GRIEF SUPPORT PROGRAM

A Warm Welcome

YOU ARE NOW PART OF THE

Each session will take approximately one hour and twenty minutes

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PHOTOGRAPHY PORTFOLIO

S format

The Agony In The Garden: Falling Asleep With Grief

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat

was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”

AMEN.

OPENING PRAYER

• Shock
• Fatigue

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 1

Reflection

Group Discussion

What was your understanding of grief before you lost your child/children? How has your loss changed your view of grief?

How does our culture view death, especially the loss of a child?

How is it different from what the Church teaches us about death?

Do you feel like you are in a fog? How has your grief transformed

your life?

Anger is a common feeling after the loss of a child, with others, or even with God. Do you think that you are angry with God, or do you feel like your trust in Him has been broken?

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“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

ROMANS 8:38-39

CLOSING PRAYER

Session 2

The Way Of The Cross:

Who Meets Us In Our Suffering?

“As they led him away, they took hold of a certain Simon, a Cyrenian, who was coming in from the country; and after laying the cross on him, they made him carry it behind Jesus. A large crowd of people followed Jesus, including many women who mourned and lamented him. Jesus turned to them and said, ‘Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep instead for yourselves and for your children, for indeed, the days are coming when people will say, “Blessed are the barren, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed.” At that time people will say to the mountains, “Fall upon us!” and to the hills, “Cover us!” “

Luke 23:26-30

OPENING PRAYER

• Sadness
• Anger

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 2

Reflection

Group Discussion

Have you experienced friends and/or family who have not helped you carry your cross, and how did that make you feel? Have you forgiven them for their hard hearts? Have you made peace with them?

Have you experienced friends and/or family who have helped you carry your cross, and how did that make you feel to experience their compassion and empathy?

Have you ever gotten angry at your spouse for something that he/she did or didn’t do because it couldn’t make you happy again, or fix your grief?

Do you agree that it’s crucial to walk alongside each other while we are grieving? What are some ways that you have been like Veronica and “wiped the face” of another parent who experienced child loss?

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“You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.’ Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, you who have been my help. Cast me not off, forsake me not, O God of my salvation.”

PSALM 27:8-9

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CLOSING PRAYER

Session 3

The Passion And Crucifixion:

Mary’s View of the Cross

“Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.” JOHN 19:25-27

OPENING PRAYER

• Guilt
• Despair

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 3

Reflection

Group Discussion

Have you ever felt like you endured your own Passion? Do you feel like you are still on the cross? What are some things that prevent you from coming down?

Have you ever thought about Mary’s view of the cross and how similar it is to the view of your own cross? How did Mary stay under the cross without wavering? Do you think that the Father gave her supernatural grace to endure the death of her Son?

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Group Discussion

How are you living with your cross? Are you carrying your cross, or are you dragging it? Have you and your spouse committed to yoke yourselves together to endure your crosses? What might this look like in your marriage and daily life? If you aren’t married, talk about how living with your cross alone has affected your life.

Are you seeking Christ to take up your cross? Have you allowed Christ to help you to carry your cross? Do you think it’s possible for Him to remove it? Do you think you might be able to give it back to Him?

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Blessed Mother, I can’t imagine what it was like watching your child be condemned to death, beaten, ridiculed, spit on, stripped naked, nailed to a cross, and then voluntarily commend His spirit to His Father.

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Your radical trust was unwavering. You were silent, and you allowed God’s will to be done. I can’t imagine how incredibly, unimaginably difficult this had to have been

for you.

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The graces that poured forth from the Father held you. I pray for your intercession, Blessed Mother. I need transformation. I need radical trust.

CLOSING PRAYER

Session 4

Jesus’ Death: “My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me.”

“From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ Which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ Some of the bystanders who heard it said, ‘This one is calling for Elijah.’ Immediately one of them ran to get a sponge; he soaked it in the wine, and putting it on a reed, gave it to him to drink. But the rest said, ‘Wait, let us see if Elijah comes to save him.’ But Jesus cried out in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit.” MATTHEW 27:45-50

OPENING PRAYER

• Anxiety
• Loneliness

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 4

Reflection

Group Discussion

Has the loss of your child stopped you from speaking to the Lord about your life? Identify by name each way that you have pushed God out of your life.

God revealed to Job that we cannot see the bigger picture of what He is doing and how He works in our lives. It’s impossible for us to understand the “why” – why we suffer, why God allows it in our lives and our world. There isn’t an easy answer that God can provide, but as He directed Job, only that we enter into the cross. It is a mystery. How can you enter into your cross more fully to be reunited with Jesus? How are you avoiding the cross?

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Group Discussion

How can you be more open to His will and His plan?

Have you ever felt like your spouse was not hurting, mourning, or suffering your child’s loss as much as you? Have you considered that he or she might be trying to protect you from more suffering by grieving in private? How can you both communicate more clearly the way that you feel about grief?

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“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” PHILIPPIANS 4:8

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OPENING PRAYER

Session 5

The Pieta And The Tomb:

I Carry You Until The End,

And Then Lay You To Rest

“My Jesus, it was with deep grief that Mary finally took You into her arms and saw all the wounds sin had inflicted upon You. Mary Magdalene looked upon Your dead Body with horror. Nicodemus, the man so full of human respect, who came to You by night, suddenly received the courage to help Joseph take you down from the cross. You are once more surrounded by only a few followers.

OPENING PRAYER

When loneliness and failure cross my path, let me think of this lonely moment and this total failure - failure in the eyes of men. How wrong they were - how mistaken their concept of success! The greatest act of love was given in desolation and the most successful mission accomplished and finished when all seemed lost. Is this not true in my life, dear Jesus? I judge my failures harshly. I demand perfection instead of holiness. My idea of success is for all to end well - according to my liking.

OPENING PRAYER

Give to all men the grace to see that doing Your Will is more important than success. If failure is permitted for my greater good then teach me how to use it to my advantage. Let me say as You once said, that to do the Will of the Father is my food. Let not the standards of this world take possession of me or destroy the good You have set for me - to be Holy and to accomplish the Father’s Will with great love. Let me accept praise or blame, success or failure with equal serenity. Amen.”

OPENING PRAYER

• Detachment
• Appetite

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 5

Reflection

Group Discussion

Have you ever considered the Blessed Mother as a grieving parent?

Can you relate--does it bring you comfort knowing they understand? Or does it bring you frustration, anger, numbness, or any other emotion that may be stirring in your heart?

How present was the Church during this time? Did your priest, deacon, a ministry leader, or someone from the Body of Christ visit with your family and provide support at the time of your loss?

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Group Discussion

If you had a funeral Mass for your child, were there any words that the priest said which brought you comfort amid the storm?

Some families have shared that after their child’s funeral, it was hard to go back to church. Babies crying, seeing the casket at the front was just too hard and was a trigger place for them. Did your child’s death or funeral stop you from attending Mass? If so, begin planning to meet with your priest and companion couple to discuss how to return to Sacramental life.

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Mary’s Magnificat Luke 1:46-55

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My soul doth magnify the Lord. And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior Because He hath regarded the humility of His handmaid: for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

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CLOSING PRAYER

Mary’s Magnificat Luke 1:46-55

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My soul doth magnify the Lord. And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior Because He hath regarded the humility of His handmaid: for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

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CLOSING PRAYER

For He that is mighty hath done great things to me, and holy is His name. And His mercy is from generation unto generations to them that fear Him. He hath showed might in His arm: He hath scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.

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He hath put down the mighty from their seat: and hath exalted the humble. He hath filled the hungry with good things: and the rich He hath sent empty away.

CLOSING PRAYER

Session 6

The Triduum: Anticipating Heaven

O Jesus, who by reason of thy burning love for us, has willed to be crucified and to shed thy most precious blood for the redemption and salvation of our souls, look down upon us here gathered together in remembrance of thy most sorrowful passion and death, fully trusting in mercy; cleanse us from sin by thy grace, sanctify our toil, give unto us and unto all those who are dear to us our daily bread, sweeten our sufferings, bless our families, and to the nations so sorely afflicted, grant thy peace, which is the only true peace, so that by obeying thy commandments we may come at last to the glory of heaven. AMEN.

OPENING PRAYER

• Depression
• Isolation

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 6

Reflection

Group Discussion

Have you allowed yourself to get so wrapped up in your own grief that you may have forgotten about another’s grief? Look up, who do you see?

Has this person helped you along your journey? Acknowledge those in the group who have transformed your grief or life by their friendship.

Are you afraid to talk about your loss with each other? Out of judgment? Out of fear? Out of trying to protect the other? What is blocking your communication? What are some ways you might better communicate?

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Group Discussion

Do you feel as strong as people say you are or are you only surviving? Do you think the words, “you are strong,” affect you positively or negatively?

Have you isolated yourself from others in your grief? From your surviving children? From your friends and/or family?

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Beginning with the Easter Triduum as its source of light, the new age of the Resurrection fills the whole liturgical year with its brilliance. Gradually, on either side of this source, the year is transfigured by the liturgy. It really is a “year of the Lord’s favor.” The economy of salvation is at work within the framework of time, but since its fulfillment in the Passover of Jesus and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, the culmination of history is anticipated “as a foretaste,” and the kingdom of God enters into our time. CCC, 1168.

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CLOSING PRAYER

Session 7

The Resurrection:

Healing And Transformation

Made Visible

“But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping?’ She said to them, ‘They have taken my Lord, and I don’t know where they laid him.’ When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus.

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OPENING PRAYER

Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?’ She thought it was the gardener and said to him, ‘Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Mary!’ She turned and said to him in Hebrew, ‘Rabbouni,’ which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, ‘Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, “I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.” ‘ Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord,’ and what he told her.” JOHN 20:1-18

OPENING PRAYER

• Faith
• Yearning

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 7

Reflection

Group Discussion

“An idle mind is the devil’s playground.” It is so important to keep our minds and hearts focused on Christ. We can do that through prayer and the sacraments, and by enjoying our gifts, talents, and everything that the Lord has given us. What hobbies, daily routines, commitments, etc. That you enjoyed before the death of your child have you stopped enjoying? Make a goal to resume one hobby or routine that you enjoyed before your loss to help in your grieving process.

What is a full life? Some take their last breath at the ripe age of eighty, while others are here for just a brief time. Remembering that we were made for Heaven, not for this earth, what is a “full life” to you?

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Group Discussion

Can you identify the areas of your life when you know God was present with you during your grief? Have you been able to identify any parts of your child’s death that have glorified God?

In your child’s memory, if you could do one thing to lead another to Christ, what would you do? How can you make this a reality?

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Lord, you died for our sins and the sins of the entire world. You promise life by your real presence in the Eucharist. God, pour your grace into us when we consume your body, blood, soul, and divinity. Fill us to the brim as you did to the barrels of water at the wedding of Cana.

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Fill us with your living water and transform us into wine, so that the lies of the enemy cannot triumph, so that our spiritual death can be resurrected according to your will. Lord, we ask for mercy in our healing and for You to awaken us from the depths of our grief. Pierce our hearts and shatter our darkness.

AMEN.

CLOSING PRAYER

Session 8

The Upper Room:

What Do The Sacraments

Have to Do with Healing?

“On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you” When he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord, Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you. And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.” JOHN 20:19-23

OPENING PRAYER

• Regret
• Guilt

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 8

Reflection

Group Discussion

For couples: Have you yoked yourself to your spouse during this time to carry your cross? Have you found comfort in the support your spouse has given to you?

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For singles: Have you found a friend to help you carry your cross?

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What brings you the greatest joy in your marriage? What brings you the greatest joy in your family life? Do you share with each other these joys?

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Group Discussion

Have obstacles in your family life held you back from journeying towards Heaven? Have work, sports, or hobbies become a priority over Christ? Your #1 goal is to get your family to Heaven, have you talked about our goals and plans to help each other achieve holiness?

Does your marriage look like the Gospel? Can you find evidence in it that you have, or desire to be, transformed and set apart from the spiritual death of the world?

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For singles: Do you feel like your life looks like Christ? Can you think of one way to improve it so that others can see your faith?

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Session 9

Pentecost:

The Spirit Guides You

“When the time for Pentecost was fulfilled, they were all in one place together. And suddenly there came from the sky a noise like a strong driving wind, and it filled the entire house in which they were. Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire, which parted and came to rest on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim.” ACTS 2:1-4

OPENING PRAYER

• Stess
• Frustration

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 9

Reflection

Group Discussion

For Couples: Discuss what it means to be yoked to one another. Consider the example of making it to the finish line, and Jesus sends you back for your spouse. Do you feel like you can depend on your spouse for emotional and spiritual support? On anyone else in your family? A friend? Who has helped you the most during your hard days?

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For Singles: Discuss what it means to be yoked to Christ during your grief? How has He helped you to carry your cross? Do you feel like you can depend on Him for emotional and spiritual support?

The feeling of being stuck can be remedied by deciding to choose joy in suffering. Easier said than done; it’s a hard choice to make, but possible with the Holy Spirit. Do you feel like a docked ship in the harbor, broken down, and rotting? Have you asked the Holy Spirit to fill your sails?

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Group Discussion

What can you do to make positive changes in your life to help get unstuck? Have you shared your grief with other grievers, or are you doing this alone? Can you ask for help?

How have you received the love the Father has for you? Do you think there is something you can do to receive that love better?

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Do we genuinely express gratitude for everything that the Lord has given to us? Do we sincerely express gratitude for the things that our spouse, family, friends, and the Church help us with in our grief? If we have not, can we make an effort to thank the people who have helped us through the pain.

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ST AUGUSTINE

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“Breathe in me O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be Holy.

Act in me O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.

Draw my heart O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.

Strengthen me O Holy Spirit, to defend all the is holy.

Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy.

AMEN.

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CLOSING PRAYER

Session 10

The Transfiguration:

A Glimpse Of Heaven

Lord, in our grief we are in the valley. Help us to climb the mountain just like the apostles in the Transfiguration. We can’t see our healing from top of the mountain until we climb up. Lord, give us the graces for this mission.

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Lord, we know your face shone like the sun and your clothes became white as light, as you promised you would bring light into the darkness

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OPENING PRAYER

Lord, in your glory you showed us a glimpse of heaven. The apostles saw you transform and began conversing with Moses and Elijah, showing us a glimpse of heaven.

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Lord, Peter, James, and John who had been overcome by sleep were suddenly fully awake, and they too saw your glory. Lord, transform our pain and our suffering, bring our grief to light. Lord, shatter our darkness, this darkness that has paralyzed us by our grief. Allow us Lord, to be fully awake. AMEN

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OPENING PRAYER

• Difficulty Concentrating and forgetfulness

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF

Session 10

Reflection

Group Discussion

As Catholics, we make a commitment to God in baptism to raise our children for Heaven. Have you ever really considered what this means?

Have you ever felt like you are living someone else’s life? Do you feel like you are climbing Mount Tabor in a thick grief fog.

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Do you think you could ever share your story with others who have experienced loss to help someone else heal?

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Group Discussion

Would you consider supporting someone else in their grief as a companion friend, or companion couple?

How can you take your story to prayer and develop a deeper

relationship with the Lord? Do you think that going into those deep,

dark places may set your healing back? Do you think others would

want to hear your story?

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Lord, in our grief we are in the valley. Help us to climb the mountain just like the apostles in the Transfiguration. We can’t see our healing from top of the mountain until we climb up. Lord, give us the graces for this mission.

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Lord, we know your face shone like the sun and your clothes became white as light, as you promised you would bring light into the darkness. Lord, in your glory you showed us a glimpse of heaven. The apostles saw you transform and began conversing with Moses and Elijah, showing us a glimpse of heaven.

CLOSING PRAYER

Lord, Peter, James, and John who had been overcome by sleep were suddenly fully awake, and they too saw your glory. Lord, transform our pain and our suffering, bring our grief to light. Lord, shatter our darkness, this darkness that has paralyzed us by our grief. Allow us Lord, to be fully awake. AMEN.

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CLOSING PRAYER