Scarborough School Parents panel · May 6, 2026
Children, Technology
& the Developing Mind
A few quick thoughts about sleep, attention, and growing up online.
Matt Pines, Ph.D., M.Ed.
matthew.pines@maine.edu
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THE DATA- WHY THIS MATTERS NOW
Mental health scores over time. Young peoples mental health has collapsed.
Source: Sapien Labs, Global Mind Project — sapienlabs.org/data_gallery
THE #1 TAKEAWAY
No devices in the bedroom.
Ever.
9 to 9.5
hours of sleep every night. Teens need at least this much sleep. If they have to wake up at 6:30am, that means they should be in bed by 9pm. Younger kids should be getting 8.5 – 10 hours every night.
Sleep drives everything.
Mood, learning, health. Screens interfere with sleep onset and qaulity.
The bedroom is a sanctuary.
A phone on the nightstand provides distraction for a brain that should be winding down, and interrupts sleeping brains.
They need the rule from you.
Kids and teens thrive with routines.
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MAKING IT WORK
Make it a household norm, it’s good for you too!
1
Family charging spot
All devices charge in a shared room overnight. Kitchen, study, hallway.
2
Curfew before bed
Devices away at least one hour before sleep.
3
Model it yourself
Your phone goes in the basket too.
4
“Our house” framing
“Nobody in this house sleeps with their phone.”�Use alarm clocks, read paper books at bedtime, if you watch something in bed, watch on a TV (not laptop/tablet)
5
Hold firm
Two weeks in, they'll feel the difference.
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Nothing good happens in a kid or teens bedroom with a device in the middle of the night.
DEVELOPMENTAL WINDOWS
The brain isn't a blank slate.
It's a timed sequence of construction projects, with each one built on the last. Think about a house – the foundation is poured, the frame is built on it, the floors and roof are attached to the frame, etc. Some examples are listed below, that we know lead to issues later in life if not built well at the time.
Birth - 7
Language
0 - 3
Attachment
Childhood - mid-20s
Executive function
Adolescence
Identity
Build a dodgy foundation, and what's built on top of it wobbles.
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AGE-BASED GUIDANCE
We’re not talking about denying tech forever, but delaying tech until a developing brain is ready.
0 – 10 yrs
Family device only
No personal phone or smartwatch.
11 – 14 yrs
Dumb phone only if really needed.
If you do give you tween a phone, clear rules. You can check it anytime. No contacts you don’t know.
14-16 yrs
Dumb phone, texting, calling.
If truly needed consider a smartphone only with significant restrictions and parental controls. Screentime limits a must. Def no social media yet.
16+
Smartphone, monitored
Only if they're ready. Still your eyes on it. They may not be ready, and that’s okay.
At any age, ask: is there a non-phone alternative? (Alarm clock, landline, school office to connect during the school day).
A Note about tracking – take care that it doesn’t lead to anxiety (messaging matters).
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ATTENTION
Their attention has been harvested since before they could read.
VOLUNTARY ATTENTION
Directed.
Effortful. Trainable. The kind reading and real listening need.
CAPTURED/INVOLUNTARY ATTENTION
Hijacked.
The same variable rewards that drive gambling. Engineered to maintain attention beyond intended amount.
Kids meet these systems while their attentional circuits are still being built. They haven’t yet developed the exec function to make choices about reasonable use. Question – what happens to those developing abilities if they are always developed in the presence of attention economy apps?
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AI & VOICE
“If you can't be bothered writing it,
why should I bother reading it?”
1
Writing is thinking.
Drafting is how kids find out what they actually believe, and how they think through problems. Writing/drafting is slow, and that’s okay!
2
AI does the struggle for them.
And the struggle is where voice forms.
3
AI averages everyone out.
Their words start to sound like everyone else's.
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COGNITIVE OFFLOADING
You don't get stronger watching a robot do your pushups.
Offloading
Letting tools do a task. Fine at work, not to good if the task is meant to be learning.
Productive struggle
The hard problem, the blank page. That friction is the learning.
Cognitive debt
Heavy early reliance can leave kids dependent in ways later effort won't undo.
Every task a kid does builds something. Every task AI does for them builds nothing.
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AI IN SCHOOLS
We don't yet know if it works.
Schools want to prepare the kids for the future, but we simply don’t know what the long term impact of these tools might be.
01
Adult brains ≠ kid brains.
How AI helps you at work doesn't translate. Learning algebra and clearing your email inbox are not the same.
02
Learning isn't productivity.
Faster output is not the same as building skill.
03
Tool, not substitute.
AI may be useful after a skill is built. Harmful before.
04
Schools build foundations.
Using AI is not a foundational skill. 10’s of Billions of $$ are spent making these tools the easiest technology ever invented. You don’t need to spend 12 years of school to learn how to use AI.
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AI & IDENTITY
Adolescence is already the weirdest, most uncertain time of life. Developing an attachment to a faux-intelligence doesn’t help
Healthy identity needs friction, real people, real feedback.
AI COMPANIONS OFFER
Always patient
Never disappoints
Customizable to you
Mirrors your views back
WHAT TEENS NEED
Conflict and repair
Failure and recovery
Real belonging
Being held to account
Role models who understand the complexities of life
AI Risks (psychosis, attachment hacking, worse) are real & accelerating
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THE SOCIALIZATION PARADOX
Teens need each other. In-person socialization is key.
…but at the same time they can be stupid in groups. That’s okay. We can manage that risk, but we should be finding ways to prioritize in person connection.
We overestimate in-person risk and underestimate online risk.
Plenty of kids have been bullied or exposed to harm from the family sofa.
Brain biology
Risk-control circuits aren't done until the mid-20s.
Group size matters
One-to-one brings out the best. Big crowds, the worst.
Adults change the room
Just being nearby shifts the dynamic.
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WHAT YOU CAN DO
Think in-person connection instead of screen-based socialization. They are addicted to friends, not phones.
1
Small over big
A few friends instead of a party of twenty.
2
Make home the base
Friends here, where you can hear them. Make it welcoming, but with rules.
3
Know their friends
By name, by face, individually. Know the friends parents too.
4
Structured activities
Clubs, sports, volunteering, ideally w adults nearby. At home – games, crafts, projects. Invest in these things with money and time. Civic participation is at all time lows, get involved.
5
Talk peer pressure
Their brain is wired for it, being in with a social group is the most important thing. Help them learn how to make healthy choices.
6
Team up with parents
Get on the same page. What are the expectations re. tech? Phone baskets at gatherings. Shared norms.
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RESOURCES
Where to learn more.
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If you remember nothing else…
Delay.
Protect sleep.
Protect childhood.
Thank you. Questions welcome.