Chilton: Show and Teach

2017 Edition

Guiding Principles:

• I will take each question seriously and give my best effort to actually answer it.
• If I don’t know or cannot sufficiently answer, I will provide resources and readings that will point you in the right direction. This powerpoint will remain posted on this website interminably so that you may return to it when the need arises.
• I simply answered as I felt like it. I didn’t necessarily answer all of them, but ones that I was qualified to answer or found interesting.
• If you’re interested in the question at hand, take notes. If you have an supplemental answer, help me out. If you have further questions, ask them.

Ready?

How to talk like Chilton

Be born in the South. �Let my mama raise you.

Brother: Chris

Mr. Valenti?

Mom

Keys to Southern dialect:

• Slow down--everything about the culture is about slowing down: front porch sittin’, sippin’ sweet tea...it’s hawt and we ain’t got nowheres to be.
• Southern drawl: elongate and change your vowels--especially the “a” sounds--most vowels are substituted with a long “a” sound (especially “o” sounds: hawt, Lawd a’ mercy, dawg)
• Listen to country music. Alan Jackson or George Strait are always good.
• Listen to old Jeff Foxworthy comedy sketches.
• No final “g”s: sittin’, sippin’, playin’, doin’
• Double negatives ain’t never been a bad thang.
• Y’all, ain’t, and m’ams are not only acceptable, they’re preferred. Everything is contracted.
• Sample dialogue: “Jeet yet? Naw. Dju? Naw. Yu’nt to? Aight.

Interesting Reading

What is my purpose in life?

Purpose--Etymology:

• c. 1300, "intention, aim, goal," from Anglo-French purpos, Old French porpos "aim, intention" (12c.), from porposer "to put forth," from por- "forth" (from Latin pro- "forth;" see pur-) + Old French poser "to put, place" (see pose (v.1)). On purpose "by design" is attested from 1580s; earlier of purpose (early 15c.).

Personal Answer:

• Most people ask the wrong questions:
• What do I enjoy? (What brings ME pleasure?)
• What can I make? (Financial, honors, accomplishments)
• What do others think? (Parents, teachers, friends, society, etc.)
• Instead, ask yourself:
• What is my God-given talent?
• What have I been prepared for all these years? Look back at your history and the people in your life who have made you who you are.
• What need exists my community or my world?
• How can I improve my community? How can I serve?

Readings: Book

How do I know if they’re “the one”?

Get you a man who can do both...

How to file taxes

First of all: it’s not that important. Big friggin’ deal.

​

We don’t teach it to you because it’s not that difficult...and we have more important things to teach you...like the meaning of life, to appreciate classic literature, and how to be a more well-rounded person (and to think critically about the political process and how your tax money is being spent and what ideology it is serving…).

​

Life will teach you most of those skills naturally and pretty quickly. It will never teach you why you should read Shakespeare.

​

But if you must know...

In January all of your employers, banks, and school loan companies will send you specific documents (W-2, 1040, 1099). Save them in a folder.

Create an account with Turbo Tax.

Answer the questions. It literally could not be easier.

Pay (approximately $100) and electronically file. Refund comes directly to your bank account.

Otherwise, hire a trusted CPA (certified public accountant) or go to H&R. Hand them all the documents and they file for you. Same cost.

Be a better creative writer?

Keep writing.

Find a talented and trusted reader.

Keep writing.

Ask Perone for advice.

Keep writing.

Read these books:

Bird by Bird Writing Down the Bones On Writing

Reading Like A Writer Paris Review Interviews (Articles online too)

Find a notebook you enjoy. �

I like Moleskine notebooks.

Keep writing.

Keep the notebook with you at all times

(in pocket, bedside table, everywhere).

Keep writing.

How to be tall:

How to grow a beard

Benefits:

• Look older
• Squares out jaw
• Protects skin: biological and evolutionary functions
• Minimizes skin irritant and acne
• Strong identity marker
• Trustworthiness vs. Untrustworthiness:
• Depends on profession and age and beard
• However: if you CAN’T grow a full beard or don’t trim it, do us all a favor and shave your face.

How to trim a beard

Why trim?

VS.

2 fingers above Adam’s apple or below chin bone.

Gentle curve towards jaw end point.

Trim straight line from back of sideburn.

Trim moustache line without guard, be careful!

Worst essay ever turned in?

Yours.

How to deal with being sad

First of all, I appreciate you having the courage to ask for help.

​

That’s the first step.

Second of all, there is no shortcut or quick fix.

Ideas:

• Identify the true source of the sadness:
• Consciously name and discover what causes the sadness. Many of these things are unnamed and subconscious sources: we think it’s because a boy dumped us, but it might be something deeper like your anxiety about attending college because you haven’t found happiness on your own yet independent of others.
• True sources: parental issues, spiritual issues, biochemical sources, love issues.
• Acknowledge it to a secondary source: trusted mentor, counselor, God, journal, psychologist, pastor.
• The bubble map of identity
• Seek a healthy relationship with the sadness: attend counseling, journal, prayer, be open and honest about the issue, medication, support group.

How to convince someone of the truth

Things to consider:

• Why?
• If it’s the Truth, won’t it become apparent with or without you?
• Defensive arguing vs. Confident and calm assurance
• Do you have to be right?
• Why?
• Why are you convincing them?

Best works of literature?

Novel Shakespeare Poet: W.H. Auden

How did you go from South Carolina to Bakersfield?

​

How did you handle a move clear across the country?

First of all: it’s NORTH Carolina.

July 2015! Strom Thurmond

Cat or dog person?

What do you think?

What kind of car do you drive?

Until baby...2011 Mini Cooper, 6 speed, BMW Turbo 300 horsepower engine...

1998 Subaru Forester, aka The Dad Wagon. So fly.

Next vehicle:

Probably more like:

Hopefully more like:

How did you become an Alabama fan?

Interesting life stories?

The North Yongas Road, aka “The Death Road”

​

Atacama Desert, Bolivia

How to tie a tie

More difficult, but balanced and bigger knot for bigger heads. Best for long ties.

Easy, but tight and small. Best for short ties.

Length? Touch but not cover up belt

​

Clip? Between 3rd and 4th button.

Recommendations for reading after we graduate?

My website:

“After Graduation”

​

Link

What are you going to do after Perone retires?

How to make dank memes

Useful website

Finished!

Quick fire: any remaining questions?

​

I’ll answer honestly as quickly as possible.