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MBSR for Parents�Week 4

Responding and Reacting to Parenting Stress

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THEME��Responding vs Reacting to Parenting Stress

Mindfulness Practice

Sitting meditation – sounds & thoughts
Breathing space
Mindful Movement

Parenting Awareness

Awareness and Acceptance of Parenting Stress
Thoughts and emotions

Neurodivergent Education

Window of Tolerance and Polyvagal Theory
Body Budgeting/ Capacity

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AGENDA

Welcome and choosing an attitude of mindful intention

Sitting Meditation including sounds and thoughts + Discussion

Discuss Stressful Moments Calendar home practice

Awareness and Acceptance of Parenting Stress + Doors + Discussion

Standing Movement

Home practice Review + Discussion

ND Education – Window of Tolerance & The Polyvagal Theory

BREAK

Breathing Space

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Attitudinal Foundations of Mindfulness

Non Judging

Accepting / allowing

Patience

Non-striving

Beginners mind

Trust

Kindness or friendliness

Letting go / letting be

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Non-judging - Learning to step back from the constant labelling, categorizing and judging that our minds are so used to.

Accepting/Allowing – What turns up, turns up. When you are practicing mindfulness, you simply acknowledge things as they are in the present moment.

Patience – Unfortunately, mindfulness practice isn’t something we can rush through! Patience allows us to accept where we currently are and allows the process of becoming more mindful to unfold over time.

Beginner’s Mind - Actively cultivating a mind that is willing to see everything as if for the first time, we can learn to see the details of the present moment with curiosity. In this way, we can be open to new experiences and to new possibilities.

Trust - A belief in the validity of our own experience, developing a basic trust in yourself and in your own feelings and intuitions is an integral part of mindfulness training

Kindness or friendliness - The quality of mindfulness is not neutral or blank presence, true mindfulness involves friendliness, warmth, compassion and interest.

Non-striving – Willingness to allow the present moment to be as it is without always trying to fix things. Non-striving does not mean that we have to be passive or not work to achieve our goals.

Letting be/Letting go - Being fully present is less about trying to ‘gain’ something, and more about being able to let go.�

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Sitting Meditation

Sounds and Thoughts

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Four Stages of Learning

Unaware, Not Capable

Aware, Not Capable

Aware, Capable

Unaware, Capable

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1. Awareness

2. Breathing/Gathering

3. Expanding

Developed by Mark Williams and colleagues for Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), the 3-Minute Breathing Space acts as a portable "mini-meditation". It is designed to interrupt autopilot, ground you in the present moment, and help you navigate stress by systematically shifting your attention.

The exercise is structured into three one-minute phases. Here is the step-by-step breakdown:

1. Awareness: Stepping Out of Autopilot (Minute 1)

Adopt the posture: Sit upright, feet flat on the floor, and either close your eyes or fix your gaze gently on the floor in front of you.
Check in: Silently ask yourself, "What is my experience right now?"
Observe your inner state:

What thoughts are in your mind? (Acknowledge them as mental events).
What feelings are present?
What bodily sensations are here? (Notice any tension or discomfort without trying to change anything).

2. Gathering: Focusing on the Breath (Minute 2)

Anchor your attention: Gently move your focus away from your thoughts and narrow it to the physical sensations of your breathing.
Track the breath: Pay close attention to your abdomen as it expands with each in-breath and falls back with each out-breath.
Refocus gently: If your mind wanders—which is perfectly normal—simply notice where it went and escort your attention back to the breath.

3. Expanding: Broadening Your Awareness (Minute 3)

Widen your focus: Expand the spotlight of your attention to include your body as a whole.
Notice the whole body: Bring awareness to your overall posture, facial expression, and the physical sensations on your skin or from deep within.
Integrate: Allow this expanded sense of awareness to remain as you gently transition back to your day, preparing you to respond to your surroundings rather than reacting blindly.

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Share your Experience

Stressful Moments Calendar

Describe your experience of observing stressful events as they were happening

Pairs - 2.5 mins each for sharing

Remember mindful speaking and mindful listening

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Break

5 mins

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Being ADHD or Autistic is more than just having a different brain — it involves a distinct nervous system, one that processes information differently and is often highly sensitive to the environment.
This means Neurodivergent systems literally experience the world in a way that neurotypical systems don’t.
Many of the challenges stem from the mismatch between unique nervous systems and the environments they navigate.

The Nervous System

Stronger reactions to environmental changes and stressors, triggering our stress response more easily.

Difficulty adjusting to internal shifts, like changes in energy or emotions.

Challenges returning to a balanced state, leading to prolonged stress.

Increased susceptibility to mental health and physical health conditions.

Nervous system rigidity and heightened stress responses

More frequent and intense shifts into mobilization/ Im mobilization Prolonged cortisol response to stress – longer to return to base line

Executive functioning, social communication and systemic discrimination

Heart rate variability (HRV)

how adaptable the heart is to changing demands

High HRV = flexibility / low HRV = rigidity

ND people often have lower HRV indicating less flexibility

Faux Regulation

When someone appears regulated on the outside but is hypo-aroused (immobilized) internally

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Central Nervous System

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Mobilization (Foot on gas)

the nervous system adjusts:

Autonomic Nervous System: bundle of involuntary nerves with two-way connection to the brain and organs, gathers information from inside and outside the body, assesses safety, cues in the environment and available resources, responds to keep us alive

the nervous system adjusts:

Immobilization (Foot on brake)

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Window of Tolerance – fluctuates depending on stress in our environment:

Interoception (inside our body)
Sensory Needs
Relationships – peopling (!)

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Seek Safety through Action

“I feel Threat” = Mobilization; fight/flight

“stormy seas, high alert”

Sympathetic Nervous System

Seek Safety through Connection

“I am Safe” = Calm, social, engaged

“calm seas, can sail where we want to go”

Ventral vagal = Regulated

Seek safety through Disconnection

“I feel Threat” = Immobilization - freeze, fawn, shutdown, ‘unsafe’

“storm is too much, starting to sink”

Dorsal Vagal

POLYVAGAL THEORY

“Am I safe or under threat?”

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From regulation to dysregulation and back

The ability to adapt to the changing environment relies on the autonomic nervous system’s ability to

respond and recover

Flexibly moving between states allows us to adjust to life’s demands
We need a sense of ‘safe enough’ so we can come back to calm

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When Demands exceed Capacity to Cope

Too much pressure can lead to a loss of sense of safety
Can feel hard to know how to come back to things being ‘ok’ (Safe enough/ Window of Tolerance)
Can become stuck in mobilization or shut down

“I don’t have the resources to bring myself back to feeling ok”

For kids this can look like either being highly aroused (anger, kicking, hitting) or completely numb and disassociated

Coping strategies (e.g. anger, avoidance, self harm, compulsions, doom scrolling) can cause more problems:

Problems Dysregulation Coping Strategy New Problems

What is difficult is that when we take away or punish an undesirable coping strategy without working out why they are doing it e.g. when withdrawn or acting out; we are effectively taking away a ‘strategy’ without solving the problem, leaving them with the raw feelings which can be very disturbing and lead to new problems.

young people can get trapped in their bedrooms or houses because emotions are so powerful and they are afraid of them

they don’t often don’t know when ‘in it’ because if feels so scary and overwhelming

what ends up happening is the more they want the feelings to go away the bigger and more frightening they get

The more they try to push away the feelings, the more they come back

They start to internalise the message

not safe to go there or there”

the nervous system starts to send the message that it is not safe to leave house

end up in a spiral whereby keep trying to make anxiety go away by restricting life more and more – continually negatively reinforcing the anxiety message

more avoid and restrict life the more their anxiety grows

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Co-regulation is Vital

A child’s nervous system is calmed by feeling safe with their parents
Very hard to co-regulate when we are dysregulated as parents!
Can lead to years of chronic stress in the family system

We need to START with our own nervous system

We do this by helping build our child’s sense of being safe through anchoring in Window of Tolerance/ Ventral vagal connection

When dealing with a highly dysregulated child (either hyper Mobilized or Immobilized) it is easier to start with the parent learning to calm their own nervous system.

The child may not see the point or may be so shut down and feel everything is hopeless, so by starting with parents and co-regulation the child starts to feel that Window of Tolerance/ventral vagal safety and connection.

We have to remember that adults can have a bigger perspective than children e.g. during covid adults were able to have context that this was a particular time of life and things wouldn’t stay that way forever. For many children they didn’t see this bigger picture. When children are withdrawn they may not realise things can improve – they often can’t see a way out which leads to despair and hopelessness. Parents can help them see there is a way out of it, and there is a way to live the life they want to live

We do this by helping to build up our children’s sense of being safe, calm and social through developing the nervous system Window of Tolerance /ventral vagal connection. Often strategies focus on stopping bad behaviour or trying to pull kids out of their hyper Mobilized or Immobilized responses. Instead it is better to build up feelings of “anchoring” in their Window of Tolerance/Ventral Vagal.

Doesn’t mean have to feel happy all the time or relaxed just that we need to be able to move between different states of the nervous system

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�Steps to Build Anchors of Safety in the ANS

Stop the Pressure
Togetherness – reconnect and repair

Relationships are biological alchemy

Establish your anchor

Anchor Eg Mantra + Image + Sensation

Pendulate (feeling difficult feelings then come back to safety)

Befriend your nervous system!

Small Steps forward

By understanding these neurobiological vulnerabilities, you’ll begin to shift away from self-judgment and toward self-compassion.

Recognizing your reactions as part of your nervous system’s natural processes can help you find ways to work with your body’s unique needs, rather than feeling defeated by them.

Anchor Mantras: Choose a mantra to go with your anchor

This too will pass

I can feel the ground beneath my feet

I’m safe

How I am feeling is just how I am feeling

I don’t have to do anything, the storm will pass

I am enough, I have enough, I do enough

One day at a time

One foot in front of other

Images to go with the mantra (ideas)

imagine self in a boat in a storm

Visualise golden light pouring in through head and down body

Sand through fingers on warm beach

Walking through grass with bare feet

Song with inappropriate title

Body and sensory – how can we help to regulate your nervous system?

Are their opportunities in your home that help with sensory activities?

Movement

Music (making and listening)

Sensory activities e.g. slime or bouncing

Water – contact with any kind of water

Playing

Yoga – more for you than them!

Bouncing – mini trampolines

Swinging – chin up bars

Maybe do things they used to do when they were younger?

Breathwork

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Finding Language That Works for You�

“There are many ways to talk about nervous system regulation and nervous system health, with just as many terms to describe it. Personally, when I think about “taking a deep breath to calm down or regulate my nervous system”, it can actually activate my demand avoidance.

However, when I think of my nervous system more like weight lifting — where investing in it helps strengthen it over time — it lends toward greater empowerment and provides me with a greater sense of agency.”

Dr Megan Anna Neff

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Stress will keep coming.

A nervous system that's already full has no room left.

Every demand.

Every feeling.

Every small stress adds pressure.

So when one more thing happens it's more likely to pop!

Regulation doesn't remove stress.

It creates capacity.

So the same stress can arrive without breaking you.

Same stress.

Different nervous system.

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Mindful Movement

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Awareness and acceptance of parenting Stress��Imagination Exercise�

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Home Practice

Mindfulness practice – alternate each day or both

Alternate sitting practice and movement practice each day
10-15 mins per day with attention to sounds and thoughts

Mindful parenting

Bring attention to moments of stress reactivity without trying to change them
Parental Stress with Breathing Space Calendar

Neurodivergent education

Review handouts on the Nervous System and Polyvagal Theory

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Additional Home practice – Autobiographical Writing�

Complete the Autobiographical Writing Exercise ahead of next week

Write a brief autobiographical description of your relationship with your parents when you were a child and the relationship between you and your child now

Afterwards, do a breathing space

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Parent Stress Calendar

Be aware once a day of a stressful event between you and your child, or you and your (ex)partner about your child, when it occurs. If possible, take Breathing Space at some point during the stressful event, or afterwards, or in anticipation. Write down your experiences at a later moment using the chart below.

Describe the stressful parenting situation	What made you notice the stress (body signals, thoughts, emotions, action tendencies?)	Did you react out of habit? If yes, describe your (automatic) reaction	Or did you take a breathing space? (How) did that change the chain of reactions?

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Poem – Fearing Paris