E + R = O in Cracking Your Marriage Code which builds strong churches
Healthy Church
Strong Family
Strong Marriage
“The truth about marriage is that divorce is getting less common,” New York Times writer Tara Parker-Pope says in her newly released book, ‘For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage’ (Dutton, 2010).
For a variety of reasons, “divorce rates have dropped sharply since peaking in the late 1970s,”
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/the-truth-about-divorce-statistics/
The old statistic says 50% of all marriages fail is incorrect today according to New York Times writer Tara Parker-Pope. She writes :
However valid the actual worldly stats, it is not good if one marriage ends in divorce.
The sad - sobering statistics for the divorce rate in the church are similar to that of the world.
This could be another reason we struggle to maintain healthy, dynamic churches that produce genuine positive change in our world.
What a marvelous blessing it is to have this church growth conference every year here in Manchester.
Keeping in mind this year's theme, an emotionally healthy family is an asset to the church and therefore, the church benefits. Also, when a marriage suffers, the family suffers and the church suffers.
So the person or persons who came up with this year's topic "Stronger Families; Stronger Churches" is right on target.
As the family goes, the church on earth will go.
Words to fill in your page blanks, will appear on the screen as a different color and underlined
Marriage in the Bible -
is one man for one woman -
for life
That is God's design for marriage
E + R = O
How do we comply with this standard and make the best marriage possible?
E + R = O
Most people endure life as E = O
Events = Outcome :
What does this formula mean?
Events (life) do not have to = Outcome
E + R = O
You can change this formula E = O
in life and in your marriage to
Do you see problems in opportunities
Or opportunities in problems?
E + R = O
Events + Response = Outcome
In life and in your marriage E + R = O
Here is a useful framework to enhance your marriage - no matter it's circumstance today
Golden thread # 1- Understand Before Trying To Be Understood
Marriage communication should be a fluid dialogue - not 2 one-sided monologues
Understanding the other person's viewpoint FIRST, can set in motion your accepting mindset
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
1 - Deliberately tune in to your spouse as they
present their point of view.
2 - An easy method to ensure you understand their
standpoint, is to rephrase and reflect their
thoughts back to them
Golden thread # 1- Understand Before Trying To Be Understood
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Action steps for # 1 -
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 2 –
Seek To Build Bridges Not Walls
Walls are divisive, yet a communication bridge establishes healthy understanding between you two.
Some negative reasons walls are built by couples are:
complacency, stubbornness, selfishness and not openly and sincerely talking with your spouse.
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 2 – Seek To Build Bridges Not Walls
Some initial foundations could be:
1 - Be attentive to your mate's desires instead
of your own interests.
2 - Do not wait for the other person to act
first in love, you take the initiative.
3 - Get to really know what your spouse wants
and wishes, with gentle probing questions.
4 - Act upon their wants , not just their needs.
5 - Be forgiving and tolerant.
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 2 – Seek To Build Bridges Not Walls
Action steps for # 2 -
1 - This weekend, apologize for any area that
you have created a division in your marriage
2 - Build nourishing bridges in your marriage.
3 - Set aside date nights to build upon the
excellent components in your marriage.
Have fun!
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Unconditional = no "if cause" attached. Unrestrained, absolute.
Agape - radiates straight from you to another.
Philadelphia is a learned arrangement among friends.
I am taking a little license with the full spectrum of these two words.
Golden thread # 3 - Serve Your Spouse Through Unconditional Love
Study Ephesians 5:21 - 33
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 3 - Serve Your Spouse Through Unconditional Love
Action steps for # 3 -
1 - What can you do this weekend, that forfeits
your desires to those of your spouse?
2 - What specific needs do you see in your spouse
that you can fulfill starting this week?
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 4 - Build Up Your Spouse's Self Esteem
Self-esteem is how we feel about our self. It is the level of confidence we perceive and how we imagine our self worth.
Express as many "Treasure Thoughts" to your spouse as possible - compliments or positive reinforcing concepts we offer to our spouse.
Action steps for # 4 -
1 - Decide upon one new event for this week to
improve your husband or wife's self-esteem.
2 - Each Monday before you part from each other,
tell him/her, one different personal quality you
like about them.
Golden thread # 4 - Build Up Your Spouse's Self Esteem
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 5 -Pray For Your Spouse Everyday
Ask God to forgive you where you have made relationship mistakes.
Pray that you would see your spouse through the eyes of Christ.
Pray for God to enlighten the eyes of your heart as in Ephesians 1:15 concerning the church.
James presents great advice for the church and
for married couples: James 5:16
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
Golden thread # 5 -Pray For Your Spouse Everyday
Action step for # 5 -
1 - Create a hand written list to post on your
refrigerator that generates 3 prayer requests
weekly for each other.
2 - Change the prayer sheets each week on the
same day and retain them to review together.
5 golden threads to craft a vibrant marriage
REMEMBER -
Events + your Response = Outcome
E + R = O
You affect the outcome by your response to life.
Thank you for being in this class today!
May the Lord Richly Bless
Your Marriage since:
The Best Is Yet To Be In Your Marriage!