writing down experiences and situations that have distracted you.
• I struggle most when I’ve had a busy day.

So here are some things I do to manage those situations:

• Start out the day with fruit & veggies with a protein shake.
• Meal plan and put it on a menu on the fridge.
• Shop curbside and have bags of salad for those days I need something quick.

Begin With Doable Boundaries

• Turn your favorite treat into an event.
• Don’t let yourself get too hungry before you eat.
• Instead of eating until you’re uncomfortably full, eat until you’re 80% full.
• Enjoy the experience of food by taking in its appearance, smell, and soak up how you feel.
• Before you go to a party/event (where there will be temptations), set some boundaries.
• If you overdo it, the key is to remember setbacks are a normal part of the process.
• If you can’t help yourself, avoid buying it and keep it out of your home.

Redefine Yourself

• We have a knack for pushing the limits.
• It’s the “let’s see if we can get away with a little more” syndrome. We need to protect ourselves from ourself at times.
• Instead of the all or nothing approach, try living in the middle zone of “gray.”
• If I drive over 5 miles an hour I’’ll get a ticket. I’m taking a risk by acting beyond these limits, but I’m also mindful of an appropriate boundary. I refer to this behavior as "living in the gray.”