Feedback That Builds: Creating Trust and Connection at Work
June 27th, 2025
EP Behavioral Consulting
Gwendolyn Watson, LMFT #147312
Setting the stage
Today we will focus on giving feedback that is about encouraging growth, ways to increase trust and collaboration, and how to apply therapeutic techniques to support communication.
This presentation does not apply to situations involving employment law, such as HR Violations, how to communicate about a performance improvement plan, or termination conversations. For those matters, please defer to your HR representative.
Agenda
:05
Remember a time when you got feedback…
When Feedback Fails
Common Mistakes:
Surprise
Tone
Lack of clarity
Vague complaints
Outcome:
Shutdown
Resentment
Increased Avoidance
:07
Sources of Defensiveness
What we see above the water:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn/Fake
What’s happening below the water:
They always pick on me
I’m not good enough
It’s never going to change
I’ll say what I need to….
Internalized Narratives
Window of Tolerance is Needed For Both People
Psychological Safety at Work:
“A belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes.”
—Dr. Amy Edmondson, Harvard Business School
Trust + Respect + Permission to be Human
Employees feel they can be imperfect without losing status or connection.�
Separating performance from personhood.
What Psychological Safety Looks Like:
People ask questions without fear
Feedback is frequent, not withheld or sugar-coated.
Disagreements are normalized—not avoided.
A Therapist’s Perspective:
Nervous systems stays regulated
Eye contact, open body posture, calm tone of voice
Repair happens quickly after rupture.
:13
What does the Data Show?
Google’s Project Aristotle (2012–2014): Studied 180+ teams: Psychological safety was the #1 predictor of high performance.
Teams with high psych safety are:
Low psych safety environments: Increase stress-related absenteeism, Lower creativity and retention, feedback to feel like a threat, not a tool
Psychological Safety is about creating space to be real…
…not about oversharing, self-incrimination, or erasing accountability.
Psychological safety thrives when clarity and compassion go hand in hand
So What Makes Feedback Effective?
Specificity
Timeliness
Curiosity with Compassion
The same skills I use as a couple’s therapist to help people share feedback and build understanding, can apply in a professional setting as well.
Shifting From Tension to Understanding
“I feel [concerned, confused, worried]
about what [describe the situation]
and I would like [express what you do want]”
:16
Image source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
Examples:
“You’re always late, and it’s creating a problem for the rest of the team”
“I feel confused about the fact that you’ve been arriving 20 minutes after the start of your shift, and I want to talk through options that support you to show up at the start of the shift (e.g. shift change, time management strategies)”
“You were really rude to that parent, and you can’t act that way at work”
“I’m concerned about the way you spoke to that parent, and I’d like to connect with you to share some strategies for communicating with parents even when we’re stressed.”
Examples for nonverbal situations
(the listener is on their phone during a 1-1)
“I feel distracted when you’re looking at your phone, I would appreciate if you can put it away for now, unless it’s urgent and in that case we can find a different time”
(the listener scoffs or sighs loudly as you’re talking)
“I’m curious about that sigh, do you want to share what’s going on for you first? I can talk through my pieces afterwards.”
:18
Shifting From Tension to Understanding
Name the “Kernel of truth” without completely validating the person’s reality or agreeing with something that’s not true.
Image source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
Examples:
“I see how sharing my feedback in a group setting impacted you, next time we can speak privately if that’s better for you.”
“My tone was a little firm, my anxiety sometimes makes me sound more serious than I intend to be. I’ll try to work on that so we can feel like a team, even when I’m sharing tough feedback.”
“It’s hard to hear feedback, I’m sharing this because I want to support your growth, but I understand that it can still sting in the moment.”
:20
Shifting From Tension to Understanding
Image source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
Examples of Stonewalling
For Yourself
In the Listener
:22
Shifting From Tension to Understanding
Image source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
Examples of Contempt
For Yourself
In the Listener
:25
Let’s Practice
:35
Discussion
&
Q&A
:50
Discussion
Potential Session on Building Trust
:59