Boundary/ choices
Identity/ who you are
In a good relationship:�Identity matters: not just filling a role
Separate & Together happiness
Willing/ Unforced/ Able to say “no”�Growing: before, during, and after
Different = conflict: good at resolution?�Better known = better appreciated
Center control shrinks & invalidated margin grows
Find/ make space for different desires & decisions
Or
Plan departure steps with non-return Plan B and C to avoid cycling
Impulsive exit: to be my own person�Desperate return: to be cared for
Indicator Lights:
Clingy/ Making fewer decisions
You are my ticket to…
Getting something out of…
What you should want is…
You are here for my vision
Decisions risk devastation
Tools of Force:
Ideal: Cooperation
Tools of Cooperation:
Violence
Threats
Deception�Limiting Options
Conformity�Exchange
Superiority/ Inferiority
1%
Clarity�Compassion
Dedication
Evidence
Good for us both
Gradual change
Pain without resentment�Persuasion�Respect
Drama cycle:
Options: Gradually Improve or Leave
Willing actions shape identity
Identity shapes willing actions
Routine: Control & Invalidation
Boundary/ choices
Identity/ who you are
In a good relationship:�Identity matters: not just filling a role
Separate & Together happiness
Willing/ Unforced/ Able to say “no”�Growing: before, during, and after
Different = conflict: good at resolution?
Better known = better appreciated
Impulsive exit: to be my own person�Desperate return: to be cared for
Indicator Lights:
Clingy/ Making fewer decisions
You are my ticket to…
Getting something out of…
What you should want is…
You are here for my vision
Decisions risk devastation
Tools of Force:
Ideal: Cooperation
Tools of Cooperation:
Violence
Threats
Deception�Limiting Options
Conformity�Exchange
Superiority/ Inferiority
1%
Clarity�Compassion
Dedication
Evidence
Good for us both
Gradual change
Pain without resentment�Persuasion�Respect
Drama cycle:
Willing actions shape identity
Identity shapes willing actions
Routine: Control & Invalidation
Center control shrinks & invalidated margin grows
Find/ make space for different desires & decisions
Or
Plan departure steps with non-return Plan B and C to avoid cycling
Options: Gradually Improve or Leave
A: look for an opening�B: use your teammates�C: keep your head in the game
coping skills
1: shoot�2: drive�3: pass
tunnel vision
A: look for an opening�B: use your teammates�C: keep your head in the game
coping skills
1: shoot�2: drive�3: pass
tunnel vision